Consept

@k-ahmadzadeh This is where black pill or believing looks are everything messes you up. Judging by your profile picture, if that is you, you are decent looking, you're by no means ugly, like I would never look at you and think 'wow what an ugly looking dude'. I think when you base everything on looks it gives an excuse not to work on other stuff that will actually get you results. A big one that people don't mention is sorting yourself out mentally, going to therapy etc. As well as the physical, getting into shape. By believing the looks thing it confines you to this doomed mindset where you can't get out, but it's nonsense. Now I'm not saying looks aren't a factor but the people that complain about it are over emphasising it and when you look into it, they are doing nothing to be more attractive. Heres an analogy, there are football (soccer) players who are very talented naturally, from when they were 6 years old they everyone believed they would make it, then there are players who weren't as talented but worked ridiculously hard to make it. If the talented players don't work hard a lot of the times they get no where. Because everything is handed to them they don't develop the habits of a hard worker and its very common for the hard worker to do better than the talented player. Of course you need a little bit of talent (looks) to work with but in many fields, success comes down to how much you work at it.

This probably goes against the usual type of post in this section. But recently came out of long relationship and im dipping my foot into the dating market, some options are popping up, still in the talking stages but im not sure how i feel about talking to multiple women at the same time. Ultimately i want to be as authentic to myself as possible and hiding stuff probably isnt the best way to go (not that im doing that). Im also not interested in banging anyone who will be up for it, ironically i think this unattachment to outcome probably makes me more attractive. This isnt to say i dont want to have sex, but its just not the be all and all. So essentially the question I have is what do you guys think of dating multiple people at the same time, potentially having sex with some of them

Online dating is obviously going to be looks based, but I think sometimes people just write it off as I'm not that good looking so it won't work for me. A lot of guys profiles are terrible, pictures make them look worse than they are and are mot exciting, no personality in the profile. Obviously this will be a big factor, if you are a 5 and your profile is a 10/10 you most likely could outperform a 7 with a shitty profile.

Looks are important but for a man there's plenty you can do to enhance that, wardrobe, grooming, gym etc. What I would say is the number 1 factor is true confidence, meaning you know you're cool, you fully believe that anyone would enjoy being around you and that any girl could be attracted to you. There are many factors but I think if you had confidence at a 10 it would be more impactful than any other factor. This guys homeless but super confident, can't tell if he's good looking or not though

If you see the value in it then go for it

You're gonna spend 5k on this?

Yeah I definitely agree, I think thats whats really meant in the Bible about everyone being sinners and not perfect. It is really hard work to keep aware of all your own hypocrisy but a worthwhile thing to do.

Yes I agree, im not even throwing judgement at those that are unconsciously hypocrites. I think hypocrite as a word is one of those words like racist, where its reduced to just an insult, those that say it are saying it as an insult and those that are receiving are taking it as an insult. I try to avoid saying someone is an out and out hypocrite or racist I prefer to say hypocritical behaviour or racist behaviour, with the exception of if they themselves label themselves as such. As you brought up Jesus he says love the sinner hate the sin which i think is a beautiful way of being or at least striving toward. I think you dont like the hypocrite label which is why youd prefer being labelled as inconsistent. Which is fine you can do that and i understand it makes you feel more justified to do as such but i think, esp on a forum like this where we're all trying to improve, it would be more beneficial to actively look at where you are being hypocritical rather than trying to justify it. You have to see that no one who is obviously a hypocrite will label themselves as a hypocrite, thats literally the whole point. Hitler would not say 'oh yeah im a hypocrite because i hated the way German people will treated and now im treating Jewish people even worse', he would say exactly what youre saying which is 'yeah persecution is wrong but these are justified reasons'. Religious people who condemn others for sinning but then sin themselves, would not call themselves hypocrites they justify their behaviour whilst condemning others. But i understand its hard to take on this perspective because it makes you seem 'wrong' because of your dislike of 'hot women', as in you cant sustain that dislike and not be hypocritical, so your options are either realise you shouldnt dislike your chosen group of people or change your perception of your prejudice so that its not as bad as other prejudices and its justified. I would say to be a hypocrite, youd have to be preaching one thing and practising another. So like the preacher says how much he hates gay people but then gets caught in a hotel room with a male prostitute. So it implies a moral load just because essentially its someone being deceitful knowingly. Inconsistent is just something thats not consistent, that can be im inconsistent when it comes to the going to the gym, theres not necessarily anything moral, but if i was judging people for not going to the gym consistently whilst myself not doing it, then that would be hypocritical.

