Sugarcoat

In my opinion this is actually very wise of you to be able to notice this. You’re smarter than you thing. A lot of people don’t see this. You’re more in touch with yourself and your own mental patterns in a way than a lot of these people. I did spirituality in the past because I was naturally drawn to it but I never strived for awakening. It doesn’t really make sense to me to strive for it when people over and over say “there’s nothing to get” etc. You want to end this pain you have and “awakening” isn’t necessary for that, nor who said it will be gone then? You can have a positive life and sense of self without that, which is what you want in a way. Or do both.

Throughout this thread you seem very stressed. Back in high school when I had social anxiety I used to meditate upwards an hour a day and it helps to calm the body down. Mental battle can create tension in the body that then perpetuates this mental battle even more so it’s like a bad loop. Sometimes it doesn’t really work that well to try to calm thoughts mentally so going more into our bodies can help. a good start.

Well for me, I never really found an explanation for my strongest desires. Why do I want it? Can’t say, I just do. That’s how they were for me, I didn’t have to look for them. It was just constantly being imaged in my mind, flashing before my eyes like hypnosis, and I just couldn’t stop wanting it. I don’t really think one needs an explanation for one’s desires. You can pursue something even if there is no justification for it. You want it because you simply want it. To come to that clarity, I think you’re doing great by questioning those desires, and holding off pursuing them a little. What can happen is that the strongest desires still survive - no matter how hard you question them and how long you go without pursuing them. You just can’t let them go and they won’t let you go. You could start by noticing if your desires primarily concern your sense of self or outer things. For me sense of self was always primary, I wanted a certain ideal self and everything else was secondary. I don’t think one can force this either, you’re naturally drawn to one or the other. also seriously question those standards you have about what is “higher lower more or less true/worthwhile” . Where do those ideas come from? For me I had so many layers of all these weird beliefs that felt so real. Aren’t they also just desires for something? If you have some “tricky desire “ then something questions it “is this really authentic and true”, then that could be just another desire for some more spiritual/actualized self image that is masquerading as “truth” and speaking against the other desire which involves another self image. So it’s a battle between desires rather than what’s true or not true. Something like that. also , what you want stands in contrast to what you don’t want. What don’t you want in your life ? Could you ask. And then what you want is the opposite. Could be anything, something about yourself for example. Also those “smaller” desires that aren’t so big and visionary, if you clean them up a little by pursuing them for a little while, in my experience that can clear your mind up a little and make those stronger desires more clear. lastly I want to add. What is the issue with not knowing what you want? If you feel there is a problem with it, it could be you have some diffuse idea of what kind of life/self you are missing out on if you don’t hurry up and find what you want to be able to start pursue it and get there. Look closely at these fantasies, what are they composed of, what are the characteristics of the self that is involved in them?

Well if you date neurotypicals then for sure it’s easier if you yourself are neurotypical so yea I think a lot of people genuinely desire that connection to the norm/society so for them it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice to “fit in” . But for us oh no connection is worth more than our individuality right ?

To be so in touch with your body, that you’re in touch with the fact of not being in touch with it So in touch to be able to tell that your perception of it isn’t what it actually is, to be able to tell that you cannot truly touch anything, hear anything, see anything, feel anything - simply put; experience anything, as it all gets filtered through this ~out of touchness~ which ironically enough, requires ~in touchness~ to be identified.

All my life I’ve noticed this seriousness about people, i notice it everywhere I go. I don’t know if it’s a neurotypical quality or something else but maybe this is kind of what you are referring to also

