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@Nexeternity Sweet! Great poetry too! Really enjoyed it a lot. Let me ask you about how you see this problem i'm having, if i could. The first time i experienced the self as nothing more than a conceptualizing illusion, i felt like a freaking ghost. There was suddenly no "Me" to conceptualize anything. Everything up until that moment was always experienced as being "Me" inhabiting "My" body, and conceptualizing, everything. The biggest conceptualization of all , of course, was that there existed an "I" in this body to do the conceptualizing in the first place. That was the granddaddy of all conceptualizations. I feel a little schizophrenic now because I"m not enlightened. Two worlds exist, so to speak. Mind vs. no mind. There is a morphing between the two at best. When I fall back into an unawaken state. i slip and think that there is an "I" inhabiting this body, It's like a self induced hallucination of "Me". But how to stay in that state of no-self and awakened at all times? Like right now. It's "Me" thinking these thoughts and hitting these keys. This is all a hallucination of "me" happening, but what remains to know that? I keep falling back into the hallucination that there is someone here doing this. My biggest question has always been, WHAT REMAINS? It's like there is something here that shouldn't be. What's up with that? The "I" should have turned to complete ashes and smoke. Enlightenment must be amazing! Well no, that's not right, there would be no one to be amazed when enlightened. Any suggestions that could help would be greatly appreciated. I feel like a ghost in the machine since. *You like poetry, You may be well familiar with this one by Walt Whitman "I must not be awake, for everything looks to me as it has never before. Or else, I'm awake for the first time and everything that was before was just a dream"

@Falk I'm sitting here for a while now with hardly a sense of self. I'm noticing that what is happening is that the mind is moving in and out of the known. When there is no known, there is only awareness within silence. It feels like total emptiness within this space. Freedom from the known. I'm observing the two in contrast to each other. And it's a pretty stark contrast too. The mind is full of shit one second- than the mind is totally empty. There is no in between. *Just wanted to share something that seems to be meaningful in the moment. It probably won't mean a thing in an hour from now.

@Falk When you start feeling this way, this may be part of the process working? Maybe try banging into that feeling of "this is useless" over and over like hitting a solid wall again and again and see what happens. Any process that causes the mind to surrender is a good process. Usually that happens when the mind gets frustrated and finally gives in. Again, I'm not all that familiar with self-inquiry and how it works so other's advise may be better.

@Falk Thanks, I just read that. It seems to break the mind of all questions. Almost like a koan would do? I once experienced a state of consciousness where all questions ceased to exist. That was but one of the aspects of that experience. Any question became totally redundant to even think of or ask. I remember that experience well so when my mind starts asking to many questions, I think of that place where all questions become meaningless. A deep calm and stillness within the mind is all that remains. This may be what self-inquiry tries to accomplish.

@Falk Personally, I haven't done much self inquiry work so I can't be to helpful with that. Have you seen Leo's Neti-Neti video yet? I would think that would bring similar progress as self-inquiry would. I just watched it for the first time and thought it was excellent.

" used drugs for a different purpose and experienced something unexpected that lead me here"

@Leo Gura What the hell, I think I may give it a try once at some point. Totally by my own choice of course. Different perspectives can't hurt at all. There was a story that someone famous was visiting their guru in India. Maybe it was Ram Dass? Shit, I forgot. Anyway, he gave his guru a tab of acid. He took it and sat there for hours seemingly un-phased by the experience. Then he asked the guru hours later what he thought. He said "enlightenment came to India through meditation and spirituality. Enlightenment has now come to the west through the physical form of a chemical because in the west, they are a civilization that relies on the physical ".

@Nickinicki343 Years ago I worked with a guy who practiced meditation and was also a vegetarian. If I was going to the deli for a sandwich for lunch and he wanted something too, it was a cheese sandwich only. He would tell me to make sure they didn't slice the cheese on the same slicer that they used for the meat. He was very adamant about that. One day I asked him why he felt so strongly about not eating meat. He said, when the animal is slaughtered it's body tissue retains a memory of that stressful event and he wanted no parts of that. It was also a moral thing too to for him not eat meat/animals. That was just bad karma. So I guess it all what you believe in.

@Emerald Wilkins This is interesting. Way different?

I have experienced something in this area. Azrael mentioned lucid dreaming, this is what I was doing at the time. I was aware enough within the lucid dreaming state that I could move through space at will. I was suddenly floating past galaxy's and planets and suns and totally aware of everything that was passing in front of me. It seemed so real..... or maybe I should say it seemed to take on it's own reality. I have also been into astronomy for a long time and I seen many images of deep space. I'm pretty sure???? that it was just my mind pulling up memories and placing them within that semi dream state. But it was really cool anyhow.! Now this is something else that I experienced. When I had my first "no-self" or transcendence of self experience, I could feel awareness projected out in front of me. Not like remote viewing or an OBE or something. I could not see from that projected place. But something that always resided at my body location, was suddenly on the other side of the room. I can't even say what that was for sure. But I could feel it. Something happened. It took my by surprise, I never expected anything like that to happen.

@Emerald Wilkins Is our ultimate desire is to become non-existent. To completely vanish without a trace? That would be true bliss because there would be no "you" to have an experience of any kind. Someday we will all find our way home and become pure emptiness again. But for now, here we are. Kicking around on this rock and having experiences of all colors shapes and forms as the manifestation of emptiness. When you see everything from the perspective of non-existence, you can also see by comparison that one experience is really no different than any other. They all happen within this realm of existence and here they will stay.

