Jannes

Here is a short clip of him explaining what death is. https://youtu.be/bOaJ2I40Rs8

I like this one. Urban monastic also sounds good.

?? also want ?????

Okay filming only filming myself might be a bad idea. I never do it. With text you can just write little things that came up. What is there to tell? I deepened the connection with my sister. Spend some time with her when we visited our grandparents and we started texting a bit. I became conscious that the connection was almost completely lost in a recent trip and how much pain that brought to me. I also thought about how much more painful it might have been for my sister because she probably thought I rejected her. I never rejected her I was just going through very difficult times and was deeply ashamed of myself and simply didn’t thought that I was good enough for my sister. I wanted to be my little sisters hero and I kind of built an identity around that I think and when I get bullied and humiliated in school in the past I simply thought I wasn’t really worthed. I excused my unavailable behaviour by talking myself into "that’s just what teenagers are like“. I am so sorry my sister. I know I hurt you a lot. Thinking about changing my life career. Idk if I really want to become a teacher and it takes at least 5 more years until I am a full teacher. I will be 28 then wtf ? (sorry for everybody older then that but you know how it is ?) I could maybe only study philosophy and teach as a math tutor. I could make decent money by doing that and if I want to become a teacher I can still easily become one with years of tutor experience and a philosophy exam. Becoming an actor is also a possibility. I just started acting classes and I absolutely love it. The self expression and coming out of your shelve frees you so much. And then I have so many ideas for startups. Investing 5-7 more years into studying and not giving all the other opportunities a shot feels wrong. I have to make this work somehow… I posted a trip with my first taste of god consciousness. In a sense it was incredible but it was on magic truffles and magic truffles give you such a blurry version of stuff that it’s just not that great. Still hoping to get 5meo malt. If that doesn’t work I might have to work with lsd and maybe some stimulants for support.

But it can also be your own projections and self biases. I don’t think you can judge a person from a little text. Leo takes sugar alcohols ? I have problems making sense of what you said. I have/had strong ADS my whole life so a lot of attention and concentration problems. A healthy diet helped me just to a limited extend and I followed 100% clean eating for many years. My point is that you should do these things out of love for it and not out of self hatred. Good for you if you also enjoy doing all of these things and don’t do it to compensate for a lack of self love for example. This sounds just like harassment. That dude ate clean for years and now cheats occasionally and feels way better now. He is still super healthy. Also you can’t substitute every junk. Hahaha I am about to watch the last to episodes of peaky blinders ?? I came out of a big rut of nihilism and have difficulties getting up again. Health is actually pretty good. I exercise regularly, have a healthy bf and eat mostly clean. I just started an acting class which supercharges my social skills and helps with self expression which is hard for me and chances are really good to find a gf there. You express yourself so freely that it is really easy to bond quick. Also I will soon start with psychological consultation for self worth issues etc. There are a lot of things I want to archieve but if I push myself to hard I won’t do anything at all. I made that experience many times. If you can push yourself through everything with pure willpower good for you chad. But consider the perspective that there are people who will just procrastinate if you they push themself to hard.

And you will be the judge of who is wise and who isn’t ? ? Lol it is a complex topic because the task is basically to discipline your will by not disciplining it. You want to eat healthy because you want to want to eat healthy and not because you have to. If you really hate healthy eating you are in a dilemma between being healthy and having constant cravings or being unhealthy but free from cravings. Both extremes are bad of course and you have to find a middle ground. Haha and success for you is to cut yourself off from any treats? In my mind you are the type of guy who wouldn’t give himself the time to gaze into the clouds in the sky because that is wasting your time to be successful. Are you really doing it for yourself? That’s a good tip. For me they don’t work because my stomach goes crazy from that but in general finding healthy substitutes for junk is great.

You probably can’t answer that question definitively because it’s very individual. In many cases you probably shouldn’t do high doses or take it at all in other cases like @purporing it can be very healing. I think you should probably listen to your intuition. I did low and mid doses of truffles in a semi depressed state and although I didn’t had any mystical experiences at that time it definetly helped me process a lot of things and changed my life for sure. I followed strict protocol though. When my intuition told me that that day wasn’t good for psychedelics I wouldn’t take them even if my whole day was free.

I am naturally a very agreeable person. And I noticed recently how this agreeableness intales giving other people a very strong authority to judge me rather then me judging myself. And this makes it really hard for me to get out of my shell socially because when I let all of my actions be judged by others and not by me then I can only do what is with a very strong likelihood accepted by everybody. Plus I also haven’t socialized enough in the past 6 years so my sense and experience of what is accepted by others is pretty small. So all of this makes me really uncomfortable around others because there is just such little room for me to express myself. To give myself some breathing room I have to (re-)learn how to not care about what other people think of me. I already did that myself like 6 years ago with dumb motivational videos and stuff like that. You probably know what I am talking about. Because I put so much inner energy into it it actually kinda worked. But only kinda because I suppressed a shitton of emotions and there was actually a Lot of shame and stuff like that that build up behind the surface. And obviously you should also still care to an extend about other peoples opinion because you aren’t perfect. So I want to do it better this time. Any book suggestions? I would love to have a book that has a holistic approach to this. Maybe written from stage yellow instead of orange.

I get magic truffles in germany through the clear net Trustpilot is a scam itself. They delete reviews.

Derivats. Basically something chemically very similar but not quite the real thing. So it takes some time to get banned. I have no idea how chemistry works but 1v-lsd is legal at the moment at least in Germany. Will probably be illegal in a few months and then a new similar substance will come out.

@something_else There are some legal psychedelics you can buy from the clearnet. The newest form of lsd and in my case magic truffles are legal.

