tlowedajuicemayne

Yo bro, I'm sure you have genuine insights and are intelligent but you really suck at articulating yourself and conveying your truth to other people. Reading what you wrote here is a nightmare. Try running your stuff through chatgpt so you can start to learn how to say the same thing with more clarity.

At 6PM I drank a small class of psilocybin mushrooms mixed with coca, put on an eye mask, laid back and waited for the effects to begin. Prior to this experience I had experienced several affirmations from the cosmos that this experience was in fact ordained. The first was a surprisingly wise quote from a my best friend who isn't known for saying wise things, the second was the approval from my teacher which came by way of not disapproving of my journey, and finally the day of. I blew a small amount of hape' up my nose in the morning and asked it to help get me ready for the mushroom experience. At that time I was highly anxious and considering backing out of the event all together. The hape' did just that. It caused me to cry which released a lot of stored mucus and allowed for the energy to pass through me. By the time I was finished with the experience, I was no longer afraid to take the mushrooms. These three events served as affirmations that this experience was in fact an ordained or approved experience from the Universe. An hour before, the shaman entered and asked us to pick a spirit card. My spirit card as 'where heaven meets earth'. When I read the book that came along with the cards to express its meaning it stated (something along the lines of)- You got this, the universe has got you, what is destiny will occur. Step forward with no fear. So I lay there on my mat, waiting for the experience to come on as nature sounds eminated from a small speaker in the living room. The shaman walked around reminding us to breathe and to surrender. For the next series of events, I want to use a timeline as it'll help me better explain the different events that took place. This timeline is essentially arbitrary as throughout the duration of this experience, I had no concept of time. Nevertheless, 20 minutes in- I notice a shift in my perception. Normally my consciousness feels as though it is contained in some close proximity to the body. Suddenly, my consciousness extended throughout the room. No longer did I feel as though I were an entity in my head, I felt as though I was something within which a perceptual visual/ audio/ feeling sense-field appeared. 45 minutes to an hour in- The music changed from nature sounds to shamanic music. Beating of the drum, belting of the voice, strings, flutes and other naturalistic sounds played on the speaker. The sounds filled the room and took over my attention. I let the songs take me wherever they wanted to go and enjoyed the arrangement of the music. Each song took me on a journey in my mind. 1-2 hours in- At some point in time I got lost in the music and forgot about myself entirely. I entered trances within which I don't know what occurred. The feeling was primitive and animalistic. My body felt as though it was some sort of infant animal in a nest. My mind simplified. There were no thoughts in the traditional sense. Instead there were vast visions, dreamlike and ethereal. The gap between waking consciousness and sleep was exaggerated. I found myself in an 'in-between' state. You know how when you sleep there seems to be a gap in time between the moment you fell asleep and the moment you wake up? I was in a state where I could see a vivid universe unfolding in front of me like a dream but I could also see that empty place where nothing ever happens simultaneously. I was somewhere in between and beyond it all. It was here that my energy was liberated from all identity. I forgot who I was, where I came from, what was going on. Nothing mattered anymore. 3+ hours in- I was beyond existence and non-existence, yet somehow beings from throughout the universe called on me for help with suffering. I manifested myself into form and liberated them from suffering. One time, I became a cosmic Hindu dancer. My fingers and arms swirled around as a feminine energy filled me up and my movements healed countless beings. Once my work was done, my dance was over, I would then return to the state of being Beyond existence and non-existence. My Natural State. I recall waking up on the mat and remembering that I am a man and yet within myself I felt as though I was a women. Immediately following the remembrance, I transcended male and female, masculine and feminine and saw that choosing to be either of those is optional. I chose to be neither and rested in bliss. 4+ hours in- I began to come back into identification my body more and more as the medicine wore off. I began to remember my history, my family members, my girlfriend etc. Everything I remembered about myself felt painful. Rather than ignoring the pain, I just let it be and it went away on its own. I felt like a brand new being just born into life. The come down was an interesting experience because I watched all the parts of my mind come back online, one at a time. The ability to discern, the ability to differentiate, the feeling of the need to understand, to sum it all up, to know, etc. My history, my body, my sense of self all slowly came back online as the night came to a close. Realizations- 1) Part of what it means to be human is to be in a state of suffering. There is a seriousness to human consciousness that takes over and colors the experience of being. By seriousness, I mean, there is a kind of fear of lawlessness that racks the mind of the human being. A fear that at any moment, something terrible may occur. I found myself fearing that the physical reality I inhabited was so far removed from spirit that I couldn't trust others. This I call being born into the animal kingdom. 2) As I came down more, I entered a state of autism. I was deeply connected to the spirit in this state. So much so that communication, moving around in the world, completing tasks, etc. were difficult to accomplish. I felt at peace, gentle and wise. Yet if I were to be examined by a 'normal' person without the context of the psychedelic experience in mind, they may think me stupid and in need of medical attention. 3) Later, more complex parts of my mind came back online and speech was easier. A type of adulthood or maturity came online. No longer did I feel connected to spirit, I felt rather disconnected and rational. All I had left of that deep place within myself was memories. If a normal person were to view me here, they would say I was normal. 4) As the mind assimilated and I fell from grace into form. Layers of mind hardened as I fell until mind appeared as an external world. From there, mind fell further and I entered the animal kingdom, from there a state of autism and beyond that what we call sanity. Mind is currently falling deeper and deeper. This falling we call cognitive development. Modern science and healthcare see's cognitive development as a benefit but it isn't. It is a fall from grace. 5) Therapy to me seems kind of silly and pointless. The idea that you could talk someone into healing makes no sense and is probably non-sense. The idea that healing can occur at all beyond the bounds of shamanic ceremony and in the midst of unity seems preposterous. 6) The idea that there is some kind of spiritual work that needs to be done is preposterous to me. Any spiritual work that could be done is done on the perceived self. What I am is imperceivable. It is merely a matter of identification. Spiritual work is valuable but is not required. What I am is already whole and complete and is need of nothing. I have no mind, I have no self, I have no form. What work is there to do? 7) I listened to a record I was working on and I didn't like it. I saw my videos on YouTube and realized that the only reason I make those video is because I'm lonely in my life. 8) Going to college and becoming a therapist isn't my goal so much anymore. I think the path of a shaman may be closer to what I want to do if I want to heal others. 9) Psilocybin didn't help me heal in the way that it gave me life advice or some kind of relationship advice. Instead it allowed me to relive the infant stage of my life and to experience healthy parenting. As I lay in the bed, an infant, the experience reassured me, comforted me and loved me. This was healing. Another way it was healing was getting in touch with my true Self. Just being the true Self and getting to stay like that for a while is healing. My girl said that I avoided the 'work' and I disagree. The work isn't always crying and rolling around in misery. Sometimes the work is getting a chance to heal via positive experience rather than purging the negative.

