Sugarcoat

The more standing the better I find so not bad advice i hang upside down sometimes too just a tip it’s great

wow I love that description that’s my experience a lot of the time

I guess it depends what you do w that “consciousness “

C’mon dude. Just do it. I just turned 20 myself let me tell u the fact you’re on this forum lowkey suggests you’re above most guys, especially our age lol . So if they can talk to girls so can you sometimes I’ll go to a bar or club because some friend or relative wants to so I just follow along and despite my desperate attempts at being as open minded and optimistic as possible I cannot help but be underwhelmed each time. Just like you I’m not there for guys I’m there to hang w friend but I’m still open and chit chatty if someone comes to us but whenever some guys starts to hit on me they’re always wack or maybe funny at most not to be rude or anything . And still if it’s just friendly company it’s still underwhelming and I’m drained after every night out if I was out and some “actualized “ dude started to talk to me I’d probably be filled with pure bliss in my soul so please don’t hold back

Creativegod

I totally get what you mean the thing is that your “productivity “ etc doesn’t depend on your solitude - rather you are the one who is using solitude to grow yourself so that part of you that uses solitude to grow yourself is more fundamental than the circumstance of solitude as there are people in this world who spend time alone without growing themselves So what I’m saying is that socialization is not an obstacle to your growth - but rather it is how you use socialization that determines your growth in the same way it is the way you use solitude that determines it So you don’t lose anything when socializing, as the thing that makes you grow is this intelligence in you that uses outside situations, not the other way around ; outside situations allowing you to grow. And you’re asking how to do it. I’m going through this myself so idk many answers yet but we’re in this together just so u know ?

well I was trying to help you to become more aware of and dissolve that ego you talk about by trying to trigger it lol ?? and I don’t mean macho ego. That’s not the vibe I got. What I mean more is that when she’s telling you her story - your reaction to it, according to your description was to see her as this poor girl you want to help, something like that, so you have created this role for yourself in a way (what I meant by ego, it’s not bad I’m just highlighting this dynamic) And that is understandable since that is what she is conveying to you and ofc some empathy is natural ! Nothing wrong with that. But then you feel all this pressure to find best solution , what to do etc . But you might miss that the deeper problem here is these insecurities in her that is the foundation that attracts negative situations. I’m not saying it’s her fault absolutely not at 12/13 I can’t blame anyone! I’m just saying, if your girlfriend continues to be insecure like that, unfortunately she might find herself in more bad situations. So the deeper problem here are those insecurities . And those are up to her ultimately - not you. so no need to feel pressure on yourself to fix it and find perfect solution . As that isn’t really helping her, but rather the opposite it strengthens her “helplessness” in some way even And then ofc the tips others say about trying to get justice in some way through for example contacting uni etc that is reasonable because of course such people like that guy deserve some consequences one could say But the deeper solution here isn’t dependent on wether that works or not is what I’m saying.

Yes that’s what I understood. I was confused tho about what age they are now , so how long ago it was and I was mainly referring to this overall pushover/low self esteem tendency that he describes about her, which is something that might last long after the incident if one doesn’t change fundamentally. I was also around that age when I sought attention from guys btw , so it’s still valid point for me

Yes. I was mainly referring to this overall pushover/low self esteem tendency that he describes about her, which is something that might last long after the incident if one doesn’t change fundamentally. I was also around that age when I sought attention from guys btw , so it’s still valid point for me

Good job feeding your little grandiose ego about yourself being some hero guy who’s going to save your poor little girlfriend. That is honestly all you’re doing here with this, feeding your own ego but believing it’s coming from some deep compassion. You’re not really helping her at all with this. She has deep problems within herself that she needs to get her shit together and solve herself. By playing into this role of this savior guy you are simply confirming her weaknesses once again rather than helping her. and this is coming from a woman who herself has a history of people pleasing and seeking validation from guys in my teens. No body but herself can bring her out from this, sure you can support her in the process but the way you want to do it is just feeding into the same pattern sorry to break it to you. @integral was onto something here with those replies. It’s not about blame, it’s about seeing the role she has in this and how it’s up to her to change it fundamentally

How does he react when u point this out I’ve also been dealing w stuff like this. In a way it’s a challenge to grow how one deals w people

That’s how it be sometimes!

