Esilda

anyone else find it weird that "they" never seem to talk about the perfect emotional control of a woman? these sorts of things often seem so one sided and narrow. it feels disempowering to me as a woman as well for emotional control is what I'm trying to build within myself as I know how stressful my own reactions can sometimes be for others. We're just expected to be 'irrational', when there's something more here. to just expect my partner, even my now present bf that I'm on a break with to always put up with my stuff no matter what is just something I never asked of him . He's a bit neglectful though as well, he also doesn't really seem to fully understand his emotions. It feels like these things really lack balance, who r we listening to? I need help with a lot of things but I'm not stupid either after-all my job involves me always helping. It feels very "boxy", square peg in a round hole anyone? For my list above: 22. Emotional understanding and emotional maturity I don't really know what to write here yet only that I would try to match it.

wat the daily spice says us ladies should be going for https://thedailyspice.com/qualities-of-a-good-man/ struggling to come up with ideas.... financial security... looks... these are just too cultural and well known #6. tho, I'm not a career woman... i found that one a bit weird #8. sounds a bit too unrealistic, just that use of the word "perfect"

reposting... What I want in a man? Preface: presently my partner and I are on a break. We need our values redefined. #1. Loyalty - I am a loyal person and I expect absolute loyalty. #2. Growth - I am growth oriented and I want a partner who is more evolved than me but not too much more evolved to be a part of my growth and me there's. #3. Supportive - I want a partner who will support me through all of my struggles as I will theirs. #4. Loving - I want my partner to be extremely loving as I am extremely loving. I have a couple of attachment issues but if given the right space and attitude I can "make sense of it all" as we go along. #5. Height - You must be taller than me but not by too much. I am 5'3, I want to be with a guy that is at least 5'5. #6. Dominant - I want a dominant man who knows what he wants, who forms his own views of the world and has a clear direction and focus. #7. World focus - I want to be with a guy that wants to be a part of changing the world as this is what I really want to be a part of I just don't have a complete direction to help me there but I have a lot of ideas. #8. No players, gamers - You may see a lot of women or something like this but its not like that's a core part of your life, you ultimately want to find a certain woman who you can stand by and she can stand by you. You get how toxic the dating market it and instead of believing that women just go along with that market you'd prefer to find a woman who sees through it too rather than trying to play the game. #9. Creative - creativity is like my most important on part with number one but these things... I am not the most creative person but the guy I want to be with has to be super creative. That's just what I value. I will follow his lead if he is above me. #10. Trust - you have to trust me and I have to trust you. I've been hurt so like the attachment stuff I mentioned right? Take it slow, one step at a time and even if we accidentally hurt each other... Faith if the chemistry is there. They're like... my top ten... for now... Adding some more: #11. Sexually experienced - I have only been with 3 people my entire life, though I know my stuff. Society has both pushed me to be promiscuous and not, I have just stayed true to my inner intuition and kept myself contained. All of my sexual experiences have led to a relationship and I expect nothing different. I don't care how many people you have been with just so long as its not too much but I need you to know things that I don't know. I want to be shown new things, I want to explore new things. #12. Life purpose - I want our life purpose to be aligned. Even if it isn't at the moment, are we working together to join forces on something? My father and mother ran a business together, I just loved that. They had their bickering every so often, sometimes daily in some ways but they always sorted things out with each other. No, we don't have to get married or married right away. My present partner is a doctor in the hospital I work in, I really feel though that we may be coming to an end though so many new things are coming up for me in my life at the moment that I'm unsure. #13. Mental toughness - I am not the most mentally tough woman, I'll admit that hands down. But I need my man to be mentally tough. I WILL I WILL I WILL I WILL do my best and I am doing my best to get more mentally tough each day. I want my man to help me. My COOPERATION. THAT I can give you. My love... THAT I can give you. I just have some weaknesses here so I need some accommodation. On this area though I need my man to be strong. I'll be the first woman to admit that sometimes, I just lose my shit. I do. Are you still going to be there for me? I will admit my mistakes. #14. Not a porn addict. LOL I'm just struggling to come up with more at the moment. Why porn? I've just excluded 99.99% of guys here maybe . Is that totally a bad thing though? #15. Sense of humour. YeS. SenSe. Of. HuMoR. #16. is moving to enlightenment... wants to be enlightened... understands enlightenment... I'm... in case you haven't noticed yet.... not enlightened... but it defeats the purpose... this is where the life of creation and love is taking me to at this point in my life... my present partner/bf (we're on a break)... just isn't interested in these ideas / not open minded enough for me.... I want to be with a guy that is more advanced than me as well on these subjects because I've been so departed from that in my regular life... i just have.. regular joes if you get me in my social life... which is good... fine... lovely... its not though where i am moving romantically / is not where I am moving for a lifelong partner #17. Secure Attachment Style - are you insecure coz I'm not. Yeah. The more secure the better. Double standards I know but I do make up for it in other ways... I make an awesome dinner... . I'm not desperate though I do want love and know how to give it. I have an anxious preoccupied attachment style, I don't care what you were before other than caring about your history but I need you to have a secure attachment style now for where you are in your history. I just... I can't deal with all the stuff that comes with other attachment styles, my own insecurities are enough to deal with stuff on the anxious attachment style - https://integrativelifecenter.com/wellness-blog/anxious-preoccupied-attachment/#:~:text=Anxious preoccupied attachment is an,our relationships later in life. #18. Traveling - I have been wanting to travel for quite some time, I have money saved up. About 8 years ago I traveled to South America all the way up to Canada (so including the USA) then I went throughout Europe. I traveled for about 3 years with my boyfriend at the time. There are other countries I wish to visit when COVID becomes looser I'd like to take the opportunity to go with my partner of this time, whoever this is going to be (my break with my boyfriend is mutual, we have known each other a while, he has tried to take in my interests but doesn't go the whole way). I can make compromises/negotiate. #19. Organised - be organised as I am not the most organised person. I can get frazzled pretty easily. I need help keeping order with things. I can follow routines and I don't mind cleaning I just need someone helping me there. I need a guy to be a planner and strategiser, someone that thinks of the future as I'm more in the moment, experiencing the full spectrum of life. Sometimes too much in my past but really its just being in touch with everything #20. Be well groomed and fit - I want a guy that grooms himself well and looks after his body well. #21. No reckless activities - you may have done reckless stuff in the past and even in the present but with me, the only reckless things I feel are warranted are like.... if I need you to protect me. So hobbies like skydiving, rock climbing in risky places are a no go. I want you with me for as long as possible if we're a match. These are just confident guidelines... like I'm open to chatting about to find where the balance is... however I have to state clearly what I want and it feels so liberating for me that I'm getting more confident doing that for myself

