Myagooshki

This website doesn't always give the best information but I don't know who you're calling damaged. I've seen your posts on this website before and I wouldn't call you damaged, but I'm gonna ask you why you think I'm damaged, why you randomly suggest daily meditation habits. No I don't meditate. I used to though. See, you DON'T know who I am, and I am not at square one, but I don't like it when people on this website go over the top with overly basic platitudes and they really don't get into details. You're assuming I don't diet, you're assuming I don't exercise, you're assuming I don't sleep well, you're assuming I need to make more friends, where are you getting this from? What do you think my bad lifestyle habits are? Tell me from what I said what I need to improve on specifically because you're the one giving these specific recommendations. Lastly, the question in this post is me asking how should I feel, not what should I do. So I'd like THAT to be addressed, primarily.

Don't worry about whether or not you come off as creepy. If you've been reading enough self help resources, you probably have a good idea of what other people think "creepiness" "is". If you yourself don't think it's creepy, other people might not think it's creepy either but rather they're pretending that they do because they're playing games with you. Do you know how to recontextualize conversations? So if somebody says to you "hey pussy" you don't be like "don't talk to me like that!" you be like "you're very boring and uninteresting and I do not want to have this conversation bye bye" or something. Just continue to talk to people and if they tell you to go away start making fun of them. Go away, but have the last word. A lot of people won't really tell you to go away though, and those are the people that you can start finding friends from. Maybe the aggressive people too, but that's harder to do. YOU develop your own sense of what is "creepy" and what isn't, and then act as if you're not creepy, but other people who call you creepy are stupid. I'm assuming you're not doing actual creepy stuff like sniffing girls hair you're just saying things that people think are "retarded".

Nubile Films creates porn videos that are more similar to the real thing. I stopped watching as much porn as I used to because these days the porn is getting all hardcore and goofy.

I don't think that my past is ideal, regardless of what "normal" is. If most normal people are inferior, why should I feel good about being inferior? The present is an accumulation of the past. The past exists in the way that you do things and say things because you only know what you know and you don't know what you don't know. And what you know comes from the past. What you're able to imagine also comes off of what you know. So this is generally why people tell you to recontexualize things, because even if your past was jack shit absurd and awful you can still "act as if" you had a different past than the one that you had. I don't think it's fair to say that "the ego" is the thing that creates the thoughts that randomly come up. What I will call it is a form of "internal input". I have a division between what I call "internal input" and "internal output". Internal input is, you're walking down the sidewalk, and automatically, you think of a penguin for whatever reason. You did not ask for the penguin to pop up in your mind. It just did. Internal input is when you're walking down the sidewalk and automatically you remember that time that you were eating sushi with your friends. It just randomly came up. It was a good time, that sushi venture. Internal input is also when your mind says "hey buddy why are you going for a walk? you could be more productive right now." and maybe that triggers you a little. Internal output is when you notice the penguin and you are like, hmm, lemme give that penguin a jetpack, now it's a flying penguin. Ha! No longer a flightless bird! Internal output is when you try to recall the feeling of the way that you felt and see if you can reproduce that feeling in your body or something because you liked it. Internal input is when you think "hmmm, do I need to be productive right now? Maybe I do and maybe I don't, lemme think, well I did actually do thing x already and I didn't finish thing y but I don't necessarily have a deadline for that but I'm going to walk just one block instead of two blocks and then go back and continue working on thing y". And arguably without the internal input of the guy getting nasty maybe you wouldn't have thought about finishing up thing y. Sometimes healthy internal output requires toxic internal input. At least, this is why I am skeptical of eliminating toxic internal input. And of course I might argue that ALL of what I just said is still technically "ego" so I don't think it's useful to look at it that way. But sometimes I feel like internal output only goes so far and it can only really get me to be a certain level of productive. I don't know where to start with points three and four, you'll probably get a lower fidelity response than what you got scrappily put together with point one but let's talk about one and two first.