Thanks for sharing! This is interesting too. I think of this as representing the raw ego.. Sorry for the small image.

@Ranz Kafka Don't feel this way. There is always you and everything that is meaningful to you. "You" would be everything in every way. Enlightenment is nothing new to you. You know it very well already. You just "think" you don't. It's a remembering of what you truly are. This realization is like finding your way home after a long journey only to find that you never left. Enlightenment is a shared space that everything happens within. It surrounds you always In the stillness of the now moment. Reconnect with what you truly are through stillness of mind and you will remember in ways the mind can't imagine. It's a home coming. Nothing wrong with that at all.

@Cuzzo Yea, the mind suddenly jumps in and asks , "what the hell was that?". Been there many times before. That's all part of the territory. After a while you can learn to override the mind and just let it happen. One thought and your back to being "you" again. It will loosen up with practice. Keep at it!

@Baul Mooji explains this nicely in the first 15 mins. of this satsang. "mind can't help you here"

@Cuzzo It sounds as if you had a taste of no ego self. You tasted truth. Could you surrender to that the next time it happens? Could you let go and put all trust in something much greater than self? "The day I jumped off was the day I touched down" Alanis Morissette

@FirstglimpseOMG Try some fresh fruit and do the same with that as you did the coffee. It's amazing when you truly taste fruit with a full presence. It's like you can taste the sunshine, the air, the earth, the nature in it. Amazing! The reason I was asking about your experience of time was, yesterday all concepts of time fell away. I was experiencing time, as I am now hitting each key stroke one after another, thinking each thought, feeling each emotion, each movement happens within time. I was thinking how everything we do is governed by time in the physical realm. But all that suddenly fell away. It became only the predicament of everything that is happening and the concept of time ends there. Outside of "happening" there exists no time. Time was seen as being relative only and not absolute. I would shift between the two, time, no time and back again. You mentioned infinity. It's funny you should say that. A friend stopped over yesterday afternoon. He mentioned something about not understanding how anyone would ever desire to be eternal. Eternity when seen from the experience of time only, time never ending sounds almost hellish. But for what is eternal or infinite, than it must exist beyond the confines of time and space. A million years or one blink of the eye would be no different. The same with infinity. The smallest distance would be no different than an unfathomable distance. This is breaking down the mental concepts. Those concepts fell away yesterday stronger than ever and it's pretty amazing to say the least. Yes, concepts are applicable to everyday life. But they also need to be transcended at the same time. A ruler is a great tool for measuring distance. A clock is a great tool for measuring the passing of time. But we should not allow constructs to define what we truly are. I left a reply yesterday on another post. I stated " We are all doing time with a capital "T". And yes, if you are reading these words as I am also typing them, this is all happening within time. I think Albert Einstein said it best when he said "Time is an illusion, albeit a very persistent one".

@FirstglimpseOMG Has the concept of time changed for you since your awakening? I was just wondering how you feel about that now.

We're all doing time with a capital "T"

@Mppdidi I have no proof. That's the glitch. hehe

@FirstglimpseOMG That's what they get for not keeping their dogma on a leash.....

@rush That's not what I personally do. I place awareness on the in breath and out breath. If the mind does wander, as it surely will, I bring the awareness gently back to my point of focus, (the breath). Over time that helps to build good concentration, attention span and focus of mind. Also as that is practiced over time a silence of mind or stillness will also become more evident and that just feels darn good. That's my 2 cents worth anyway. Enjoy!

Your mind is not willing to let go of you than. This is the very thing that causes the fears and doubts because there is a conflict within you. You may have tasted the liberation from self but yet you hold on to self at the same time. Liberation comes only after the mind is let go of. Any resistance and holding on can cause paranoia from the conflict and could become Hellish. There is no going half way in this work. At some point you will have to make a choice, hold on to mind with all it's false doubts and fears, or let it go completely. Are you prepared to go all the way for a higher purpose? In Zen there is a saying, It's like having a red hot iron ball stuck in your throat, do you swallow it, or do you spit it out? This is good ! You are going to need to put all your inner faith into something that you may not trust at this moment. A faith that there is something much greater beyond mind and self. Are you willing to unconditionally trust? Only your faith in a higher purpose will carry you through to liberation from self. It's almost like there are dues to be paid first. You need to prove to yourself that you are truly worthy of something greater by giving it all up. Every last bit. Like the moth before the flame. If I may suggest, build on that faith until it gets stronger. And when you are ready, only than let yourself go and surrender. Trust that faith will carry you through when the time is right.

@FirstglimpseOMG Same here! I never experienced anything like that until I let it all go, than everything changed. It shown me something that I only understood on an intellectual level but never experienced directly. That's a day I'll never forget. I see now that you could do all kinds of meditation practices, and possibly for years and not get very far. But when you apply the all important total surrender of self, that's when things really start to happen.

@FirstglimpseOMG Physics breaks down the gross reality of objects to the point where you finally say to yourself, " wow, everything I thought I understood of reality has been wrong". Here is one fun fact for instance, Anti- matter time runs in the opposite direction as matter time. Could you imagine what would happen if the two should ever meet? Look out! haha But getting into physics is a good way of loosening your grip on what you may have took for granted as being a firm, cozy, stable existence. Everything is really in a state of flux. A space of probabilities only and no certainties what so ever. At CERN they have a statue of the Dancing Shiva Nataraja at the operation center. How appropriate. The lord of destruction and creation, holding a delicate balance between the two. "I want to know how God created this world. I am not interested in this or that phenomenon, in the spectrum of this or that element. I want to know his thoughts. The rest are details." Einstein