Jannes

Also her Tinder description is just „;)“ What do you think of that? It could be a flirty sign, a let’s have fun sign or let’s bang sign ?

That’s a great point. Many girls use guys for emotional support but would never have sex with them. It’s the same thing basically. Guys feel abused and not manly after that.

Thanks for all the feedback so far it really helps. I know many women who had a phase in their life in their teens or early 20s who had a lot of casual sex without much emotions so it’s definitely a thing. I will make clear what I want. I will say something like „… At this moment in my life I don’t feel like having a relationship…“. So this way it doesn’t sound so personal. For me this feels like it’s the most right thing to do.

I had an awesome magic truffles trip a few days ago. I didn’t have any awakening but it was really fun. I felt as light as a Disney character and I also became aware of many of my egoistic ways I behaved in and I also sorted many of my priorities in life. Next days evening I felt incredible. I was completely sober but I was in such a state of peace and acceptance it was just incredible. Unfortunately I didn’t have any psychedelics stored left because I could have taken a mega dose of something without much of a chance of a bad trip. Two days later I still felt good but not as good. And now the third day later in the morning I feel pretty good. Not as good but still pretty good and because I feel that my ego tries to bring me back to my default state I want to write down how I feel about awakening right now so I can maybe get back to this state more easily. And I also just feel like sharing this. Most of my reasons why I want to awaken are probably trivial for you. There are even trivial for me but this is the first time I actually came up with these points on my own and I really believe them and don’t just accept them from someone else. I feel like one of the greatest joys in life is doing something for its own sake and for absolutely no reason at all. For example I love working out in the gym. My ego destroys the joy of the workout though. When I bench press it wants to compare the weight I lifted today with my best lift I had on that exercise. It wants to compare me with other people. And it always wants a plan. Just going to the gym and "hitting it“ doesn’t seem purposeful and planned enough. “I can’t just go to the gym and do 3 exercises that’s to little, or I can’t do 12 exercises that’s to much. And you should now why you are training and what you are training for.“ At the end of a recent workout I was just peacefully training abductor when my ego stepped in "Hey you know that your quads look like shit why don’t you put more emphasis on them“ and “Hey why do you train at all? Of course you should but also what is the point in it anyways this won’t make your life any more successful…“ -> I just don’t want my ego shit anymore. I just want to train with absolutely no goal and be happy. Of course this gym example is analogous to all other aspects of life. I sometimes play video games and what always ruins it for me is my ego. When I start to play a game again that I haven’t played for a long time I have pretty much no expectations on myself so everything feels great. But after a day or two I see that my skill comes back and I expect more of myself and all the fun is gone. Every time I die I get a bit angry or annoyed when before I just laughed. Yesterday I played 1v1 deathmatch to 20. I went up against a really good player and I lost with a score of 13 to 20 or something. I didn’t even win but just the fact that I was somewhat compedetive gave my ego a new identity. I was conscious of that and wanted to intervene but I couldn’t stop it. I almost wished that I lost against that player with a bigger score difference so I could have more fun after that but doing good is also what I strive for and is the fun of the game but once I archieve it it isn’t fun anymore because I feel like I am forced to maintain it so it’s really hard to have fun. -> I just want the pure experience and not an ego that fucks it up all the time For a short time I was in a state of love where I really just wanted to love everybody for exactly what they are and not what I wanted them to be. I thought about my mom with all her self-pity and I just wanted to love her tell her jokes and vibe with her without any motivation of changing her because that’s just where she is at the moment and that’s okay. I saw a group of teenage girls who seemed to be completely soaked into their group identity. And I just wanted to love these materialistic unconscious teenage girls exactly for what they are without any motivation to change them in any way because a saw how being undeveloped is exactly as beautiful as being very developed. And I saw my friends who are all very obviously not ready to awaken and I just wanted to love them for exactly where they are without any motivation to change them into more conscious people. I had all of this spiritual and philosophical ideas that I always felt like I needed to implant in them but it’s just so much more joyful to not try to change them in any way. I also just felt how good it must feel to just help others with no intention of a return. To just love other people so much that you are just motivated to waste your entire evening on helping them with something and feeling completely full of joy just from seeing them be happy. I saw that I feel very limited in doing that because of my ego. Because my ego has its own worries and own things that it wants to archieve and it prioritizes these things way beyond the well being of others. And it also judges and wants to change people in its own interest and of course in this way you don’t really help people you help people the most by just loving them. -> I just want to drop my ego so that I can love people for exactly who they are I also just see the pain of having to have an identity. Constantly trying to defend this identity. Constructing and deconstructing it but most of all just having it just feels like a sickness. "I just want to have a family or don’t have a family.“ „I just want to play video games or don’t play video games“, “I just want to have a simple job or don’t have a simple job“. "I just want to have a nice apartment or don’t want to have a nice apartment.“ -> I don’t want to care anymore. I just want to be fine with everything. The only really strong attachment I have left is sexual pleasure. It makes up around 10-15% of my thoughts so it’s not like it dominates my life and I could drop it if need be but I wouldn’t like to. I have a question left. There are many layers of awakening like ego transcendence, god realization, realization that you are god, infinite love, infinity, … So I am always confused to what people mean when they say awakening. I feel like ego transcendence is equal to awakening for many spiritual teacher but I think for Leo a fully awakened person also has to realize himself as god and so I am always a bit confused when somebody says that awakening takes x amount of time because I don’t know which layer of awakening they are talking about. Sometimes Leo says that having an awakening is relatively easy but what is really hard is to embody and accept these truths which I feel like is the easy part for me. On others occasions he is like “you probably need at least like 20 years of active self inquiry to have a shot at becoming awake. So I would stick to psychedelics“. So what does he mean or does he refer to different states of awakening?

