Sugarcoat

I saw your comment where you said you related to him so I guessed you’d respond to me to and I’m glad you did ? Something about the kitchen ? for me there was an argument in my mind about wether to eat something unhealthy or not and then boom That’s a lovely post ! Caught the moment ! the thing is I’m unsure about the date for me I think it was towards the end of April . But that’s cool as heck! We are similar for sure , it’s that resonance which is rare for me to experience outside this forum ?

Absolutely! I totally relate to this gradual unraveling but you calling it “progress to total surrender” is lowkey an idea you have about it rather than what it is what if the next step in this “process of total surrender” is the dying of the idea that you are on this process ? Not that you aren’t on any process at all but that this idea you have of it isn’t what it is…. It can be veeeeeery unpredictable how this unfolds this process to a shocking degree so just saying What’s more scary to you? facing “insanity” or missing out on what you imagine is the happiness and awakening that will come if you don’t continue on this “path” ? Maybe the main resistance you’re trying to dissolve isn’t mostly about what you imagine it to be about . It can be very unpredictable as I said

Maybe it’s the opposite sometimes. You trying to make yourself do those things is making you tired? Not that one shouldn’t be disciplined, but that sometimes we might get fixed on certain ideas and create fixed routines about what’s good for us vs not that comes from society and past experience. But the way the body/mind produces energy is maybe more spontaneous than that so by sticking to strict routine we are not really following this process directly but rather just living by some routine created by a fixed belief system so not in touch with direct experience . If that makes any sense

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The paradox of what you described, is that you can’t fear it. It’s impossible. You can’t fear total surrender because then that is not total surrender. You see the paradox? How your mind is tricking you? Anything you fear is something particular your mind is imagining- something specific. You can’t fear “the end of it all “ as you don’t know what that is, you can’t imagine it. “this process feels like going insane” I relate to you but once again that’s still traces of the same mind and knowing that’s left … so never the “end of it all” as that would include the end of that fearful mind …

Wow wow. I am amazed that you shared this. In a way I have so much I could say here. First of all. What you describe as this state of too much grip on mind - you are essentially describing my default state of being throughout my entire life leading up to my awakening. Essentially this “grip” on my mind getting stronger and stronger, mind getting faster and faster as you describe, to reach an absolutely insane climax. For me then suddenly out of nowhere being completely released from it all thanks to this permanent awakening/shift. And keep in mind, I have never used psychedelics. Feeling like I have zero grounding in actuality or physical reality (which I imagined the “normal state” was) all I know is just my own perception/mind. this normal forward thinking style you describe- let me tell you, it was never really common to me, but rather a part of my own imagination that I’ve imaged other people to experience. Again part of my own mind that I had such a grip on. when you say “knowing what other people were” could you elaborate what you mean by that? I used to experience how I could exactly imagine others experiences or the way they operate or something idk. Once again part of my own imagination . And how in a way I couldn’t interact with anyone or experience anything real as it was all part of my own perception or something interesting that you say that fear is what stabilized you back to “normal”. That is something I used to wonder about - how a lot of people seem afraid to “go into” their mind too much. I never experienced that, only as a child when this was new to me, but the thing is - when something is your default state , which it was all the way back to my childhood, you have no other choice but to get comfortable with it or you’ll suffer endlessly. So I used it to my advantage instead and stopped fearing it all together. As you did, I started to LOVE it! Which is what made this grip stronger and stronger! Becuase I engaged in it, more and more, went into it, more and more, so everything became my own mind in a way. And I was completely stuck yet loved it the most and knew nothing else! but something was still off, something was not stable about it. Something wasn’t right . There was something dissatisfying about it. Somewhere deep down I intuited, there must be something else; something that isn’t whatever this is. Some other way of experiencing life. This can’t be all there is. But I couldn’t possibly know what this was, as everything was in a way part of this mind thing. Then boom one day I was standing in my kitchen and this indescribable shift happened, “awakening” one might say. Absolutely indescribable. Had me ugly crying for days, And it was the end- the end of this madness. I was released from it permanently. It brings me to tears to think back to that exact moment in the kitchen. Permanent indescribable existential relief like nothing else. you response was in a way confirming what I’ve intuited/imagined “the other side” aka normal side to be. Lol thanks but I would say to you - question this assumption about it being “the truth”. That makes it sound like something else is false or something idk, as if it’s not just another way of experiencing reality of something. I don’t know tho! For me, I don’t understand it fully looking back at it now that it’s over. I don’t understand what the permanent shift was too, it’s all still new to me as it happened two months ago. But understanding can grow over time perhaps. Interesting you say fear of this “insanity “ blocks awakening. Perhaps. It was like - if you go into this mind thing and embraced it so fully, to the point everything becomes it in a way, so you know no way out of it - as any attempt to get out is still happening within it . So the only way out is for something else to release you from it - this “awakening”. Because you couldn’t do it yourself as you have fully given yourself up to this mind thing - which is what I would say it was for me ??‍♀️ But honestly no need to fear it. You can still be “functional “ while in it, in my experience. bless you!!

