Jannes

The moment they speak english is very interesting. From seeing them as different and a bit strange to part of myself.

Bruh, the us IS the bully

Nukes are there for deterrence, in a nuclear war everyone looses. Even if the US and Israel could nuke Iran harder, even getting nuked "a bit" is catastrophic. So if Iran had nukes, Israel and the US wouldnt have dared to attack Iran in the first place. Its in the absolute best interest of iran to get nukes.

Actors increase our spectrum of love. When they play really though roles and find the right words to decribe whats going on inside them, in a way what they do is collect a lot of love to face and make conscious a faceit of reality which is usally to hard to make conscious. Thats what great dialoge is about.

I have felt some weird energies yesterday. Some chi - ish energies. Its usually when a lot of energy is in movement. I dont know how to make sense of that though.

Yesterday I took half the dose of Elvanse medication and I felt a bit of a difference. Today I took a regular starting dose and it feels like I am tripping. Especially outside its very different. I saw some people through the crowd I probably usually wouldnt notice. Which is weird, as I would think I would notice them more without medication. But the reason could be that I can regulate my emotions more, so opening up becomes easier and therefore engaging as with a crowd as well.

Just found out that there are likely some costs coming if I just want to maintain an empty company. That really sucks. I just wanted to create a company to just have it done once so that it wouldnt feel as scary anymore. Well one thing I can do is create my own website.

The EU Pay Transparency Directive -- Its intended to fight the gender pay gap. In short companies must be transparent about what they pay their employees. If the other gender earns more for the same work you can demand the same or you can sue the company. Women often undersell themselves, because they dont demand as much, they dont get as much salary, even if their work is equal to mens. So its a legit point. On the other hand I also know some workaholics and those are usually males. Women are usually more balanced (not neglecting the social domain). So if some workaholic males would outperform women but cant get compensated more for it that would be unfair as well. But thats my only big criticism.

Mmmh this brings me right back to feelings of the past

Consciousness comes in many forms and degrees. A human and a dog are both conscious, yet one is more conscious then the other. A human experiences degrees of consciousness like self awareness, spirituality, abstraction, construct awareness ... that would blow the mind of a dog. With a higher degree of consciousness you fall into a completly different quality of consciousness completly different then that of an animal. This upscaling is already pretty msytical and weird, like we can kind of make sense of a dog but cant truly grasp it. So with that in mind it would be less of a stretch to give rocks some sort of consciousness, completly stripped from basically all qualities. But how rock consciousness could be like I have no idea.

Yes its overblown, but if you take the overblow out of it there ramains a structural difference. The raw pay gap in the EU is about 12-18%, if you take into consideration that men work in fields that pay more, work more full time and less part time and so on you get to a difference of about 5-7%. Might as well shrink that a bit more.

There is something painful about indulging in cuteness -- Cute doggo pictures and so on .. It wraps you into a lofty softy kind of reality and cut you off from the harsh stuff. In a way it limits your love. Back in the day when I had a cuteness overload with my plush toy I liked to punch it. This way I let some of it out and could then indulge in cuteness again. Even then I knew how psycho the optics of this was, but it also seemed reasonable to some degree. Well here I am maybe making some sense of it.

I am growing more emotionally healthy. But developing feelings is really hard. Or even getting close to someone feels overwhelming. Thats why it was so insane when I really opened up to a girl back then. But what I learned is that I can survive being rejected. That it can even feel good in a way because you fight the right war, you are opening up. What was painful was surpressing these feelings.

Yesterday: Saw the proud girl again. I asked her where her boyfriend is, who is usually with her. I am still learning the subtle art of asking these kinds of things. But in this way I have asked indirectly (she could have said that he isn't her boyfriend) if it is her boyfriend and also acknowledged and created a moral boundary. She seemed a little hit by this. Well it could have been something else as well idk.

I had an interesting moment yesterday where I greeted a dude and was about to go for a fist bump and he for a hug and in a millisecond I changed and went for a hug as well. Usually these situations overwhelm me and I can't get it done so this is an interesting counter example. There was also a group of dudes who were pretty unfriendly. A friend of mine accidently played a table tennis ball which hit on the guy in the face. And then he made all kinds of gesturing. Its pretty hard to judge this in a political correct way, they were a group of turkish men and this is just something natives wouldnt do. To be fair they also could face racism though so this could have been a trigger. My friend also wasn't super polite about it, he said sorry but not in a super compassionate way. Another dude looked at me grim. Again I am starting to developing some kind of fear of persecution. I remember that I once saw some dude getting super angry in public. His friends got him and slapped him in the face a couple of times saying „behave" each time. Stage red immigrants realizing that there existence depends on integrating themselves in a stage blue society so they find methods to get there.

I am in quite a lot of emotional pain caused by that event. Men I hate her so much. Just a hit from nowhere.

I was watching some clips of the modern german army. What struck me was that many o fthe haircuts were haircuts I liked back in the day. I was invested in this sort of image of a strong men.

I have never had a pet so for me its hard to judge.

You can find that sort of question in all sort of plots, of having to choose between something that has a lot of personal value to you vs something that has more "objective" value. Reminds me of the last decision in Life is Strange where you have to choose between your best friend you built an emotional connection with or a city with a bunch of people, animals, buildings and so on. I think it comes down to development. The more developed you are, the more you will choose for the greater good then your personal good. With the caveat that loving animals is also a kind of development which goes beyond the usual human bias but also having a grudge against humanity is not a sign of development.

I also looked at the situation that caused all this mess I am in right now. Its really interesting, survival always has you by the balls in the way it shapes your awareness to make you ignore some things which arent helpful or are anti helpful for survival but in this situation its so incredibly emotionally loaded that I can feel that this it is madness to look at it honestly, like I am risking my life with it. I did it anyway, which felt like quite the operating performance and well I didnt find that much. What I wasnt honest with myself was that I did have a big player ego and she was on the menu. Which itself isnt a crime. In the situation I remember that I completly lost it because of all the pressure which was an unusual situation for me. And I also didnt notice that she was uncomfortable. The only factor is was to which degree I was acting out my player ego in this moment. I cant tell anymore. I couldnt really remember the moment when the leader of the theatre club asked me about it either.

I am weirdly fascinated by military equipment recently. ... 42 Mio clicks. Hijacking the human mind isnt that complicated.