I don't know if you understand my point, I'm not saying everyone has to be nice and welcoming in any space to anyone, its not realistic. Your question initially is what is hypocrisy. I'm looking at it from an internal point of view, in that, if you believe internally that when people judge you based on appearance, race etc is wrong, even if you accept it and don't complain about it, then by definition you also believe that when you do it to others it's wrong. The only difference is in the first I stance someone is doing it to you and the second you're doing it to someone else. So the fact that you excuse it when it's done by you to someone else but believe it's wrong (even if you accept it) would be hypocritical. It's like black people who believe racism is wrong when it's against black people but are then racist toward other groups of people in the same way that they think is wrong. Does this make sense?

Yeah I get that, we all do it of course. But at the same time I dont think you'd say it was a fair way of behaving. I don't know anything about you, but let's say you're Indian, if someone had the opinion that all Indians were rude, you would probably think at best that person is ignorant or at worst an evil person. So back to the original point, although you can accept that someone may judge you, you don't like people doing so. In which case do you not like the act of judging based on looks itself or do you just not like when you are judged? Of course if you don't like when you are judged but are happy to judge others then that's hypocritical. If you say you don't like judging others as a whole but then judge others then yeah that's hypocritical. It takes a real conscious effort to not be hypocritical btw and even then there will still be some blindspots but I believe its something we should strive for.

Hypocritical behavior is basically when you have a principle that you believe should be followed but you dont follow it yourself. This includes inconsistency which is hallmark of hypocritical behavior. I think this is the case regardless of you being conscious of it or not, if your not conscious of it then you just aren't self-aware but it doesnt change the fact that youre being hypocritical. Prejudice, as youve brought up, is a great example as we probably all fall into this at some point. So youre trying to square that you dont tolerate prejudice against any group but you do have a prejudice against 'hot women'. This is the case for most people, on the whole they dont like prejudice esp when directed at a group they identify with but then they may also have a prejudice against another group which they see as justified. Now this is hypocritical because if you dont think prejudice is acceptable then that means all prejudice period, you cant pick and choose. Its kinda like saying, 'murder is wrong, unless you really dont like the person and want to kill them', you obviously wouldnt kill someone you dont like, so the only way to test your integrity of belief is to put in a situation where you would in your case be prejudice. The justification just allows you in your mind to keep your stance while still doing the action that you supposedly dont tolerate. It is hard to be consistent though and takes a lot of effort, basically the classic Jesus golden rule of 'do on to others as you would have done onto you' is a basic way to test your hypocritical blindspots. In your case if you would be happy for someone to judge you as nasty and be rude to you based on the way you look then I guess its fair enough for you to treat others like that, but obviously most people would not want to be treated in that way.

Got two of these - 1. When I was 15 at was my cousins place, his family was about to move house so I was kinda helping with that. For some reason, mainly being 15 year old idiots, we thought it'd be an incredibly funny idea to let off a stink bomb in the attic of the house to surprise the new residents 🤦🏾 So we successfully completed our mission and excitedly I ran across the attic spured on by my equally excited cousin. Little did I know there was a glass panel on the floor. I stepped bang on it and fell through to the next floor, what made it worse was it was old style glass so it didn't shatter so when I fell through shards of glass cut into my arm leg and face. I kinda blacked out but came to with my arm completely open, as in I could see muscle, fat etc. Ambulance came, toon out the glass, stitched me up and after about a year of physio I was back to normal, apart from losing sensation in my forearm and the obvious scars. But it occurred to me that the scars could have been anywhere, I was completely at the mercy of what happened and it happened so quick my brain couldn't piece it together in real time. If the glass cut an artery, which was pretty close or hit an organ I might not be around to tell the story. 2. Next one, was in Northern Ireland with my girlfriend at the time. We rented a car and decided to drive through the country, which was beautiful but some of the stop signs at crossroads were really confusing, like you'd be driving for miles just straight and then all if sudden you're at a junction. So I was driving along normally, all of sudden I realised I was in the middle of the road, I instinctively put my foot on thr break which was actually even worse as now I'm just stopped in the middle of a road where cars are going at least 50 mph. I realise what I've done and just get the car across the road. We missed the oncoming traffic by at least 10 seconds, although in my head it felt like an action movie, but I was not in control of that situation, a few seconds here or there and that would've either killed us or injured us severly, it shook me up for a while. My ex saw this face of a van driver on the other side who was waiting and he was freaking out when he realised we were just going full speed into the road. But yeah those are 2 times when I had no control over whether I lived or died.

