Jannes

That went horribly. Well she said she was okay with talking but it was all a little weird. She came a little later and then first chatted with some other people outside before greeting me. We had a nice chat. Another girl I had a difficult dynamic with also came after quite some time. I flirted with her quite a lot before but didnt want anything romantic so I stopped and then she didnt come for some time. For some reason she seemed super interested and into flirting with me. Well we catched eyes once and shortly afterwards the wpmi-girl went outside for a break. Not sure if she catched that. She seemed a bit distant. And then at some point she decided to go. I asked if we dont want to talk anymore and she said she doenst has capacity for it today. I prepared myself emotionally so much and then just didnt need to do it. For tomorrow at the social spot the other girl wants to come as well, the mariokart&chill-girl also and her. I have no idea how to handle this. Also I am feeling pretty sick because of the medication. It feels like a bit of a fever and constant sniffing, maybe I have an excuse to not go then.

A person who expresses these traits is likely a leftist but many leftist look very normal.

Asked the wpmi-girl if we want to go for a walk. This is one of the most difficult things to do for me, but a talk needs to be had. I think this is only possible for me to do because of medication though.

Yeah. So you are saying you trained with shit technique? What exercises did you do?

Feeling kind of sick. It was the same before when I was "microdosing" medicinet. There is just so much more energy and emotional processing that my system may be overloaded a bit.

I was so horny when I was sleeping today. Thought about a girl where I rejected sex before for complex reasons but I have so much desire to sleep with her actually.

Controlled back strength training can be very beneficial for back health, have you done any exercises wrong?

Brain-rot has its own category of how it feels like I just noticed:

With medicinet I am a lot more capable of giving strong responses/ verbal comebacks in conflict situations but I loose my pokerface. You can actually catch me. Without medication I have a pokerface but I am not capable of strong responses/ verbal comebacks in conflict situations.

I am afraid that I become dependent of medicinet. The sort of confidence I had yesterday, all the jokes I easily accessed .. I cant really replicate that without medication I think. But also I am not sure if medicinet numbs my brain, that could be the case as well.

I experienced a short moment of spiritual joy. When I looked out of the window into nature I experienced everything so raw, it had a profound beauty to it that cant be put into words. I rememebered that this was part of my everyday reality when I was younger.

Couldnt sleep that well. I woke up and had a good one hour break with a snack and some youtube until I got calm enough to sleep again. Thats a possible side effect of medicinet unfortunately. I experienced the same thing with body doubling though, so maybe its just because I tackled so many things yesterday that my system couldnt fully relax.

People already did this as soon as dating apps were a thing, havent heard of anyone selling the technology though. Yeah it is unethical because this information will get out and people will have less trust in dating apps in general, ruining the experience for anyone. Imagine building a connection with someone on this App but then being cautious that it might be a trick and holding back. Also a guy who is bad at texting probably wont just be great at chatting at the date, which will be confusing for the women.

Chatted with her bf who is a friend of mine today. He spoke about their sex life and that they opened up once at festival times. The rules however were that no one they knew was allowed and that that person should never be seen again. WTF This girl is kind of the highest anker of morality I could find Well, he also spoke about that she was way less experienced sexually than him, so maybe thats what I am offering, an exciting adventure to explore sexuality.

I thought the effect wasnt that strong of medicinet but at impro acting today and socializing I owned. It did make a huge difference.

Had my first day at university in the semester again. Seems very chill so far. Made a new contact and another girl I also saw asked to hang out. I wonder if she is poly or just very comfortable with me. Its like making connection is effortless. Interestingly with this girl I was more able to form a bond or be comfortable then with the wpmi-girl. I think its simply a power dynamic thing, she is younger then the wpmi-girl. I also think I am just lacking experience with the wpmi-girl. She may open up a dynamic which I cant see and would need to learn first to appreciate.

I havent thought about that I can use my medicinet to learn other stuff like kniting. Usually I dont have the calm to learn something new but I can use medicinet to do that and then I have something to do to process my emotions without the medication. That might be a plan.

🍄 - Day It wasnt really that insightful though. What I find interesting about that is that the one time I was at the festival with this girl eating chocolate, I was way more interested in deep contemplation. I guess my survival situation was handled for in that moment .. ...

She wasnt quite my type physically. The last couple of times she looked better though. Not sure if she did something with her looks or if I think she looks better because I am invested.

Here is the evildoer.

This situation however did open my mind to new possibilities. I just didnt really know how to get something like this done, so in all honesty I am more interested in casual sex with multiple people then I admit to myself because I fear that I fuck up. Not sure how to go about the wpmi-girl now ..

I was pretty cool with everything yesterday and had a boner throughout the night pretty much. But now that I work through everything I have got mixed feelings about it. That nothing is personal is a truth that I get confronted with every time I socialize. Its so hard to digest.

So much happened yesterday, I was too tired to write it all down though. So the girl I am friends with greeted me in a slightly invasive way yesterday, slightly touching my sides when I didnt see her and had my back turned towards her. Pretty much the exact same dynamic as two or three weeks ago happened where this much closeness felt weird because she kinda made it look like we are in a relationship and I felt bad for not talking about this and making a boundary. It felt really bad, like I didnt really want to be super friendly anymore because I felt like people were just using me. I saw the girl whom I exchanged numbers with again. It was kind of a weird vibe, she clearly seemed interested, I was reading that right the last time, I wasnt in such a good state though. Later I asked her if we wanted to play mario kart though. At the second map or so she put her head on my shoulder and I put mine on hers. That was 100% experience, I was in this situation before and didnt know what to do, but its pretty simple. I asked if she is up for another cup of mario kart and she said no but we could play mario kart at her place. It doesnt get much clearer then that. Immediately afterwards I felt such a boost and all my sense of weirdness was gone. Thats a perfect parallel to politics, if your survival is threatened all your animal instincts kick in. If you are situated better, you come up with more conscious politics. Thats exactly the reason why right wingers should get support with their survival situation to get more conscious on their own. Had a talk with the girl who talked about the wpmi-girl with me afterwards. She also asked me if we wanted to do karaoke before which felt kind of weird. I see her kind of as a therapist I want a professional close-distant relationship with.. anyway we got talking which was okay but also not super juicy. Afterwards she talked about the scenery of fall and generally introduced a romantic-ish vibe. Goddamit it felt like she was one person I could get some kind of support from for some reason but ofc she seems to sense an opportunity as well.

I read a good chunk of the mysterie method like two years ago. It felt like grossly immoral, immature shit. But some bits were gold of information. For example he wrote that when you do enough pick up and you have so much experience, that at some point you read social dynamics so easily you can basically see in the future. I sort of imagine that like a video game where you learn patterns and act accordingly. People are not as limited as a programmed enemy but they are predictable when they are attatched.

I feel like I am grossly misinterprating this, but whats been said has been said. I think its more that people are surprised that I can give something back..