Marcel

I’ve genuinely spent 15 years, actually let’s say 10 years actively, trying to understand and help her. From 14-24. Its not that simple. She has mental illness and a whole lot of trauma on top of that. Her mother committed suicide when she was 18 and she lost her best friend to alcohol abuse. There’s only so much I can do, even with the best of intentions and a decade of giving it my all to the point of complete exhaustion and beyond. The underlying problem is. She really doesn’t want to live anymore. I don’t know if mdma would make a difference. Also. She takes quite strong medication. So I don’t know if doing mdma is a good idea

I think it can only truly be practiced one way. You are everything. You are doing everything that has ever happened and will ever happen. Every Problem is your Problem and Every Solution is your Solution. Or as Neville Goddard put it: „No one to change but self“ Because that’s all there is. YOU “The world is you pushed out“

Thank you hun. I love you 💝💍

Thanks Leo. I think I need to give you your flowers right now. Because you have influenced my life A whole lot for the better. The first self-help product I ever bought was your life purpose course. To be honest I didn’t even entirely complete it back then. 5 years ago. Man that feels so far in the past. Almost like a different lifetime. It was an important starting point. I, at the time, falsely concluded that my life purpose was to help my mom beat mental illness. It just felt „right“ at the time. I was to blind and young to see that I felt responsible for the completely wrong reasons and that that’s not my job in the first place. I entirely neglected my own life for a good decade, before i finally was able to turn things around. After not really being able to help her, even after everything I tried over the years. Which was a very bitter pill to swallow. I had accumulated over 5000 handwritten pages of notes that i threw away out of sheer disappointment in myself. Its a long long story. I’ll spare you the endless details and ups / downs. All I’m going to say is. This whole situation started when I was 9. So you can imagine that I was very very misguided and naive by the time I was 20 and stayed home for years on end in the illusion and hope that helping my mom beat mental illness was my life purpose and the right thing to do, leading to praise and achievement. Im 25 1/2 now. Left that part of my life mostly behind and have my sights set on new mountains to climb. That actually fulfil me. Still spent quite a bit of time with my mom. Maybe I can’t quite help the way I wish I could. But I can still be there for her as a son and love her unconditionally. Because she’s my mom after all. It’s very tough to accept that some people just can’t be helped beyond a certain level, no matter how hard you try, especially if it’s family. But. I have learned a myriad of incalculably valuable lessons and had intense experiences that will serve me well for the rest of my life. I have probably watched your entire catalogue on YouTube and read a lot of the books on your booklist. It was and is a great help along this difficult path. Thank you Leo. You helped me tremendously to change and shape my life. I’m forever grateful. Marcel

For sure. But better young and now then late or never. I’m grateful for it 🙏

Holy. That really does sound quite annoying. Still live with her as well. Definitely forces a very conscious way of relating. It sucks. But I’ll take it as a learning opportunity. With gratitude.

Absolutely. Living in a household like this, is immensely difficult and the average person will never understand this struggle. By „winning“. I didn’t mean win her over. I’m way beyond that by now. I tried just about everything over the years and it nearly destroyed me on every level. Learned many valuable lessons because of that. I’m spending less and less time with her, still not entirely through with this process, because as you said, it’s very easy to fall back into helper mode. Also. My view is different. I don’t see her as a demon. I totally understand why you would see my mom or yours like that though. Once i was deep in spirituality and realised everything is love, in varying degrees. I’ve decided then and there that I would not harbor any resentment towards her. No bitterness. No anger. No revenge. Just love and gratitude. Nothing more and nothing less. Im letting go of all of it. Well. Slowly. I also made a decision to not let anyones actions or words dictate my emotional state in any way shape or form. It’s very freeing to take absolute accountability in that manner. Challenging. But absolutely worth it.

Yeah. I’m aware of that. Just letting the feeling of responsibility go. Be it guilt induced or not is very much challenging. I will definitely spent less time with her. Work absolutely helps. It’s just that after work I’m home and I still can’t quite find the courage to finally move out and leave this part of my life behind me. Thank you for all the kind words and suggesting an action plan Still have my struggles feeling proud of myself. Despite everything I often feel like a failure. Even though there was nothing to be failed. Trying to help someone who doesn’t actually want help is an impossible task. One that I shouldn’t have taken on to begin with, but at least I was able to learn from it.