with all due respect it seems like you're parroting a lot of self help advice without actually going into my situation very much. Experience with an escort doesn't "count" because I didn't earn that sex socially, I paid for it with money. At least that's the argument. And one of my arguments against the idea that "I am a virgin" in general is because of my separate experiences which when added up basically adds to at least one sexual encounter. Right? Like, I almost went down on that chick that came over to my house, I had my LDR where I had regular video chat sex, and I fucked the prostitutes. Not to mention that the first prostitute I was able to get it up with (technically the second I saw) I told her it was my first time and I feel like she kinda made it awkward on purpose as to make it feel like it was my first time fuckin a chick I brought over to my house or something. Also I first started hitting a cervix but I thought it would feel more like a trampoline or something but all that happened was that my dick just wouldn't go into the vagina any further and I was like "wtf why is my dick not going anywhere? Is this what hitting a cervix feels like? Basically not being able to move anywhere like running up against a wall in a video game? I thought it would be more like bumping into a trampoline." So it's ALMOST AS IF I actually earned sex socially. And that's how I feel about this and it feels incomplete, I feel like an unalive Frankenstein a little bit. Because my experiences are frankensteined. They're chopped up. One experience was me almost leading up to sex without paying for it but it didn't lead to sex just got right up to it. Multiple experiences were me having sex but I paid for it. Many experiences were me having video chat sex mutual masturbation with a girlfriend that lived across the world that I never met. That's what I'm talking about here. Frankenstein'd.

What do you mean I have loads of experience? I have never experienced coitus without paying for it. My sexual history is garbage, loads of "almost had coitus without paying for it but didn't", and many people would say that it doesn't count. And it says a lot about who I am, especially when my enemies have had it much differently than I. Like I get it, it's unique experiences from a bunch of different angles and a higher likelihood that the next time I have a sexual encounter in person that intimate fucking will actually occur, but it feels off and isolated.

People in places like Switzerland and New Zealand don't have to worry about this as much, things are coming together in most of the west. Actually in Switzerland they're even about to hit replacement level birth rates because of the way that they're handling paternity leave and things like that. Things are really shaping up there and I have high hopes for the rest of the world. I don't believe AI will do much to hurt us but rather help us and there are still going to be a lot of things we'll have left to do that the robots cannot do.

I got the first 2 doses but now I'm hesitant to get the booster. I know there's a lot of wrong information out there but there is also a lot of decent information out there. Obviously the government and medicine companies is being both shady and helpful in different ways. I don't want to argue specifics but more or less discuss ways to sift through information that I may come across and wonder what's important and what isn't. What's a more conscious perspective to take here? I don't believe that vaccine skepticism is pure stage orange mumbo jumbo, even if it is sometimes.

Update for all: I ended up getting the booster vaccine. Apparently it decreases your risk of getting long covid from Omicron by 75% or so. Which is a fair enough reason for me to get it. Apparently the studies in Israel show that getting a 4th vaccine boosts your immunity to covid by a significant amount. If this is true, there may be no reason to get a 5th vaccine. Also these vaccines only deal with immunity related to covid, not related to other diseases, so it's not like it would be "lowering your immune system in general" at least not that I think. If you ask me, the 4th shot sounds like it might be a good deal. But as it is I probably wouldn't get a 5th one. I still see it as tough and complicated. The actual covid vaccines aren't "rigorously tested to be safe", but the prototypes are. And people who say "I know someone personally affected by the vaccine" I hate to say it, I think a lot of them are LARPing. Have you guys ever read VAERS? It looks like anti-vaxxers larping. Go check it out.

Also when it comes to flosspicks—which I am a big fan of as well—you can use one flosspick per flossing session. You don't need to use a new floss pick per tooth gap. Some people think that. Eventually they'll be made out of hemp plastic or something so in the long run I don't think it's necessary to worry about wastefulness at any degree, and it certainly conserves floss. I actually never brushed my teeth regularly until I was in a band in 8th grade and people were complaining about my breath. Ever since then I am very anal retentive about always brushing my teeth every morning and many nights. Always make sure to brush your tongue! That is important in fighting bad breath.

There's a website out now if you haven't heard of it. https://www.polyphasic.net/ From this and the associated discord channel, you should be able to get versed in good sleep hygiene if you're attempting alternative sleep schedules. I did "Everyman 1" for 8 weeks. The first 4.5 weeks were part of the adaptation phase. After the adaptation phase I was able to be very wakeful when I needed to. I wouldn't recommend driving during adaptation, I don't think. I wasn't driving at the time but I don't remember what it felt like and whether or not I would advise it. Very possibly you could pull it off. Just be careful.

Sounds good and reasonable to me. The issue is probably that the medical literature isn't measuring levels in a way that is sensitive enough to be as pragmatic as possible. So the levels of heavy metals that they are talking about as being "too much" is actually "way too much" and the levels that should be "too much" are considered by them to be "okay". You might want to set your own standard. For example, I want my testosterone to be over 600. But I was told that 380 was "okay". Not in my belief. I got those numbers right up as I was supposed to. So lets' say the doctor says 666 is the upper limit of heavy metals. But you say 33 is the upper limit. Okay. So then monitor THOSE levels.

