Sugarcoat

If it was that easy to just drop my self

Me 😉

You mean people can think they had awakenings but it’s actually something relative they experienced? I myself one time I remember I have done some self inquiry and nothing happened, then one night I did it spontaneously and just asked myself “where is the I” and tried to locate it and I couldn’t for a brief moment it was cool. As you say though, it was a long time ago and I’m not fully sure if it was actually a glimpse or not. I could have conflated it with something else

You also speak your own language 😂

Still don’t know what you mean by potential but it’s fine 😂

“Do you want to exist or not” was kinda funny for some reason. I’d like to see how no self is. “But you really don’t want to, or you would have” . My desire for enlightenment isn’t super strong so you have a point there

I don’t really get what you mean by it’s all potential

It’s almost like you speak your own language

Why do you say it’s not an illusion? it’s difficult indeed

Illusion trying to look for end of itself

that’s great you managed to “see” that.

I just thought to myself today. Isn’t it crazy how something that is supposedly supposed to be the truth, that there is no self, no separation, is so damn hard to “see”? The thing that’s supposed to be so obvious. How could an illusion be so strong 99.9 % of people are under it. It’s crazy

Is there something you’d consider the number one thing you did?

That’s great you managed to realize that!

Thanks for the tips. May I ask if you’ve had awakenings etc?

I guess that’s the goal

As I wrote in my original post I have experienced a lot of shedding of the layers to the ego because of this thing I call “self concentration” maybe it’s similar to what you describe, maybe not. But I have not yet experienced full ego death (except one time I’m not fully sure but I had some kind of glimpse it seems) so that’s what I’m shooting for. I think I can somehow understand what you mean.

Some people associate enlightenment with bliss . And they ask themselves if it comes with endless bliss. Am I the only one who doesn’t care about bliss or happiness. I would be very pleased with a constant “neutrality”. I just don’t wanna suffer, that’s all. Maybe some will say this kind of thinking, in terms of how enlightenment will benefit “me” is precisely what’s standing in the way of it. Maybe, maybe not, but I just can’t help myself to think this way. I don’t think it does harm, it’s natural to wonder for oneself what something mysterious like enlightenment would entail. And as long as there is a “me” sense here it will wonder how it will benefit oneself, even if enlightenment means the end of that very “me”

What do you mean flipped 180 degrees?

“Contemplating by watching from where I’m watching” So observing oneself? Like self inquiry. Attention on self.

Why you say it’s inferior? Is that present moment contemplation you mentioned superior? I used to be all about my ideal self from morning to night literally, as you say but then something happened to change that. Now to be honest I’m only into this enlightenment thing because I wanna end my suffering that’s it really. But yes you’re right I have to make it top priority to get anywhere. I will try. It’s not what I’ve been into in my life before.

Can cbd be used for spiritual purpose? I have some at home and can’t take psychedelics

I’m gonna start meditating so I’ll see how much I do during my free time. The longest I’ve done in past is 3 hours. 8 hours damn that’s intense but I bet it gave great results . Thanks for the tip.

I’m content with neutrality as I said

Damn over 50 years. What is your baseline state today?