Martynas777

What do you guys think about this? Merely religious dogma? Who knows? Consciousness can dream up anything?...

You guys are saving "my" ass.

@Gabith Wow... This guy is the shit... Thanks.

@Endangered-EGO thanks.

@Zigzag Idiot That' very insightful... Thanks.

@Nahm Thanks. Yeah my approach was pretty unhealthy, but I understood that Enlightenment usually requires lots of discipline and practice, emotional investment... By "hits of higher consciousness" I meant slightly closer to I AM.

@Ilan thanks. My training and nutrition is on point. It would be even worse if it wasn't.

Ok, so I think I'm going through "dark night" stage of spiritual awakening... Basically, when I started meditating and studying spirituality, shit was awesome. It took me about 2 weeks to get my first hits of higher consciousness, I felt amazing. The world looked at least 5 times better than before. I felt way more connected to what felt like "source energy". Well, I'm only like 2 weeks in this and I made so much progress already, how far can I go? At first I was doing about 30 minutes of basic meditation per day, but then I discovered this "strong determination sitting" technique. When I did it for the first time, it was simply amazing. After that, my "spiritual gains" stopped. I did 1 to 3 hours of strong determination sitting a day for a couple of months and couldn't get any further. I got used to this slightly elevated state and it felt regular. Still felt pretty good, but honeymoon was over. So, after those months of strong determination sitting, reading quite a bit of different spiritual books and watching lots of Leo's and other similair youtubers, one day I got hit by this sense of darkness. It was strange, I was wondering what this is, because I've never felt anything like it. Day after day, this sense of darkness got stronger and stronger, and I felt way worse than ever before for no reason and felt 100% disconnected from "source energy". After some weeks, I started having very intense panic attacks everyday multiple times a day for weeks. I realized that I know absolutely nothing about this reality and existence itself started looking very scary to me. I got over my panic attacks, but this super deep darkness and depression didn't go away. I don't have an opinion about anything anymore, no energy, physical existence feels extremely dull and dark, even the most "stimulating" stuff. I'm only 17, but it feels like I already lived in this body for hundreds of years, it feels like my brain doesn't want to experience physical reality anymore. I went to one of the best psychologists in my country, he's 70 years old, working since 1985, has buddha's statues all over his desk and shit, and after a couple of visits, he admitted that he has no idea how he can help me. He told me that it would be a good idea to see an exorcist, I did that, but he didn't find anything. I'm extremely drained right now, hard headaches, can barely function, sleeping for 15 hours, waking up more tired... Everything takes 10 times more willpower to do. I checked a lot of things that could be wrong with my health, even checked my testosterone levels, everything was perfect... I'm taking 20mg of prozac for some weeks now, but it does absolutely nothing. I think it is dark night of the soul... Everyone who talks about this says that the only way to deal with this is to surrender and wait it out. Is this all I can do? It seems like this "state" will never end. I'm in it for about 5-6 months now.

Ok, so I think I'm going through "dark night" stage of spiritual awakening... Basically, when I started meditating and studying spirituality, shit was awesome. It took me about 2 weeks to get my first hits of higher consciousness, I felt amazing. The world looked at least 5 times better than before. I felt way more connected to what felt like "source energy". Well, I'm only like 2 weeks in this and I made so much progress already, how far can I go? At first I was doing about 30 minutes of basic meditation per day, but then I discovered this "strong determination sitting" technique. When I did it for the first time, it was simply amazing. After that, my "spiritual gains" stopped. I did 1 to 3 hours of strong determination sitting a day for a couple of months and couldn't get any further. I got used to this slightly elevated state and it felt regular. Still felt pretty good, but honeymoon was over. So, after those months of strong determination sitting, reading quite a bit of different spiritual books and watching lots of Leo's and other similair youtubers, one day I got hit by this sense of darkness. It was strange, I was wondering what this is, because I've never felt anything like it. Day after day, this sense of darkness got stronger and stronger, and I felt way worse than ever before for no reason and felt 100% disconnected from "source energy". After some weeks, I started having very intense panic attacks everyday multiple times a day for weeks. I realized that I know absolutely nothing about this reality and existence itself started looking very scary to me. I got over my panic attacks, but this super deep darkness and depression didn't go away. I don't have an opinion about anything anymore, no energy, physical existence feels extremely dull and dark, even the most "stimulating" stuff. I'm only 17, but it feels like I already lived in this body for hundreds of years, it feels like my brain doesn't want to experience physical reality anymore. I went to one of the best psychologists in my country, he's 70 years old, working since 1985, has buddha's statues all over his desk and shit, and after a couple of visits, he admitted that he has no idea how he can help me. He told me that it would be a good idea to see an exorcist, I did that, but he didn't find anything. I'm extremely drained right now, hard headaches, can barely function, sleeping for 15 hours, waking up more tired... Everything takes 10 times more willpower to do. I checked a lot of things that could be wrong with my health, even checked my testosterone levels, everything was perfect... I'm taking 20mg of prozac for some weeks now, but it does absolutely nothing. I think it is dark night of the soul... Everyone who talks about this says that the only way to deal with this is to surrender and wait it out. Is this all I can do? It seems like this "state" will never end. I'm in it for about 5-6 months now.