funkychunkymonkey

i wanna try amanita gummies but dont know too much about them, anybody got stories? are they worth taking in the sense of actualized.org?

@Nathan not very motivating :C

hey guys, ever since i experienced the void i really wanna go back for some reason 5 meo malt didnt even take me there i sorta hardly sensed it i guess but i wasnt infinite like i once. can this void be experienced thru meditation with eyes open such as shikan taza or would the eyes need to be closed? how do you guys access tyhe void, if you do

whats lemon tek?

@Santiago Ram dude... ive trhought about that... i lowkey LOVED the psych ward i could just fucking meditate all day!!! i would choose a psych ward over an addiction center they make u do stuff in those places but i just sit in my room until i have a meeting with the doctor... it kinda is a load off ur chest feels very easy like the perfect place to go insane!!!

just consider maybe it will make you miserable... i live a very reclusive lifestyle and sometimes it can be tough u can do what i do sorta keep your life as is just cut out all the external shit i dont have friends i can still socialize at work talk to people i just don't feel the need for friends or going out right now so i kinda force myself to be sorta monk like live mindfully be more minimalist and ive noticed that life even becomes more enjoyable when it comes from a place of just existing not doing anything as leo says in the satisfaction video. i just really wanna warn about "running off" cuz that can SERIOUSLY fuck up ur life i made a choice to run away with friends while i was on mushrooms, NOT a good idea LOL! i really am afraid of others who might put themsleves into situations they may regret... if ur gonna exist may as well be comfortable just go minimalist crazy shit is not always needed, but those people are out there too

@Ero thank you!

very well put

i began to really practice satisfaction and just existing, zen, i even get kundalini sensations when i just concentrate on the present and be still sorta like it naturally just activates when your not doing anything and present (this happen to anyone else?!). butr after a few days of this now sorta going more minimalist and contemplative waking up i get a sense of dread. like i wake up instantly unhappy, can this be an ego defense?! maybe its a signal from my soul im unhappy?! i would love to hear what you guys think and if this has happened to you? is it par for the course? i wish you guys well i havent been active in a long time so im happy to see the forum.

ego backlash?

@Yimpa like, theres whats haqppening the now the bubble, and whats outside pf it i wanna go back outside, i experienced that one i was utterly boundless.... is it possible to experience this through do nothing meditations?

@thenondualtankie only on lsd when i deconstructed my mind... dude ive been trying to look outside the bubble again for years... i was hoping malt would do it for me.... 5 meo dmt i cant get cuz im in USA. i can get dmt and aya but 5 meo dmt i cant get unless i learned of a vendor who sends to USA

is there more to breaking through than just dose?

WOW! ive been afraid this day would never come... I have done many things god amounts of tabs, double digit mushroom trips but i gotta be honest i know this is going to ruin all my idea of enlightenment. I am afraid! gotta be honest! reaching out to the community to say my time has come and if anyone has some advice i def have some questions! How can i allergy test this? will i have no choice but to trip allergy testing if its so potent? what should the substance look like? but more than anything i def wanna read what you guys think of malt and how was your first time?!?!

update! on maybe 15 mg rn no real effects i am like super grounded and i see that nobody is gonna get this fly off into notthingness you meaningless letters lol. not enough of a dose, im gonna wait an hour before i redose o 25/30 i am a heavyweight so i was afraid this would happen but hey i got all night i guess ill post more updates thanks for the support more mentions little kundalini tickle, like when u pee and u get that jitter LOL! my heart was beating fast but this chemical is so gentle its lovely

here i go guys imma snort like 3 mg to allergy test would a dose this low cause a bad trip cuz its not strong enough to break me through?

remember your dream could fall in your lap and you didnt even know it was ur dream i went suicidal and depressed when i got caught up in hating life cuz i hated my job then one day outa nowhere i do a little something online and people were looking for my military experience iescaped warehouse work and all that stuff now im a guard for Gucci ITS AWESOME! yeah just keep this in ur mind stay positive dont close doors you dont know might be open. that was my mistake.

@Oppositionless do kriya yoga on dxm i literally slingshotted me into cessation but dxm is bad and as a matter of fact what do u guys think of dxm i def have been there doing a lot of that!

@Majed sadly awakening just made me suicidal, i hate life. i once realized the bubble is all and i was in peace and once i feel back into "life" well it just went downhill now im looking into moving to canada so i can get euthanized... i always kinda knew shit would turn sour for me and i wouldent make it leos videos can fucking help you immensely his advice is very bold and deep, but are you willing to do the work? im not... i rather just die i dont wanna keep trying. in my case leo isnt talking to me i shouldent listen to him. thats me cant speak for others... and to add more context, im bipolar im a veteran who never adjusted back into normal life. I def am emotionally unstable especially when it comes to work.... the best thing i can do im doing, and i fucking hate it. and leo does warn about the ego twisting the teachings, im proof of that i use a lot of what he says to justify my suicide... selfishness is self defeating is a good one i like to use. welp the ego just is hardwired to self destruct!

@LSD-Rumi lamotrigine only made me super erratic

in a way... its made me just kinda sit there and enjoy my fucking misery for a few minutes and that was enough to keep me from taking the pills

those places suck.....

dangerous words. i disagree

@Someone here this vid gave me peace. i still wanna do it and i hate my life. did not integrate back into society well. the vid gave me that sense of "not being trapped by life" leo just saying its your choice and that if i was in worse enough suffering i would do it its a fact of life might have saved me when i first saw this (idk ive made many attempts, and saw this a while back when it first came out.)

welp, no advice here just me saying that i hate myself too. since i got out of the military ive been a suicidal mess. i hate the civilian world. my last hope was going back into that world as a mercenary but when my father cried when he got the news i simply couldent do it. so i just go through the motions now. im probably gonna end up taking another attempt real soon. 40 pills would usually kill a man but for some sick joke im still here. i hate myself and i hate my life. ive given up on any avenue for passion or purpose. my last one being the mercenary thing. by the time my dad dies im gonna be too old for the FFL theres no other mercenary force i would wanna fight for. so i just go through the motions. imaging and visualizing my suicide makes me happy now. again not advice, just me saying it can always get worse. and to let u know ur not alone. good luck