Something Funny

@Roy yeah, I know. That's why I am trying to tell him that there is nothing to be jealous about. @Valach you actually seem to be doing way better than her.

Yeah, but I mean... She didn't go out and find some great new guy. She settled for some random 21 year old kid who was already around even though she doesn't like him because she probably couldn't bear being alone for a while. And now she has been stuck with him for half a year, lol. That's half a year wasted. That's what I am talking about. Doesn't sound very jealousy inducing to me. Sounds kind of sad. Where are all those lines of great men waiting to date her?

@Valach @Roy I don't get what is there to be jealous about? She didn't move on an couldn't find a partner who satisfies her and has to settle for some random guy who used to be her friend. Because, despite of what Roy said above, she doesn't have a line of guys wanting to date her? Like she had literally been stuck with a random guy who she shits on for half a year. What is there to be jealous about? Imagine cheating on a guy, complaining how much he sucks, and then going and doubling down on a relationship with him. Besides it being a shitty thing to do morally, it is also such a loser move, lol.

@Roy I love your advise, you sound very grounded

She doesn't sound like a catch either.

I am home ????

For the longest time I thought that I must first figure out my career and life purpose, start earning a lot, and then I could focus on fixing my lack of socialization and relationships. Kind if like Leo did it. But the thing is, I think I am just using this as an excuse because I am really afraid of addressing this part of my life: being social, going to parties, doing pickup, having relationships, etc. So I conveniently tell myself that I must focus on something else first. Because what I have is not enough. If you think about it, focusing on some massive career success first and dating second doesn't even make much sense. Lack of socialization and romantic relationships, as well as my low confidence, social anxiety, lack communication and social skills is bugging me much more than me not being a millionaire or me not having a life purpose. And it feels like a much more urgent need to fulfil. Even Maslow's Pyramid says that love and belonging go prior to career accomplishments and wealth. And I feel like if I got this thing sorted, I would be able to be much more successful in my career as well, not only because of the confidence boost and better social skills, but also because this issue won't be constantly bugging and distracting me anymore. The biggest reason why I feel like I need to achieve carrier success so urgently in the first place is because I feel like it is delaying my social life. What if I skipped this step completely for now. I won't be too old to start a business at 27, but I might miss out on a lot of socialization experiences by then. However, the problem is that I am super scared to make this decision and actually start working on my social life. It feels overwhelmingly hard and terrifying.

@Thought Art wow, that's awesome. I am really happy for you

@Thought Art ok, thanks a lot

@Thought Art I see. How are the meetings organised. Do you prepare something before one, or do you just go and improvise?

@Thought Art wow, that's really cool. I've actually done some climbing myself in the past. And I've considered joining toastmasters but I am too afraid. How do the meetings usually look? also, did you manage to get any friends or relationships from climbing/salsa/toastmasters?

@Leo Gura I honestly wonder why I can't just do it all at the same time. Normal people seem to be able to do so. My parents did that. My grandparents did that. Why can't I do it?

@Lila9 thank you for advise, especially about money. It's nice to hear a girl's perspective. Yes, I have a stable job but I am basically living paycheck to paycheck. And I also wanted to invest some money into coaching/therapy and other stuff for myself.

@Leo Gura I knooow. I just wanted to get a confidence boost

@Jacob Morres insteresting, thanks. I think I need to slow down and do things gradually, and do both. Idk.

Why can't I do both though? This also has to be some sort of a limiting belief, right? Why can't I just have a balanced lifestyle???

I was talking more about sustaining a relationship later. Like what if she wants to travel, go out, birthday presents, etc. Yeah. I am 23, but I feel the same way. Like I am behund the curve and need to get all of those things sorted asap. And I don't think it's healthy.

@Yimpa I will. And i get what you are trying to say, thank you. I just think that I need to take some external action as well.

@Yimpa not if it has only been one session and you've been procrastinating on doing the homework for a month.

@Yimpa and I am actually starting to work with a coach. It doesn't change the fact that I need to take some actual action.

@Yimpa I took Leo's life purpose course, and tried to complete it several times, but I would always get stuck at picking your life purpose section because I felt like I am not ready to do so. I did the values exercises like 3-4 times though. It didn't help me that much.

@Yimpa this is too vague. Yes, I am not in alignment with my values and probably don't even know what they are exactly. So what do you expect me to do, sit there and journal about my values? That's what I've been doing my whole life, I need to take some real action.

@Yimpa wdym?

@Leo Gura so you think it would be a right decision to prioritise it over career and business success? I was always using you as an example, saying things like: "look, Leo managed to ignore relationship until 26 something years old while prioritising his career and he is doing great, so I can do it as well". But I am not Leo, I am my own person with different personality. At least from what you've said, it doesn't sound like lack of relationships bothered you that much. Unfortunately, it does bother me a lot. It's basically something that I think about daily and it messes with my mental health (which in turn bothers me on its own, because i think that it is kind of shallow to be honest, lol).

The big limiting belief that I have is that I don't have enough money to afford having a relationship right now. And this may be true. But I don't think it matters actually. I don't even need a relationship, I need to learn how to socialize, get friends, and get laid first. And even if I get a relationship and it falls apart because I can't afford it, it would still be a great learning experience and totally worth it.