funkychunkymonkey

@thenondualtankie only on lsd when i deconstructed my mind... dude ive been trying to look outside the bubble again for years... i was hoping malt would do it for me.... 5 meo dmt i cant get cuz im in USA. i can get dmt and aya but 5 meo dmt i cant get unless i learned of a vendor who sends to USA

is there more to breaking through than just dose?

WOW! ive been afraid this day would never come... I have done many things god amounts of tabs, double digit mushroom trips but i gotta be honest i know this is going to ruin all my idea of enlightenment. I am afraid! gotta be honest! reaching out to the community to say my time has come and if anyone has some advice i def have some questions! How can i allergy test this? will i have no choice but to trip allergy testing if its so potent? what should the substance look like? but more than anything i def wanna read what you guys think of malt and how was your first time?!?!

update! on maybe 15 mg rn no real effects i am like super grounded and i see that nobody is gonna get this fly off into notthingness you meaningless letters lol. not enough of a dose, im gonna wait an hour before i redose o 25/30 i am a heavyweight so i was afraid this would happen but hey i got all night i guess ill post more updates thanks for the support more mentions little kundalini tickle, like when u pee and u get that jitter LOL! my heart was beating fast but this chemical is so gentle its lovely

here i go guys imma snort like 3 mg to allergy test would a dose this low cause a bad trip cuz its not strong enough to break me through?

remember your dream could fall in your lap and you didnt even know it was ur dream i went suicidal and depressed when i got caught up in hating life cuz i hated my job then one day outa nowhere i do a little something online and people were looking for my military experience iescaped warehouse work and all that stuff now im a guard for Gucci ITS AWESOME! yeah just keep this in ur mind stay positive dont close doors you dont know might be open. that was my mistake.

@Oppositionless do kriya yoga on dxm i literally slingshotted me into cessation but dxm is bad and as a matter of fact what do u guys think of dxm i def have been there doing a lot of that!

@Majed sadly awakening just made me suicidal, i hate life. i once realized the bubble is all and i was in peace and once i feel back into "life" well it just went downhill now im looking into moving to canada so i can get euthanized... i always kinda knew shit would turn sour for me and i wouldent make it leos videos can fucking help you immensely his advice is very bold and deep, but are you willing to do the work? im not... i rather just die i dont wanna keep trying. in my case leo isnt talking to me i shouldent listen to him. thats me cant speak for others... and to add more context, im bipolar im a veteran who never adjusted back into normal life. I def am emotionally unstable especially when it comes to work.... the best thing i can do im doing, and i fucking hate it. and leo does warn about the ego twisting the teachings, im proof of that i use a lot of what he says to justify my suicide... selfishness is self defeating is a good one i like to use. welp the ego just is hardwired to self destruct!

@LSD-Rumi lamotrigine only made me super erratic

in a way... its made me just kinda sit there and enjoy my fucking misery for a few minutes and that was enough to keep me from taking the pills

those places suck.....

dangerous words. i disagree

@Someone here this vid gave me peace. i still wanna do it and i hate my life. did not integrate back into society well. the vid gave me that sense of "not being trapped by life" leo just saying its your choice and that if i was in worse enough suffering i would do it its a fact of life might have saved me when i first saw this (idk ive made many attempts, and saw this a while back when it first came out.)

welp, no advice here just me saying that i hate myself too. since i got out of the military ive been a suicidal mess. i hate the civilian world. my last hope was going back into that world as a mercenary but when my father cried when he got the news i simply couldent do it. so i just go through the motions now. im probably gonna end up taking another attempt real soon. 40 pills would usually kill a man but for some sick joke im still here. i hate myself and i hate my life. ive given up on any avenue for passion or purpose. my last one being the mercenary thing. by the time my dad dies im gonna be too old for the FFL theres no other mercenary force i would wanna fight for. so i just go through the motions. imaging and visualizing my suicide makes me happy now. again not advice, just me saying it can always get worse. and to let u know ur not alone. good luck

