Jannes

Thats very fascinating. Cultures which are closer to nature think that trees have a spirit and can suffer. Which is why they dont like it when they are trimmed. They even communicate with them, for example the trees told them how to create ayahuasca.

This evening I felt emotionally very strong. I felt like I could really take a deep trip. Then I got sleeping... I was just being myself in my child's room and suddenly something hit me. I knew I was in mystical territory somehow as I felt like something shocking was about to unravel, my intuition warned me, if I just stayed very altert and conscious and wouldn't get suck into my ego minds defend mechanisms which tried to put me back to sleep. So I stayed conscious and literally saw the face of my biggest temptation flashing by haha. Not the hottest girl but one that likes to sleep around and would introduce me into her world with all the skills haha. Then I had this interesting experience. What happened was that I found out that my whole experience of the world was just a bubble of experience. My experience transformed into a visual bubble and also a smell bubble and when I looked at both of them at the same time they merged and created just one bubble of experience. All of reality became: Consciousness experiencing consciousness. One singularity. Nothing outside of that. I was that bubble. No body, or brain or something objective out there, just the experiencer and the experience at the same time. I think in this dream I also realized that this bubble is god but I am not sure anymore. The experience lasted relatively shortly as I got very excited and couldn't hold the experience any longer, like you can't hold a lucid dream any longer when you get to excited. So shortly afterwards the dream ended. I ran through a garden for a few more moments before waking up. My heart pumped quite a lot. I immediately jumped off my bed to write everything down but I never lost a dream as quickly as this.. When I was writing the first few lines of introduction I already lost most of it. It was so different from my normal experience that it actually became difficult to remember and put into words as I didnt experience it in the moment. This dream was mostly ”dry” metaphysical in nature. It felt profound but there was no love involved or anything. I have no idea what this was, if this was legit or my imagination going wild and fantasizing about what mystical territory would be like. Looking forward to comparing this fragment that I remember to a psychedelic experience. I edit this hours later now and there are elements I still remember vaguely, so its not all lost thankfully.

Found a new social spot for every wednesday wohoo! 🏓 Socializing is very good for my mental health atm. It kind of heals me from the experience from the club. And I am surprised how much confidence I have. Its not a whole lot but I manage to approach people and generally feel pretty okay. If I keep at it I can see how I improve a ton.

My skin is pretty sensitive, I improved it by being more mild to it.

That makes sense.. I am wondering if I should take Retinol.

Uh uh I did that as well. Just have many women as friends around you and you come across as way more attractive. Crazy that you met all these people.

Have you seen Fifty Shades of Grey ? This matches exactly what he is describing. I doubt many women believe it, maybe they consume it like entertainment but this made up fantasy is a thing.

He seems like a conscious guy, I dont smell bullshit. But we dont see his partner. Good example! If you are conscious about it everything can work, if you are not things need to be more and more reinforced. You need to find a structure which works for you state of consciousness and corruption. ___________________________________________ What the hell, how do all these poly people look so fresh. I mean you never sink into the comfort of a secured relationship if you are poly, well at least not to the same degree, you're always in the game, maybe thats why they perfect their looks over the years. @Natasha Tori Maru Do you think its just good skincare routine for him or more ?

I dont gain much from the self help group anymore. I still sometimes go for socializing but much of the growth which I got from intellectual understanding is gone. I would like to meet more adhd people but in the self help group there are only very few people my age. What I heard today again though is that many say they are only in adhd friend groups. So sad that this hotspot doesn't seem to be an option.

I am emotionally at a much more stable place. At my self help group I met the girl again who helped me with my emotions a little just interpersonally. But I am not even searching for emotional help anymore or not to this crazy degree. All this time I thought I have a problem with flirting but at least largely it was more that I had a lot of emotional baggage and needed other people to help me with that but didnt get help until my hero friend jumped in. Last time she even searched a little for me to give signs again and today as well but I didnt respond like before. She left earlier and said that she didnt feel good earlier and does it for her mental health now. Well I cant be sure.. but its likely and I feel a bit sorry for her. But I know if I feel to sorry I will just create the exact problem I want to solve in attraction more confusion as I need people to heal me from this emotional baggage who then I miscommunicate with..

