Jannes

Nightgame Day05 I was tired as always but not knock out tired. Looked for a new club to go to. I packed a big psylocibin dose this time trying to see how it would affect me. Took it a few minutes before the club, so the affect would kick in around when I would enter. It kicked in pretty much immediately though. There was a huge line outside. Behind me a group of 3 girls. I knew that you had to built up state before going to the club so that was a great opportunity to get going. I was anxious as hell though. I think I was anxious because I put so much pressure on myself from the success from last Nightgame and the psylocibin increased my anxiety. But here is the kicker. Even though I was standing in my anxiety the whole time with psylocibin I did everything perfectly appropriately and not the anxiety control me. Normally when you are in fear you act stupid, cringe, awkward, whatever but not with psylocibin. (At least in this case for me) I made the right approach, the right talk, interpreted the social behaviour well while standing to the throat in fear. And yes you could notice that when I stuttered slightly, or maybe misused a word or something like that so yes my anxiety was full on noticeable but my behaviour was rock solid despite that. I came up with better ideas for conversation stuttering then when I was in a sober I don’t give a shit state. It’s so incredible. And I was so goddamn sweet. Psylocibin makes me highly empathetic. And it connects me deeply with my body which I heard many times is key. Psylocibin + confidence will be a league of its own for me. At the end neither me or the girls got in. They let in like 10%. I asked the girl what they are up to. They replied we just go home. I asked, can I come with you. She replied: We are going to sleep now. I said: Okay have a good night. Super natural and fluent. I just asked to fuck them in a super casual way lol. So I looked for another club. I went to the club I went the first night, now for the third time. On the way I saw two girls in white which I found later in the club. They sat on a couch. I knew my verbal game was far better so I approached them. Can I sit next to you? Yeah sure. We had a great 5min talk. Then a guy came in interrupting us. Saying can I sit between you two? I thought he was her boyfriend so I left. He chatted to me a moment later that I can try to dance with them no problem and that he isn’t their boyfriend. Danced a little with the girls. They told me that the guy way overdoes his job. He is only a friend and wants to protect them. The guy was around us dancing as well. The problem was that I didn’t know how to open and second it was double cringe with this guy around. He seemed like a friendly guy but like a conservative dad who would kick away every attractor of their teenage daughter. (As a reference, they were both 18). The vibe died a little when dancing. I seemed to have done a very great opener because these girls stayed with me a good time and exchanging friendly smiles even though I delivered nothing on the dance floor. Some guys talked to me saying that I should grab the girls already, it’s painful to see what I am doing. But I had no clue what to do. They said you should just do it in a I don’t give a fuck sort of way and that girls love these guys. I made that experience also. But it’s a mix of fear of rejection because I don’t have the skillset to do so when I pull a girl towards me hard but also ethically I don’t see it as clean to get into a girls privacy like that. I feel like in Clubs the attraction part is often at the dance floor and the comforting part is often at the outside or chill area. So I need to be able to handle myself at the dance floor. Even though I kind of like my own dance style I don’t really own it. It’s a mix that I made up myself and I get so much laughs about it all the time I am not confident in it anymore. So I need to learn new dance moves. The protector guy actually had fantastic dance moves. Nothing to complicated but super chill and confident looking. The two girls in white left and I was kind of exhausted after that. Took 20min outside refreshing. There wasn’t much time anymore so I just danced for an extra 30min collecting as many impressions as I could for future. Was proud of myself for the work that I put in.

Psychedelics are consciousness.

Or maybe some psychedelic microdoses which also make you more creative/ conscious which can help you with existential questions actually.

I have a weakness for niceness. I worked for many years getting niceness out of my system but there is still a lot left. The problem is you need a personality that gets your meets met. If you can't survive being not nice you won't do it. So it seems you need a lot of power and skill in getting your meets met if you have the disadvantage of not using nice guy manipulations. My ability to attract girls recently got a good bump and I instantly noticed how much more authentic and disagreeable I became.

What a weird metaphysic about health. I dont see that and I also dont see how animal products and sugar dont make you satisfied. If I would put my intuition of the general healthy eating metaphysics into words it would be something like this - Everything that overloads you is bad: sugar, fatty meat - Everything that is tender on you is good: fruits, veggies, whole grains, legumes, nuts, some animal products