10 grams of dried Atlantis Magic Truffles so around 15 grams fresh I would imagine. The insights came the next day when I was sober.

Okay thats great to hear! Getting a better idea on what it takes for low degree awakenings to high degree awakenings would be great. And also how a peak experience affects you permanently. For example many people report that they shortly transcended their ego but after a few hours or a day it came back. But for people who transcended it for more then a day or so they permanently transcended it. Is it the same for infinite love, god, … ? And if it isn’t locked in permanently how does it still affect you in your daily life? It would be really helpful if you could explain this in a video.

Yeah I get that but you still want your "I“ to be motivated to become awake although that is exactly what is killing it. When you are in the matrix and you want to get out you still have to play the rules of the matrix otherwise you can’t do anything. But yeah in self inquiry for example the thing that you explained becomes apparent. When I ask „Who am I“ I already imply that there is an I that is asking the question. So how do you ask the question without implying that “you“ are asking the question. Of course “you“ don’t ask the question but if you knew that then you would already be awake and you wouldn’t need to do self inquiry. If you still have your relative identity then there is simply no way of asking the question without implying that a somebody that you identify yourself with is asking the question. But I think paradoxically when you realize that you can’t identify yourself with the wrong me you can actually start to look because you aren’t distracted with these mind games anymore. At least that’s how it went for me. I don’t try to go infinitely more meta by always asking „… who is that?, is that?, is that?, is that?, … , who asked the question who am I?, who am I?“ So you just can’t escape the matrix. And then you just watch more.

Hej thanks, I probably just got close to liberation of the ego because there was definitely still an I that then identified as being a super peaceful Jesus like person reacting to others. You explained that the way the ego wants to come back well I think. There is this urgent feeling that the Identity and the filter have to come back. It feels threatening to the ego to not have a goal and to not judge certain things. The ego just wants to get back to work and goes protesting when it is denied that work. It really feels like the ego says „My work is unfinished, when I don’t get back to work there will be disasters consequences.“ And it does everything to stress you out so you buy into it again. It’s so ridiculous.

@Loba thanks for the advice ??

Hello Psychonauts, I have a reoccurring problem on my magic truffles trips. My thoughts are always really creative and figurative. I have phobia when it comes to spiders and snakes and because phobia is a possible reason for a bad trip I spent time watching some nature documentaries, bought a plastic figure of a spider and snake etc. to fight my phobia. I lost most of my phobia when it comes to snakes but pretty much none at all for spiders at this moment. Because of this reason I don’t do high doses of magic truffles at the moment even though I feel that I need them for a breakthrough. And on my latest trip something else happened. I imagined a lot of spiders which makes sense because I looked at a lot of spider pictures in the past days but I also got the tendency to want to imagine the most disgusting things I could possibly come up with. Here is the example. Please only read it if you can take some nasty stuff // So I saw a giant spider. Like on a microscope. I always wanted to know what happens if you squeeze a spider. In my trip I imagined it being like squeezing a pimple with the insides of a spider being like white pus but a lot thicker. (I know that makes no sense) And I imagined slamming all of this nasty stuff of this giant spider into my mouth. Like a turkey who is getting force fed. And I imagined how it would feel with other nasty substances. // I found these thoughts very disgusting of course but I didnt try to control them I just let them happen. I don’t think I am done with this tendency because I didnt found the motivation on why I want to think these thoughts. I know that as a baby my father overfed me. As soon as I made a sound my father came to spoon feed and I blew up like a ballon. As soon as I started walking I got rid of that extra fat and stayed lean for my entire life. I always found force feeding extremely disgusting and always tried to eat normal portions. Would you say that this is a traumatic experience that I have to live through again ? What tipps would you give me to overcome it ?

