beckycox

I agree! A video on shadow work would be amazing.

I have been looking into this myself over the past few days below are some vids I have found which were helpful. (They do speak about meditation but I think this is the best way to cultivate it). Ill post if I find anything else interesting on my search!

Your honesty is beautiful. You have wholly inspired me to read this book. I'm excited for the challenge :-)

Sometimes quality not quantity is key with obtaining knowledge. You need to give yourself time to relax, you'll learn better and faster when you do apply yourself if you do. Remember your brain is like a muscle, it needs rest sometimes like everything else. You could set yourself 'on' and 'off' times. I set a certain number of hours in my day for reading/studying etc, and then a certain number of hours a day to relax. That way I don't feel like I'm slacking because I know I've done my bit for the day! Your journey will be more enjoyable if you're your own best friend, rather than if you're your own taskmaster!

Also, in your first post you said about attractive guys, why would they "bother to heal me" - no one can heal you, that has to come from you completely. You'll get there

I think you have hit the nail right on the head there by realising that it ultimately comes down to caring too much about what other people think- work on this, and your self esteem, and everything else should start to align. Focus on the root cause rather than the 'symptom'. Watch Leo's video on 'How to stop caring what people think', if you haven't already. But I would highly recommend reading 'Come As You Are' by Emily Nagoski. I used to have so many hang-ups around sex but this book completely debunked my beliefs and has left me so empowered. Even if you're not too sure what was the catalyst for the way you feel now about sex, she goes through everything which could have had an effect so you may find a teaching or explain action which really resonates with you. The most important thing she teaches is that, with women, we mainly get turned on by our MINDS, not our bodies; therein lies the key to achieving a happy, healthy attitude to sex. There are so many little gems of life lessons which you can apply to every day too. Honestly, I can't sing the praises of this book enough, it's incredible. Sex should be fun and enjoyable for everyone involved- never "force" yourself to have sex. If it was me in your shoes, I would deprioritise sex unless i knew I wholly wanted to and knew I was going to (at least work on/ try to) enjoy the experience, every time you do otherwise you are reaffirming your negative beliefs, and you're worth more than that! But that is just my opinion, you have to do what feels right, but most importantly what feels GOOD for you.

I found this TED Talks video recently and i feel it may be helpful for understanding addiction - https://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_you_know_about_addiction_is_wrong?language=en it has changed the way I feel about addiction; as humans we want/need to bond, in an ideal world that would be through loving, meaningful relationships with friends, family, our partner etc. If that option isn't available to us freely then we will look for other things to 'bond' with, sometimes that thing is drugs and/or alcohol. If you view your behaviour as an addiction there is something quite despersonalising about your experience, like it is something inflicted on you, like emotional detachment mentioned earlier in this thread. If you think instead that you have bonded with something, something which is hurting you, it may change your perspective on where you choose to direct your love and attention, and hopefully give you back an element of control, or at least some understanding on why your journey has brought you here. I agree with all other posts that the best thing you can do is to work on your relationships with people, and focus on anything which may be preventing this, to try and find the support you need release this bond and redirect your energy to something more fulfilling and life affirming. Good luck with your rehab. Much love.

@Ayla @Kelley White @Dhana Choko Thank you all deeply for your kind words and your incredible insight. You're right in that I do need to stop thinking about my thinking and just go with the flow. I feel that I have misplaced my want for control over the external to a want for control over the internal, I will work on letting this go. Thank you again for helping me to see (and feel) clearly. Much love.

I agree with your recent realisation but be careful not to 'fake it' too much or your relationships will not be built on honesty and you'll find it tricky to maintain. Be mindful that by even telling yourself that you 'don't know how', like in your first post, could be what's holding you back. Don't make it a process, it just is. Inter-personal relationships is something that comes instinctively to all of us so try to take the thinking process out of it. Trust yourself that youll know what to do when the opportunity arises. Every solid relationship I've had has always come to me without me making a conscious effort to find it, sometimes when you stop looking is when you find answers. Let go of the need/ want and you'll find that it will happen naturally without any force or intervention on your part.

Hi all My Mum is currently terminally ill, she has been battling cancer for the past 5 years but in August 2015 we found out she had a brain tumour. She had surgery to remove it but she was then told there are no further treatments available to her on the NHS and that she only had three months left to live. My family and I spoke with various doctors and came across a treatment which was only available privately so we worked our butts off to raise £75k for her to get this treatment. She had the treatment in November but we found out in January that it didn't work. Over the past few weeks she has started acting 'strange' again so my family and I are pretty certain she has another tumour in her brain meaning things aren't looking great for the immediate future. i had started my self actualisation process at the beginning of last year but couldn't dedicate much time to it in the second half of the year because of fundraising etc, but have picked it up in a big way over the past few months to try and help myself navigate through this minefield of emotion and pain. Most specifically I have been trying to work on effectively processing my emotions, so when I feel the gravity of the situation, I feel it fully rather than block it or run from it. I listen to a lot of Buddhist talks and I understand that 'want is the cause of all suffering', in my case I don't want my Mum to die, so I have been trying to relinquish this want and have been making effort to accept what is happening, as much as it isn't fair, knowing that my negative feelings will not influence the situation in anyway so it is better to let those feelings go. I have been using the Sedona Method (although I'm only half way through the book) and I do feel like it has helped, but now my concern is that I am almost too numb. I'm questioning whether this is my ego shielding me from what is really happening by putting on a 'self actualisation' mask, I'm not completely convinced this isn't a kind of denial on some level. I guess because I have never known what it is like to have a silent mind (I have long battled with an overactive monkey mind, depression and anxiety) I think now that I have one to a degree it has unnerved me. I always thought that when the darker parts of my mind quietend that it would be replaced by 'love and light', but it just feels like nothing has taken its place. Is this normal? Could it be that I have done it correctly but I am not able to access that 'love and light' because, despite my emotional training, this is still a stupidly, incredibly crappy thing that is happening to my family so I'm not exactly going to feel great?! It isn't depression, I know that for sure, I still laugh sometimes, and I still cry sometimes when it hits me, but I process it the best I can, and most of the time I feel nothing. i hope that not too many people have been in the same situation verbatim (my heart goes out to you if you have), but does anyone have any advice on how to recognise whether it is in fact denial and this is my ego at play 'protecting' me from what is happening or, when you do manage to quieten your mind, is it right that nothing comes in to replace it? Thanks for reading my essay aka therapy session!