I listened to other episodes of Ralston as well. I am hooked, Ralston is a great inspiration to me. Its interesting, for the sober mundane everyday life Ralston seems to really know shit on how to engineer your consciousness. I dont know what he thinks of God and stuff yet but I will watch more of him.

I have been listening to Peter Ralston lately who has a podcast on the Apple Podcast App. I listened to the episode where he talked about the mundane. That its not about following spiritual fantasies as reality is completly mundane. But he doesnt speak of mundane as something negative, we give it that meaning. I really enjoyed that and it actually made me a lot more present and peaceful. I realized that there is always this part of me that wants to feel deeply, almost bipolar style. And there is no way I could get anything done from that point. But from the point of accepting the mundane as it is suddenly I felt capable, as what I needed to do was simply mundane. I wonder if this deep search for these deep feelings stems from remembering something spiritual or if its just the human condition.

And it seems a whole lot of other drugs which have positive health benefits.

Thats a good point. But here is the thing. Many lets call them betas for this conversation arent betas by choice, they are betas because they cant be alphas. While an alpha could easily become a beta if he wanted to. An alpha has real power. A complete beta would maybe get in a relationship for sacrificing his power. Obviously I am speaking in extremes to make a point. So complementing a men for being formed comfortably for a girl is even a bit of an insult to a men as you dont speak to a source of strength in him but a source of weakness.. It seems like I am actually more of a relationship kind of guy but I still try to integrate my alpha side.

@vinc3nc ?? thats not the same dude.

I hope so. Its just, this brings me to the edge of my consciousness. I cant imagine what it will be like in 10 years or so. There will be a lot of unconscious adaptations probably which I cant foresee yet.

In these studies the women said they would rather hook up with a masculine guy then with a more feminine guy. This is not hidden. HG puts this all through his relationship filter bias. Yes if you only want a relationship feminine features arent that bad for it, but if you want ONS these feminine features dont serve you as well.

@Leo Gura I am in my mid twenties so I basically dont need to make sacrifices yet. I find women up to the age of 30 attractive if they are attractive with some exceptions above 30 if they are really attractive. I really hope that as I age I am able to adapt and find older women attractive as I feel quite a lot of pressure to get all the sex while I am still young.

@Natasha Tori Maru Truth can be painful.

Whitney Miller (Aubreys Ex) is 36 years old. Damn how did they all age that well.

I thought I may have a lot of emotional baggage still, but the lsd was old, thats probably why I didnt have a deep trip at all. I didnt feel a lot at all even "in the wrong direction". I feel trippable all the time coming from a clearer place. But it may be a bad idea right now. I thought now might be a good time to realize god so that I got a taste of that and then I can focus on something else again but this eats so much attention. When I trip I kind of dont really care about my survival situation anymore. So maybe I should put it on the side until I got everything handled.

I feel like I already kind of live my LP with my other journal that I do. Its about philosophy a lot but often embedded in art and if thats the combination it really feels like my style. I hate social media but maybe I could from the start enable all kind of blockers from the start and then for transfer some of my insights onto it, maybe instagram. I can even disable seeing how many likes a post got on instagram.

Why did your family kick you out? What did you do at home before? Have you ever had jobs before that kiosk job? I completly agree with Basman, take a shitty job, rent a cheap apartment, live a cheap live and make some savings and from there you can change your life. This challenge can grow you a lot.

This is straight Family Guy material but it is impactful for real. Even more importantly a friend of mine told me how drugs have a huge impact on the outcome of war. The blitzkrieg of Nazi-Germany in WWII was literally fueled by meth.