Sugarcoat

Should've done it earlier …

No barely heard of it. I’ll check it out

so to ask in a male dominated forum how to make female friends might not be the best idea. I’m not relying on this ofc I’m doing some things to put myself out there, as for example I’ve applied for another extra job (to earn money ofc ) and that’s a new opportunity to meet new people too. Also I always go to social things I’m invited to (doesn’t happen often tho I don’t have that many friends) and always try to talk with more people when I attend such events. I’m quite introverted naturally and although I have decent social skills I can be a bit drawn back so I have to deliberately push myself sometimes , it’s much easier one-on-one and a bit harder in larger groups. also I’ve been on Reddit forums and discords with the intention of meeting new people but most there are males older than me… and I have made a nice male friend my age there and I’m glad but that’s kinda rare that it stays like that I’ve also been on tinder for a lil bit for both dating and female friends but the latter hasn’t really happened much to lllol (haven’t done it for so long tho haven’t been so active so I can’t disregard it already) So I have a couple of female friends but we don’t hang out as much as I would desire so I desire more. I’m open to make male friends too ofc not excluding that, but there’s the risk of him starting to flirt with me or something like that. Nothing wrong with that but it kills the friendly vibe It would be nice to have a solid social circle of females but it’s kinda harder with women I feel. They give more of a “I already have enough friends” vibe (maybe just my own projection) meanwhile it’s easier with guys sometimes who are more open I feel……. so how does one go about this except to apply for uni which I will in a year or more? Maybe I’m just impatient lol but I have high visions I guess lol I’m never satisfied

I’m glad you managed to find nice connections with women! I relate so much to being bad at keeping touch. Many of us feel like we bother people by taking initiative or we kind of assume by default they’d hit us up if they wanted to see us..but there has to be a balance. Sometimes one gotta push and take initiative even if it’s uncomfortable, I got really glad that a girl recently from my high school kept contact with me and asked to hangout. I’m sure there’s someone who would feel the same if I did that thanks for the tips, yes hobbies seem like a natural way to meet people.

Simple yet true

Lol I’ll check that out for sure

Hello! So I’ve been trying to meet new people. One thing I did was I joined a discord server for this purpose. This guy my age texts me and we start chatting. We chat for maybe two weeks regularly (friendly way) and decide to meet up. we clicked through text pretty decently so we decided that I can come over and leave my stuff there then we’ll go out and then come back and I’ll sleep over at his place so I don’t have to go home late. dumb idea for a first time So today we met up. Keep in mind two people close to me had said negative things about this decision and said it was weird so I was slightly down because of that I travel to his apartment and he welcomes me in. For some reason I felt a little weird already about it all . It was very fast from texting to now being at his place. (He didn’t act weird or anything tho) we talk casually and and sit a bit at his sofa and while it was not awkward. It was…… boring ? I felt we vibed more through text. I felt quite bored. And even had somewhat of an ick towards him and the whole situation. No offense though, just expressing what I genuinely felt. 90 min pass. We were gonna go out and eat. I still feel bored, I’m not feeling that we click and it’s not fun to me I’m not feeling the vibe. I think to myself that this will not change, it’s not like he’s gonna change in the middle of everything and also we texted for a while so I got to know him a lil i go to the bathroom. I decide to be straightforward and honest so I go out and I tell him “hey so I’m gonna be honest, idk about you but I’m not feeling it so i will go home” he comes to the hall, seems a bit surprised but still takes it good and is chill and accepting, he asks “don’t you like me or” I say “it’s not personal I was just not feeling the vibe” . I wish him the best and leave. so what you guys think? A part of me feels slightly bad but still I was honest and always try to be. also keep in mind I’m a female, which might contribute a bit to me feeling a bit weird about it all. I’ve learned not to go to peoples house the first time and definitely not plan to sleep over. I usually don’t do it, but he was just this super skinny non intimidating nerdy guy and based on his vibe there was no risk. I’ve learned to not take texting too seriously, just because you vibe through text doesn’t mean you do irl. This has happened before, I thought me and a guy vibed through text but I went on a romantic date w him and it felt like I was talking to a different person. thanks for reading

Hold on a second I didn’t read properly…..maybe these things are legal thanks for the tip

Funny is that I love cooking but because of digestion issues I’ve reduced my food choices a lot so there’s not much of a point in learning to cook when I won’t eat many things…. But lol I need to try more things like hobbies in general i live in Sweden ???? it’s far from legal. ??

Very good point that’s actually something I’ve thinking about recently! I’ve became aware of this tendency. I’ve suggested meetups in groups of friends but when it comes to one-on-one I’ve been much more passive because of thinking that they will reach out to me if they wanted to meet me. I’ve assumed this becuase my girls friends are in general more social and go out more than me meanwhile I’m the more lonely one in comparison so I’ve felt that they would reach out if they wanted to, which has happened a bit. But I’ve decided to be more proactive myself as I must understand that from their pov it might seem I don’t wanna be disturbed. one of my friends said this a week ago actually “you say you’re home alone a lot and wanna go out more but you rarely ask me, I’m the one asking you” . This really helped to hear so I’m def becoming aware of that its an aspect of my negative self image to by default assume people aren’t interested in interacting with me, especially women for some reason. But I’m working on it

I’m very passionate about health-related stuff in general. Other than that I don’t have many hobbies but I like to take long walks and listen to a loooot of music that’s a good idea tho I’ve def been thinking about joining more activities, but ofc if I find interest in them, would feel weird to force myself to do something I don’t like in order to meet people…would feel kind of forced and awkward in some way Yea I’ll see how the job goes… everyone in this forum talks so casually about psychedelics as if everyone can just casually obtain it without any problem lol ???? trust me I’ll like to try that but it’s a bit of a struggle to find

Fellow gymrat here too Would’ve been nice if I did this in time…. I did avoid the bench press for some time tho as it felt very off for my shoulders so at least I listened to my body to some extent but not nearly enough but too late now although I still do my best to improve my shoulders (I don’t go to the gym anymore tho)

I was mad okay ??