Disorganized Fearful Avoidant. I think we should all be posting our charts too, so we all can see the nuances. I've known about these attachment styles for years and not really known much practical steps to take to implement increasing fortification in a quadrant that I desire from it.

Check out this video and then read my question below. It's 8:53. Alright, so if the idea is to find your "inner feminine" and "lead it", then what is it to "find my inner feminine" and what is it to "lead it"? How will I experientially know that I am working on the skills of "finding" and "leading" those things? EDIT: This guy's website is nuts. His coaching calls are up to 90k a year. Wtf!! Yeah I get it, it's for rich mothafuckas, but damn. There's gotta be another resource out there for me in my friggin price range.

@asifarahim you're going to be in the grunt of the physical world. If the area you're policing is especially hectic, you will definitely be opening up your root chakra, to say the least. Everything has spirituality in it.

Yeah, why not just cut the Kratom? Why start the test? What the fuck. Here's an interesting network though. You see, More Plates More Dates is hardcore scientific materialist. He's very good at it and very smart, but very hardcore orange nevertheless. He's better at it than a lot of doctors are it seems. But hardcore orange nevertheless. PsychedSubstance seems like he's in green and floats between orange and yellow and green, perhaps maybe he will go up or down because he doesn't really have a strong opinion. What is one of the things reinforcing Derek's orange opinions, maybe? Anti "woowoo". And why is that? Well, it seems to be his opinion on the things that Connor Murphy has said. He talks frequently about Connor Murphy "going off the deep end and being very strange based on some of the things he's been listening to". What are some of the things that Connor Murphy has been listening to and taking the wrong way? Stuff from the actualized.org YouTube channel. So it could be because of Connor Murphy's antics, Derek has convinced PyshcedSubstance that the type of stuff that Actualized.org has on its channel is bad. So any type of holistic body approaches might go over the head of PsychedSubstance, if the main resource on the internet that spells out how holistic health makes sense is Actualized.org and it's being shat on by Derek because "Look what happened to Connor Murphy".

@SQAAD I cannot say that any psychological or physiological differences are or are not related to my T level gains. I also have yet to get my most recent bloodwork back. They may have dropped again. But I do not know. Also my FSH went extremely low, way below the recommended levels, of which I have been taking horny goat weed. I guess the moral of the story is that it's possible to get your levels up without taking injections and you might not even realize the effects.

I agree, spiral dynamics stage coral should have a video. There's plenty of resources about it at this point. Tier 3 is a totally different landscape though. I haven't heard anything about that. I have heard everything in Tier 2 that goes Yellow, Turquoise, Coral, Teal, Aubergine, Clear. And in clear it's like you have the consciousness of somebody who is dead. So what would come after that!? Tier 3, of course, but.... I don't think it's impractical to think about stage coral. Especially thinking about the limitations of turquoise: of course you could say they need to integrate lower stages. But, I can't imagine the turquoise vMemes are the highest stages of consciousness. It's Tier 2 purple, remember. And Coral is Tier 2 red. What might come from more coral people in society? Death hippies? WIll it be something that comes from AI? Does anarchy happen at this stage?

Great Value has a cauliflower pizza that is great. 700 calories per the entire pizza, something like that.

@Joel3102 yet if practice is the only solution, then reality is a caste system of those who have experience and those who do not. Will you stand for that? I will not. And it seems that it isn't reality anyway, because conversations are so subjective. You can really mastermind them.

@RoerAmit Does what Leo said make sense to you phenomenologically? I remember when I went to a bar and tried that. I was drunk, of course. It was a very weird experience. I went up to these ladies and I literally started saying stream of consciousness stuff. It was very random. Lots of random imagery, stuff like farmers riding on the tops of trains, lots of big words, I remember at one point I said "a jestful occurence is a jestful occurence". They were scowling at me and such and getting angry. I might have said to one of them "you're nothing but a rhinoceros!" and then started talking to somebody else, which also felt like a fight, and then a middle aged woman came up to me and said "ooo baby" and stroked my chest and then went back dancing with the guy she was with and he looked at me frustratedly. An interesting experience that I haven't repeated, but I don't think it would get anywhere if I did it again. Which is why I would say do the podcast transcription thing and then channel your stream of consciousness with actual coherent verbage.