Welp. 200k over 5 years is 40 bands per year. So you need a job or skillset that allows you to save 40k per year and still buy stuff etc. You're definitely not gonna land a job that does that with your described level of skills. Also saving 40k per year is not realistic for most people anyways. What you actually need is the down payment part of a home. Which is more like 20-30k 30k divided by 5 (years) is around 6k per year or 500 per month. Can you save 500 per month? Of course! Even with a part time job! A few things to note however- Never lead with your schizophrenia diagnosis. There is no reason for anyone to ever know that about you unless absolutely necessary. When you're looking for work, avoid freely giving this information away to potential employers. Also, freelance work might work for you if you could take an audit of your current skills and determine a freelance gig you could do to earn an extra 500 bucks a month. I hope this helps! It's good to see you wanting to make some major changes in your life and shoot for your dreams. Thanks for posting 😄

It's hard for me to imagine that the thought of having sex would appear at all in a 5meo experience. Even if it did I doubt you'd have the mobility to execute on it.

Wtf is happening. You can't even say this is taken out of context. He is literally saying what we all know is already true. TRUMP = DICTATORSHIP Bruh

Do you have any music to share that you've worked on? If so, post it up my boy.

Its natural to have the urge to sleep around with other women as that's just how men are. No need to be afraid of this feeling. However, if you're going about acting on this feeling then that's the line that separates the men form the boys. If a lady you're talking to says she wants a committed relationship and you KNOW that that's not what you want, you need to just be upfront and tell her. "Look, I know you want a committed relationship but I'm not ready to settle down yet." and then accept whatever comes next. If you're the type of guy who can sleep around like you think you are, you should have no trouble finding the next girl to sleep with who wants the same thing as you.

