Esilda

I've been looking into the past and trying to make sense of all the feelings I have about it. I already see a therapist but I have to push myself to do more. I experienced a lot of trauma in my childhood and I still have difficulties forming trust in relationships. I am not so sure that I have serious emotional problems anymore but I still feel so agitated, anxious and frustrated sometimes and I don't know how to control this all the time. I have exercises but I just become so overwhelmed. I want this to be some kind of honest account of my truth. Me understanding my ego, how its been hurt, how my hurt continues to hurt me in ways I don't know about. I want to be free of all of this and I want my development of my writing skill here to help me through this.

I love this! I ABSOLUTELY cannot relate though I'm open minded, your experiences seem so unique and individual. I am now just digging deeper into my spirituality so I am opening myself up to many new perspectives thank you for sharing May I ask, do you have any resources or personal ideas about these other dimensions that help a beginner like myself better?

@Spence94 I've never tried Kriya Yoga Spence! I'm a Wim Hof girl through and through! Thank you , if you have any links to share on kriya I'd love to hear them

@Surfingthewave What reflections do you have about presence? I'd love to hear them if you'd care to share . For my meditation by the way I do wim hof, that gets me present more than anything else I have tried

@Jai What meditation do you do? I have been doing research on them I would LOVE to find out your insights here ! I'm sold to Wim Hof at a small price but expensive LT maintenance, the cold showers I'm used to though.

New transition... New transition... New transition... New transition... Please respect

@RickyFitts Figuratively a sister, otherwise that's a bit weird but yes this is true

@Loba I've commented a lot on other peoples journals as well though, I don' tget it I don't want to stop either, I like socialising . @RickyFitts its alright darl nothing to worry about just take it in ur stride . Hoping you can join too Loba. Peacefully

@r0ckyreed Difficulty understanding me. It's okay have a good day

@RickyFitts @Loba Respectfully, please take any dispute you two may have with one another via PM. Thanks so much to the both of you for being supportive . Let's keep the energy here right .

Enlightened rebel .

@Loba its almost like they're getting their own gender pronoun soon

@RickyFitts I feel the same way Ricky . I felt really insecure sometimes here and peoples comments really helped me a lot . @Loba Cute sunset . Thank you as well Loba, you were one of the first people to make me feel welcome on the forum.

@r0ckyreed just feels a bit narcisissistic, it feels u're making a fantasy over something very simple and pure. like goals and future doesn't have to be ego when u're just using your mind. why would simply using ones mind/brain be ego? it makes no sense.

@RickyFitts thank you for being supportive it really means a lot to me, I would have left the forum a lot earlier otherwise if people weren't . People reaching out has helped a lot in the past

I'm just unsure as to why this is a great achievement though. This has never really been that difficult for me. I'm not enlightened though.

@patricknotstar all incels don't know themselves though. I know that the depths of knowing myself as a woman, no matter how much my looks will go with age, negates all categories like these . They're the people that do all the misunderstanding. They want acceptance though, all people do. They need to understand this to understand themselves more fully and escape this nonsense, have self compassion for themselves, one another and all.

@r0ckyreed I feel like this is like setting the bar really low for the heights of enlightenment to be fair.

@RickyFitts Oh its NOT that lol, just simply not interested in the persons. Impress then there won't be distress! NEW TRANSITION! Moving forward... Somewhere within me.... this journal is now dedicated to my transition from trauma to my journey to enlightenment. My body has felt so "activated" throughout my life that I have to spend a lot more time deconditioning a lot of my behaviour. For whatever that's worth.. Jumping into that mystery....

Oh wow!!! Checkin out now! F.a.s.c.i.n.a.t.i.n.g.! I work in a hospital as a nurse and I have had conversations with former patients about their near death experiences so this is right up my alley!

I am a fear prone animal so please be sweet and kind . A clear "N...O" to dick pics. (won't have to worry about anymore ) And yes to pictures of cute animals! Thank yoU! ... last time I put up a picture of myself publicly though yikes! ...

NO MORE UNDESIRED GAWKERS NO MORE UNDESIRED SEXUALLY EXPLICIT PM'S Honestly.... Flattered but... NO. I've made it perfectly clear that I have a bf that we're just on a break right now. It's been rather weird anyway... observing my own face constantly... its made me feel a little insecure actually, noticing all of my little flaws... I feel much freer being myself on here without my own face as my profile picture Feeling good, feeling refreshed, feeling cosy, about to go the afternoon spa .

Changed my profile photo = undesirable attention on the forum. Feeling like I'm being gawked at by guys here. Just makes me feel weird.

Yes. It's so difficult to not only just find someone that fits this but that isn't brainwashed, can have their own thoughts.

@Julian gabriel not .