eTorro

Yes. I was "playing" toxic at work by ignoring women. I was testing them. I was so indifferent to them. And paradoxically, they all flock to me. Why? Being toxic stimulates their emotions, challenging their self-image, and how much they are worth. I think women get so much attention from men nowadays that if they stumble upon one that's indifferent to them, they immediately think that the guy is worth considering. Toxic men or attractive men aren't better than non-attractive men. Women are always finding that out. Relying on chemistry and emotions solely is wrong.

We can't blame family members even if they're mean or too judgmental. That's the truth. We can use various people to teach ourselves how not to be. If they are abusive—some family members are bullies—we can train ourselves not to react and continue to remain calm no matter what. Keeping our cool under pressure is a form of mind training that leads to mastery of mind.

I agree. If you're not speaking from an ego point of view, there's no judgment. Nothing bothers you whatsoever.

That's not an issue for me. The only disappointment is that they think of themselves as better human beings. And they look at you with an air of superiority. They're family members, and that's puzzling to me. Just because you don't want to become a millionaire, that doesn't mean you are an inferior human being, or less capable than them, or less intelligent. That's what I don't get—what's wrong with people? And it is with others, too—people who come to the workplace and own businesses have that attitude, where they think of themselves as better human beings. You can sense that by the way they interact with you and with other people in their class. They treat human beings differently. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised; perhaps that's the modern world?

Because I wasn't able to concentrate—I had a scattered mind, and when I was trying to read a paragraph, I was getting hyperactive. The moment I started to read a sentence, frustration bubbled up to the point of becoming extremely hyperactive. It's that type of inner mental pain where your body starts to blush and overheat. In other words, I couldn't focus at all. Reading was mentally painful—so mentally painful. Also, I couldn't write. I was almost illiterate. I had so many issues that I can't describe them all. Social anxiety, awkwardness, lack of energy, depression, and other issues. I had to go through "mental fire" to purge all that crap. I had to force myself to focus, let go, and continue to surrender emotions, feelings, negative thoughts, neurotic patterns, shame, sadness, and so forth. It took me five years to notice a bit of progress, and I kept going. After seven years, I got the point of being able to write, read books, not lose my cool at my job, and basically be at ease with myself among people. I had many barriers, and it's almost difficult to explain because it was really intense—for example, people couldn't tolerate my awkwardness and my self-consciousness issues; it made them so uncomfortable. Just my presence made them uncomfortable. I had to solve a lot of crap. That is because I'm coming from a family of alcoholics and depressed mothers. Abandonment issues, trauma, violence, and so forth. But I don't see myself as a victim. I had to overcome lots of crap. Also, I had sleep apnea from an early age, and I was mouth brething. I never got into deep-sleep phases, so I was always tired, but tired to the point of being exhausted. I thought it was normal. So I had to pursue spirituality and awakening, and deconstruct all that neurotic, suicidal pain.

I'm working. I have a nine-to-five job. I have a piece of bread on the table and I don't struggle when it comes to paying the bills. I'm not a burden because I'm taking care of myself. I never ask for free money or anything free. I earn stuff. I'm living a simple life. That's an issue for my family members in the sense that they judge me for not striving to make six figures. What's wrong with that? Only asking. It's not an issue if I can't afford going on a vacation. I simply enjoy a peaceful life. If I were to go for a business, or anything, that would take an enormous amount of time, huge stress, and it would not be fulfilling. I'd rather have a job that I enjoy rather than burning myself out just to make millions. And family members don't appreciate that. That's why I'm asking. The spiritual path is not appreciated.

Hi. After years of consciousness work, I got to a point of clarity. I call it 'mind mastery.' I deconstructed lots of neurosis; anger, impatience, and whatever is of the ego. I saw Leo's Instagram reel about mastering your mind. Now that I have more clarity, I realized that I don't have to play the game of finances that much. I have family members who do just that, and they're very judgmental. If you're not making money, they secretly see you as incapable or not bright. They judge based on financial success. A family member told me to make money. They've been following me for years, and they sense that my values system changed. They notice I'm not longer hyper-active and insecure. They notice the level of calmness. But a thought has been torturing me: "Even though you become conscious, healthy, and strong, they won't respect you if you're not making money." And that's true. I sensed their judgement towards me. This is not a condemnation on my part, but I want to ask how should I deal with it. Because it does happen. Everything is seen through the lens of money, especially if you have business people in the family. To them, you're not worthy of respect if you're not forcing yourself to make money. But I don't care about money that much at the level of clarity. Thoughts?

Yes, but the issue is that I do not memorize concepts. That said, when I'm making a YouTube video or film for the sake of testing my skills, words come up, but a deep insecurity lies beneath, in the sense that I'm not a master of the skill. Even though I do it right, I don't feel like I'm mastering it, and I'm confident in it. Why?

But can't you give us a link, please?

I'm incoherent. Sometimes it's easier, and sometimes words just won't come. Murky mind? Or maybe I did not memorize enough or contemplate enough for a deeper understanding. I'm the only one who can figure that out, and I WILL.

Damn! You bombed here. Deeper understanding is the key. Thanks.

I agree with you. Thanks. I am doing it.

@Leo Gura, okay. I am doing it. Thanks. No more questions; just action. I appreciate it! If you can make a video about articulating understanding, do it. It would be helpful. Even if it's 30 minutes in length. Or one hour. All the tips and tricks, vocabulary, striving, etc.—it would hel, man.

I get you! I have a similar issue, especially when I interact with people. I get so uncomfortable that they get so cringe around me. I love talking to people, but that uncomfortableness makes them uneasy around me. That's because my childhood was harsh. Alcoholic father, no money, and no parenting. I do not blame my parents—they didn't know any better. I have many traumas that I am doing my best to address, but it takes decades. Or at least a decade of work. So what? I am doing it.

I am trying my best, but I get the sense that I'm doing something wrong because I didn't focus on building my vocabulary. I'm only forcing myself to come up with ideas without memorizing or reading too much. Perhaps stretching my memory muscles would be a benefit? Or something essential? When it comes to writing, it's easier for me to put words on paper—I don't feel pressured. On the other hand, when it comes to speaking in front of a camera, there's huge pressure, and it's different from writing. There's no time to be eloquent since I can make mistakes. And I am making mistakes. Writing allows me to pause, but in front of the camera, I cannot pause that much.