Okay bro, we gotta get real here. Somebody has got to level with you here because there's a lot to unpack. First, I know I'm late on this. i realize this post is kind of old. I'm going to tell you what I'm going to tell you anyways. Second, You're entitled to how you feel about this. I hope you've overcome this thing and haven't offed yourself. I hope you're more humble and mature for this. Third, I hope you've taken time to reflect on the fact that YOU are not the victim here, she is. That's where my real message to you begins- My man, you broke her trust first. You didn't care about how she felt while you were chatting up another women, courting her, and having sex with her. In fact it seems to me that the only person you considered in this whole post is yourself. I think this is the main issue. You're selfish. You called her after you cheated on her because YOU felt bad about it. The way you put it, its like you expected her to help you feel better about what you did. You then acted as if what you did was no big deal and that she should've just taken it on the chin. Imagine if she called you out of the blue when she was on holiday and told you she cheated on you, how would you feel? Wouldn't you want revenge? 'A shoulder to cry on is a dick to ride on'--->This is so immature to say and is straight out of the red pill ideology. This probably plays into why you thought it was okay to cheat on her in the first place as the red pill ideology says that its okay for men to cheat or 'exercise options' while women are supposed to just take it and be loyal. The red pill ideology is not the real world bro, throw that whole worldview out. Its toxic, selfish and dangerous for anyone you're in a relationship with. When I told my mom what she did, she was devastated and very pissed at her.- Dude what? This is pure lack of accountability. Remember, YOU CHEATED FIRST. YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM, SHE IS. Did you tell your mom that you cheated on her first? You told your mom that she did drugs and cheated on you? Bro...this is pure lack of accountability and childishness. That's all ima say on that. You don't deserve to be cheated on man but you have got to grow up. This whole post is an indication that you're not doing spiritual work, that you don't have life principles in place, and that you have GOT to start taking accountability and responsibility for yourself and your actions. As I stated before, you don't deserve to be cheated on, nobody does man. I hope you've resolved this in yourself. But dude, you SHOULD be trying to win your girl back if you made a mistake like that. You SHOULD have to go through a period where you feel uncertain about your relationship. How do you think she felt? You SHOULD have to show her that you're capable of being trusted and it should be a long painful process. It seems like you only care that she didn't feel any pain from this because of ecstasy. You should be glad that she isn't in pain over this man, you should be the only one carrying a burden here. Why would you cheat on someone and then want them to feel the pain of it all with you too? Personally if i fucked up that hard I would be glad that my partner isn't in pain and that I have a chance to fix it. Yeah, its gross that she cheated on you back and thats gonna be hard to overcome but man...how do you think she feels? You also cheated. Anyways, alot of work needs to be done here in the accountability and responsibility department. I have no idea why noone has pointed this out to you yet. If you still feel suicidal and in pain over this, its because you're looking at this as though you're the victim and you're only thinking about yourself. You're minimizing your actions and the effect that they would have on another person. Look at the situation honestly, you cheated, you violated her trust and then she got revenge. That's what happened. One more thing, I don't know why you felt the need to say that she met a guy on tindr and had sex after a day of talking to him. Did you literally do the exact same thing but the other way around??? Didn't you meet a stranger, court her, and then sleep with her in a matter of a day or so? cmon dude. Accountability. Take it. Responsibility. Take it. Start living your life according to principles that you set and let go of the red pill BS.

Are you smoking pot or taking any kind of other recreational drugs? If so, try removing that and see if that helps

Ask your therapist or doctor about a medicine called amantadine. Works wonders for cptsd symptoms

There are different types of breathwork. If you want to trip then shamanic breathing will be your best bet. Not that BS DMT activation stuff on YouTube either. I recommend you Find a breathwork center in your city and learn from someone who regularly gets results. You'll know in 20 minutes if it's for you to not. Not to.mention most breathwork centers are also ayahuaska churches.