ive given up. nothing wrong with it, just gotta deal with the fact youve given up. keep pushing do what you gotta do. maybe something can change. saying no nothing will change is stupid cuz you dont know that. if you give up just expect a downward spiral and dont fool yourself and blame life or anybody. I was a Marine that was the best of my life. i missed it i was going to go mercenary just to get back into that kind of life but because of the pain it would cause my parents i didnt do it. caused me deeper distress and misery. ive tried and tried to make things worse chase dreams, fail fail fail. at one point i said fuck it. ill just roll through the motions maybe something happens, something doesnt, maybe i lose it one day and end up pulling the trigger WHO KNOWS. the last avenue of hope is that maybe something in the future will change. if you give up as i have that possibility still stands you just arent gonna be looking for it anymore. thats like the last thread (for me at least mind you military is all i know i hate the civi world) to prevent suicide but thats all it takes if you are really open to the possibility one day something may change. its a life that doesnt have to be a sorry, life its a sorry life if you let it be a sorry life. try not to get hooked on drugs, coke, H, bars. im not speaking from the choir ive done enough blow to kill a whale and im still here sadly its just gonna complicate things further. take life slow and take it with a grain of salt if your that miserable, as i am. keeps the days more predictable. if its not clear at this point its just PURE survival. it doesnt feel fulfilling but hey its life. i was told life sucks, suck it up, so i do, idk, anyways. hope maybe this helps u out a little coming from someone whos in the shit too and not somebody who has never experienced trying to take thier own life from failures and complete hate for their own life. people who live a good life will never understand our struggle we gotta stick together. maybe advice like "oh your problems are imaginary" will help you out, it doesnt help me out not one bit. even the one time i realized i was everything and nobody else exists but me. there is no HUMAN there is no other people there is no anything. that insight is gone, its meaningless now i cant even tell if it was real or just a dream anymore. i advise you dont give up on self help at least take care of yourself and your body. this will create a little bit of comfort in you, cooking can create comfort in you if you learn to enjoy it. try new things but dont romanticize about them thats gonna bite you in the ass. good luck

No its never worth it, people die, friends die, buildings level, war crimes (dont care what country you are you commit them its in the nature of the game) If your crazy enough to do it, thats it ur crazy. ive heard stories where my SSGT ordered up a tank and leveled a house and there was a family inside completely unarmed. they got the wrong coordinates (to go into this willingly u gotta be some sort of insane). This is POV from the ground. Politics, not my business some of us join just to fight (thats the crazy im talking about) and to have that comradery of brothers in arms, that cant be given to you in the civilian world. maybe as a cop maybe idk. leo is right when war is lose lose, some people go to the playing field anyways just cuz thats what they wanna do. those are the guys that usually stack bodies and come home with medals, the ones who joined just for college or had to be recruited in, not self motivated from birth. they get their lives utterly DESTROYED if they dont downright die, if they cant snap into kill mode to protect your new family in arms. Consciousness can conjure up scary stuff... especially when your enemy looks down your barrel and sees paradise.

@Paradoxed i personally dont enjoy chess, it stresses me out

if im activley boxingi got my music in and im bumping ready to knock out my opponent and visualising the crowd going wild running is like cocaine to me, if im not boxing however and i gotta force myself to doit ITS THE WORST! i dont run as hard or as long, just being honest david goggins can take this one, whatever

