Marcel

Yes you should absolutely give it a try. You are scared? About what exactly? Well. I guess no one is quite mentally ready for it, when not having it practiced before. I suppose the main challenge is having cravings. The biggest tip I could give is not to guilt yourself for having and relaxing into them. Meaning. Acknowledging that they are there but not following them. It takes a bit of time to master this, but it’s definitely worth it. The benefits I have noticed so far are more mental clarity, self control and also appreciation for food. In a way it’s an exercise in tolerating uncomfortable feelings and being at peace with them until they disappear and are replaced by a deeper calmness. You can do it. You just have to figure out what works for you. One meal a day ( sometimes ) is a bit extreme I guess.

Ive started to do intermittent fasting in the last couple of weeks. Sometimes I only eat one meal a day and still feel full. Im starting to be very conscious about my food intake. I’m not giving into any cravings. I have no desire for sweets or snacks, something me from couple of years ago would have never believed. I used to love love crisps a lot. The questions I asked myself changed from what do I want to what does my body actually need and it really doesn’t need a whole lot. Even with working and physical exercise, the amount of food I eat is relatively low. In a way I even enjoy when my tummy is rumbling for food a bit. It’s oddly satisfying to have the self control to not give into it immediately and I wait. Fasting is giving me a lot of joy.

went for a short distance run went for after breakfast walk did half an hour of push-ups walks to the store and procures

I think you have discovered what’s called internal locus. Meaning the outcome is dependent on your own behaviour and attitude rather then having an external locus, believing outside forces outside of your personal control shape your life. Good job. Sounds like a nice morning 🐈

It’s been a while since I slept over 10 hours. I don’t feel quite refreshed though. Seems my mind is processing a lot. I had all sorts of dreams this night, from beautiful to bizarre to dark, a bit of everything came up.

That is definitely my pov right now. Very cute. Our assortment of pets will be near infinite soon ( I fear ) lol

Woke up. Does reading, running, eats breakfast and walks to work. *feels great looking forward to your return

And the best picture of the year goes to. Its the perfect expression. I swear I want a cat like this. It’s just perfect. Cute cats fine and well, but this, this is something else. Just imagine this beauty looking at you and putting the universe and yourself in its proper context. I can confidently say that this is my spirit animal. I’ve never felt so identified with a picture. Success. Failure. Every conceivable emotion and circumstance, this is the all encapsulating face. That’s the energy I want to bring everywhere I go lmfao

Did calisthenics workout Did a bit too much of it this week I feel. Muscles tightened and locked quite quickly. Could barely keep up my normal output On to studying. Studied, napped, ate lunch, took care of household stuff.

Yes hun. Let’s accountability together

Meditated for an hour today. I didn’t realise that I still had so much resistance in my body, to just be present. It felt amazing though. Also I realised how often in the past I went into negative thought spirals in / after different situations, because that was the immediate concept in my subconscious. Self blaming, worthlessness and destruction.

@Buck Edwards Yes i need to start with small breaks. I’m slowly managing to flip flop between extremes less, it often was an either or effort in the past. Also I’m judging myself less, I used to be incredibly harsh on myself. Gentleness is still swirl in progress. A thing i do still very much need to work on is overthinking, can’t help my thoughts going in every possible direction at times. Im practicing everything you suggested, meditation is generally a challenge, mindfulness is working better. I’m journaling a bit every day right now, it feels like grabbing into fog or into the darkness and pulling out what I find after tapping around with my fingertips. oh yeah the thought of „fixing“ myself is still quite prevalent, feelings of uselessness coming up here and there. Im sort of drawn to everything. I love sucking up all sorts of information from every possible place.

I understand. It’s normal to feel that way after so many past attempts. You need to slowly regain confidence in and forgive yourself. The past is the past. You can’t change what you did, but you have control over what you will do. Keep in mind that past results do not determine future results. One step in front of the other. Take it moment by moment. Have a very clear image in mind why you want to change and why it is important to you, something that’s powerful enough to keep you in line if you happen to stumble of the path or struggle to stay on course. Trusting yourself is like a muscle that needs to be trained, with proper „exercise“ as in doing the right and staying on track, however this process looks like in your case, this muscle will soon be stronger then your self doubt. Keep in mind. The first steps tend to be the most difficult. Once you get things going in the direction you desire and see the results of your emotional labour it will get easier and easier to trust yourself. You got this man. You may have failed often, but you also got up again and again, that’s what counts. You have it in you. Stick to it.

I was quite naive when I was younger. Well 5 years go. Looking back I really didn’t have a plan, rather delusions of how things might work out. A very messy up and down. I’m lucky to finally move out of this past cycle. Family is a fascinating thing. We are in the world because of them, take care of and at the same time can absolutely mess us up in the process. I truly don’t understand why most people have children, it eludes my understanding.

