Marcel

Seems a new era has started. I never imagined my wife not to be on this forum. I suppose some things have to fall apart to fall into place. Exciting times ahead.

Rebirth and Reconstruction. Vacant eyes are glowing once more. Energy flows freely. Emotions and Thoughts synchronise. Heart and Mind unified. Peace and Tranquillity take hold. The path forward shrouded in mystery. The path backwards finally completed. The Cycle is broken. Butterflies and Adrenaline. Power surging. Intuitions become reality. Ambitions realised. Gratitude experienced. New Paradigms arise. Progress is made. Evolution quickens. Destiny unfolds. The Universe collapses and starts a new in a violent eruption of raw potential. I emerge.

I had a nice unintended almost 4 hour meditation today. I didn’t realise I could do that, really didn’t think I was capable of upholding it for that amount of time. It made me realise how much unrest there still was and is in my system. I usually don’t meditate on anything specific and let my mind do whatever it does, watching it observantly as it swerves between and sometimes gets stuck in one or the other past or future thing, circling between concepts or experience and at times settling in the oddest corners or specifics, that I have forgotten even existed in my mental space. I still have work to do when it comes to staying in the present moment, but I can definitely say my capabilities have improved.

Thank you 😊 It is incredible and we‘re both very thankful for the platform. It has a special place in our hearts.

I realised that in the past, for quite some time, I did spiritually in a vacuum, almost disconnected from the world at large. In a way I’ve never been really part of a community for an extended period of time before. I always reverted back to me, myself and I. Am I glad those times are over. My tendency of avoidance and self-isolation was very crippling, stepping out of it was quite a challenge.

You are incredibly inspiring hun I know firsthand because I get to see the behind the scenes everyday and I am continually amazed how you move forward, face challenges and handle yourself. You have faced so much in your life and despite everything you are the kindest, sweetest, hopeful, wholesome and most gentle person in the world. I love you so much. My wonderful wife. I can barely find the words to describe how awesome of a person you are in real life. I am very lucky and grateful to be with you. We will master this rocky journey together, you and me eternally side by side ❤️

I always believed that if I was going to do anything right in life I would need an accurate, deep understanding of it. In a way I was correct all along and in other ways this very train of thought derailed my life quite a lot. Truth seeking is such a messy process.

Had a bit of hiccup this week. My rate of progress fluctuated between skyrocket- and plummeting. Intense spurts coupled with deserts of action. Still have a bit of “from one extreme to the next” behaviour in my endeavours, curious how this habit has stayed with me from early childhood till now. From doing no meditation one day to 3 hours the next and everything in between throughout the last couple of weeks. Same with working out, from barely anything to hours and everything in between. I have some more work to do in regards to structured consistency. I find my self lost in thought more then I’d like to, it has its uses, but can also be a giant distraction at times. I can see more and more that I used to escape into fantasy and unconsciousness in my teens because of my difficult family situation. It’s wild to look back at how I used to act, traverse through the world and think about it. Having worked out most past issues I feel a bit lost in which direction to go. There was a time I thought I had figured out my life purpose, worked very hard at it, only to realise years later it was an unworkable project, so to speak and i had to leave it behind, which was a monumental task in itself. Well. Well. Interesting times ahead. A lot is going in the right direction, so I’m optimistic about the near and far future.

Thank you 😊

After experimenting a bit I came to the conclusion that I meditate best laying on my back. Laying on my tummy puts me to sleep quite quickly, sitting in any sort of lotus position makes me oddly self conscious and feels generally uncomfortable.

A randomly found a good concept for working on judgement of self and other today. Imagine a courtroom, but you are the judge, the jury, the person being judged even the defendant and at any point in time you can leave this room, leaving all judgment behind, since you have no obligation whatsoever to stay, let alone listen, to the verbal onslaught there present, besides which has only the amount of meaning you give it, reflected in your response of optionally grace or anger / shame. You are free to wander into any “room” of your choosing. Yet sometimes the court room draws you back in, often out of familiarity or guilt. Sooner or Later your visits will shorten and at once cease, leading to the disappearance of the entire courtroom to begin with.