@Leo Gura dont gotta tell me twice, i learned from the fall

your sense of reality is gonna be twisted and shaken up like a snowglobe! i suggest a trip sitter cuz i was stupid and decided to smoke this stuff in my treehouse (yes i fell out LOL) thats an example of being incredibly stupid with psychedelics it could have fucking killed me a trip sitter would be good for you if you have especially poor judgement like myself. lesson learned. you may lose motor control so try not to be near windows i hear people like jumping through them on this stuff. overall i always had agood experience on salvia IT WAS ALWAYS UNCOMFORTABLE! but i never had exactly a bad tryp. although i know for damn well i could say to infinity and beyond and just smoke as much as i can and maybe never recover mentally thats how powerful this stuff is. start with a low dose to see how ur body feels i remember it felt almost familiar in a way the first time i smoked it like being stoned beyond comprehension. i thought it was funny as fuck but that was just a half bowl of 10x. once you are comfortable with it at a low dose that will actually help eliminate some of the anxiety you may otherwise have. move up and take a decent dose (or high if you want do whatever u want i suggest suggest start with a small and say hi to salvia first before u decide to have full blown angry bdsm with it, you will not be the one holding the whip i PROMISE! besides this, have fun enjoy its mood be open to it. its not gonna last long if things turn stale and your are gonna freak out, guerilla pounding my chest (not hard but good hits) does help me (if you can remember to do this) i guess ill describe my experience unfortunatley its the one where i fell out of the treehouse but heres the mini trip report. i had 60 x of some pretty good salvia from a reputable source my gameplan was to quickly smoke in the treehouse climb out as fast as i can and make my way to the house and just chill (thats that poor judgement i was talking about) i pack it into a bowl and light it tokes away! as im holding it till im blue in the face i felt a buzz all through my body. once i exhaled i was almost zapped into this wierd perception of whats happening around me everything around me began to do this weird funhouse effect where it was bouncing up and down left and right. i remembered that i had to get in the house to enjoy the trip. as i stood up my balance was just GONE. i would have a higher chance getting down near dead from alcohol poisoning. but what had struck me as strange was that as i stood up it was almost like these millions of entities were watching me struggle for balance and they were laughing as if i was stuck in this sitcom, they would all laugh at me every move i made that was clearly failing. i make it to the ladder i get one foot down then BAM i smack the floor i land on my shoulder and not my head thank god. the entities LOSE IT they think this is the funniest thing ever. im laying there just confused as to if i really just fell out of the treehouse. i get up and continue my perilous journey to the indoors. as i approach the house the house almost became its own entity that again had this funhouse bouncy appearance. EVERYTHING about the house screamed that the house was actually alive the windows were eyes and mouths. even as i was in the house the hallways were alive in this funhouse sort of way. i eventually do make it downstairs and sit down but im just kinda frozen in place with a "O_O" expression. i want to disclaim that i was not into nonduality at this point so i didnt have any mystical experiences i was just the soul trapped in this inter cosmic sitcom where i stumble around and fail to do things for all eternity. my life purpose was to be this fool entertaining these entities which icould hear but could not see. i guess the point of this is that your sense of reality will get CRUSHED on salvia. top advice- say hi to salvia first then take salvia on a date give her her first kiss, then maybe give her some desert after dinner. when you feel ready THEN let salvia pin you to the wall and blindfold you. i could see legitimate spiritual use for salvia but not how its conventionally used. you can get a sense of how your perception is reality and that in deep enough trips there is no you at all.

@trenton i used to wanna be a boxer, when that crumbled i was depressed and suicidal cuz i couldent accept things for how they are if i cant control them. im still depressed as fuck not much hope anymore everyday is a blessing at this point but some strange reason i fell in love with being depressed. AVOID THIS try new things, meet people, just randomly go out and do stuff. if you stick with depression for too long or too deep and your depression turns into a crutch, suicide gets drilled in your head, then its VERY DANGEROUS! this isnt really advice just my input i guess im nobody to be giving advice read this at ur own risk

its not THE truth its just a figment. decide what u want, either is gonna be true for u

@Leo Gura damn, that explains a lot

once i was okay with being ordinary, complete nobody even a loser at times, its ight. im chillin enjoy some music after work meditate a little, die to infinity here and there. saul goodman

I get a lot of conflicting views! very confusing. i have not yet had a satori experience from practice but i have had it on psychedelics. As a means of raising ones baseline of consciousness and/ or seeking this quietting of the mind/ no mind / emptiness / realization / satori, whatever, is zazen actually worth pursuing? I do go to a sangah and i do hear A LOT of filler information and rituals that simply have nothing to do with enlightenment (and quite frankly dogmas). The practice of zazen is really all i care about but i cant help but question its... Reliability for awakening? Any advice on matters of meditation are welcomed. i did practice kriya yoga but i simply dont enjoy the process i find it boring and have a hard time motivating myself to do the practices. i have had some experiences from it (kundalini surges, sounds, colors ETC) Self inquiry is something i try but again struggle to keep up with (maybe its a ego defense.... probably is) anyways im just a rookie with all this stuff. Exploring the spiritual seven seas with my spritual sailors!