I don’t know. Okay this post was written in the heat of the moment I know people have it way worse but I can say that my shoulders feel really loose and I can clearly feel how my muscles around them even my jaws tighten up so im constantly very very tight despite watching posture and all . Some degree of injury for sure happened but idk what. It’s at the front it feels lose plus I had symptoms of impingement before when I worked out

Sounds like pretty solid advice. But it’s way too easy for the egoic desires to get in the way so you compromise form to reach some goal and it’s never worth it lol….

we texted a bit afterwards and it was made pretty clear that it wasn’t to do with a sense of danger. Nothing in what he wrote suggested that he thought it has anything to do with that, it wasn’t even mentioned as a possibility. he didn’t act weird or anything, I asked him how he felt and he replied positively. It wasn’t particularly awkward either just my own inner world feeling otherwise. So it was on my part, he seemed to enjoy from what he said so it was not like he noticed I felt off i didn’t worry about danger with him it had nothing to do with it. Me saying I’ve learned not to go to peoples house so early in this post has to do with it being more suitable to meet outside in case you don’t click. but safety is ofc another more important reason as to why one as a female should stick to that principle generally as I’ve done before

Yup ig

Definitely ?

Yea typical thank you ,you seem pretty cool and chilll too!!

Thank you. Yea I think I try to find a balance between being honest and assertive but still considerate of others emotions

It is! Also I don’t live in America and most people online seem to be from there so it’s even harder. I don’t know anyone irl that is into what I’m into either. I’m fine with my friends tho because we connect in other ways such as humor, so one can have different people with different connections but I def desire more. that sounds like a great idea I wish you the best on fulfilling that plan! yes a financial situation like that is a long term goal of mine. So as of now I guess I’ll just keep trying and putting myself out there

If I had a boyfriend I wouldn’t chat with random guys online and def not meet up that’s for sure yea I prob wouldn’t feel the need to also if I had more friends I have some friends I keep in contact regularly but it’s less hangouts than I desire and since I didn’t go to uni immediately I just work now it’s hard to meet new people where I work so I attempted at some desperate ways

this is the first time in my life I’ve done something like this. Basically I joined a discord for people looking to meet new people in my city and we started to chat. I don’t think he had romantic intentions no we have both made it clear it’s friendly. you think it’s weird? I get that. I’ve never left like that before. i think since we met at his place it was very drastic from texting to suddenly at his place. also before the meet up, two people close to me had said negative things about my decision so I aldready felt kinda down. ngl through text I was looking forward to the meet up, to make a new friend and have have fun but for some reason when I met him I instantly felt a slight ick and weird about it all. Also I suspect that him being conventionally unattractive and fitting into the negative “nerdy guy” stereotype might have contributed to my slight ick and weird feeling about it all. I always try to be as open minded as possible but societal conditioning can still affect one’s feelings in a way one can’t control so meanwhile I feel bad about writing this I’m just tryna create a clear picture I think it would’ve been different if we met outside, not as drastic and forced. and also it would’ve been different if he was female, would’ve felt less weird. also when you’re at someone’s place it’s like you have to connect well otherwise it feels weird because you’re literally alone in a lil apartment. So you’re right, I’ve learned a lesson. Meet outside first (which is a principle I have with all my dates, this wasn’t a date tho but still should apply) So basically I just felt weird about the situation and didn’t feel it was fun at all. And we were just about to go out and get food because he was hungry so my mind was like “I’m not gonna spend money on something that don’t feel good”. if we weren’t planning on getting food soon I would’ve probably stayed to give it more a chance. I thought maybe I cut it too early but also I thought that it won’t change since we already got to know each other a bit through text so we have overcome that initial awkwardness, might be wrong tho. plus he stated he felt comfortable meanwhile for me it didn’t look like it fully from my pov. But everyone’s different in how they carry themselves and so on. I’m this interaction I was looking for friendship because I wasn’t attracted to him at all

I’ve experienced the same on dates. Instant turn off when I saw the person it’s pretty weird. Once it happened when a guy lied about his height, he said we were same height which I’m okay with but then I see he is obviously shorter than me so it felt awkward But I do think it’s much better to go with your feelings and be honest rather than to stay and try to play it off. well this wasn’t a date. We were supposed to be friends so it wasn’t about attraction. but I still felt weird about it, perhaps because it was so drastic I went to his place first time and thus you have to feel you click very well because you’re at their place and supposed to hangout so it’s kinda forced. he wasn’t very different from text just a bit avoiding eye contact and not as energetic and fun but maybe I just got another image from text. I asked him if he’s uncomfortable and he said no so idk i did think to give it more time to change but I thought that firstly it won’t change because we already got to “know” each other through text so we past that initial stage. Secondly, we were supposed to go out and buy food soon and I felt that I don’t wanna spend money in a situation where I feel weird and not having fun. So I left well that’s why it wasn’t a date!

Inattentive - tend to daydream and easily zones out distant obsessive - can obsess over a mental image of somebody inconsistent / unpredictable introverted/shy - can be negative sometimes