nachos for dinner! My uncle was like the only one in my family that I liked growing up, I used to go to his place at least once every fortnight and nachos were just "our thing" that we did together lol each time He was always so good to me, he read to me, played with me, talked to me about my day, would almost let me go anywhere in his place and take me where I wanted to go when I was there, all the things that my parents were meant to do. I felt neglected by my parents his the only one that truly made me feel safe growing up, that truly made me feel like I "existed". He's still alive thankfully though he lives in Bali right now. He's always had a wise charisma about him that had a big impression on me. I've never really known him as an adult though I feel like its about time I reconnected with him. He was a part of a "biker gang".

An AMAZING experience I had this time in the isolation tank, for whatever reason in a REMOTE VIEWING sense I saw all kinds of Russia v. Ukraine conflicts so right now I'm doing HEAPS AND HEAPS of research on it now MAYBE I'll upload all of my other INTUITIONS later before the night ends! Look at this cute little girl being saved from the area, its so sad that so many civilians haven't been protected in the way they needed to be it made me cry. God I couldn't imagine having to deal with those STRESSFUL circumstances right now! I feel a little guilty just laying there in the tank!

Love. Off to the tank again.

@YeahIam i don't really have any insights right now. just wishing you well and hope you can learn to feel and see urself better

@Yoremo imagination

leave me alone now please. thank u. wishing u peaceful day

this made me feel safe , in fun idea mode now

@WelcometoReality is this where we use the "I" to validate each other in our illusory void that we're using to communicate to each other through?

@Shawn Philips I am re-commencing therapy next week for a few different situations; love, family, past bad experiences, coaching. You've gotta open up to someone that can help you heal if not a therapist. Weekly. I know that it's so difficult though, our heads can become such messes sometimes, wishing you well .

@Austin Actualizing when we're young we don't know the world, us girls follow each other as well. Our preferences grow and develop. I wouldn't want to be with a rockstar that was toxic, didn't understand the world.

@integration journey my bf and I r on a break. I wish he was more needy.

@WokeBloke mind is water. splash how you want. control the mooji storm (watched mooji today)... or seas

@WokeBloke splash, splash. Awareness moves.. sees itself. Calm waters. No existence. The void.

@WokeBloke oh

@Ulax regrets r difficult . Wishing you love.

@WokeBloke isn't ur awareness non-existence?

arrived back from my family breakfast (none of us really get along and my parents... triggering).... we do it every few weeks or so... leaving for the tank again (higher, higher UP on this page #14 YEPPY #14) in a few hours

synchronicity while researching enlightened people on the ytube, she kind of looks like me lol a little weird for me to post this but I just thought it was a cute video its weird for me coz i am a little attracted to her, i have some bisexual tendencies. never explored though... being 'attracted to urself', probably some mental disorder lol joking

doing research on enlightened people in the world, searching for different experiences

@RickyFitts onto the third chapter of the power of now.... now this whole thing about time though.... i feel like i still have to make sense of it... obviously.... eckart tolle though, i like him and i'd like to meet him face to face

@RickyFitts I feel so much more positive after my experience in the tank! I just feel so much more centered, in myself and my feminine energy now Have just been writing privately about the different things I saw in my imagination. Day 1 down 1 more session to go!

what does this look like? what are the colours? the lights? the dreams? my meditation while in the isolation tank