Jannes

So I found this website where people rank each others dating, business and social pictures and give advice. Its honestly pretty eye opening because I had all kind of ideas of what could make a good impression and what doesnt and this is like a direct encounter with reality. But its a bit blackpilling. You can earn your votes by rating other pictures and by doing that you develop your intelligence of what makes a good dating picture. https://www.photofeeler.com/

That makes sense. And everybody knows anyway that photo shoot photos make you look a few points more attractive then regular ones. Have you ever put a selfie in a bad setting onto a different background though?

This is like 50% of the photos I rate.

I cracked the code for making good selfies: Its not about pretending to be happy, confident, etc. all of that photos look cringe, you can never pretend good enough so that it actually looks authentic, its about ACTUALLY being in a state of happiness, confidence, love, ... this is where the magic happens: You have to bring yourself to that place. Maybe this is obvious stuff.

Makes sense.

Yes, its a different kind of difficult.

Pickup is also hard.

@something_else Do you only let women rank your pictures or both?

Thats very insightful, thank you! I have two photos where I put a lot of effort into with photographer and editing and all that and I got an 8 and a 6. Interestingly on bumble the picture which got a 6 in attraction is more polular then the picture which got an 8. The selfies I did myself are 5 or below. I am not talented at making selfies at all though and when I feel bad emotions which I do most of the time its hard for me to hide it, I manage to make a neutral expression but not a non creepy smile. I critique other pitures for the same reason though.

That would also be an option. They dont represent averages though.

What are your favourite Pocket Monster? Pokémon has a ton of nostalgia for me, as it was a huge thing in my childhood. I like the design of so many of them. I especially like these though:

I love that, I always wanted to be a freak so badly and thougt a lot about working in a circus because of it for many years. The same fire doesnt lit anymore when I see it though, not sure why. https://www.actualized.org/insights/insane-mastery

Finding existential beauty in fucked up situations to open people to profound love. A little more polished IF I commit to that direction.

In terms of visionary, I like to think about utopian visions of where the world could head to. Real time politics is important, no ideology which doesnt fit where society is at the moment. At the same time though some visions are important as well. Especially with AI shaping the world, its important to have a vision of what could be possible.

I was boasting about myself to myself this evening when I went home. I am a: philosoper > romantic > mediator > visionary > inventor > artist? No clear order, philosopher seems number one though. In my mind I have two pictures of myself which are hard to combine. On the one hand the inventor, visionary, smart guy, minimalist, .. on the other the artist, romantic, creative. Both of them are philosophers. I think I do like the inventing and visionary things in me, its just that its often so stage orange. I dont like to invent the new smartphone, the next rocket ship, the next AI ... I mean I like inventing itself but it needs to be connected to something spiritual, I would feel empty providing just material value to the world. I couldnt be an Elon Musk. But its completly possible to invent things which offer value beyong that. Or maybe I am struggling because I havent yet learned to express my creative side in other domains like music or art so inventions are the only medium left to at least satisfy the creativity a bit.

In some moments especially today while taking a 1/4 tablet of modafinil it seems quite clear to me who I roghly am and where I need to go. I am interested in philosophy, a sensitive dude who likes to be helpful and some inventive talent. Exactly how I always feel about it, I am not kidding myself. It all needs to be put together somehow.

Its actually pretty clear from what I understand. Some things which suit us are easy to love and the things that arent are harder to love. It takes more and more selflessness to love the things which countersuit your survival agenda, because loving them is counterproductive for your survival and also emotionally draining. But when you do the inner work you can find love in these dark places and the more conscius you can be in these dark places the more clearly you can see and express the love that is in them. Thats some real work.

Damn: 17:40 - 18:00 this goes into this direction. Is this what I want to create I dont know.

I just worked on my housework during a seminar that was about something else. Surprisingly I got a good chunk done. The key really seems to be stimulation. If I am not in a stimulating environement I cant get anything done. 🧩

Angels If an angel visited you for a single day and offered you love, freely and without condition, by nightfall you would try to break his wings—just to keep the love for yourself.

This was like 5 years ago. I also had the same problem with not being able to build connections and only doing it lightly on the surface with eye contact/ smiles etc. I didnt see it as much of a problem back then. I could control it a lot less though. The smile was connected to something very beautiful though like this inner spiritual connection from back in my childhood and the smile was the last gesture in which I manifested this part of myself clearly and everytime I did it I touched that piece of consciousness. I realized though how many problems it created as I flirted with everybody randomly and so I didnt do it anymore and immediately lost the connection to this spiritual part of myself which was kept alive through this particular smile. Tragic, super Tragic, but I didnt know what else to do and hoped I could get it back someday. Anyway there was this girl though which kind of got it or even got it better that I did. She was the only one to ever get it until this point. One time she smiled back so hardcore. Its like I didnt know really what my smile was connected to but she knew somehow and gave it all back to me. I only looked at it briefly before shyly looking down. One of my biggest regrets in life because that smile could cure cancer. I maybe never looked at something more beautiful and full of free love before at that point. Well I didnt manage to actually built that connection up, I was way to scared and ungrounded. But from that point I wanted to own her for that love. At least thats how I felt like. This reveiled to me that I am the devil. You get overflooded with free love and your first instinct is to take that love for yourself. How could I !?, How could I !?, How could I !?!?!? My mind immediately goes into protection mode. Bottom line, I tell myself that I only want free (uncorruoted) love. But maybe I wouldnt even be able to give that back!? - If you ask for free love, does that mean you have nothing to offer? Maybe I have to accept what I am which could free me to live with other people. Well there are a few instances afterwards where almost free love was exchanged. Not to the same intensity though.

Otherwise I felt like shit today. I cant be disciplined on my own. I would be much happier right now doing some shit job because it would get me out of my place. My mental health got a lot better when I worked at a supermarket before because I was always in the real world out of my circulating thoughts and processing shit even though the work sucked so much. And still at the end of the day I had all kind of philosophical thoughts because I could turn down my brain during work and so I had space left. But this kind of job would probably make me depressed in the long run and doesnt qualify me for anything else in case my symptoms get better in the future. Something practical would suit my mental health more right now. As an alternative I should make my studying more practical where I can. Well that starts with sozialization.

I have had a weird moment with an adhd-borderline person today. We talked for quite a while. He was one of these people I actually felt some kind of resonance with as I wrote before. Well the talk was good an I felt some connection again but near the end of the conversation it started to feel a little weird as it seemed that he intentionally but very uncirdectly wanted to built some kind of connection which ended in him actually saying that he senses some kind of connection and offered a handshake. From a certain point of view it might seem like a bit of an insecure/ goofy way of building a first contact but for me that kind of destroyed a good chunk of it. Its like the connection was there because we were both avoiding and I got comfortable in that. Now that an intentional connection is being built I feel weird. This might hit the core of my problems right here. Interestingly I also sometimes overload people with being to honest about interest.