Hey, I didn't bother reading a lot of these comments , I just don't have the time so I'm just gonna shoot from the hip here based off your initial post. I didn't lose my v card till I was 26 lol. Once I did I realized it never actually mattered. For you, I think you have the same problem I had. You've placed sex and a relationships on a pedestal and you've formed a bunch of negative shaming ideas about why you haven't been able to succeed. Shame. That's your biggest enemy. The idea that something is wrong with you. That you need to do something to be lovable, be a certain way other than the way you are to be lovable. This inner problem is what needs to be resolved which is why therapy is probably needed for you. Before I met my now long term girlfriend I was on some self loathing, red pill, mgtow type stuff. I had a bunch of bad ideas about women and myself and every women I encountered could tell it. It's like they could sense the danger lurking within me. Now I understand that what I truly needed was someone to help me confront my feelings of being incomplete. My therapist and teacher helped me with this. Psychedelics helped with this as well. Ultimately getting a partner who was willing to let me climb out of my anxious attachment style was what helped the most but I never would have been able to land her without my therapist and psychedelics doing a lot of the pre game work. I hope you don't commit suicide dude. I hope you resolve your rage. There is hope though, I was just like you. It's got nothing to do with your looks or your weight or anything else anyone else but you can see. It's about what your intimacy. The parts of you that only you experience. That rage, that pain, that feeling of missing out on something. It's all within you. Bring it out to light so a therapist can help you heal it or take a psychedelic trip about it. Love ya bro!

For me breathwork really helps. An hour out of my day I put my headphones in, do some breathwork, trip balls and then come back. It's enormously healing and easy to do. Plus you get a much deeper experience than you get from pot. It's a non negotiable for my sobriety. Hope this helps!

In my own experience of the 5meo dmt peak nothing happens at all. You realize that you've been the source of happening all along. Nothing happens at that place. Nothing ever changes there either. The peak is plain and regular. Ordinary like an old trinket on a table. It's just you. The feeling of being you. It is not the feeling of being 'something' but moreso the ordinary, plain feeling of being, period. It is only when reality splits up again that you feel amazing, That you've discovered some absolute truth long forgotten. Then you forget again what you are and begin to wonder what you are and the cycle repeats.

So I've had a few times where I smoked pot and re entered the 5meo experience. Here's a report/ ramble on my latest one. I sat outside on my back porch and took a few tokes of pot I had bought earlier that day. My last bit of pot for a while, I'm going to quit for some time and get more stable (I said to myself.) I found myself in a state where I was overwhelmed with consciousness of the fact that reality is. But what is it? I wondered as I looked to my hand, and other objects around me. In this state of consciousness scale, time and 'real-ness' fluctuated. I could more easily split consciousness up into its seven parts. Sight, sound, feelings, mind, smells, tastes and of course, the transcendent 'Reality', or Truth which can be discovered amongst all of them. Part by part I became conscious of each facet and one by one I found the inherent True Nature of each of them. Each thing its own enigma, its own mystery. Deep within each, the same insight. I am. Yes! Affirm, Affirm! Yet,when a monk asked Joshu if a dog had Buddha nature, Joshu replied NO. What is NO? My spacial dimension began to warp around as I stared into a column on the back porch. At some points it presented itself as light years away and others only inches. The spacial dimension of things was fluctuating rapidly. Sometimes it felt as though my entire visual field was spinning and other times it felt as though it were all about to crash against some 'floor' of existence. I tried my best to surrender into each experience as they all eventually led to the same truth. This sense of being 'Okay'. It is hard to communicate something that neither does or does not exist, something which cannot be seen or experienced but can only be. The mind yearns for some kind of experience of it and so it appears as peace, but since it itself is not an experience the mind is left bewildered even still. Can something be True if it cannot be experienced? What if experience has fuck all to do with the Truth? Gonna preach for a sec. The reflection of the Truth is this deep underlying peace which resides in your belly, just two inches or so below your belly button. It underlies all changes in the facets of human consciousness (the six senses as well as the mind) as well as any other phenomenal experience possible. It is the only sensation you can be aware of that is not limited or produced by something finite. When, during my 5meo dmt experience I experienced this same insight, it was because my body had fallen away, my mind had fallen away, things were changing so rapidly that I lost track of any sense of self. When even the last thing disappeared this peace remained. This is because this peace which is hidden in your belly just two inches or so below your belly button is no other than your own face, looking back at you through the waters. The Truth, having nothing at all to do with either side, the seer or the seen, is not changed or bothered by anything manifestation of this process and appears as awareness. But the truth is not awareness. The Truth is prior to even awareness. The experience ended rapidly after peaking for about an hour and I was left with a refreshed state of mind. As though I had had a long drink after nearly dying of thirst.