Your are right. Its absurd but it so feels like spiders have some personal problem with me. Now that I see that my phobia seems smaller thanks.

@Michal__ thanks for sharing your experience ?? . It’s not something you like to share so it feels good to know you are not the only one with weird fantasies of that kind. How long did it take you until the fantasies turned from disturbing to funny ?

That’s why I try to do it as safe as possible. There are risks with everything. And if she doesn’t take psychedelics the risk for many meaningless years and extra suffering is strongly increased.

A few weeks ago I visited my parents. A took a long walk with my mom and we talked about different topics and I accidentally told her about a magic truffle experience I had. I didn’t want to tell my mom that I do psychedelics because I thought she might worry about me but she actually seemed a bit interested. I told her honestly that I did them more then once and that they are and will be an important part of my personal developement. I told her about my experiences (that were often eye opening and helped with realising painful memories or social fears but not that deep that I had insights into the nature of reality yet) and about studies where patients who faced their death could overcome that fear and were okay with it. I also told her about the possible risk factors but that they can mostly get eliminated in a safe setting, good intentions, maturity, low doses… She was more open to it then I expected and didn’t condemn me or anything. A week or so later she texted me that a coworker of her was interested in it and if I might sent her a link to where I bought the magic truffles from ?. Maybe 2 weeks later now we met our grandparents. My grandpa isn’t doing so good and after we left his fear of dying came up in a conversation. I mentioned that psychedelic could help if he were open to the experience. My mom responded that she had big fears of death as well and that I might help her guide through a psychedelic experience so that she as well loses her fear of death. Because my mom mostly isn’t a really brave person I realized that I probably didn’t emphasize enough how deep stuff like this can go because it seemed that my mom saw the lost of her fear of death as something that would come from a relatively non mindfuck experience and the opposite is ofc the case. Then I told her that if she wanted to loose her fear of death completely she would probably have to go through extremely deep experiences and that she probably isn’t ready for it. I added that with smaller experiences her fear of death could probably get reduced (I thought so although I didn’t really know. I said it so she doesn’t lose all her interest in psychedelics). She was still pretty straight forward and told me that she still was interested in psychedelic experiences even if she could only reduce her fear of death. You never totally know how a person reacts to psychedelics but I would think my mom can handle small doses because she doesn’t tend to have any kind of psychological panic attacks or strong fears and has a relatively constant okay mood. I also think psychedelics would be an incredible tool for my mom to develope herself and free herself from painful memories (that probably weren’t traumatic -> overwhelming when confronted but strong enough to stay attached). But I don’t know how I should introduce her best to psychedelics. Of course I have to go in further detail what the risks are but if I tell her that she might face her death directly and so on in Leo style I think she would never touch psychedelics. But I also wouldn’t tell her bs. My thought is that I introduce her only to small doses in the 1-5g range where very strong experiences are very unlikely if you don’t have any strong intentions for breakthrough. What do you guys think about this approach in general and do you think it’s safe because I just don’t want anything to happen to her ?

@Nahm yeah maybe I can get my mom to meditate. I figured that would be important too.

@Manusia okay thanks for the advice

@Nahm okay thanks for your advice.

I introduced psychedelics to my mom yes but she hasn’t taken anything yet.

I think bad trips are very valuable. But there is a different between bad trips that are a bit bad and bad trips that are completely traumatic. You can read plenty of trip reports from people who had them and it’s just to much hell to integrate. I just want to avoid these because I feel responsible for my mom in a way because I introduced psychedelics to her.

Yes that’s true it’s my projection. I build that belief structure from deep trip reports from Leo and people from the forum. It also makes sense to me that many insights are blocked from a lot of ego and getting through to them might not be that pleasant. I don’t know better because I never had a breakthrough yet. Should you try to drop all belief systems and be completely open to the experience when going into a trip or what would you suggest ?

Sure that is true but you should at least get a feeling of how psychedelics fell and what they can do to you. If you don’t do that then the risk of a bad trip is high.

2. What exactly do you mean by abusing things like 5meo ?

You can’t rush the process. Without any smaller work before as preparation you are only getting freaked out resist everything and are unable to integrate any deep experiences and probably never touch psychedelics again.

Thanks for your opinion. Do you think there really are people mature enough for big awakenings ? I don’t think anybody is ready for that although I haven’t had any insights yet. I think people who are mature enough to use these substances maturely are also mature enough to handle small doses for self reflection and personal development.

I tested them myself many times and they are good. I bought them online. Magic truffles are legal but magic mushrooms are illegal in Germany (and maybe (EU).