We're getting a bit too technical with this now, although thanks for getting involved I agree, this does resonate with me, I'm going more towards letting things happen and unfold as they do

Problems maybe not the right word, but lets say issue that can come up if i want to date freely, even if just temporarily. I doubt i would want to be polygamous, just because its a lot to deal with and im not even convinced that setup works long term, but i wouldnt rule anything out and I guess thats what ill find out in this time. Well i think this more applies if you have a monogamous relationship and you either suddenly start considering other options or you were always considering other options but just didnt really communicate that with her. What ive found is that if youre upfront, they know what the situation is and can chose to exit that situation, it also puts less expectation on you to fulfil that 'boyfriend' role. But as I say I dont think its something id want to do indefinitely

I wouldnt go as far as to say that, by definition its not normal because most men dont/cant do it. Obviously it happens but as I said its hard to sustain and when you build any connection with a woman it takes effort, so multiple women is difficult to keep that going. Im more considering it now just because ive come out of a relationship and am usually in relationships so i want to take a bit of a step back and see whats out there.

Its not necessarily the issue that they dont want to be 'replaceable', the issue is more that eventually, in my experience, they usually want to be the only one, which i completely get. So essentially its not sustainable, also you cant get as deep obviously if there is more than one woman in the picture. Anyway what im leaning towards now is dating freely for maybe a year or until i get bored, in the meantime on dates or mini relationships work out what im looking for, improve myself etc. All the while being open with whoever i date, i put this into practice last week and it was cool.

You could flip this idea though, as an experiment try and steelman their arguments, even if its complete bullshit try and understand what they believe, what might be true about it and even if you cant find much truth in it, why it might be compelling for them to believe it. For example, those that follow scientology may, theres truth in exploring your mind or bringing dark memories to light could help you, also it benefits followers to believe because they are looking for community or certainty in their lives. I think from what you wrote it isnt necessarily peoples ideas that bother you, its more that you take them on wholesale without contemplation. Of course everyone is going to have gigantic blindspots, especially as, as we are as people like certainty, so when we take on an order we 'know' that its true. We will even argue with others about how our perspective is the true one, what we're really arguing for is a certainty about the world. So i think its good to take on new information, use healthy skepticism and be open to changing your mind. As well do put someone so high on a pedestal that a coherent argument from them solidifies that perspective for you.

There's a lot of interesting books on evo psychology and things that 'could' be true however they're not necessarily concrete truths more like theories. There are also other factors that come into play, like changing societal standards of beauty. For example we've seen in the western world the ideal of beauty was being a size 0 model in the 90s, where having a big ass was basically a negative, to now where being more voluptuous is in. We couldn't have evolved so much in only 20-30 years. The other point is that, if you find out that a woman that you think is reasonably attractive but didn't really think about too much, is attracted to you, your attraction levels for her will go up immensely. People really talk about this but it's one of the biggest attraction boosters, knowing that someone's into you. Obviously it doesn't work if you're not attracted at all, but if there is even a little attraction it will shoot up.

Jon Stewart hit the nail on the head when he said the right are basically at war with the woke ideology, so much so that they're willing to side with Putin, an enemy of democracy, against it. Which is kinda insane when you think about it

Hey people, would appreciate some advice here - So I'm not saying I feel like a loser overall in life, it's more like I'll try and do something and feel like I've failed and that I'm just inherently mediocre at that thing. So for example I've recently started playing football (refuse to call it soccer lol) again, which I played all through my childhood and teenage years up until when I was in my late 20s just because of injuries (achillies). After almost 10 years out I decided to play again, it took me a while but I got back to at least an OK level even though I turned 39 last month. We've recently set up a little team and play in a local league, the first game was last night. Now I felt I didn't play that well, no one told me this but I just felt I could've done better. The feeling I got, I can only describe as frustration, a but of self-loathing and this thought of, 'am I just not good at anything?'. I get hit with a kind of fearful feeling as well. I always end up playing again and usually I have a better game and I'm OK but I really want to investigate these feelings I have because it's such a strong feeling. I get these feelings in lots of different realms as I do try a lot of things. Another one is with dating, like sometimes it can really hit me hard if I had a bad night talking to women or a date doesn't go that well. I don't know if it's a kind of perfectionism, I'm generally laid back and even these feelings I don't really tell people about, so most likely people don't think I'm easily bothered. Anyway can anyone relate or have advice on this?

