Something Funny

@ValiantSalvatore nevermind, we are talking about different things

There is so much wrong with this post ?‍♂️?‍♂️?‍♂️

@ValiantSalvatore I agree with what you are saying in general, but some of it is besides the point. Especially the argument of modern environments and choosing who you hang out with. Most people in the world don't leave in "modern environment" so for them this topic is much more relevant. What I am talking about is something like this: let's say you are walking down a street and somebody cat calls your gf, or grabs her butt or whatever. And you just totally ignore it. How do you think she would feel? Even if she doesn't believe that you have necessarily to do something, she would still will kind of "meh" about the situation in general, right? Especially compared to an alternative scenario where you stand up for her. Or if this happened when your male friends were with you, are you saying that their opinion about you isn't going to be affected at all, or if it does, then they are degenerates? It's not about any particular scenario or how realistic it is. The question is about the concept itself, our ideas of what makes a man look good and attractive and what doesn't.

This was my first impression as well, but now I think that it was phrased like that intentionally. If you ask this question to a person from older generation, like your grandpa, they will probably say yes to it without thinking that it's a weird question. But as I said that problem is that I, for example, disagree with this statement technically. But then in real life situations, like if you are out with your girlfriend and you get insulted and just "eat it", you will probably look less in her eyes then if you stand up for yourself, right? Or even amongst man. Let's say you, as a man, know a guy who is a total doormat. Even if you are open-minded and do not agree with the above statement logically, you still won't have that high of an opinion about him. On the other side if one day he really stands up for himself, your respect for him will naturally increase. It's not even a conscious process.

Seriously though. If you want practical solution, this is the only practical solution that will actually change something. Sure, all those little psychological tricks can make you living situation 5-10% easier, but they won't change much. You need to start seriously considering the option of moving out and planning for it and in the meantime you can try to survive through your current situation and make is as good as you can. If moving out is not an option within your country, then move abroad. Research what countries you can go to without visa with your passport or where it's relatively easy to get a visa and what are the requirement. Research living costs, research what kind of job you can do, develop new skills if necessary, etc. For example in Poland, where I live right now, there are a lot of relatively cheap college options, some offer a possibility of paying a monthly tuition or making 2 payments per year, instead of a full payment. I think you can even get a visa for a weekends only courses, this way you can work 5+ days per week. You can apply for a college here, get yourself a student visa, move here, rent a room in an apartment or a dorm, and find yourself a job that will cover both your costs of living and your university tuition. I don't believe that there's literally 0 chance for you to move out. It takes work, but it's possible.

The most effective technique that helps me with this is to just lay down on the floor and stare at the ceiling. Do not distruct yourself with anything. No phone, no internet, no tv, etc. Just lay down at stare at the flow. Eventually you will grow tire of it and will just naturally want to do something. So you can start making regular small steps like that. Try doing it for one day as an experiment. Set a rule for yourself that you are either doing at least something productive or are staring at the ceiling. Maybe it will help you as well. You know, as one song says: "we are not alone in our loneliness".

Wow, those guys actually also have a reverse sexism test https://www.idrlabs.com/reverse-sexism/test.php What I find interesting is that a lot of qualities that are encouraged in personal development, such as the ones below, are technically considered sexist. - A real man is in control of his emotions - A real man should be daring and strong - Real men recover speedily from emotional disturbances - A good man is someone who is ambitious and financially successful - A real man should defend his honor when insulted - A real man stands up for what he believes in, even at great risk to himself I guess there is the difference between saying "a real man is/should" or "a good man is" (kind of like a universal standard) and just saying that those are desired qualities. But still... It's pretty obvious that a vast majority of people would consider these qualities desirable and attractive in a man so we might as well says that this is kind of a universal standard of what it means to be a good man. And what's tricky is that it's not just some artificial social standard as in case with something like "women should be stay at home moms", these qualities in a man feel genuinely attractive on a subconscious level for both men and women... So let's say I am trying to improve myself and develop emotional mastery or become more courageous and start standing up for what I believe in. Am I being sexist towards myself? From one side yeah, cause I am not being accepting enough of who I am right now. On the other side there are clear survival benefits of me developing those qualities, right? What if I am pushing my son to develop this qualities? Am I being a caring father who worries about his well-being or am I being a sexist towards him? A lot of Leo's advise for men is sexist by those standards, haha. @Leo Gura, @Emerald any thoughts?

@Devin yeah, I know what you mean. I guess my logic was that part of their own definition is And from statement "Women have nurturing capabilities that men could never achieve." one might conclude that women thrive better in nurturing roles. Especially if you claim that this is something that men could never achieve, as per the original phrasing, than you might say that this is women's natural position in society or even a social obligation. Which is why I found it weird that it isn't counted towards benevolent sexism.

My sister got a higher score than me, lol

@Devin

@Emerald I gave agree on "Women have nurturing capabilities that men could never achieve." and also got 0%. I guess you could say that it's a bit biased then.

I've got 18% hostile and 0% benevolent, haha. Quite a few questions were kind of dumb though so I skipped them. @Emerald did you try the test? What's you score?

Isn't defining sexism as "negative beliefs about" or "attitudes towards" women vs towards either of genders sexist in itself?

You are right, but still, how do you deal with / avoid such people? For example what advise would you give to this girl? I mean yeah, sure, she should probably leave him. But how does she learn that this is the way this guy feels about her? How can you screen such people out? Edit: how do you know that your partner is not like that for example? What if you spend 20 years with a person and this is how they feel about you all the time?

