Hi all. So lately I've been feeling as if something in me has changed. Before I start, no I'm not depressed or suicidal. I'm a pretty happy guy. Lately I've been thinking about our desires. Have they shape us. I see people around me and they look completely miserable. Always chasing after the newest gadget, car, phone etc. Never satisfied. People constantly chasing sex, validation from others in order to feel accepted and good enough.
I use to be this way and still am some. I'm not perfect. But yesterday I had this huge shift in consciousness. I was playing video games and thought to myself, "this is a waste of time. Nothing to show for it. Rather do something that's gonna benefit me." So I packed up my console and games and sold them. It doesn't end there.
I've had a problem with porn for the past 10 years. I've tried to quit multiple times. But last night I was lying in bed and had a urge to watch porn and do the deed. I thought about all the times I relapsed and how I felt afterwards. It became truly clear it's not worth it anymore. It'll never be enough. Never make you truly happy. Neither will sex.
After that thought, I felt another shift. Urges were gone. I feel happy now. Content. Whole. Don't need external validation anymore. I'm in love with myself after all the years of self hate. I no longer want these petty desires that end up consuming you. I want to explore who I am more and reality. I've had some experiences and two mini awakenings.
I let go of alot last night. Old baggage I've kept holding onto for so long. Beliefs, people who hurt me I've forgiven and let go, the hate for myself and forgiving myself. For everything.