I agree with you?? There can be this natural need in us to understand something from the bottom up before we move on to the next thing - (I’ve read this can be connected to autism which is interesting to me) which can as you say be seen as a waste of time from the point of view of others who’s brains work differently. in school I find the pace is a lot of the time too fast and too many topics at once for one to have time to gain deep understanding of things, unless someone naturally understands quickly which we all don’t! A weakness of the system for sure. A lot gets very superficial

What makes you think they’d all not just go lesbian lol

Insanity is a pretty broad term. What specifically about it is problem for you? What does “losing grip on your mind and self” entail for you? btw interesting post. Helps me understand more because I’ve never related to this fear much

Now u making me wanna do it damn . Tnx

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Hence the quotation marks ? but good point! The body has natural self correcting tendency

What was the quote may I ask ?

Love this. “Working” on health can be very mystical. It’s so much deeper than how it’s conveyed mainstream . It’s not just this physical thing. The mind, energy, perception it’s all involved and intimately connected

I relate to you regarding being a saver and I’ve had a little troubles with family regarding money. what I have realized myself is that this frustration, fear and negativity is not caused by their behavior, but rather it is coming from my own insecurity/lack of trust in my own ability to communicate with these people and set boundaries .

Yea that’s understandable. Those things you do for your health tho like you said obsessively , do you do them because youre drawn to it or more do you believe they will be healthy for you so you do them no matter if you’re in the mood or not for it

Maybe you’re doing things because you believe you should somehow rather than being naturally attracted to it, then you would have like needless energy for it

Sure

So I have this neck hump right. And I’ve suffered from it for years, by it causing severe muscle tension leading to jaw and tmj pain etc. As I’ve become more aware of my body I have noticed clearly that this is not a soft curve that can be corrected through exercises and good posture. Those have gotten rid of the pain yes but haven’t moved the curve as it is my spine causing it. The main problem I have noticed is that my thoracic spine lacks proper curvature, causing the curve to be compensated for higher up creating the neck hump. I went to a physiotherapist recently and he confirmed all my suspicions. Nothing he told me was new to me. There is no way this neck hump can correct itself if my thoracic spine stays lacking in curve like this. It’s not physiologically possible through my own independent scientific analysis. I wonder, is there any way to create more curve in it? I’ve googled and I’ve seen different movements and stretches but they don’t seem strong enough. I’ve tried my own semi psychotic methods such as pressing on my chest to try to force the spine back, laying on a ball on my chest for the same reason, moving my spine in weird directions, violently pressing on it etc, all to try to induce this curve, but damn it is rock solid. So I’m asking here as I suspect crazy people like me might exist here who might have some ideas to share. Anyone knows? Cmon I’m trying to have a sexy spine for my soon up coming vacation. How hard can it be…. I will be seeing chiropractor after and hopefully he can help me but my patience is running out I can’t live one more day with this subhuman deformity y’all ?

Preach. And part of this awareness is also being able to sense when something is a belief/mental . So who knows maybe something is unhealthy in FACT, but how you experience and relate to that, wether that’s a belief or actuality requires awareness to recognize , lol or am I completely off here

Wow wow. I can’t convey to you in words how deeply this resonated with me. You posted this at just the right time. It’s what I’ve been intuiting all along and I thought I was the crazy one…. I thought I was the one who was confused this is extremely profound . Thanks for sharing this gold, bless u from the bottom of my heart

Now that you mention. Maybe it’s time for me to try yoga after all. There must be a reason so many in spiritual communities talk about it

What is this “real” mathematics called? . I’m a highly visual thinker but struggled with the math in school and have thought its not my strong suit but now since you made that distinction it got me curious.

Interesting observation! my spontaneous thoughts : people of “lower consciousness “, since their ego is more “dense” they cling more hard to certain beliefs and ways of thinking. This is direct limitation to their intelligence as intelligence requires openness to be able to blossom and develop otherwise it is tied and limited to whatever suits the persons identity and survival if that makes sense. So the mind is bound up instead of being more loose and free to make connections etc So perhaps it is the opposite - higher awareness/enlightenment leading to more intelligence instead of higher intelligence leading to higher awareness /greater chance for enlightenment ??

Beautiful. Have thought about this too recently, you put it into words elegantly.