Jannes

I like to get a kick out the pure sound of songs in a different language even if I dont understand what it says. Well this is the opposite here, the focus is on the lyrics which are deep and beautiful but luckily there is a translation in the video.

Most guys are invisible to girls though so they first have to make themselves visible.

Went about 1,5 hours earlier to bed then usual. I woke up around 1,5 hours earlier as well. I used this opportunity to go the gym. It wasnt like super early but relatively early so I expected the gym to be pretty empty sparingly filled with elderly and a few unshowered individuals like myself but it felt like boom time, way more chicas then late at night when I usually go and all fresh -- how embarassing. But yeah I wanted to get into some sort of routine like this again because the good life always felt like it had waking up early and a fitness routine in the morning for me. I can already cross some points in this list. But the real game changer would be actually making money from remote viewing if it works, so I am kinda putting the horse before the cart but also not entirely because that routine seems healthy independently if I archieve remote viewing money or not but it would especially fit into a personally tailored routine which remote viewing work would allow me to follow of course.

Even better. Now that I think about it, when I munch on sweet peaches as a snack I probably get much of my sweetness cravings satiated right there. Do you still crave any junk sometimes?

Just watched Star Wars - stories of the underworld. The story with ventress is a bit cheesy, its okay but not really good. The first episode of the Bane story was cool, the rest not really. Bane is just such a one sided character, just a total douche.

Well you gotta work with what you have got. I would imagine social circle still gives you the best chances to find someone, but I am not in your shoes. With adhd I am surprisingly successful at speed dating, I should spent more time doing that.

Depends on the friend group, of course a group of sweaty gamer hanging out at home isnt doing anything for you. If the group is mixed gendered, bigger, you actually go out and do stuff together then its likely that something happens at some point..

Goal of today is to go to bed early!

Yeah exactly!

What a beautiful drawing. But here is what it entails, me wanting closeness but at the same time I can only tolerate this closeness when I push people away. Obviously a double standard, any person with healthy attatchment will leave this abuse. I had this image in my mind a year or so ago but I never really wanted to express it, because it was too painful. More honesty!!! I might have worked through it to some degree, but I dont think that the tendencies are just going to vanish like this. edit: Need to make some space on my computer, then I will upload.

Its not always the case though. At least in my theatre club genuine connection was possible at some points, I just stopped because of my moral inner compass.

This was a painfully honest observation, but this is exactly what I came back to again and again. I want to be more and more honest with myself.

I was noticing a bit of a pattern. This one very honest observation is a good suspension point. Whenever people try to built a connection with me I feel like I am fainting. Its like I never really learned to make space for that or something. It feels so uncomfortable, I want to jump out of my skin, GET AWAY FROM ME!! Like I want it desperately but I cant take it in at all. Why not? Is it trauma?

I think social circle game is like the most natural game there is. You hang out with friends and things just happen organically. Or is there something more to it? Building a social circle takes time though.

There is a big reddit RV community and I read through all the instruction and also made a quick session myself. I also joined a RV discord server, which apperently allows for people to find training partners, get free weekly targets and so on.. This is relevant for two reasons: 1) I may not need some of the instruction material if I can find it on the Discord server, 2) It gives me more confidence that remote viewing works. And of course the learning process I make will shorten my formal training where I get my contracts from. If I learn this gansta style though, maybe I wont ever learn it the 'correct way'. I thought myself how to play table tennis, but actually its pretty good, its no problem that the technique isnt perfect and I can stand up to quite talented players so no worries from this analogy.

Also if I get student loans again which is unlikely but if they see a giant money transfer, I dont know what to tell them haha.

Thinking about the remote viewing courses right now. From the provider I have right now they range in price from 650 to 1450 Euros which is much cheaper then all other providers. There are basically two options I can add or leave out, 1) a space where I can measure and train my remote viewing abilities, 2) 92 video instructions (there is an instruction book which covers everything as well, but the video instruction might make it easier). I can leave both out, take both or only take one of them and that will result in prices in that range. If that shit actually works, OF COURSE I would take the most expensive course. All I want is to find out if this works or not first though. These additions however make learning the skill easier, so being like I first proof to myself that this works and when I see that it works I buy these extras afterwards doesnt really work. Also reaching 75% accuracy and getting paid for it afterwards is maybe the best proof and at this point I dont really need any of the instructions. I think its appropriate to do some more research first, if I am not able to do that, I wouldnt have the stamina to learn remote viewing anyway.

Thats how you combine blue.

Its uncomfortable coming down from binging two hours, its a sudden breakoff from strong stimulation. Music helps. Liked the show, I thought it was only one season though but it definitely didnt have a final ending, it ended with a interium status where all the cards of the current players were layed out.

Okay now I want to watch the end of the Ahsoka series.

I noticed I have a hard time feeling emotions towards women. That used to be different.

Nature is king when it comes to creating colors that match.

Now I dont even really want to watch the series what the hell.

I want to write a play with the main role being a 'chemist'. Well he is not really mixing chemicals but moreso emotions, intentions, the main driver of people. And when he mixes this and looks for a 'chemical reaction' a short section of a theatre play is being played. This tells plenty of stories, as a lot of truths can be revealed truth that and it can have a spiritual note as well, for example when the 'chemist' is delighted to find a 'chemical reaction' he hasnt found yet. I thought the main plot could involve someone looking for this chemist. Plenty of 'chemical experiments' could be before that to give the audience an idea how this idea works. So when he maybe experiments a little himself, which could create some hilarious dull plays, then maybe finds a rather complex chemical reaction that the chemist finds beautiful and then they maybe really want to push it and want to find the most complex chemical reaction ever or so. I dont know maybe you could play a little with awakening there. Obviously the professional chemist is god and the guy wanting to be entertained by him is a psychonaut and spiritual seeker. I dont know how I would literally make the connection between the chemist and the play he creates happen. I want the chemist to be a down to earth guy and not some depiction of god and I want the play to be down to earth. But that doesnt really work. I could kind of give the people in the play chemist outfits or something.. yeak I need another solution for that.

Leaving my house felt SOOO DIFFICULT. I think I depleted my dopamine cells or something as this felt unreal, spent about 2-3 hours until I finally did it. During my inner fight I actually did some spiritual work, actual spiritual work. Going out must have felt really scary that I would rather do spiritual work then go out. I just had kind of a leap in consciousness. I often look in the mirror to check if I still look young and beautiful and I catched myself doing that and stopped me in my tracks as the more I do that the more suffering I create with that as beauty doesn't last. On my couch I wanted to check out what the essence of my previous fantasy about the good life was. As I consciously wanted to scan it I noticed that I couldn't fully activate that image in my mind. Any conscious attempts failed. So I realized that I could only get it when I allowed myself to slip into the fantasy again, but that would mean that I needed to sacrifice observing it consciously. So only through the lowering of consciousness was this possible to experience. And then I noticed how I, in that moment was just choosing if I wanted to indulge in that fantasy or stay conscious. So I asked myself what I really want and this echoed some sort of art, but I didn't really know. But knowing what I really want is the base for all the other decisions so what did I really have .. ? That's beautiful work, you can just lay on your back and work through your mind with truth as your compass. But you really need to have your shit handled to do something like this.