Jannes

It hit a little weaker then the first time I heard it.

This whole accidently flirting thing had a bit of this dynamic: I was emotionally at unease and because of my poor impulse controll I looked for emotional support around me. Some people, some girls gave it to me but also got emotionally attatched from it. I never made the conscious choice that I want something from them and felt inner conflict for taking love and not giving something in return. Luckily this ciycle is kind of broken..

On my way on reading through the journal from the very start. This strikes me as worthed to highlight:

I am thinking a lot about my age. Every day even. With 26 years old I am still young but I am slowly loosing opportunities for romantic partners in their peak beauty. I can still have somebody who is like 20 years old, but if I grow much older then people this age will just be too immature for me. You need a lot of time to get over something, not sure if one romance is enough for me. I dont want to feel like I have missed so much. Well I definitely did but when I am working on it, I can feel better right away.

Although I am not sure if I am avoiding doing remote viewing instead. Both would be great things to do though, so even if I 'distract' myself, it wouldnt be the end of the world.

Interestingly this new habit makes my mind a bit fresh though. Could also be that its something new and gets me out of my house. I think this is the perfect moment to finally read through this journal.

I also had muscle soreness from training my legs yesterday.. I am also a bit of a crybaby though, never would have thought that fitness would be something I would struggle with. I got pretty comfortable.

I went to bed a good hour earlier yesterday but got out of bed half an hour later then yesterday. I really didnt want to go to the gym today, honestly I was contemplating if I want to quit right there, but I was feeling a jog a bit so I went with that. But it was already nearly noon, I wasnt like an early bird where it would be acceptable to go out unshowered, so I did some basics. I need a cap or something for these instances, for some reason I was overly aware of that fact. It was so hot outside and bright outside. The first few meters jogging felt healthy and fire but then it sucked, I never had fun doing jogs anyway. Did some pushups and pullups at a park and went home. If I dont even get energy from this today I really dont know what the point of it is.

More holistic love eventually wins.

I think an incel is either never getting laid in a year or he has a phase in a relationship where he gets laid more often.

@Hardkill I have seen a women use a guy for sex and orgasms who wants more emotionally but she rejects him on that level. THAT and lighter version of that I experienced are the biggest mindfuck.

The opposite is also kinda true.

The problem of this gym morning routine is that it is strongly associated with this productivity, self-improvement mindset. Sure its also a bit of that, but moreso an artistic and conscious way of designing your life. I did go to the gym for self improvement etc. for so long, maybe thats why I get a bit of that taste, or maybe I am just expecting too much. Only on Friday is there a Yoga course in the morning, not sure if its possible to do Yoga elsewhere every morning.