You think it's less common for women? I don't mean being insecure about your partner's looks, but settling for someone you don't really like and bullshitting them in general?

@woohoo123 if I were you I would be more insercure about caring about how you look in the eyes of others so much, your pettiness, having no spine, and essentially not being grounded in you own values and purpose. This is an antithesis of what being a man is.

That's what triggered me the most about this post. Imagine your partner thinking that you are inferior to somebody else's bf/gf in some way and being insecure about being with you. Only staying with you cause they are too comfortable or can't find anyone better. If they tell you about it, it would for sure hurt as hell. But it's still what I would prefer. The worst scenario is being totally oblivious about it and spending a few years of your life in suach a relationship. Or even getting married because they "came around" eventually and didn'ttell you about any of those inner struggles. That's actually scary to think about.

@Emerald it's incredible how you, being a woman, are able to be so chill about the topic and give sensible advise instead of getting triggered and attacking the op. Truly something to look up to.

I think, I've finally found a great vision for myself, maybe even a life purpose. I want to transform myself into a strong man and to build an amazing life. And use my own journey to support and inspire other people. I want to learn how to do conscious business from scratch, record my journey step by step and share it with others so that they can do it as well. I think it would be pretty cool to find some guy who knows nothing about business, is a total nube at it, and then see his follow along journey of building a successful business. Basically I want to have a self-help youtube channel, but instead of theory and talking I want it to be very practical, almost like a reality show, but with a detailed analysis and explanation of each step. The same goes for social skills dating, public speaking, character development, spiritual development, financial success, becoming a web developer, etc. I find this vision really meaningful and inspiring. The issue though, is that I don't have any particular medium that I am really passionate about. I am not particularly passionate about web development, or business, or public speaking, or filming youtube videos, etc. Is that okay? Maybe I will acquire passion for those things as I keep going? It's the big picture, the process of learning, developing myself by itself, and helping others do the same which I am passionate about. @Leo Gura any advise, please?

I've noticed that it has become popular to dismiss this problem, that clearly a lot of people are struggling with as some bullshit, so I wanted to make a post about it. Even Leo just laughs about it and has a "I never had a problem with it so it can't be a problem" attitude. But this is just not the case, people are different. Some people can drink alocohol their whole lives in moderation and be totally healthy and functioning humans, while some become alcoholics and ruin their life. Even tolerance of negative health effect of drinking alcohol is probably different among different people. Disclaimer To clarify, I am not saying that masturbation, or even porn is inherently evil. If you have a healthy relationship with it then fine, good for you. But it's not the case for everyone. Although I still think that it's silly to assume that you can just watch porn your whole life and that it will have no effect on your mind whatsoever. Leo is big on reprogramming the subconscious mind with affirmations, visualizations, and such. Well, you can also reprogram your mind in a negative way through the posts you read on social media, music you are listening, ads you are watching, people you are hanging out with, and yes, porn. I am also not saying that you will become a superman buy doing nofap for 90 days. But I think it's safe to say that most men will feel better and more energetic/lively if they retain their semen for a week or two. I've clearly noticed positive effects in my personal experience and as Leo says "experience is king". The issue I have with porn 1) Insecurities and negative beliefs. Porn has definitely imprinted quite a few insecurities and negative beliefs into my mind: - about my penis size - about what's considered attractive and desirable - about women - about what is considered "cool" and who I need to be Now I will have to spend quite a bit of time unwiring all that crap. 2) For me porn got progressively more and more perverted. I didn't start masturbating to porn at all. The first time I masturbated I masturbated to Naruto fan fiction, it wasn't even that erotic and the hottest moment there was character kissing. I didn't even know what masturbation was at that time, it just kind of happened naturally, lol. But of course it didn't stay this way forever. Over the years it had to escalate to more and more extreme stuff to keep feeling pleasurable to me. It has gotten to a point of me watching porn that honestly disgusts me in my "sober state". It affects my mind very negatively and makes me depressed and nihilistic. And whenever I try to get back to watching more vanilla porn it always escalates back because it's never enough. 3) Whenever I watch porn I do genuinely feel like shit. My productivity always drops and I turn on a vegetable mod. All I am interested in those time is watching porn, scrolling reddit, watching tv shows, and binge eating. I feel like it turns me into a retarded animal. Solution No, I don't think that total abstinence is a legitimate solution for most people. But I think that reducing masturbation to a few times a week, or whatever schedule fits the best to you personally, and doing it consciously, without any porn can be. This sounds like a good, healthy approach. Also, as a side note regarding semen retention, I think it's absolutely fucked up that in our modern culture not jerking off for 14 days is considered somehow very hard and extreme. How can you claim to have any kind of self-control and discipline if you can't deal with some sexual urges here and there? This is honestly the main reason why I think doing classical nofap challenge can be beneficial. Not because it will grant you some magical super powers but because you will at least now that you are the master of your mind and emotions, instead of being their slave. It develops discipline that can then be used in every area of life.

Yes, this is something I've definitely experienced in the past. But I am really hopeful and set on making it this time.

@Leo Gura I will, thank you (this time for real )

@Chives99 it's not a kink. It's not something that I enjoy or would like to have in my life.

@Leo Gura I know, I am doing this, it just takes time.

@bazera yeah, basically brute force. Plus I had a friend as an accountability partner. I fell back because this is the wrong approach. The thing I plan to do now is building a healthy, conscious relationship with my sexuality and masturbation without porn.