I’m pretty damn sure I am autistic myself (although a woman) by research and experience. I relate deeply to you regarding this fear of losing control because of this sexual desire taking over or something While it hasn’t solved fully for me. I can say that this desire isn’t some dangerous force that is trying to make you go out there and do shit you don’t want. That might be the mental fantasies associated with the desires - but those mental fantasies don’t reflect that desire itself - but rather they are kind of some attempt of releasing this sexual energy. In the same way a person who feels socially awkward and constricted in their social expression - they might have these fantasies of these ridiculous social scenarios where they are being social and charismatic as their ideal self - doesn’t mean that is what they actually wanna do and will do. Just when we have this energy stuck inside it can seem way more intense than it is you don’t HAVE to have “vagina” to release some of that sexual energy and feel some relief from this . Sure in the long run you want to have real sex sooner or later but there is no need to rush it . It is possible to release some of this sexual energy alone with yourself and your own body too. It doesn’t have to be masturbation necessarily but for example allowing yourself to entertain fantasies without holding back there, moving your body different ways along with this. You can play around with it, or it might happen spontaneously when you are alone or in another context that feels safe (in the same way someone might start compulsively talking to themselves when alone and imagining company as a way to try release this need for social expresssion ) . It might sound like this cannot work as some partial temporary relief but it can if you allow it to flow more and stop resisting it. OR another way to go about this (this I did in the past, the former - “going with the flow “- has been what I’ve been getting in touch with recently) is to work so concentrated and hard for this ideal self you wanna be that you genuinely gain enough reward from progressing along this path that the reward is enough to satisfy you so these sexual desires stop feeling like some insatiable hunger. Your mind is essentially intensely concentrated on this “pursuit of ideal” rather than those desires , and is gaining rewards from this progression Along this path you still want to release some of that sexual energy slowly and gradually in comfortable doses, alone or with others, some way or another - so just as @Carl-Richard said here in this thread - it is possible to hold and entertain ideals and desires simultaneously. People might say accept yourself and stuff like that, and for sure it can resonate but for some of us in some time of our life it doesn’t really. Instead, you can notice how all these negative feelings and negative self image you are having - there is actually a deep intelligence to this. This negativity is trying to “contain you”. It is serving a purpose, it isn’t actually that negative. You can use this “negativity” to FUEL this “pursuit of ideal” and go for it more aggressively and keep and keep accelerating and intensifying your effort. It can be extremely rewarding . You can ask yourself also: If, right now, you were your ideal self, exactly that ideal you want to be, would you then have problems with these desires? If not, that could give you a clue to that you don’t actually have problems with these desires — but rather with your SELF. (this self you hate isn’t really you tho but that’s for another day lol)

I don´t believe it is a necessity per say to make a bunch of effort to find out what you want. sometimes the desire comes to us instead of trying to find it so by making no effort at all it allows for that space and oppennes for it to find and latch onto us

So essentially none ?

That is if you assume those thoughts are yours

Well I would actually agree with you once again. What I would say tho is that I doubt that the majority of these guys with these conventionally unattractive personalities really are “authentic “ . So for example those gamers in moms basement are probably driven by some psychological addiction and perhaps past trauma acting through them making them be the way they are rather than that being their authentic self, even if they seem fully embodied in their personality. So being able to embody authentic self takes work to undue all those forces acting through you - and that authentic self would probably be different than that isolated gamer guy - probably more attractive to more women but maybe this is just my own disconnection from myself where I feel nothing is really truly me

Yea I see. I have my own struggles so don’t really know what to say here much.

I see your point here actually, and I agree. if your goal is to increase your likelihood of creating that early attraction with women in general then yes this is true But then when it comes to attracting just the right girl for you then this authenticity is crucial even if you have a not conventionally attractive personality . Because even if most aren’t attracted to it there will be someone out there. And whoever that will be will be just right since you’re showing your true self so it will be that deep resonance it’s perhaps a harder path in some way but simultaneously authenticity is effortless

Isn’t what is worth it the man you become from this process? ” That does not make girls give me choosing signals, “ well feeling shitty about yourself doesn’t either. So what is most preferable to you? “Having to "win them over" with my "personality" makes me feel unattractive. “ well then it isn’t your true personality . The quotation marks says it all what one could say is the basis for attractiveness is this authentic energy you are expressing rn so that’s something to build from I would say

That music go hard ngl

Lol

I cried writing it, crazily enough exactly what I wrote happened a few minutes previously so it was from pure direct experience .

Do you seriously believe you will be able to become some ultra actualized spiritual person who changes the world when you cannot even deal with one of the most basic human desires? you are deeply confused about what is the cause of your “incompetence”

Facts

We are so wise to have realized this no wonder our standards are high ?

Can you notice how somewhere deep down you actually love this shitty feeling? How it seems to serve you somehow in some weird twisted way What you truly want is to allow it fully, to bask in it so completely, and experience it dissolve in this allowance. Watch what happens if you do

This had me rolling for some reason ???

Okay I see your point here. It’s really an exception to the norm . I wonder tho…doesn’t it still feel a little humiliating to one’s sense of self to have to pay someone to do this. Don’t you deep down want someone to want you for free, because you are you. I understand it can feel hard to attain but isn’t putting in the hard work instead more satisfactory then buying sex ?

Well if it’s not fucked up and makes you the money you so want then why don’t you yourself go sell sex to a bunch of men and we’ll see what you think about it ??

I’m dying at your descriptions ?????