I meant „win“ in a very very broad sense. That’s definitely part of it.

Dear Suicide. You and I. Were truly intertwined. 3 times you nearly took my life. Knives and Pills. That’s it? I’m disappointed. Your effort was immense yet I remain unimpressed. It takes more then this to make me fall for your tricks. You must be disillusioned. You’ve had me convinced nearly taking 95 sleeping pills 400mg each with alcohol. It would’ve killed me in due time. The glass to my lips, still your opportunity slipped. You must be pissed. I’m a fair competitor so I’d insist you try again but now I have my wife, so save yourself the time. I’m more then fine. Im thriving. I’m untouchable to you. Give up. Vanish and fade away. You can’t have my life and no one else’s as long as i am fighting. Finally give in. I know how to beat you and will rid the world of your incessant machinations. Savour your last minutes. I will end your yield. Your reign of terror is over. Indefinitely. I win. For me and the greater good. My battle with mental health issues and suicidal thoughts and attempts has swallowed half my life. But. All in all I’m very grateful. I’m grateful for my worst experiences, for my darkest nights and for the utter despair I was in for years on end without having any hope. Now I am married and successful in every metric, from health to finances and happiness . I am proud of myself and all I truly want in life is to do good and make sure no one suffers like I did and spent every possible second together with my wife. I have no idea where this lifetime will take me. All I know for certain is that i am eternally committed to my sweet and gorgeous wife and will forever stay ambitious and focused on the greater good in everything I am involved in. Excited 😊

Great share hun. Thank you very much 😊

Silence. I absolutely love silence. Other then that. Irrespective if I’m home or not. Sitting indoors while it rains outside and all you can hear is the rain while contemplatively staring in the distance a bit, entering my own world of insights and understanding.

I think the question needs to be framed in a brother way. Because IQ doesn’t mean a whole lot and doesn’t provide a good representation of intelligence or rather only about a very narrow field of it. Okay to be fair. I’ve only done a 15 minute test I randomly found online, so there might just be more for me to discover about it. Reasons for a drop in IQ could be plenty. The Motivation to perform well / Attitude. Ability to concentrate ( Stress, for whatever reason is definitely a factor ) Doubting one’s capabilities. Actually finding a reliable test in the first place. Or maybe just not being good in the areas that are tested to begin with. Which is okay. Not the end of the world. IQ is a poor representation of Intelligence. At least the IQ tests I’ve seen so far definitely are. Way too narrow and specific. Intelligence can’t just be broken down in a singular number in that fashion. “The bigger the model The bigger the problem“ comes to mind.

That’s a very very slippery slope. My first thought is. No, absolutely not. Im aware of exactly what you mean though and have done exactly that in the past, but have learned my lessons from it. I think if someone is heading in a way that’s “clearly” bad for them, the least thing we can do is to try and have a conversation about it with them. Without judgment. Without lecturing. Without hysteria. Without “thinking we know better” I would simple listen. Actually listen. And try to understand first and foremost. Give advice if I feel qualified to do so or show a different perspective, but will ultimately let someone make their own decisions. And even if that decision turns out bad for them. I would not go about telling them the good old “I told you so” or anything similar. Rinse and Repeat. Actually Listen. Understand the person and once again do my best to give advice if I feel qualified to give one and making sure that I tell the person that if they ever want to talk that I am always available. Basically. Having an actual relationship / friendship with someone rather then trying to become their overlord.

It seems like my life has turned into listening to one intuition and then the next and next. It’s almost like I’m being guided by an invisible hand. Not that I’m a puppet on strings. It feels like something is genuinely looking out for me and has my best interest in mind. People often call me an incredibly lucky person because I follow my intuition with blind faith. It works perfectly. Really makes you reconsider how much power actual thinking has or rather where it is supposed to be placed on the tool belt of our minds. No doubt. Thinking is very useful. I actively and consciously think all the time. But my intuitions / insights give me instant answers to problems that I couldn’t solve with endless thinking before or give me just a slight tap on the shoulder to push me in the right direction when needed. “Do less, achieve more” I thought this was complete and utter nonsense when I heard it for the first time. But it seems my experience is now slowly validating this quote. Fewer Actions. Higher intensity. Full focus. Interesting how methods change over time.

