Sugarcoat

Good job feeding your little grandiose ego about yourself being some hero guy who’s going to save your poor little girlfriend. That is honestly all you’re doing here with this, feeding your own ego but believing it’s coming from some deep compassion. You’re not really helping her at all with this. She has deep problems within herself that she needs to get her shit together and solve herself. By playing into this role of this savior guy you are simply confirming her weaknesses once again rather than helping her. and this is coming from a woman who herself has a history of people pleasing and seeking validation from guys in my teens. No body but herself can bring her out from this, sure you can support her in the process but the way you want to do it is just feeding into the same pattern sorry to break it to you. @integral was onto something here with those replies. It’s not about blame, it’s about seeing the role she has in this and how it’s up to her to change it fundamentally

How does he react when u point this out I’ve also been dealing w stuff like this. In a way it’s a challenge to grow how one deals w people

That’s how it be sometimes!

Thanks u too!

Your sensing is something else haha

A lot of these people are also in this “for themselves” but they don’t seem aware of it, talking about “nothing matters” “nothing is real” when OBVIOUSLY something matters to them and something is real to them. Great thread btw this is quality content. But in a way quality content needs trash content to be able to shine ironically ?

That’s great! I believe it is natural and beneficial to be swept away sometiems and lose yourself a little and be a little ungrounded then when you get back it’s like rebirth and you’re more grounded than ever before! So this neediness isn’t all bad as you probably realized I like that you mention food cravings. I agree that they are connected to other cravings too. But still they are valid in themselves too, I believe they also have physical component. If you fulfill the “soul” and the craving still remains that’s a sign it’s something physical too that needs working. Society teaches us what’s healthy and not which influences how we judge our cravings, but honestly society can be deeply wrong so we should be careful with judging our bodies cravings based on this.

You write very elegantly! And once again it’s interesting to put everyday things into a more spiritual perspective , it creates a more holistic picture in a way

Interesting comparison !

I would agree about the difference there. And as you noticed I was referring to what we would call desires so not those classical compulsions im glad you brought up compulsions tho becuase it is something that has been at the forefront of my life recently so I have a lot to say there you absolutely have a point when you say we are slaves to compulsions. Because it can definitely be like some force that acts through us . But I would disagree that that is some end all be all to what compulsions are and how to relate to them, because that’s just one aspect of them. In a way, you are a slave to them because you are relating to them in a way where you’re seeing them as an enemy. And that is understandable because compulsions tend to involve the opposite we believe we want. They can feel like a threat to our sense of self. but they don’t appear out of thin air. They are serving a purpose. It is not just something wrong in your wiring that needs to be rewired, that’s just one small part of it sure fighting them with discipline can work. But at one point if it doesn’t work other approaches could be considered which is what came to me. Another approach that is a totally different way of relating to them, where instead of them being enemy you see the way they are actually serving you positively, weirdly enough compulsions are self regulatory they are trying to put you immediately into the kind of state you’re trying to achieve long term. People demonize this as a bad thing, but thats once again just one aspect of it. And this can sound crazy but what I did was I spontaneously saw how incredible my “state” was when engaged in compulsions - so I intuitively allowed myself to be swept away by it. Not knowing where it would take me but the resistance , willpower discipline thing was just not working anymore. And it has totally changed how I relate to them, breaking down the perceptual resistance (because the resistance in itself isn’t actually serving me) - and it has been crazy for a while but then it balances itself out and I’ve experienced profound life changing shifts in my default “state”: perception, mind and physical body, all thanks to this and it’s an ongoing process still. Im not “done” or anything but where I’m at now is wayyyyy better than before, becuase state is foundational right? What if you could be swept away by these compulsions; and access that “state” you want to be in, stabilize in that and now you’re operating from it. Yea I’m just speaking now whatever it’s still going on for me so it hasn’t fully matured yet but I can just say it has been profound for me recently and I read that you earlier wrote how it’s not some “mystical thing you psych yourself out of”, oh boy let me tell you this can get mystical af… don’t underestimate the power of psychological energy lol im just speaking from my own experience. I know how it is to live a life feeling slaved by compulsions I’ve been binge eating , porn addiction as an early teen, phone , a lot of it im just saying that , yes there is value to trying to rewire yourself through being very practical practicing good habits eliminating bad etc etc. BUT if you reach a point where it just isn’t working anymore, it can be nice to know there are alternative approaches ?

Introvert being the yes or no? That’s interesting analogy or what it’s called

Thanks once again we agree on something ? that was profound too . It’s one possible approach to this . Perhaps more feminine as you said at one point?

I relate to that ambiguity and have been on my own journey w this too. That’s great you came to a satisfactory conclusion! When we are open to ourselves that’s when it’s possible to find out

Oh yea?

What made you realize you’re not?

You must just think rainbows are pretty then

Totally agree such “awkward “ situations are source for goood laughter .? Can take a while to get to that point tho

I totally relate to this I’ve been in that thought loop before of believing myself to be in this impossible cycle when you say neediness. It sounds to me like desire + insecurity/fear/sense of lack. So to give up neediness doesn’t mean you can’t have desires. You can tho resolve some of the insecurity around it, and “ own “ your desires and embrace them more. Aka change how you relate to those desires so it’s no longer neediness in a way that’s affecting you negatively. So for example not being needy around a girl doesn’t mean you no longer have desire for her, but it’s more how you relate to the desire and how you “own it”. And in other situations too. The cringe others see is your insecurity around the desire, the desire isn’t cringe to them. You could feel damn I want this so bad yet be totally content with it so it’s not something negative for you.

if you do deep inner work you might get to a point where you WANT to go into cold

then u fall in love with it

I believe there are trip reports you could read about it here

?

I like that message of Leo too. And if it triggers someone that says something.. I’m tempted to write that I understand what you’re saying which it’s like I do in a sense but simultaneously I can’t say that. But here it’s like I don’t even take seriously the fact of taking myself seriously. Almost like this desire to be a specific way yet no desire for it really I’m doing fine regardless simultaneously But I vibe with it anyways ?? and yes I notice this seriousness everywhere !! “Also, many people assume psychedelics will be this fun adventure that will awaken you effortlessly. NO! Psychedelics will completely shatter the idea of who you think you are. Most will flee and go back to their everyday bullshit lives. The wise continue on the path with greater respect for higher self.” never tried them but always been curious about it . And the path unfolds naturally yea.. natural attraction to it for some

@Princess Arabia no need to sugarcoat here

I’ve been in the opposite position where I’ve acted socially awkward around guys I’ve crushed on in school etc so I understand the feeling. First of all this overthinking neurotic tendency to ruminate over it and try to keep yourself in check by promising yourself to not act in a certain way doesn’t do you any better. It’s just stress in your system. Retreating from the world a little and doing work alone is great but it’s important to also put yourself in social situations to overcome some of this. At some point just push through. You want it to be more natural and intuitive not scripted and forced. So trying to make yourself act a certain way can sometimes just keep you stuck in this neurotic loop. So taking some risk and letting go a little can help break this barrier of tension and it’s not the end of the world if someone gets uncomfortable it’s not a crime. There is massive potential for progress in this area don’t ever feel hopeless!! I promise!!! I used to barely be able to hold convos sometimes and now I can accidentally seduce a guy !! Don’t give up!!!