Consept

Whoever you choose theres always gonna be someone 'better', and better could just be because they're new and they dont have baggage that your current partner has or it could be that they are genuinely a better fit. But the point is if you want to be in a long term committed relationship that is the sacrifice you have to make. If you get with this new girl there maybe another one that comes along thats even 'better'. So the question is, is the person youre with someone you're willing to make that sacrifice for and that you love despite all other potential partners? It could also it probably is more likely that youre not ready for a committed relationship at this time so in that case its up to you if you want to be authentic and just tell potential partners what you actually want at the moment.

Thank you and thanks for your question. I think the greatest lesson, this will probably change depending on when I'm asked, but what comes to mind is the importance of loving yourself. Probably sounds cliche but it's so true, I think there's so many wrong turns you can make if you don't love yourself because everything you do is to compensate for that lack. So it's incredibly important to come to terms with your trauma and really face yourself and love yourself otherwise you'll really just keep spinning your wheels. Thank you, I really need to start uploading again but just getting these life experiences atm Ayy mi amiga de Barcelona ❤️ I will definitely accept your compliment and hope you had a great Xmas and new year as well x Thank you for the welcome bro and happy 40th as well @Yimpa @Ulax thank you bros 🙏🏽

Thank you bro 🙏🏽 look forward to reading your story 🙌🏽 That's a good way to say, yeah it definitely does feel like I've lived multiple lives in a way. Like the 20 something year old me is almost unrecognisable as me but at the same time he's still within me and I love him and respect what he went through. But yeah there's been a lot of evolution so different periods feel like different people. @LoneWonderer @integration journey Thanks guys 🙏🏽