Nightgame Day4: (holy shit) I met a girl and a guy at the entrance of the club. They were super friendly and we instantly formed a group. The girl asked me what kind of girls I want and then selected some for me. I wanted to impress her so I approached a group of people with two hot girls in the group. Started a little chat and asked both of the girls for their number. They both had a girlfriend. But it was super chill. The girl and guy were super impressed and couldn’t wait to challenge me more. They got me to approach another girl I didn’t even really like. Short chat and I got her number. The girl was so into me. She had a boyfriend but constantly asked me if I would take her as an option. She was super sexual with me and was always wrestling with not cheating with her boyfriend. She straight up told me, if she wasn’t in a relationship we would bang right here on the toilet. That got me in such a mood. Outside of the toilet there were two girls and my friend just pushed me a little into them and I immediately started a super good conversation and got another number. Outside I saw a girl with a super hot body and approached her and got her number. Shortly after that I saw two attractive girls standing and I approached them easily at this point. Got the number of the hotter one. We went dancing. Couldn’t find my friends. Found the girl with the super hot body again. Asked her if she wants to go to the dance club. We made out. I grapped her waist and asked if I can touch her ass to which she agreed. Had a 1min kiss and a lot of ass grabbing. She then told me that she was there with her sister and that she promised the night was about her and that now she has to go and apologize to her friend but that I should call her again. Found my friends again. Danced a little. It wasn’t as physical and I lost a little of my vibe. There was a girl that I talked to, got her number and we kissed a little and [she made me touch her tits.*] We couldn’t talk inside so I asked them if they want to go outside with me. We chatted a little and a random ass dude interrupted the talk. Then they went back dancing saying bye. I got back in found my peers, danced a little longer found the girl from right before again. I danced a little more with them. Her female friend gave a kill sign on the throat and I didn’t know what it was directed to. Maybe me so I built distance. More about that later. Near my peers I found some girl dancing with her friends and she seemed to know me. Well she started chatting a bit. It was very confusing to me. Maybe I talked to her indirectly when I talked to another girl or maybe she knew me from another girl that talked about me. I talked to so many people I didnt really had a clue. But she seemed super party around me. I can’t really recall the situation but she constantly punched me in the belly, was also pretty sexy with me and one time said I should act as if I was so insecure. I went for a kiss but she rejected. Saying partying is good but no kissing. And said I was sweet. She went back to grab a beer twice and told me I should protect her friend which I did. I mean I really did feel like Superman that night so that wasn’t a problem for me. I was super confused about the situation in the end, so I just asked that I can’t really read the situation right now but would like to exchange numbers to which she replied sorry and kissed me on the cheek. I wandered around a little trying to look for some opportunities. Found a girl sitting on top of a podium with other people. I immediately jumped on and then off that thing because there was liquid on it. I still talked to the girl and she pushed me away harshly saying „not like that“. I was a little bumbed out because of that, as that was the first time I got a harsh rejection. But I didn’t really do anything wrong. My friends left. The girl said that she would instantly take me home if she were single and gave me a hug. I was looking for a way to sleep in Berlin so that I could continue to party so I ordered the numbers I got and asked a few of them if I can sleep there. 12min later a girl replied. „Meet me at the door. You can come.“ (let’s fuck?) I replied 8min later, okay cool be there in 5min but I didn’t found here and she didn’t text me anymore. (If a girl says she wants sex, don’t let her wait?) Then I saw another girl I got the number from which was by far the most sexiest. She was there with another guy and I thought he might be her boyfriend. But they both went into the building and two of her friends stayed there. I went to them and asked them if the girl is in a relationship. They said no and that she is in the building and something. I went in, she was about to take her items back. I said hey, then slightly touched her elbow to get her attention. She gave me a short mustering view and then straight ignored me completely. Don’t know what I did wrong tbh. Later I thought about that. [she made me touch her tits.*] Maybe she didn’t actually. She placed her hands directly on her tits when I recall directly so I assumed she wanted that but maybe not. It could explain the behaviour of her friend. I might have really fucked that up and didn’t even know it. I am super scared to get a rape charge or anything holy shit.

@CARDOZZO Yeah it doesnt develop you at all.

It's a waste of time for people with even high average looks. You need good looks for some matches and great looks for success on tinder. So for the vast majority of people approaching or social circle is the way to go. Although I have to admit that I got my first lay on tinder which was crucial. I would say I have good looks. So if you dont have game or social circle its at least something.

