Second and Third Shroom Trip, questions about what happened to me
I recently got into Leos work and YouTube channel. I have since been devouring his content. I had been wanting to take shrooms for a while to experience the insanity that is tripping. so I had my first trip with my friend trip sitting me. this trip was nothing special. just a half dose for me at 1.6 grams. mainly visuals and good body sensations.
the second trip is where it got really interesting. this time I was alone entirely in my house and dedicated to realizing my true nature as god. My aim going into this trip was to realize what I really was and have an awakening. so I took 1.8 grams this time, I tried a tea this time so I didn't get so sick, and it helped a lot. on the come up it was nothing special I just started to feel a bit sick and then realized I needed to take my mind off of being sick. so I went and played piano for a bit. after that I had to use the restroom so I went and sat. during my time in the bathroom I realized that I was the same as my uncle. I was siting the same way as him, laughing like he laughs. from there it kicked my mind into high gear thinking about all the things that were me. the floor, the sink, the air, my friends and family. I then went into my bedroom to continue thinking about these things. I realized that I had crafted every moment of my life to bring me to the realization I was experiencing at that exact moment. and that it was all beautiful and perfect in every way. from there I kept realizing more and more things that were me and loving all of them. I realized that it would be stupid to tell anyone about what was happening to me because they already knew and I am them. i also realized that i would eventually come back down after the shrooms and experience life again as normal and as duality.
now i want to know. what was this experience. was it as simple as having a samadhi (a dissolution between self and other) and now I have a reference for the path to enlightenment? was i temporarily in a higher consciousness state only because of the shrooms and I cant reach that without them for the time being? can I raise my consciousness to that level and keep it there indefinitely without drugs? is that what enlightenment is?
now on to the Third trip to add a little more pattern recognition here.
this time was perfect as far as nausea goes. i wasn't nauseous at all for the whole time. i took 2.1 grams this time (2/3 of my normal dose) and i had some strange ideas occur. 1. i felt like i was getting dragged into thought loops over and over and that i couldn't control my mind anymore (exactly like smoking too much weed). i felt like i needed to become more dutiful and get more willpower to be able to thrive on those trips and really focus on what i need to. i kept rolling around in my mind trying to get myself to focus on what i wanted which was realizing that i am god and how i am creating reality. after doing this for a while i gave up and started listening to music. had a nice time. then i realized i needed to work out and become more physically fit. i started working out, and worked out for a whole 30 minutes which is usually not something i do as of recent. then i started to clean all the dishes in the sink. and there was a shit ton. during cleaning i listened to an episode of Leos. it was something about realizing that you are god. during this video I had another awakening or what felt like it. i realized that all time was an illusion and I had pre determined everything that was going to happen. and it was all amazing and exactly how it should be. including the murders and rapes and everything in existence. i started looking at the sponge i was using while leo described the sponge and i realized that while i was messing with the sponge and bubbles it was exactly what had to happen a this point. all sense of ownership over me doing something stopped. and instead it was just what reality was, it was just bound to happen.
so now the meta theories i have about these experiences
1. I had taken way too much weed a few days prior and i think it messed with my trip in that the trip was just like the weed high. couldn't get out of the thought loops that kept cropping back up.
did I take too much or is this what's supposed to happen? should I take more? should I up my discipline by working out losing weight and eating healthy? was my mind tumbling because it isn't cleansed of heavy metals and I'm not in tip top shape?
2. I keep having realizations when the shrooms shouldn't be at their most potent and I should still have some ego remaining. why is this?
3. if I am really realizing I am god during these trips, why isn't it remaining afterwards, why cant I access it easily after the trip and how can i get back to these insights?
4. should I not try 5-meo until I can control myself on shrooms or is controlling my mind not an option at all on higher doses of shrooms and 5-Meo
5. is 5-meo a good way to supercharge my spiritual and enlightenment journey when I am still fresh to this stuff? should I start soon or wait longer?
I have been doing self inquiry now for a few days and I'm not trying to rush or anything, but I can tell that it feels like I'm a little better at this stuff than most since I am going kind of quickly and my mind is extremely open. or maybe I am deluding myself and what I experienced on shrooms further put me into the delusion of me believing I am god, instead of me really experiencing it? since I probably still had some ego left.
Anyways I just wanted some input on this. I know I am new to this journey, I am so insanely interested in this stuff it feels like I could never stop pursuing it since it is just absolute truth. I wont stop till I watch every Leo video, read the books on his list and more, and really embody what it is I am grasping at right now.
any insights would be appreciated and if you read this @Leo Gura I am so happy that the trail of breadcrumbs we left can lead us to true self love <3
