Marcel

Did a 2h 30 Min meditation today. While doing so the phrase: “Before enlightenment chop wood carry water. After enlightenment chop wood carry water.” Echoed through my mind tying in with. “Be in the World, but not of the world” I feel right at the cusp of a mental breakthrough that I can’t quite put in words yet. Exciting

Well that was uneventful. What An unattended grill can cause. Moving so many cars and personal. Incredible

Enjoy 😘

Today is a good day. I’ve always found it incredibly odd when people go „ugh it’s Monday“. It screams to me that they need to rethink their entire life and how they approach it. Mondays are awesome. A new week of this dazzling adventure hurtling through this cosmos on our, in comparison, insignificantly small earthly spaceship. Everything is Exciting. Even Staring at a wall is exciting. I sometimes wonder how people can possibly become bored, you have a marvel of a mind that can create anything and out of all of it it creates boredom?! The timing lmfao Just as I write that my peeper went of and I’m off. This day will be exciting. Let’s goo

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_zCDvOsdL9Q

If you are given everything you can never truly appreciate it. You don’t know what you had until it’s lost is very much a true saying. The human mind is very quick to get used to things and conditions and taking things for granted.

May have a chance to see a bit of Stage red in action today. Just hope there won’t be too much work for us paramedics.

+1 Definitely. Wifey effects are a blessing

To my surprise my sleep schedule is very consistent nowadays. It used to be so all over a place. I had a Phase that looked like this 2-3 months ago, by far the most extreme one. 2 hours of sleep for 7 days 10 hours of sleep for 3 days 4 hours of sleep for 5 days 7 hours of sleep for 2 days I still don’t understand how I only managed to sleep 14 hours in an entire week back then. It would flip flop like this every couple of days. Am I glad this is finally resolved and I now sleep consistently and mostly well.

Im getting better and better at staying present throughout the day.

*pats my carrot and feels her smooth skin ❤️

I believe I don’t write and express myself more because I haven’t quite found and also settled into my authentic self yet. Sometimes I write a long paragraph and after reading it delete it again, never seeing the light of day. I often don’t identify with what I write as if it came from someone else feather. I usually like to resolve mental confusion or chaos by sitting with and observing it, without interfering, letting it run it’s course and shifting my attention to more peaceful seeds I plant in the mental garden of mind. I used to feel that writing about it was distracting, but nowadays I slowly come to appreciate it. I do my best not to obsess about every word I choose and the sentence structures I create too much.

After watching Leo’s new episode I had an insight about my own behaviour in the past. I had reasoned myself out of direct experience for a period of time when I was younger. I distinctly remember at age 18 I refused to go out, talk to people, or to make new experiences, staying at home taking care of my mentally ill mom in hopes I could help her and thought all answers could be found in contemplation, meditation, books etc. So I completely discounted direct experience, something I only came to realise bit by bit after I was snapped back out of that state over time. The amount of mental gymnastics that were involved in this undertaking was tremendous. I didn’t see things for what they were but through this filter I had set up, which looking back was probably a lot of avoidance and escapism, in some ways coming back to bit me, but also benefitting me. Also. The way I studied things was very one sided, I was fascinated and obsessed with the nature of reality, god realisation etc. but entirely neglected practical life skills for quite some time. Something I have remedied by now, but it did very much effect my self esteem at times, when I was for example supposed to handle things like a power drill and forgot to put in the bits, giving up putting up a screw into it demoralised. That was quite embarrassing, but also a good lesson. I overdo things often and need to readjust after collapse, embarrassment or failure. But, the older I get these situations appear less and less, because by now I can generally see it coming before it happens and take necessary action in time.

I made an important observation while working out today. It’s not my body that gives out first, it’s my mind. I believe the reason for this is, when a Workout gets intense, muscle start aching, repetitions feel impossible, It forces the mind to be very present and grow, but if im not able to be present for any reason, it gives out and the tension diffuses into stopping the exercise instead of overcoming a limit.