Nightgame Day3 I did some research. Notably a video from Owen Cook where he show Nightgame. Many things from my nightgames before became more transparent to me. 1) Girls want to be wanted 2) Some girls are interested but want to be conquered 3) There is a whole game paradigm of attraction which you are blind to if you never go to clubs. 4) State is key 5) Building state before going to the club is part of good game. 6) positive people around you which guide you make things 3x easier. Even though I had new knowledge in mind, which made me a bit motivated, it was harder this time to get in the mood then the days prior. I visited the same club as first time. Because I spent so much time looking for a club and talking to so many people on the way and also having the thrill of this new adventure and also not pressuring myself so much with results I was in a better state then on this third night. I spent almost two hours dancing on my own, not taking action and killing my state. When I felt that I needed to do a break to regain state I went to the outside area and asked a stranger if I can sit next to them. A decent looking chick. I just started a conversation in hopes for some small talk to built myself back up. I talked about my mission and my struggles and my talking skills aren’t bad. The girl told me her situation being for three weeks in Berlin and also feeling kind of lost in the club. We went dancing together. The vibe wasn’t great, I wasn’t feeling it really. In a Team effort we didn’t let the vibe drown but it wasn’t great. We went to get some fresh air again, chatted and then came back dancing. She went to the toilet and I wondered around a bit. A girl got really flirty with me and I got physical. I touched her hips and her booty. She let me press my dick against her ass. I got alive. I asked her if I could kiss her. She didn’t understand. I got close to her and tried to go for a kiss with around 80% of the distance. She refused. The vibe stayed fun. I was so in the mood. I screamed her in the ear, I want to kiss you already and went for it again but she refused. I didn’t feel any kind of anxiety really, I felt alive, just like a hunting animal for his hunt. A friend came in and closed her off from me. Cool I guess. Now I saw the girl from before again and she brought a guy with her, saying she found someone. The guy flirted with her, touched her hips, went for a kiss. The girl didn’t really like it but also didn’t give a straight no. She told me in the ear „what is happening right now“. I knew I should have stepped in, flirted with her, proven myself but first I wasn’t getting that flirty with her in the first place and I didn’t had the skill set. The guy asked me if everything is all right, decoding the mimic and further increased his dominance over me. I felt like the biggest beta on the planet. We then went outside for fresh air and some guy came in saying I should just let her go. They know each other and for the better of myself I should just let it be. I was a bit overwhelmed by this. First the whole situation and then how should I know about this guy. It’s possible that he really is a dangerous guy and that it was a good warning but I also didn’t want to not fight at all. I found a middle way. They were already sitting outside and I winked the guy outside. Cool that that walked. I talked about what I just heard and that I feel uncomfortable with this situation. The girl said she recently knew him from a dating app but that he didn’t text her for 2 days so… (I didn’t take action on that :/) I should have said this: I would like to leave the club with you if you want but I don’t want conflict with that guy, so either we leave together now or we split here. Well I just asked her for her phone number which I got and gave her a hug. After that a guy danced with me and we twerked ass on ass together for fun. Well I thought it was for fun but then he went straight for a kiss. I am (mostly) straight unfortunately. Was fun anyway. There were a few other girls that I could have danced with but the lack of eye contact was to much of a hurdle for me. The girl I got physical with was in a group with also the gay guy and they sat on a table. I approached that group of 4. Another girl blocked the entrance for the girl I got physical with. The girls left. I asked one of the guys if the girl I got physical with has a boyfriend and they said yes, it was just for fun. But I can take the gay guy if I want which I politely rejected. Then there was a guy who wanted to do speed or something with me which I also politely rejected. The club was almost empty. There were two girls sitting alone on a table. I pulled myself together for this last effort. „.. Hey“, „.. we both have a boyfriend.“ „Lucky for them, good night.“ Cool so that was the night. I got the girls number, what should I do with it. Am I already the beta. It’s not like a relationship I just want to have sex or maybe a place to sleep so I can party two days in a row.

I love that question. My thoughts on it: Well everything that manifests itself, manifests itself from opposites. Warm as the opposite of cold, strength as the opposite of weakness and life as the opposite of death. What you are basically asking is, "can there be black without white?" I think that question comes because language only captures framents of reality and not the whole. You can speak of parts of reality which make them see like independents fragments but actually they can't be splitted at all. Because black exists only in contrast of black and therefore implements it. So when you make that sentence more holistic you could say "can there be that (black) that arises from its opposite without its opposite?" Now that sentence seems foolish. The absolute nature of god is of course immortality. So a god awakened person knows about his immortality. But no ego can become immortal. Although deception is absolute truth. So an ego could deceive itself to be immortal and be absolutely right about that in a relative sense but not in an objective sense.

I love all ranges of psylocibin. Different microdoses all make a great social experience, the more the partier. Different small doses make me thoughtful and bring me in touch with my emotional state. It's great for self love. Mid doses are great for consciousness work. Big doses are great for mindfuckery.

You can buy lsd microdoses in pellets. Dont know if the lsd is evenly split up through the whole pellet though in case you wanna split it.

A microdose of Psylocibin is great for socializing imo.

@Leo Gura I always take half a microdose of lsd

Have a base of clean (unprocessed) food and allow yourself some junk to make is sustainable. I think there are two sides to unclean food. 1) It can hurt your health and 2) it can be an opportunity cost for healthy food because when you fill your calories with junk, you can't fill your calories with health food anymore. This becomes problematic when you dont get enough micronutrients in. So when you eat like 80% chips and skittles, it's not only that the saturated fats and the chemicals hurt you, the fact that you dont get enough vitamins is the way bigger problem. So I would focus on junk only causing you 1). For how much 1) hurts you I can't really say. Maybe a little. But dont you want to enjoy life as well? Well maybe the biggest joys come from actualizing and not junk food. Becoming obsessive about clean eating is a sickness though, you dont want that.

https://barbend.com/myprotein-animal-free-whey-forward-protein-powder/ Just found out that there is this new whey protein powder made out of microflora. Do you think it has it all? Ethics, price (in the coming years), no heavy-metals, etc.?