But I would think this applies to you. You don’t look like a beginner on the first photo where you started the thread. And I call bullshit when you say that this transformation from the first pic to the second pic is due to body recomp. Your shoulders, arms, chest all look significantly bigger, that much muscle growth is just inhuman in 3 weeks. You played with the camera angle, pump etc. and that’s it. Agree. The other pics look more believable because of it.

So I took 6g of dried Atlantis magic truffles this afternoon. The trip didn’t start so well because I didn’t feel so good emotionally and it took me about an hour of letting go and feeling through negative sensations etc. until I became receptive for spiritual work. Then I listened to Leos video "Guided exercise for realizing you are God“. In the part where Leos said "Imagine this is the hand of God“ it clicked. I got it for a few seconds, then lost it and took a few minutes to process what I just realized. Then pushed myself to god again, stayed there for a few more seconds and then wrapped my mind around what just happened again. I looked at the windows that were now god and was amazed by their perfection. In gods mind there is no fear, no suffering, no worrying, everything is so clear, direct experience is absolutely true. I know this was only a glimpse. I was also a bit surprised by how little my ego fought against this at that moment. Actually there was no fight whatsoever it just clicked. Only after that my ego started fighting against that realization. Although it was certainly a mindfuck I feel like I can go much deeper which shows that this was probably just the tip of the tip of the iceberg of what god realization is but I am still super happy that I finally got a bit of direct taste of it.

Yeah it’s the fear of appearing gay or something it’s just a lot of toxic conditioning. On shrooms I often get really sexual and often go for prostata stimulation automatically. I am also not super experienced but I had a few experiences where it felt a lot better then "normal“ stimulation.

I also want to get over my fear to make my psychedelic trips safer. Look for Lucas the spider on yt. There are short children films of an animated spider with human voice to make it as non threatening as possible. I bought a plastic spider to inspect. Generally just get used to spiders and also learn why they are important.

Awesome men, what is/was your spiritual practice?

@Vercingetorix I am not good at attacking new things immediately but I am now at around 50% of the book. At first I was like "Nah, I am above this petty nice guy bullshit“ but then it often reflected patterns that I do exactly as said in the book. It’s really weird because I can pretty much understand every single pattern he described of a nice guy perfectly not just on an intellectual level but also on an emotional level. It’s like all of these patterns either are me or WERE me. I discovered that I put a lot of work into solving my nice guy syndrome which I didn’t even know. It’s hard for me evaluate how much nice guy is still in me but definetly more then I thought. Especially the fear that people reject me for being human is still huge. So I think I tackled some of the outwards stuff already but most of the underlying emotional sources are still not properly met. I definetly take a lot of value out of this book, thanks men.

There is a huge spectrum of happiness and I grew over the last five years from pretty serious lifeless kind depression to pretty mild depression with more happy moments. Still having trouble to be light and playful but my worries aren’t as heavy anymore and I can identify them way better. I want a gf and I am pretty certain that I can get one it’s just the time it takes that worries me and my neediness of sex which sucks. I want to reach nondual states with psychedelics but I have trouble finding 5meos and have also pushed the strong psychedelics so far into the future that I had lots of time imagining how horrifying an ego death will be and now besides having trouble finding them I am also worried that I am not even ready to get through the trip but I want it so bad. I don’t have a LP yet and am scared that I don’t find one. I also feel extremely unmotivated to change something about this situation because I don’t have the emotional resources to take a lot of setbacks.

I am looking for the most secure and untraceable ways to use email on the darknet (tor) and clearnet. What are the best free options? For darknet I am looking for an email provider which works with the tor browser and can send emails to darknet AND clearnet users. For the clearnet I am just looking for the most anonymous and secure thing possible given the circumstances that it is clearnet.

You also can’t prove it’s non imaginary. So it could be both. Why do you stick to the belief that reality is non imaginary? Because it keeps you sane. Seriously doubting the realness of reality is really painful. Your mind hates it. But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t be true.

Atlantis, Mexicana, Pajaritos, Tampenensis, Hollandia, Utopia All magic truffles have psylocibin as their psychedelic compound so they are all similar. But I would still like to know if anyone tried different ones and can make a comparison because I only did a lot of Atlantis and I want a different flavour.

Sure we can have nice thoughts, lovely thoughts, erotic thoughts, … but I feel like they are often just the release of negative thoughts. For example if I think about a great relationship idk if that thought itself brings me joy or if the release of the negative thoughts that pressure me to get into a relationship just feels good. (“It feels so good when the pain weakens") This would decide if you should numb your thoughts or try to transform them to positive ones if your goal is maximum happiness.

Idk how fit you are but if you don’t work out and don’t have a lot of muscle then 166lbs is still an optimal weight for your height. You can have a really low body fat percentage and still be healthy. But if you don’t have enough energy because of it that’s another matter of course. Olive oil, nuts, nut butter, dates and other dried fruit, self made weight gainer shakes (for example oats, peanut butter, banana, dates), maybe choose a carb source that you can eat a lot from (quinoa, rice, oats, spelt, whole grain pasta, whole grain bread, buckwheat, …).

Yes plus being narcissistic is really unattractive. I think a lot of girls like a men with a bit of belly, it’s not that uncommon. Beer belly is a bit extreme though. I think both sides are right. I think you should think about routines of how you can looksmax yourself once, implement it and then don’t bother about it anymore. For example I put some effort into what hairstyle looks the best on me. Now I just show my hairdresser the same photo every time and I don’t care about it anymore. -> I don’t care about how I look, but I still look my best.

I played with the idea of becoming a male stripper. I couldn’t see myself being insecure about anything anymore if I did that for a few years.