Introspection Conscious Integration of ideas Meditation ( Walking Meditation to be specific) Practicing Mindfulness I don’t know if this just counts as meditation or mindfulness. I sit down and just feel whatever feelings come up. Everything that wants to express itself is allowed to do so. Be it destructive, happy, suicidal or loving. All emotions are allowed to come out and play. It’s one hell of a party sometimes.

Agreed. I was planning to start one. It’s easier to grapple with experiences like this when they are in written form. Also. I haven’t even considered thinking about potential triggers. That’s such a game changer Thank you very much 😊

I frequently have nightmares. A lot of them revolve around me being chased by people in uniforms. All sorts of uniforms. It often has the feeling of being a resistance fighter against some sort of vicious and oppressive regime. I had one recently that ended in me being captured, tied to a chair and being killed via gunshot to the chest / heart after being chased and dragged into a bunker. I woke up right as I “died”. The real freaky thing about this particular one was that I had a pain sensation where the shot would have hit after waking up. It felt incredibly real. I’m still trying to decipher the meaning behind these particular dreams. I tend to wake up in quite a bit of a panic after such an event. Luckily I also tend calm down relatively quickly after a good 20 minutes again. Still. Having nightmares every 2-3 days on average is quite exhausting. My sleep schedule is fine otherwise. Only recently I finally get about 7 hours of good quality sleep a night. My very long time average before that has been about 4-5 hours. So I’ve definitely seen improvements. Just the frequent nightmares are new and quite bothersome at times.

Had a weird dream tonight. It seems I should open a dream journal and record all the nightmares or oddities there. Well not all dreams are like that, some are very beautiful and romantic. Still. This particular one I had just now I remember the contents off very well and how unpleasant it felt. Not really a nightmare. Just odd. I was a kind of apprentice in what I think was a steel plant and for some reason I acted in a totally apathetic manner. Which is entirely unlike me. So much so that I got sent home at lunchtime and everyone was disappointed in me, especially because I was seemingly advertised or rather recommended to this company as some sort of prodigy but I don’t know by whom or why. Then I drove home and caused an accident, which lead to my head being smashed on to the steering wheel. Then I woke up. Not exactly sure what to make of this one. Felt all around odd and uncomfortable.

@Buck Edwards Seems so lol

I don’t think the results represent me very well. Depressive fine. But narcissistic, histrionic, compulsive and hypomaniac doesn’t sound like me at all.

It’s becoming rarer that I put down things in written form. Mostly it’s about nightmares that bother me or writing love letters to my wife. Most of the things I write about are resolved before I even have a chance to write about them. I have become incredibly efficient at self-analysing and identifying what it is exactly that needs fixing and just doing it. So. I just go about doing that and let it go. Usually works perfectly fine. Only nightmares or love I still write frequently about. 99,9 % outside of forums. My love letters to my wife will continue to be written eternally. These beautiful feelings I have for her and she has for me are never ending. I know it right in my heart and soul. They run deeper and grow bigger every second. The two of us are meant for each other. Me and her fit together perfectly. The chapter of nightmares on the other hand will hopefully be closed sooner rather then later. It’s draining. Although my capacity to reenergise and recuperate is abnormal, it still pesters me quite a bit. My newest nightmares revolve around losing loved ones in all sorts of ways. From them just forgetting about me to being murdered and everything imaginable in between. Not the most pleasant feeling to wake up with. I just hope my mind is at some point done processing whatever it needs to.

Always and Forever ❤️ I love you so much hun

I really does sound a bit odd on first glance hun. But after having read all of your posts on the topic and having given it some thought. It makes total sense. These dreams / nightmares and the dynamic they play out are your mind resolving stuff. In a really creative and unfortunately exhausting way. My nightmares are different. They often involve me being hunted / chased by people in uniforms, different ones almost every time actually. Like being a resistance fighter within an authoritarian / totalitarian government. Sometimes they just randomly end in the middle while trying to escape. Sometimes they end when I’m captured. Sometimes they end in my getting killed, usually via gun.

@Buck Edwards Beautiful hun You do truly deserve it and I’m so glad you overcame your struggle of unworthiness. Seeing you grow is incredible ❤️ I really did not expect for thighs turn out as they now did when 3 months, actually almost 4 months ago by now. I finally had total clarity of what I wanted and had written all of it down in exhausting detail. It all came true in an insanely accurate manner too. We reconnected in the most serendipitous way. My intuition guided me the whole way back to you like it was always meant to be. Yours forever and eternally.