Yes it finally happened, I remember thinking about being 40 when I was a kid and I came to the conclusion that its so old that I might just kill myself if I get there. I think what my young mind was struggling with was being an imaginably different person to the one I was at the time, my mum wasnt even 40, so the idea of me being that age was inconceivable. So not that im here what I my insights? It's interesting how the world sees you, mostly what I've heard i people can't believe that I'm 40 and I do probably look younger than my years but it's said as a compliment and I take as such, however I've noticed that in western culture age isn't really prized. People say things like you look good for your age but I feel that a lot of the wisdom and knowledge of self and understanding of life that can only be gained through living and experiencing is disregarded. Thats not to say everyone whos old is by default, wise, but its generally not even considered. Shifting to my own experience, I'm probably as content as I've ever been, in the past I've had more money, more attention and relationships with women, less pain in my body. But now and for the last couple of years I've felt, not good necessarily, but it feels as though the barriers that were once on me have been lifted. I went through years of OCD, anxiety, general fear of life, where I felt as though I had very little value to add and that no one really likes me. Yesterday I received several messages from friends and family (im tearing up as i write this), telling me things like - "Big love for being you and a real one. You are the most authentic person I know and were put on this earth to help others - especially me and I proper appreciate you. " (it might look like I made that up but its copy and pasted from a text ) calls, voice notes, texts from friends and family. From not wanting to come out my room for days on end and being afraid to truly be myself for years, I am so incredibly grateful that the shackles have been taken off and I am able to just live freely and be who I am as fully as possible. Its not always easy btw but its more the default for me now. It has taken a shitload of work though, so much pain being trudged up, I think thats the biggest thing. I got involved with non-duality and this forum ws part of the journey, I think now I just come back on it every now and then because of habit, there are some interesting topics and debates but i think my reason for being here, however sparsely has changed as well. What I was looking for was a way out of the pain, to summarise it quickly the pain was my dad leaving at an early age, my mum not really being able to form a connection with me after having a traumatic childhood herself, basically the adults in my life not being able to care for me properly, which led me to develop coping mechanisms such OCD to deal with extreme anxiety. So I was looking for anyway out and the idea of enlightenment seemed to offer so much, there was a state i believed I could achieve where all this rubbish will no longer be relevant. I got glimpses of this, I'd have periods where I could just let all thoughts pass me by and feel happy, traits would come out where I'd be really light and funny, normally only people who I felt 100% comfortable with would see that, which was basically just my sister and girlfriend at the time. But it would always come crashing down, when a thought would trigger me or I'd be pushed out my comfort zone and resort to old habits. At some point I realised that spirituality is an amazing thing to look into but until you sort your own pain and trauma out its really only a plaster. So I looked at more practical things I could do to sort myself out, therapy, but also lifestyle, I made a promise that I'm going to live the life I want to live regardless of how I feel at the time, Im going to throw myself into the deep end of things. This meant if its something I wanted to do but fear was holding me back i was gonna force myself to do it. This was a game changer because my brain just got used to doing shit, in fact Ive relaxed on this a little recently so its a good reminder. But in that time I sang in front of an audience (im not an amazing singer), I talked in front of a crowd at a conference, I became captain of my local football team, I started a 6 a side football team, I travelled around colombia with my girlfriend at the time, so many amazing things. I didnt feel great everytime I did it but what was amazing is that I did them and these are things that i wouldve had night sweats about before. So I am incredibly grateful but also im aware of what i put in to this, I cant describe to you how hard it has been and I know its relative and people 100% have it harder but I think changing what you thought was you to something else for the better is just so hard across the board. Now Ive got a job at an OCD charity which allows me to help people going through what I have gone through, theyve even used an interview with me as their social media advert, so that is honestly amazing. As well I have better genuine friendships with more people now, which is something I didnt think would happen. Not everythings perfect, although I'm content not being in a relationship I do have fears that I may not be able to attract someone I really like and that works for both of us, this is a lot to do with having to be fiercely independent growing up so this created an avoidant attachment style, which I have worked on but I am finding it tough to get to secure. Also dont know if a part of me just wants to be single. Relationships have always been hard because its almost hardwired in me not to really trust someone in that situation because i could never trust my mum. She has actually apologised (unprovoked) about how she was in my childhood, I had already forgiven her but I guess its nice to hear. So to rely on someone is difficult for me and i noticed i always do that in relationships where i will help them but not let them help me or avoid letting them help me and Id also have this narrative of theyre not really interested in what i have to say and they dont actually understand me. These are things im aware of and i guess will continue to work on, one thing ive realised is that everything comes in its own time and you really cant rush, all you can do is the right things at the time. When we're young we want everything worked out now, which i think is the allure of enlightenment, but life doesnt work like that, not for 99% of people and would you even want to fast forward these parts? Its all experience and its all worthwhile, it is what it is. Anyway that more than enough rambling I have stuff to be getting on with. I wish you all the best on your individual journeys, dont be scared of life, push yourself out there, places like this forum for all their value can sometimes make you feel like youre doing something when youre not really doing anything. I feel love for all of you and I'm grateful that i stumbled upon this random community of people and am able to share and learn from others experiences, to the next 40 years

Highest rating ive had is 1750 but I only do 3 min games really. Never tried the fischer random but let me know when youre ready @Leo Gura Id be up for a couple games

Yeah i kinda feel the same, as in what couldve been if i had the focus and felt more comfortable with myself when i was younger, but then i guess its just part of the journey, some are lucky enough to get there sooner. I agree as well the internal state has a massive bearing in the external, for example if your self-esteem is low, you may not even believe youre deserving of a fit, healthy body. Ah I see, yeah that is such a big factor when your internal is aligned its like everythings working together rather than against itself, so things just flow. I probably experienced it around 34 or something like that at least where i could maintain it. But i think youth really is just the potential to hit your peak, its not a peak by default. Most people dont even come close to their peak, maybe only professional athletes. But as I said if you do what most people dont even if youre a bit older youd still be better off than most young people

Yeah similar to @Emerald it's pretty just you get a certain vibe. What i found difficult earlier in life is trusting my instinct, because usually this person would be overly nice to me, people might like them, but I would have a feeling where I just didn't trust them. 9 times out of 10 I would be proven right as well when they're true colours came out. So now anyone like that I just create space from them and I'm very conscious of what I tell them or show them. Being able to read people is such an important skill but it can only come from experience. On the other side it's also important to know yourself and bias, if you always have a bad feeling about black people that's more a you problem lol. In terms of your magic example, I wouldn't really trust someone doing that stuff generally but even more so if she was avoiding questions.