My bully actually loved me holy shit. It always was this 10% love, 90% bully relationship with him. He always forced me to act in macho ways and gave me so many slaps and humiliation when I didn't do what he said. But being a player came naturally to him and he wanted to give me that out of love for me. Such twisted love but love. He was hit by his dad himself so.

Due to family events I will do a little break for a minimum of three days.

I had a dream today where in once scene the bully of my past kissed me on the cheek like the director of the theatre club (whom I really like) that I always go to does and I enjoyed that in the dream as well. My bully often appeared in different life phases for me. In the past we sometimes fought, we were also sometimes friends and sometimes something in between. But I never experienced this level of acceptance. Besides sex, game helps you develop your psyche in many important ways. It gives you a sense that you are in control of your life, it helps you overcome inauthentic parts of yourself because parts that talk bad about yourself are inauthentic parts.

Nightgame Day2 I was so tired from yesterday. I wasted around an hour driving in circles before arriving at the dance club. I took a psylocibin microdose. I didn’t really feel the effect though. The night club was also shit. 3 dance floors, 1 where you can dance but with shit music, one with good music but so crowded that you can only stand and 1 floor which had the whole package but was way to small. I felt that this wasn’t my night to make it happen. But I spent my money and could only get home in the morning so I just danced looking to get as much out of the night as was possible for me this day. I wondered which strategy I could use to get close to a girl. I wouldn’t just be grabbing them by the waist or go for a kiss without consent, (or without obvious flirtatious vibes) I got some morals. Instead I starred them in the eyes. I continued to stare at them when they looked away until they returned their look at me wondering why I stared at them and then gave them a warm smile. I applied it once. Didn’t work but it for sure got my point across and also didn’t feel akward really. First tool in the toolbox I guess. Later I was dancing with a couple of random dudes. Gave a girl near me a small smile and one of the girls of her group pulled me in their circle. The girl asked me what my name is and said she wanted to kiss me to which I agreed. We had a whole 1min kiss. It was really bad, she used her teeth on my lower lip a lot and I didn’t know what I was doing. We talked just a little the vibe wasn’t really on and I asked her if we want to go to her place. Shortly after that she said that she wanted to use the bathroom and I let her go. At first I was a little worried that maybe I came across as uninterested that I didn’t go with her. Took some time for me to realize that I shouldn’t have asked her so quickly that we should go to her place because the vibe wasn’t built yet. I didn’t saw her for a while and she avoided me when we met. Maybe the strategy the girl used is also usable for me at least in parts. I can just ask girls what I want. I can ask them if they want a kiss, or that I find them cute or if I can touch their tits. Well maybe the last needs a great vibe.

Felt a little ashamed of myself when I started partying. I felt like such a stupid and superficial person. I also felt bad because right now there is a very non-toxic girl interested in me and I kinda messed it up with here in not giving her quality attention. I basically passed that opportunity to learn game. Well romantic vibes are just too much for me at the moment. So I actually straight up texted her if we want to Netflix and she agreed. She wanted to flirt sexually with me but I had no clue how to do it which frustrated me so much. I could have been sweet to her which would have been enough for sex and a possible relationship but I sacrificed that for the pursuit of power. Power over love? Well the thing is that I dont feel strong attraction towards her. I need to have game in my toolbox to create attraction.

I dont know what love is! It's funny I have a specific idea, an object in my mind of what love is. I can get my mind into a lovely dream if I let it. But that's not what love is or at least not what real love is. Love is not to be found it has to be accessed right here! Effortless. Nothing that comes by force is real. Not an object which arises in the universe like a secondary but something already in there as a primary quality of the universe, not to be grasped or to be hold but to be realized. So when I try to find love in this way love seems to become mysterious, thin-empty. It's not an object to be grasped. Its mysterious. I lived for so long and never knew what love actually is. Although that seems to be the most simple and basic thing to know. I dont know what love is, I actually dont know what love is! The moment of confusion ends.

So cool!

Philosophy. Instead of reading some book, everybody needs to bring one own thought into class and we would discuss them in a small group. It could be about any topic in philosophy which would make it extra versatile. I would maybe make study trips to very different places to allow different perspectives, like scientology, military, buddhist-places, Neo nazi groups if possible in a safe setting, zoos, skydiving, fighting sports, dancing classes... simply for perspectives. Alternatively deep Psychology on what the deep rooted patterns of the ego are.

"?" That Smiley scares the shit out of me. I expect psychopathic joker like evil intend if someone writes me "?".