Jannes

I dont really make a distinction of how I treat a relationship partner to how I treat a stranger. Well I "learned" to make a bit of a distinction. Uncivilized me didnt make a distinction. And it confused me how people could select whom they shower with love and who they leave out. Adhd medication makes distinguishing more possible. And life experience as well, I loose when I spread my love like this. Awful world.

Going out so late yesterday was just so much, I dont want to socialize today but I am gonna force myself to do so. I also opened up this new opportunity with this group of some girls. I am kind of afraid of it, maybe I cant handle it. I dont know where all this exhaustion is coming from. In Berlin I was exhausted as well but I was also in flow. Here not so much. Although when I approached that girl I experienced an Up for some time. I think I know that I need to make shit happen and I dont want to fail.

@Carl-Richard It would be scientific to keep the limits of science in mind and use the scientific findings as pointers rather then as doctrines. How do you picture a "scientific lifter" ?

So I went a little late to my social spot today. The proud girl didnt greet me, whatever she seemed to realize last time, it seems to be over. If I only knew what it was. Its sad, she is the hottest girl there and kind of the only gf material. That kind of put me a bit into a rage, I am loosing opportunities left and right because I want to do things fairly, because of the wpmi-girl I lost the mario kart n chill opportunity etc. So one time I got out of the table tennis round I saw a girl I saw plenty of times and just talked to her. She is kind of friends with a whole group I am hesitant to approach because the guys seem super protective at times but really they are mostly just fuckboys themselves. Well the talk went okay but something else confused me way more. Another girl I previously talked to but was blocked by from one of her friends super smiled to me and entered the conversation. She almost hugged me for a goodbye but then just waved when I didnt go along. She seemed so happy that I approached the girl, because I guess that builts a bridge for her. It was so wild. The guy then came to kind of protect her as well. She giggled a lot. He is good. But he cant keep them all to himself, he is around like 4 girls. If I crack that group then I will really drown in possibilites. But really I would just like to have one gf when I am honest with myself.

Have 3 options to go to today, 2 meetings from my university or my usual social spot. And I dont feel like going to any of them but I dont want to miss out on chances. I think I would be most comfortable with my usual social spot but then I run into the same problem, its stagnating there.

Got through the seminar today. The situation with the girl was weird, well I made it werid but I handled it. In the end she was talking with someone else and didnt make any gesture towards wanting to leave with me so I shaked my hand and said goodbye. It felt freeing and healthy. Like I was vibing with her but I wasnt glued to her. Good to make that dynamic conscious. And I wonder if thats still the momentum I have from Berlin.

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Yes the difference lies in genetic factors, not style.

True, there are probably groups in that broad category that I do like but generally speaking asian girls dont turn me on that much. I do know particular asian girls I would sleep with but as a general trend it wouldnt be my first choice. Not sure if this is lowkey racist lol.

Asians are like the race I am least interested in.

Does the full picture show whole body? Its not a great picture but its workable for now I think.

So is the second one AI generated actually? The first one looks way more AI generated though.

Yeah there is a lot one can do, I creatively express myself in sex, there is always something new to do, there are positions in which you can penetrate deeper like leg over shoulder missionary which is my fav anyway, foreplay can play a bigger role etc. But if I just want a dirty hookup some of these options become less prevelant. I need to actually be emotionally connected to the girl to do all of the things around penetration well.

Can the feminine make more sense of how the masculine makes sense of reality then how the masculine makes sense of how the feminine makes sense of reality? Or are they equally confused?

I felt a bit emotionally unstable in the gym today and right now as well. Not sure why. Maybe because I lowered the dose. Or maybe because I am not in my routine anymore.

Well for one its simply the adhd mind in its natural state, it cant regulate that easily, intensity and creativity in expression is natural. So in a way its like breathing.

I am running around my room again going through intense acting scenes. Wanting to actually open myself enough to really go through them. Maybe with a microdose. I want to do this intense acting until I black out. Why do I have this desire or romanticizing of it so badly?

Whats interesting is that there is a spiritual component to socializing. When I am in flow I dont (over-)think. Its mysterious how anything can come out of me in that state at all, I am like a black box but the most amazing socializing and also expressive ideas happen in exactly this state. It also has something animalistic though. I guess multiple things happen at once when you take thought out, in some ways it brings you closer to truth, in other way you get further away from it. .. Yesterday I became conscious how much of an ape I actually am. It was comical how much of an ape I am and how much I deny it.

Genetics plays a big role in it and some of these guys are forced into it. Generally skipping sleep is bad advice, it makes you less productive the whole day so there is no net increase to your productivity.

I felt pretty insecure at impro acting today. A friend of mine told me afterwards though that I seemed more awake and confident, interesting. Two people in the group seemed to want to tease me today just a little though. I told my friend that I would be in Berlin and he probably shared that. The girl there seemed interested and is in an Open relationship so maybe there she got the message that I wouldnt be interested. Well she and my friend actually didnt explcitly stop to farewell me today which was the biggest thing. Its not a huge deal but I dont have many strong fundamentals, so I feel a light shake pretty strongly.

These pictures are quite haunting indeed. But I always felt like Biden wanted to present himself as a family men because thats an important demographic to target even though he didnt have the soft skills to pull it off and it ended in this. But maybe he is molesting idk.

I have so much confidence today its incredible. Just the momentum of the weekend. I made the same experience earlier as well. Although its not all confidence, moreso a commitment into a performative state which is different. It means fear doesnt hold me back but it still exists.

Wanted to do so university work but binged on 4 hours of South Park instead. No sense of discipline. Can still get almost 6 hours of sleep today. Crashed a bit.

Great share!