I realised I’m addicted to thinking and concepts, actively hindering me from being present and in the moment. Another realisation I head is that I need to stop or at minimum cut down my information intake to way lower levels and actually dig into myself. I keep looking for answers in books, videos, interviews, podcasts etc. I rarely stop to take a look „inside“. I’m often confused about differing advice and fail to ask myself what actually works for me. I need to start practicing more of the concepts I already know, instead of accumulating and contemplating them to death even more then I already have. Ceaseless discipline is a strong suit and also a trap of mine, leading to getting stuck in destructive tendencies at times. Carefully directed I can work like a well oiled machine.

Us in heaven I imagine hehe

This is the key. You awoke. Now stay awake. Yes. You messed up. Be very honest about that with yourself. Feel the pain, do yourself a factor and do not drown it out by cigarettes or alcohol, use it as fuel and vow to never wander down this same path again. Make a commitment to never gamble again. „The house always wins“ is not just a fancy saying but a mathematical certainty. It’s designed for you to lose. You got this. You have the chance to heal what was hurt. Use it wisely my friend.

I used to have a very hard time processing anger. Still challenging, but better nowadays When I was growing up I was always shut down or shamed for being angry, well for showing any negative emotion really and open communication was also quite non existent. So I bottled a lot of things up, leading to this tightrope of being enraged, feeling ashamed for it till I exploded, leading to cycles of conflict and more anger, to complete emotional breakdowns, rinse and repeat. All of that coupled with social isolation and mental health issues in my house was quite a ride. It’s not particularly nice to hear „I want to die because of you“ from a parent consistently plus being manipulated by the same person to help them with the issue that I was seemingly the cause of. Oh How I used to starve for validation and my delusional thinking of how I would attain it. I was hellbent on figuring my entire life out by myself. I can’t even remember how I must have spun in circles and drove myself insane.

You win. You accomplished your objective. I’m blushing so much. What a funny morning 🤣

Good girl* pat pat

Plot twist. The gif is actually you running towards cherries being popped in excitement rather then running away in saving attempt. Don’t kid yourself ❤️

I’m a natural 😉 *absolutely not embarrassed. Shines In sexiness. My body was forged in heaven. A vessel sculpted to perfection. Ordained with innate ability that i drew upon in this lifetime. My intense insights driving me to seek out all resources and activities that enhance my divine presence. My mind sharp and gentle. Knowing the ins and outs of all mental states, diversions and possibilities of mankind. Like a masterful chess player, manoeuvring this planet of wickedness, embracing every aspect of it with peace and love. Improving and blessing everything i touch, understanding with divine principle which buttons to press to elicit ecstasy in the one I love and adore. Being gracious and elegant in every movement I make akin to a cat escaping and trolling a pat wanting inhabitant of this earthly plane. Being ever curious about and learning more about everything in this infinite universe. Pouring everything I have into another since another is in the final analysis me. Meaning that also you are sexy of incalculable measure, just like I am.

It continues to amaze me how deep old patterns of thought and behaviour can run.

It’s weird. I always feel like bursting with creativity and wanting to create / express, at the same time I feel so stifled. Its a very uncomfortable push and pull between wanting to create and just not getting through to it. Is it perfectionism? Feeling it won’t be good enough? Fear of criticism? A happy mix of all and more? Im not trying to use up to much time in analysis and actually create more. What I’m probably just missing is more practice and allowing myself to explore my imaginary gift. I’m good at coming up with things, I just tend to over analyse and over detail everything to the point of not getting anywhere. Its time to become serious about creating.

Past Results do not determine future Results. I sometimes get stuck on past failures or things that just didn’t pan out the way I wanted it, despite my best efforts. My biggest one is and was trying to help a family member with mental illness. I gave my entire life to this cause for 3 1/2 years. But instead of helping her improve, the isolation I fell into, hearing every day how bad this person feels and that she wants to die, plus the soul crushing fact that, no matter what I tried, nothing worked I fell down quite hard. I had to send her to a psych ward myself 5 times and blamed myself for it every time. I thought I took accountability when I was pondering all the time what I could do better or what I’m doing wrong and never once ( for years ) realised that the person in question didn’t even want my help, but strung me along because I would spent time with and money on them. Which is something the person even admitted to me, after years of my life being spent in this fruitless conquest. At least I’m not mad about anymore, but I still often struggle to not fall back into helper mode, since despite not wanting my help, I get begged for it by this family member every so often and a part of me still thinks and feels, even after all this time and experience, that there is something to be done. Which was quite hard to let go off. New horizon await me. I do my best to look back with gratitude and forward with excitement.