eTorro

I agree. I experienced some heavy things, but I wasn't scared of any. I faced all the sh*t. I was letting go of it until my mind calmed down. If anyone struggles with the dark side of meditation, ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT THERE IS A WAY OUT. DON'T GIVE UP HOPE. KEEP LETTING GO, RELAX, AND KEEP IN MIND THAT THE HEAVY STUFF WILL PASS. YOUR MIND WILL RESET ITSELF. DON'T BELIEVE THE ONES WHO SAY THAT THERE IS NO WAY OUT. HEALING IS ACHIEVABLE, NO MATTER HOW DARK IT SEEMS OR FEELS.

Right now, I have no wounds whatsoever. It felt painful before awakening to my true nature and during the process. But those were healed as awareness crept in—I could sense how the pain subsided. I did not have to heal myself—the higher level of consciousness did that for me. And I remember how much pain I was in before starting to meditate: Toxic shame, insecurity, no discipline whatsoever, and unable to keep a basic job. I was addicted to social media, junk food, weed, and so forth. All that had to go away, or my life would have been ruined. While it is true that I sacrificed my ego and other forms of pleasure, that doesn't mean I lost something. Because the bliss of awareness is much more enjoyable than anything in the world or of the ego. I'm not saying that all people should do what I did; I am only saying that force was necessary sometimes, and that it's no easy game to overcome the ego. And the way I see it now is that it's not a tragedy or something bad that happened to me. I see it as a little bit of ego an struggle. That's it. And that's true, Elliott. For some people, because they struggle with heavy mental health issues, they will experience horrible side effects as a result of meditating. But they can be transcended and eventually healed. I went through that because I come from both families with harsh intergenerational trauma. My grandfather committed suicide.

But there are benefits to being way more conscious. You forgive everyone, including the ones who 'harmed' you at some point in your life or scammed you. There's no condemnation of people. I kept forgiving. I do not judge. I do not impose myself on people. So? Why am I wrong? I don't plan to hurt people because I don't want to be a Zen devil.

Because a burden was lifted off your shoulders, and life is way easier, and there's no resistance to work or whatever you do.

I understand what you mean, but without using painful force, how could I have stayed on the spiritual path and reached higher levels of awareness? Without applying harsh force, I would have remained a miserable ego, addicted to the world, pleasure, sex, materialism, money, and other delusions. I was heavily into that, by the way. My ego was into that, and I was into that before I had an awakening. So I had to use force against my will to reach higher levels of consciousness.

I had no idea why, and I can't answer that. I kept doing it blindfolded... But now, when I notice the difference between a hyperactive ego and a blissful state of mind that goes beyond it, I realize that awakening is worth it. It's such a tragedy that most people never experience the light of awareness. And I fully understand why: It's almost impossible to awaken to your true nature without wanting that or having a goal in mind. Most people never will.

It was difficult because my ego was hyperactive in resisting me doing the spiritual work. And I didn't want to transcend the ego that much. So I had to force myself to do what I didn't want to do—letting go of cravings, money, desire, sexuality, and all worldly stuff. I did spiritual work knowing clearly it wasn't for me (not only was my ego strongly against it—I myself was too); that's why it was so harsh. I basically did it with zero interest in the truth. I almost cracked psychologically. I even became suicidal. I can't explain the darkness—it was horrific. But hey! It's still possible to awaken, even though spirituality isn't for you, simply because you want the world or ego stuff so badly. I kept doing it against my will and against my ego. I forced, pushed, and continued daily despite not wanting to. That was the key.

Okay. That's fair.

Hello everyone! Well, well, well. I was truly unconscious when I started to meditate. I didn't know what meditation was, so I made a vow to do it daily for the rest of my life. I couldn't say I wanted or desired to meditate, but because others talked about the benefits of it, I did it anyway, FORCEFULLY. After two years, I plunged into the dark night of the soul. I became suicidal. I had other severe mental-health issues, making me realize I was burnt out, feeling like an 80-year-old all the time. Couldn't get out of bed or be disciplined. Even buying groceries felt heavy. I was asking myself: "Why am I doing this? I don't want to be spiritual at all. There's no appeal for it." But I kept surrendering stuff, and that includes sex. I'm now a 33-year-old virgin, but it doesn't bother me at all since I made peace with the fact that I might remain a virgin due to my moral convictions (I believe in sex only after marriage, and that a good medium for kids is essential for a healthy society). In other words, I am okay with it after awakening (I wasn't OK with it before, but when the ego is gone, there's no need...); you get the idea. It was so difficult to meditate and let go—my chaotic ego wanted only worldly stuff. It was hell and really painful; it kept coming up, over and over again. I didn't really want spirituality. But somehow, I persevered, and I was hardcore on spirituality daily. I had to force it to the point of crashing, but I did it anyway. Kept letting go, again and again, forcefully. Only after six years of hardcore spirituality, my ego began to loosen. The painfully intense cravings for the world began to fade away. Now, I'm stunned that I was able to do this, despite not wanting to be spiritual at all, and since it had no appeal to me. But I see the benefits: I healed my toxic shame, social anxiety, the painful self-conscious feeling among peers, and other addictions. Not to mention the blissful states of awareness that are so peaceful... Some people say, "Why pursue spirituality when you are not really interested in it?" That might be true, but even if you have zero interest in it, you can still pursue it forcefully. Now, the thing is, I hadn't done what the ego craves, and I managed to transcend it through spiritual work despite not being interested in spirituality. Is that a wrong thing? Because I healed, and now I see no point in doing ego-stuff. I just rest in awareness most of the time. Is that wrong?

I need to train myself—or the mind—to accept that one day I will be dead. Life on planet Earth is beautiful. The body is beautiful. A tree is beautiful. A breath of fresh air is precious. How can we all go beyond those and accept death as it takes us? How, @Leo Gura?

Hi. I was watching this video: And I realized that Leo would do us a favor by releasing it. I went through dark stuff after awakening but there are ego-leftovers. MANY. So... Only as a reminder.

Hello everyone! I'm still battling a daemon: my food addiction. I'm not obese or overweight, but I love eating, and I know I'm eating more than I should. If I try to stop it, it gets stronger; the craving becomes powerful, leaving me with the impression that I'm missing out if I don't eat. Sometimes I have no need for food—but that doesn't last long. Anyone battling this? It's tough.

Yes. I was "playing" toxic at work by ignoring women. I was testing them. I was so indifferent to them. And paradoxically, they all flock to me. Why? Being toxic stimulates their emotions, challenging their self-image, and how much they are worth. I think women get so much attention from men nowadays that if they stumble upon one that's indifferent to them, they immediately think that the guy is worth considering. Toxic men or attractive men aren't better than non-attractive men. Women are always finding that out. Relying on chemistry and emotions solely is wrong.

We can't blame family members even if they're mean or too judgmental. That's the truth. We can use various people to teach ourselves how not to be. If they are abusive—some family members are bullies—we can train ourselves not to react and continue to remain calm no matter what. Keeping our cool under pressure is a form of mind training that leads to mastery of mind.

I agree. If you're not speaking from an ego point of view, there's no judgment. Nothing bothers you whatsoever.