Jannes

Second Level

I am learning to knit right now. First steps successful.

There was one thing I was keep doing wrong for some reason. Well somehow I didnt do that anymore and I can do the whole procedure without support now. Great first lesson.

Thats what the weekend is for or do you want to do it daily?

Style in architecture

Maybe that will help:

@Something Funny Congrats!

Whats wrong with you?

Left my old theatre club which was a tragedy for my social development. I kind of entered an extended adolescence, trying to fit in, connecting and building a new identity and it just didnt work out. I got blackpilled by direct experience about how girls can be in terms of cheating ... I feel like I lost so many years and opportunities and I am just too old to experience some of the things I could have experienced there. I am griefing over it every day to some degree. On the other hand I am much more emotionally stable thanks to leaving that place. I was a complete mess before. I am learning more about adhd and find ways to deal with it. I am working towards becoming a remote viewer which is either a huge hit or miss for my career path. I am also socializing a lot. I am putting so many good habits into place right now, some fruits need to come from it.

My mom talked with me about my career and I obviously couldnt take about RV. It was though as she that I should try something already besides my relatively low study demand and socializing and I just couldnt tell her.

All the hostels in Berlin are either outbooked or expensive. I could go party alone but thats too much, I need to get used to socializing at all. Its just unrealistic without drugs. It would have been perfect to go a few days to Berlin before, really get into a social state and then party my ass off today. I shouldnt pressure myself so much to do anything today. But I cant help but feel like an outsider right now. I am learning to knit at least but I am stuck at step 7. If I get it done it would be a worthy cope for missing out, because learning to knit is so important for processing emotions.

My mom speaks a lot about how much she fears death. Cant really get her to do psychedelics and if she isnt open to it, I shouldnt force herself to do it. I wonder if trip reports of other people could help her.

A person who admits a mistake is so beautiful.

Spirituality is about dying before you die. Spirituality is about breaking the devils net of controll. Spirituality is about putting consciousness on the building structure which keeps you unconscious, like beliefs about yourself, the universe, death... For example a spiritual thing to do would be to ask yourself what is death and then to direct your consciousness in that direction. Death will present itself as an imagination.

Slept terribly. Had 2 possible plans which failed. Guess its going to be a solo trip.

Time to wake up from my mommies boy numbness. Spent about a week with my parents, not socializing with everyone else. I kind of changed emotional stability for freedom. Havent planned anything for new years so I am likely throwing myself right into something new.

I am such a nerd for this fighting scene which I love, especially Mauls peak when Sidious killed his brother. Darth Maul was only got better with the story that was added in Clone Wars.

I watched a movie about Winston Churchill yesterday. It was the time spane around his time in office in WW2. It captured the atmosphere pretty well. Churchill didnt want to negotiate with Hitler when the military position wasnt strong. His explanation "You dont negotiate with a Tiger if you have your head in his maw". That resonates so much with me at my old theatre club, I needed some kind of grounding and backbone to have a honest conversation, I feel like I would have gotten eaten alive in terms of gaslighting if I let go of control too much.

Christmas feelings is a very real phenomenon. I opened up to some of the deepest love on christmas when I was a child. Obviously its all conformity, but it can take you to places!

So you think a topic like politics needs to be grounded in consciousness work from meditation to reach a respectable level of depth?

I have once seen a streamer delete an in game item with about 20 dollar value. Maybe it was just a way to detatch. It seemed that way to me. He seemed like a very conscious gamer if you can believe that.

https://www.actualized.org/insights/leos-mask-collection-01

Feels like Leo is going back and forth with meditation and always with such a sense of supremacy if thats the right word. At one point he says its overrated because some genetically gifted people extract value from it but the vast majority it doenst do much and then at other points he says its foundational and everyone who doesnt do it cant be taken seriously as an intellectual. I guess at no point was the importance of meditation as a form of calming the mind negated.

You could challenge your bodies capacity for tolerating fatigue with doing lots of volume with other exercises as well.. Whats unique about the 1 RM deadlift is that its a ton of stress for a short time. When I started doing deadlift back in the day I always got very lightheaded until I got used to it. If that is of use and a worthy opportunity cost for other hypertrophy work later I dont know. Yeah, Mikes training style does feel smart and like you are training your body like a machine, that resonates with me. Its not unique to Mikes training though. I find it very hard to identify what is intuitive with all the subconscious programming we have which influences training. From male role model, believes about fitness from culture, influence of other gym goers, motivation level, testosterone, surpressed emotions, ... Can you imagine a child intuitively training for muscle growth?