Yeah thats very interesting and like you, athletes mindsets do fascinate me. I came across this quote from Jordan recently - "I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." Which makes you realise that to be successfully you really have to fail more than anyone else and so your relationship to failure has to be one where it will never stop you trying. Which is the case with Kobe as well, but its amazing that they can do it at such a high level on a big stage where so many eyes on you, the mindset you must have for that is incredible. Im struggling with just a local league where no ones watching lol. I get what your saying this is something i need to actively work on as well as not being afraid to make mistakes, it is hyper unrealistic to expect to have 10/10 game every time i play

I appreciate the perspective, but I dont think its as far as what you say. As in I dont believe im lost in stories or constantly think about the past, I say this because it is something I did for a long time and have worked hard, therapy wise to overcome it. In fact, the context i added, i havent really thought about for a long time its only because im investigating these feelings that are coming up and so looking at where they may stem from. Same with the OCD, I now work with a charity to help others with OCD, theyve even asked me to work on their helpline, but im slightly reluctant because I find it increasingly difficult to relate to the mindset i had before. I do get where youre coming from though and i think its an important message. Yes I think this is more accurate, so I also noticed the converse, if I have a good game I feel amazing and I have to make an effort not to dwell on it and constantly think of it haha. Its so weird how the ego works, it takes credit when something goes well but then beats you up when it goes wrong. But i agree with you, a lot is the expectation to perform which is only put on by myself as there are obviously no scouts or managers watching anymore. This is a good way of looking at it, you can only control your effort. It is hard to let go of the 'ah i shouldve done this' feeling or 'i really fucked up' embarrassment, but i guess its just practice. I have experimented a bit with what you say though, so i noticed that when i feel like im not playing well, i tend to not want the ball and shy away from it, one game i said to myself 'no matter how youre playing, always show for the ball'. I think this is similar to what youre saying and something i just have to work at. Thanks for your input

Yeah I really like this, thanks for your reply. I do normally kinda have this gods will mentality or at least I'm trying to cultivate it. Thanks for the reminder. Yeah good points, thanks. I've done cbt before and it's similar to what you describe. The thing is we didn't even lose the game it was a draw, not that it's important, but it's more my mind kinda beating up for not performing. To add context I used to be very anxious when I was younger, I had ocd so I was very within myself. Even so I was still pretty good athletically but I put so much pressure on myself to perform that I couldn't perform or I'd be really hard on myself, my mind basically bullied. I have made huge strides since then, in fact this little soccer team, I'm the captain and I put it together, which is something I would've never done when I was younger. For the most part I enjoy it immensely but there seems to be this lingering fear or thoughts that creep in every now and then, they don't last long but I do notice them and it feels pretty bad. Thanks for the reply. Well I know what I'm capable of, so one week I could perform amazing and the next week I'm terrible, both of these assessments are in my mind and to do with how I feel. People in the game might say I was great when I didn't feel I was or even that I played bad when I felt I played good. So this isnt so much about me expecting to be good without training, its more a sports psychology issue. I added a bit more context in terms of when I was younger above. I guess it was more putting ridiculous expectations on myself. By the way i realise its a bit crazy a grown man putting such inprtance on football, i dont really but it does bring up a lot of feelings sometimes. But anyway when I was young I was basically in the pipeline to potentially go pro or get signed by a pro club at youth level, some of my school team mates did actually get signed and went on to be pros. So we would have scouts for Premier league clubs at some of our games. The amount of pressure I felt was insane, if I heard about the my mind would just go into overdrive, I already had ocd so it would just go round and round and I couldn't enjoy the game and as such would play really bad. It's a lot more cathartic now as I've got a handle on my ocd and I can enjoy it for the most part, but there must be some old remnants of that mindset from when I was young. I also didn't really have a parent coming to games and talking me through these feelings so I was just doing it myself mostly so that probably didn't help as well.

@Buck Edwards & @Princess Arabia Get a room you two

Could just do it with last year's predictions