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Everything posted by Cesar Alba
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I'm in my first months of General Psychology at the university. I decided this career because I think that it will help me on my enlightenment journey but just a few weeks ago I talked to my Spritual teacher and he told me that it won't help at all, because what I'm seeking is in my inside and I can not find it in any conceptualized form. What do you guys think? Im in a point of my life that I feel stuck in this self imposed personality you know? Its like the fucking egg and the chicken, I don't know what the fuck came first. If they said I'm complicated, dramatic, introspective and good person. Or if it's like I really was complicated, dramatic, introspective and a good person and then people responded to it. All this confusion has made me take a lot of decisition to my life purpose and then when I'm in the middle of the journey I just fell that I fucked up again. I started studying Drama and I dropped it because I felt it wasn't what I was looking for, then I tried finding my way through the Hard Work and money and I started working in sales in Timeshare but I started feeling like a lack of integrity that I couldn't stand anymore so I quit. After that I started Thinking which career would work hand by hand with my spiritual journey and I thought about Psycology, but I'm so fucking afraid of realizing its not the fucking way cause I still worry about what my family and friends think about me. If I quit people won't trust me anymore and they won't help me again. im 21 years old, and since I turned 18 I haved traveled and have taken lots of choices, good ones and most of them also very stupid. I take all these decisions pointing to find my self, I start reading new books also with that in mind but, it's like, everything I learn, I experience doesn't make a real change on me and my happiness. Whats the real path? Whats the exact step by step of this journey, from the low conscience kind of person up way to the higher counsiousness? am I making the wrong questions? Cesar from México, 21 y/o. Sorry for my English, If I didn't make myself clear just tell me and I will try other way.
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Hey there, this is the thing. Ive been practicing every day non identification with thoughts (when I notice the thoughts) and also, flatering the ilusion, but, at the moment of, for example, when im writing poetry it seems like i need to distort reality, build images around the words to take readers to the Level of imagination I try to explain in the words, When im playng a roll in my Theatre class, i need to enter into a fiction whole new world and believe it, when im singing songs most of the lirycs talk about a very low conscience kind of löve and way of looking reality, its seems like Art is nothing else but a trap for me in my Enlightenment journey, and i would leave all that if thats the price, but, is it? Is Art one of the bigest feature of the ego? Or can I use art as an impulse for my purpose?...
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Hi Ive been watching the videos since one year ago, and I find fascinating everything Leo is talkthing about, i almost find more sence in hes videos than any other bible, bagavahad ghita, psicollogy, etc. Look, eight months ago I left my house triggered by a very very tóxic problems happening in my family, i went to live with my father at Cancún, México. Hes works as a timeshare salesman an so do i, i invent this story that i made that desicion beacuse i wanted to travell to India, and i almost forgot the real reason, the problem is that i find my self taking these kind of decisions my Whole life, lol, im 20 but still my life is short, its running and i dont wnat to be like this my whole life! i dont like selling timeshare, i mean, a part of me loves the part of manipulation, its gives my ego a very real sense of control, because sells, is that, manipulation and more manipulation, but at the time of reading and looking videos about enlightenment it makes me feel that i hate the kind of Job, in the last Months ive been achieving some things and the most great for me is my independncy from my father, i love to analize human mind and meaning of life, i know that the most important thing about life is becoming enlightened but, how am i supossed to do it if i have no plan, nothing clear in my mind, shit... Im so confused! i have no career, nothing to loose, nothing to win at this moment, i need to make a decition, i want to change my life, but the question is wich way? I love music, writing, psicology, manipulation, but i need something that my true self tells me, gro for it, and actually do it, beacause my wholle life, ive been acting so unconcious, im sick of it, i need help please! excuse my poor grammar. Cesar from Mexico.
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That you very much guys. Also, i want to say that, there is like an internal conflict betwen the latest Leos videos and me, for example i know that sex or girls are not going to fill this emptyness in me, but i still watch porn, i still desire so much being with a lot of women, money, power, succes, etc. All those external things are not going to give me that fullfillment but i still desire it, and the worst is that i am allready very lazy to pursue goals, but when i listen to all these new stuff Leos realising i my ego uses it to get me frozen and not do anything at all. I guess im to greña for this new kind of videos, but they seeme so true for me, any way, as Leo say, Believe him is useless, i have to expirience it, and i feel so far from that point.