Jannes

Cut my front hair as well and picked out some hair directly above my upper lip. Did some calculation that this is probably worthy for the rest of my life. If it doesnt grow back as plentyful maybe some beards will be less doable but I dont think I want them and all the other ones will be much easier and will look cleaner.

I keep on having good ideas today. Just tested the epilator on my hand. I thought it would be painful but almost not at all and super fast. Its a neat look. Now I thought about lasering my red spots on my face. I dont have any acne anymore since years but the redness remains. I can laser that away, why the hell havent I thought about that. Will have to look at the cost, but its probably worthed.

TRIGGER WARNING: If you are mentally/ emotionally unstable and dont want to get deeply Blackpilled by the reality of dating dont read this thread. .. I think I started a thread like this years ago and then a second time maybe a year later. I felt it triggered a lot of people and most people each time dismissed my acutal problem. The problem is truly that it is almost impossible to talk about because its very uncomfortable to talk about and very very ego heavy. Even now while I suffer from it I also cant help but feel my ego getting involved in this. You know when you truly authentically want to write down a problem and while you are at it you feel your ego shadow lingering over your shoulder like an uninvited visitor smirking over this and there is no thought of pushing him away, he is deeply grounded in this. Survival is truly bigger then me on this one. With that said and with improvement of my articulation of the problem I am hoping that its different this time around. So I have/ had the problem that because I have adhd and was emotionally very unstable I often looked for other people as ankers to stabilize me. This is a common thing for adhd folks. It unconsciously manifests itself in a way that I put much attention to that person. Generally new people are more stimulating and stabilizing. This often came across as flirting. Because I am also quite good looking I am/ was quite successful at "flirting", even though that wasnt my intention. My ego would like to hear that I am the men being this succesful but there was zero skill involved, it was completly accidental. Already took me a lot of time and suffering to accept that .. On my unintentional flirting spree I saw so much bullshit though, many girls willing to cheat with me on their boyfriends. Nice, lovely girls which you would never expect it from. At least not me. For many of them I developed feelings as well but just surpressed them because I would never cheat. I am in a situation now where I am really searching for feelings and connection. Sex without feelings doesnt really interest me. The problem is that I have developed such a negative picture of most women as people who would heartlessly drop their bf or cheat when a better option comes around. Much trust is just wiped away from direct experience. I dont have any clever sorting mechanism to select girls that dont cheat and I dont think this is possible to the degree that I am satisfied with. But this brings me to the question of how can I reform the picture of women that I have in my head so that I can love them again? I am even considering going back to the girls who would have cheated with me (who dont have a bf right now) because realistically it doesnt get better anyway. And how can I go about the fear that I could get cheated on myself?

If I simply unsubscribe to all the Youtube channels I would block then I can use the Youtube site relatively normally, clicking from one channel to the next. I can just not watch the videos on Youtube. Hmm maybe there is even a way around that when I only block the main youtube page specifically and not individual links. Hmm ..

Whoaaaa so 2 things. I tried medicinet today again. Small 10mg dose just to try it again and see the effect it has on RV. It doesnt seem to improve my practice it seems like, it might even take my ability to view away. I am more emotionally stable though. And the other thing, I experimented with Cold Turkey some more and realized I can put certain Youtube channels on the exception list. This way I can copy the videos and watch it here. I already found ways to watch some videos, so in this way I can make it maybe a bit more consciously. I am thrilled that I can watch more of Vlad Vexler from now on.

Thats a blackpill and one I intuitively struggled with for as long as I wanted to be attractive to females. Especially in the realm of sexual/ romantic attraction, on the one hand you want to be a good guy on the other hand attraction is quite clear that nice guys arent that attractive. How can you be nice but show that your teeth are intact? I have got a lot more to say on this, my unconscious needs some time to spit it out .. I got to a deepening of my position on this though. It is very clear that these dark traits are attractive but it is also clear that these dark traits are animal instinct based. So you can let them go ... ah well no, if I think about it, boobs and ass are also that and I am not letting those go ..

Epstein is worse then Tate but I am not sure about most of the people associated with him. Many of those could justify their actions through group think which is a natural human instinct. Depends on your opinion if that counts to any degree. Tate seemed to have none of that, it was kind of an original idea of him to start his sex trafficking business.

Fried again. But pretty good night though. The hugging problem comes up again though. So a dude I barely ever talked to but who is kind of in our group gave me a hug today. AAaaah, this complicates the whole power dynamics thing, because when I give him a hug again but refuse to do so with other people, but doesnt it seem rude to not hug him ... blablabla .. It cost me an enormous amount to give someone a hug first. The underlying structure is that I am not truly confident in myself socially I think. .. I gotta give this new girl I have my eyes on atm a new name. She was constantly there for like a year and kind of grew on me. She has good style as well. I could combine these two and call her something like butterfly which both grew and is also stylish but I think I just stick to sylish. She is the stylish girl. I got this kind of love letter either from her or her friend which might be a pretty difficult situation. Men I got pretty tired at the end. I went to a restaurant with friends before which was great as it warmed me up socially but it was also a lot. So I am afraid that my small talk skills werent on point. We kind of found this group though which might grow somewhere.

The juiced up look is interesting. Relatively small chest and huge delts. Giant forearms as well.

I need to remind myself, that I have plenty of sexual opportunities. That I dont follow any one of it suggests that I dont really value it. Today at my social spot I was around a girl I vibed well with. But I dont know if I would really want to sleep with her, getting so near with somebody feels kind of too much.

Went to the other social spot alone today but it also helped me immensily get in warming up. And in the end I reached a light form of state!!!

Is the world going to be alright after all, or should one still wait to buy stocks until its more clear that things will stabilize? Whats the best strategy in the meantime?

Thats what acting is all about, the little details. Well at least thats what I love about it.

Men Jeffrey Epstein was incredibly smart. Thats kind of a trippy thing to acknowledge.

It was a joke

My interest in sex was kind of reignited yesterday after doing impro. It seems to be connected to my emotional state a lot.

Why I left the old theatre club without much talk is pretty simple. In terms of power dynamic, the old theatre club was much stronger then me. I alone couldnt stand up against a group. What I would have critiqued about the old theatre club would have affected most of the people there and it wouldnt have been acceptable for them. So I would have gotten gaslight in some way.

Today at impro I integrated more emotions. Before a game started I always got an emotion and that helped me immensely. I was actually pretty freed up afterwards, something I rarely ever felt. Huge! Got me thinking that I maybe need more structure in general.

Maybe it was just an analogy, not many to grab from when you look at global empires I found it a bit weird as well yes, but maybe not too badly placed to remind everyone that communism is not the strategy. I believe that society isnt ready for communism. He wrote the speech himself btw. (which is unusual)

physical and behavioural characteristics and then talked about how in sex the genitals are often not even seen which sounded like you made the point that when in bed you dont see her genitals and when you are still attracted to her it must be her behaviour because no genitals in sight. So I thought I must make the point that you can still be turned on by the rest of the feminine body But I misunderstood your point

Brushing your teeth. I was ahead of my time even as a kid.

The whole female body differs from the male body in proportions and detail.

Yeah I am with you. But no shame. I am fascinated how clearly I fall in the buttom left field.

This topic brings this graph to mind https://www.reddit.com/r/Destiny/comments/10brsow/aella_made_a_chart_of_sexual_fetishes_by/

Well you said you just wanted to be friends so you dont need to feel bad when you decline that offer. Its pretty invasive of her as well. Do what feels right to you. If you wanna explore you can tell her that you havent done it with a trans girl before and are unsure about it.