I agree my point was more that they have to find him attractive to them, which is why i wasnt saying specifics. I'm also trying to put it in terms that a guy will understand, im aware women may not be thinking rationally like this, but from personal experience they do have a criteria even if they havent consciously thought of it, thats also not to say that criteria cant be subverted by someone.

In terms of the character being attractive I dont think its overly complicated, it basically works this as i see it: When a woman goes on a first date with a man she has a certain attraction criteria box that she needs to check off, this could be she thinks hes good looking or interesting or fun but its personal to her. There are guys that most women would find attractive and guys that most wont but every guy falls within this polarity. This box basically means that she would see him again romantically and if the attraction and comfortability grows she would sleep with him. Once this box is checked off, she will then look at where to put him in terms of someone she would consider a long term option, she may just think hes a short term hook up, if this is the case she may not even sleep with him or she will sleep with him but not really take him seriously. If she decides hes a long term option, this will be based on character, kindness, resources etc as well as how much she feels he likes her, then she will try and do things and show signs that she wants something long term, this could also include just outright telling you what she wants and asking whether you feel the same. At that point its up to you in terms of what you want

It's a natural human thing to want what you can't have, if you said to a kid, 'I have an amazing toy but you can't have it I'm gonna keep it for myself' they'd probably get upset even if they wouldn't normally choose it. Just because you can trigger this in dating doesn't mean girls actually want you. Think of it like this, imagine a girl showed you genuine interest and you started to like her so you felt some connection, but then she doesn't reply to texts and seems distant at times. This would completely fuck with your head and could make you text her more, definitely think about her more and this will lead to wanting her more because she feels just out of reach. So it's not that women a wired this way, we can all get manipulated in this way. Also I'm not putting a moral judgement on this, you are free to do this but of course it will not lead to a real connection, at best you'll confuse a girl to thinking that she likes you but then if you do get into a relationship and that dynamic is no longer the same she may lose interest. What's important to do if you want to be authentic is to know yourself and know exactly what you want. If this is strong in you, naturally you'll communicate that with the girl, if they're not on the same page as you then you move on. Have your own standards and boundaries. Also in terms of killing attraction, yes it is more attractive to show less investment, but if you think about it, why would you invest so heavily from the get go. If you have your own criteria, naturally it will take time to get to know the person and work out whether she lives up to your criteria. In that time you won't be overly invested anyway, you'll be interested but you won't be throwing everything at her, that wouldn't be authentic. If she feels like stepping away because of your early investment its probably cos you went overboard. Think of it like if you want to go into business with someone and before they really even know your business plan they're doing everything to get the deal, taking you out, offering you money etc, you would most likely be very suspicious and put off. Whereas if someone was actually being very chill and going through your plan carefully and not committing til they were 100% sure, you'd feel a lot safer. You still might get bamboozled by the first guy but then you might learn from that experience when it doesn't go well.

The only real advantage of masturbation is that its quick and easy to get, convenience can be good, but fast food will never be as good as a home made meal cooked with love.

It's not necessarily physical peak, what I mean is that because I'm more aware of things declining I work harder to keep fit moreso than I would've done when I was younger. So if I had the same mindset when I was younger I definitely would've been fitter but I didn't and a lot of young people don't. A lot of young people don't care about good sleep, nutrition etc all these things you can work on more as you get older. Yeah I was probably faster and had less pain when I was younger, but things like endurance and strength are actually better, as well as of course my mindset. Point being you gain things and lose things, it's not all bad

Sort any trauma out that you are avoiding

about to hit 40 in a couple weeks, im actually in the best shape of my life physically and mentally, its one of those things thats scary because of what you imagine it to be and you to be but once you get there its not really that bad

Did none of them have the past tense for read? Sorry bit mean but funny Good selection of books btw