Thanks u too!

Your sensing is something else haha

A lot of these people are also in this “for themselves” but they don’t seem aware of it, talking about “nothing matters” “nothing is real” when OBVIOUSLY something matters to them and something is real to them. Great thread btw this is quality content. But in a way quality content needs trash content to be able to shine ironically ?

That’s great! I believe it is natural and beneficial to be swept away sometiems and lose yourself a little and be a little ungrounded then when you get back it’s like rebirth and you’re more grounded than ever before! So this neediness isn’t all bad as you probably realized I like that you mention food cravings. I agree that they are connected to other cravings too. But still they are valid in themselves too, I believe they also have physical component. If you fulfill the “soul” and the craving still remains that’s a sign it’s something physical too that needs working. Society teaches us what’s healthy and not which influences how we judge our cravings, but honestly society can be deeply wrong so we should be careful with judging our bodies cravings based on this.

You write very elegantly! And once again it’s interesting to put everyday things into a more spiritual perspective , it creates a more holistic picture in a way

Interesting comparison !

I would agree about the difference there. And as you noticed I was referring to what we would call desires so not those classical compulsions im glad you brought up compulsions tho becuase it is something that has been at the forefront of my life recently so I have a lot to say there you absolutely have a point when you say we are slaves to compulsions. Because it can definitely be like some force that acts through us . But I would disagree that that is some end all be all to what compulsions are and how to relate to them, because that’s just one aspect of them. In a way, you are a slave to them because you are relating to them in a way where you’re seeing them as an enemy. And that is understandable because compulsions tend to involve the opposite we believe we want. They can feel like a threat to our sense of self. but they don’t appear out of thin air. They are serving a purpose. It is not just something wrong in your wiring that needs to be rewired, that’s just one small part of it sure fighting them with discipline can work. But at one point if it doesn’t work other approaches could be considered which is what came to me. Another approach that is a totally different way of relating to them, where instead of them being enemy you see the way they are actually serving you positively, weirdly enough compulsions are self regulatory they are trying to put you immediately into the kind of state you’re trying to achieve long term. People demonize this as a bad thing, but thats once again just one aspect of it. And this can sound crazy but what I did was I spontaneously saw how incredible my “state” was when engaged in compulsions - so I intuitively allowed myself to be swept away by it. Not knowing where it would take me but the resistance , willpower discipline thing was just not working anymore. And it has totally changed how I relate to them, breaking down the perceptual resistance (because the resistance in itself isn’t actually serving me) - and it has been crazy for a while but then it balances itself out and I’ve experienced profound life changing shifts in my default “state”: perception, mind and physical body, all thanks to this and it’s an ongoing process still. Im not “done” or anything but where I’m at now is wayyyyy better than before, becuase state is foundational right? What if you could be swept away by these compulsions; and access that “state” you want to be in, stabilize in that and now you’re operating from it. Yea I’m just speaking now whatever it’s still going on for me so it hasn’t fully matured yet but I can just say it has been profound for me recently and I read that you earlier wrote how it’s not some “mystical thing you psych yourself out of”, oh boy let me tell you this can get mystical af… don’t underestimate the power of psychological energy lol im just speaking from my own experience. I know how it is to live a life feeling slaved by compulsions I’ve been binge eating , porn addiction as an early teen, phone , a lot of it im just saying that , yes there is value to trying to rewire yourself through being very practical practicing good habits eliminating bad etc etc. BUT if you reach a point where it just isn’t working anymore, it can be nice to know there are alternative approaches ?

Introvert being the yes or no? That’s interesting analogy or what it’s called

Thanks once again we agree on something ? that was profound too . It’s one possible approach to this . Perhaps more feminine as you said at one point?

I relate to that ambiguity and have been on my own journey w this too. That’s great you came to a satisfactory conclusion! When we are open to ourselves that’s when it’s possible to find out

Oh yea?

What made you realize you’re not?

You must just think rainbows are pretty then