Did a 2h 30 Min meditation today. While doing so the phrase: “Before enlightenment chop wood carry water. After enlightenment chop wood carry water.” Echoed through my mind tying in with. “Be in the World, but not of the world” I feel right at the cusp of a mental breakthrough that I can’t quite put in words yet. Exciting

Well that was uneventful. What An unattended grill can cause. Moving so many cars and personal. Incredible

Today is a good day. I’ve always found it incredibly odd when people go „ugh it’s Monday“. It screams to me that they need to rethink their entire life and how they approach it. Mondays are awesome. A new week of this dazzling adventure hurtling through this cosmos on our, in comparison, insignificantly small earthly spaceship. Everything is Exciting. Even Staring at a wall is exciting. I sometimes wonder how people can possibly become bored, you have a marvel of a mind that can create anything and out of all of it it creates boredom?! The timing lmfao Just as I write that my peeper went of and I’m off. This day will be exciting. Let’s goo

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_zCDvOsdL9Q

If you are given everything you can never truly appreciate it. You don’t know what you had until it’s lost is very much a true saying. The human mind is very quick to get used to things and conditions and taking things for granted.

May have a chance to see a bit of Stage red in action today. Just hope there won’t be too much work for us paramedics.

+1 Definitely. Wifey effects are a blessing

To my surprise my sleep schedule is very consistent nowadays. It used to be so all over a place. I had a Phase that looked like this 2-3 months ago, by far the most extreme one. 2 hours of sleep for 7 days 10 hours of sleep for 3 days 4 hours of sleep for 5 days 7 hours of sleep for 2 days I still don’t understand how I only managed to sleep 14 hours in an entire week back then. It would flip flop like this every couple of days. Am I glad this is finally resolved and I now sleep consistently and mostly well.

Im getting better and better at staying present throughout the day.

*pats my carrot and feels her smooth skin ❤️

I believe I don’t write and express myself more because I haven’t quite found and also settled into my authentic self yet. Sometimes I write a long paragraph and after reading it delete it again, never seeing the light of day. I often don’t identify with what I write as if it came from someone else feather. I usually like to resolve mental confusion or chaos by sitting with and observing it, without interfering, letting it run it’s course and shifting my attention to more peaceful seeds I plant in the mental garden of mind. I used to feel that writing about it was distracting, but nowadays I slowly come to appreciate it. I do my best not to obsess about every word I choose and the sentence structures I create too much.

After watching Leo’s new episode I had an insight about my own behaviour in the past. I had reasoned myself out of direct experience for a period of time when I was younger. I distinctly remember at age 18 I refused to go out, talk to people, or to make new experiences, staying at home taking care of my mentally ill mom in hopes I could help her and thought all answers could be found in contemplation, meditation, books etc. So I completely discounted direct experience, something I only came to realise bit by bit after I was snapped back out of that state over time. The amount of mental gymnastics that were involved in this undertaking was tremendous. I didn’t see things for what they were but through this filter I had set up, which looking back was probably a lot of avoidance and escapism, in some ways coming back to bit me, but also benefitting me. Also. The way I studied things was very one sided, I was fascinated and obsessed with the nature of reality, god realisation etc. but entirely neglected practical life skills for quite some time. Something I have remedied by now, but it did very much effect my self esteem at times, when I was for example supposed to handle things like a power drill and forgot to put in the bits, giving up putting up a screw into it demoralised. That was quite embarrassing, but also a good lesson. I overdo things often and need to readjust after collapse, embarrassment or failure. But, the older I get these situations appear less and less, because by now I can generally see it coming before it happens and take necessary action in time.

I made an important observation while working out today. It’s not my body that gives out first, it’s my mind. I believe the reason for this is, when a Workout gets intense, muscle start aching, repetitions feel impossible, It forces the mind to be very present and grow, but if im not able to be present for any reason, it gives out and the tension diffuses into stopping the exercise instead of overcoming a limit.