@Nobody_Here I don't think life is a zero sum game in all respects. I mean I think this is partially an aspect of our society is that some things such as water are not zero sum. But many other things, perhaps such as romantic relationships or YouTube audience are more or less zero sum. I think. What I should say, is that I don't know that they aren't. People are brick walls and enemies not necessarily because they couldn't be bridges and friends. But I do know that I probably do not know how to interact with most of them. I have my own journey in getting better at this that is unrelated to my post. Why does my success necessarily mean others fail? Well, that's a very complicated question that doesn't relate directly to this post with concrete example. I'd prefer to use concrete examples, whether actual or hypothetical, rather than abstract ones, for now. Why does dating mean taking a woman away from another man. Well, is it perhaps the case that 80% of the women generally look for 20% of the men or something like that? I want those numbers to start getting more equalized. I don't know for sure what can be done. If 50% of the women started looking for 50% of the men that would be cool in the next 1,000 years. I don't think I'd be able to directly facilitate any of that. Why would creating a new business take away people from an old business? well, building something new, regardless of what it is or is not in competition with, is still driving attention away from something else and towards it, isn't it? Why does making myself happy mean that other people are unhappy. Well, I am privileged in the sense that I am able to make myself happy, and other people are not privileged in the sense that they cannot do so for themselves. No, you're not a bad person, you are helping me. At least I think. Let's see what happens from here on out, eh? On one hand I think you're not completely understanding my points. It seems like you're trying to drive the conversation towards the idea that happiness needs to come from within. I see this as something that people simply say without giving details as to exactly what it is or how to exactly sense it for yourself. And I do not believe that happiness fully comes from within. There are always physical requirements. Maslow's hierarchy does not exist without the bottom of the pyramid.

I've had a life purpose before finding Actualized.org. Knew what I wanted to do, didn't have an idea as to how to get it. Granted, I should tell you that I'm the type of guy to see other people as either brick walls or enemies. Sometimes that veil is pierced by me successfully and other times it isn't. So I'll start with that. But it's crazy, because the same people who I would potentially see as either brick walls or enemies, a lot of the times I procrastinate in pursuing my journey because I feel that it's a zero sum game that I'm pushing people away from. The same people who I would see as either brick walls or enemies, well, they're looking at me the same way but with their own sentimentalities and things that make them happy just like me. And I can't just not care about them, because then they won't care about me. I can't just say oh fuck them, because then they can say the same to me. Now, with the 20 bonuses of "dream killers" I didn't see this one mentioned: the idea that I don't want to pursue success because I don't want to take things away from other people. I don't want to take business scape away from other people. I don't want to take women away from other men. I don't want to do these things. Our society isn't structured so that as many people as possible can be happy. I'm a bad person for making myself happy because it's at the expense of other people. Anybody else who does this is a bad person as well. What are your counterarguments?

I haven't embarked on this process yet, but it's the next step in my journey. One of the things you want to be able to do is always come up with things to say, and never allow silence to fall dead. Always be able to come up with something to say. What I would reccommend is listening to a lot of podcasts and transcribing them. Look for lots of different types of conversations between people of very differing personalities. There are services you can pay to do this for you that are somewhat reasonable in price. Then upon those transcriptions, try to think about what the exact thought processes were behind what those people said and write it down in the margins. Look for repeating patterns. Of course they will not be the exact thought patterns that the people were actually using. You're interpreting it your own way. Because at the end of the day, the best tool you have is your own interpretation. So you will always be able to come up with things to say based upon your own interpretation of language and such. Look for all the patterns you can find, and memorize them. Make them very abstract and flexible, such as "reporting to someone the details of what happened and how my perspective was before the event, how it changed during the event, and how it was different after the event as opposed to what it was before the event". That is something that people talk about all the time and they don't even realize it. But you will. Look for hundreds of these abstract, complex, flexible things, and write them down and memorize them. Then, in any situation, you will never run out of things to say. Make sure that it is as foolproof as possible and is able to work in as many situations as possible. This will have to be done with your own discretion. But you must remember that it is going off of your interpretation of a situation that you are in, and that is fine, because your interpretation of it is what counts. What is a self but an interpretation anyway?

Being a cop is more of a stage blue career. Maybe it isn't actually right for you, but I'm sure you can transfer your skills you learned at the police academy into something different. It also isn't to say that you can't have more conscious policing. We're always going to need cops, and not all cops are bad cops. Maybe you want to be a zoologist or something, might take a similar amount of physical endurance to wrangle animals and tranquilize them and transport them and such. Just an idea. There is probably some sort of abstract connection you could make between the police training you have and something else. Maybe you want to be a sports referee. Think of the attachments you had to being a police officer, and what those feelings are. What innate characteristics of you are connected to those attachments, and how else can you express them?