Jannes

Oh okay -- all good.

NO, I dont subscripe to any toxic manosphere. Its my own experience only. But I like to hear that from other peoples perspective this sounds unusual, which makes me think that my perspective is partially limited.

Men I had a great evening today. Finally it was pretty fun again. I completly forgot that it was a blast sometimes, it felt so challening the last couple times. I went with a friend to another spot before with a few strangers and I feel like that really warmed me up. All of my problems of how to greet people were gone like that. Holy moly. And it seems like I got some kind of love letter. Hard to tell, in my storage room I saw a piece of paper. I didnt see it falling out of my Jeans but there is no way someone got in there without a key so I guess I didnt notice how it fell out of my pocket. It just says "... Weil DU ❣️da bist! with a flower on the side.

I am hearing that it is all biological

What I dont like about this video is the focus on biology. Its important yes, but it also gives explanation for why women would happily go for casual sex now. "Just sleep with Chad and get child support and get an ugly Cuck bf and you maximized your genetics."

This is counterintuitive, when women say they want casual sex and men ask them for more then that is a much deeper bond then if they were forced to commit to a relationship if they wanted sex. So even if women want a relationship, for it to be healthy the attitude to get it might need to be more free.

Seems very solid so far but a bit old ?

Its been a long time. I was more cringe in my memory then I actually was. Ofc pretty misguided still.

Thats the thing, I was insane for not letting her cheat. I was basically accepting serious emotional pain, being alone without anyone holding me. Which I got. And I only made this decision because of some inner spiritual compass which guided me towards truth. Afterwards it became effortless, but building that muscle was insane. I have adhd, so much of it is genetic unfortunately.

Thats beautiful and poetic in a way. Can relate.

I was always a feminist in my bones, thought they were the more ethical gender. I was always more comfortable around women, when men played ego games, women had emotional depth and maturity. I vibed more with them. When I first made the experience that a women would cheat with me or replace their bf with me I thought it was a rare case. She must have been in a toxic relationship, at a bad place emotionally, something like this ... so I could maintain my positive view of women. But this positive view of women I tried to maintain got broken again and again and again as I made more experiences to the point that I cant even picture a women who wouldnt cheat or replace her bf when the opportunity is great enough. I know ONE girl with such a character and I would marry her if she was my type physically. For my mental health I am biased towards seeing women as pure angels lol. Not saying women just jump off the moment a better opportunity arises, but only because it takes a lot of time to built a relationship so the cost is too high oftentimes.

I opened up youtube a bit for entertainment and its starting to make a bad turn. I just cant controll myself in watching "good" content, I just start binging at some point and also dont consider doing anything else as long as I can distract myself. There are two components neccissary for healthy habits though, one the Youtube block as a push, but I also need a pull, some kind of motivation to do something else. Right now RV and studying feels like the right thing to experiment with, I am a bit disconnected from spiritual work and I socialize. It feels like something is missing though. I actually miss some kind of job honestly, something that gives me structure. A part time job would be nice. I kind of dont want to go back at working at the grocery store though, partially because I feel older now and already had the status of a teacher once. But the grocery store was nice. Well no it was shit, but I enjoyed my free time more because of it and also processed so many emotions doing monotone tasks.

Sounds good in theory, what are some actual recipes though? If you wanna get that protein you gotta consume a lot of it.

This guys thumbnails always remind me that things are so much cooler in fantasy then in practice. When he sits there in his made bed having this image in mind is so much nicer then his actual first person perspective of mud and darkness. Of course he could have made it a nicer home, there is lots of room for improvement but then the fantasy of that place rises with it. I feel like how it is in fantasy will always trump how it is in practice. ... Is being lost in video game fantasy the way to go ? 🤪

I like Open Source projects, they are something good humanity did. I also always thought about sort of extending that to community farm projects where people create self sustaining systems powered by AI, farming crops and all that and sharing their knowledge. The question is just how far you can you go with creative intelligence and a 3D printer. It inspires me when I look at Minecraft Farms who are just built for fun. I imagine a bunch of Minecraft Bros after highschool who dont want to go to work be like, "Hey why dont we create an AI farm for real". This could be an important element. Leaving society seems scary though.

I am kind of off track with my spiritual work. And I completly forgot that it may be possible to get 5meo malt. Magic Truffles dont really work on me anymore for soft theuropeutic work, but I havent yet experienced God realization.

Met my doctor for adhd today. I didnt come with notes. I mentioned my social problems again and she mentioned that she would be willing to help if I wanted that. Damn. She always seemed pretty cold so I am not sure about it, but in the moment I agreed to it. She said I can think about it until then. Also got an App which I dont quite understand yet but it seems I am getting support there. For medication I could get other options as well. I am not sure if I want them though.

Too charged to clearly think about it though.

Its going much better then I expected. I wasnt sure if I actually presented all of my fears correctly but it does feel like I get an answer to a question which feels authentic.

I am trying to wrap my head around this. It does hit a nerve of insight flow from the last time I opened up and got rejected, yes I will loose a perceived sense of control in this which fertalizes the ground for something new to emerge -- MAYBE. Or I will just be depressed and dont trust anyone anymore for the rest of my life. Are you sure about it?

When I actually open up all the parts that are hiding inside me and then get cheated on. Would I be though enough to take it? Thats scary.

You are right. What do you mean?

Thank you. One very important milestone for my development is to actually commit to a partner which I never did. Thats the predicament.

RV-thoughts: Maybe I am scaling down my charisma because I fear that I am liked too much, because that would put me in situations where I need to connect constantly which I am uncomfortable with ... Overweight women were often raped, so that extra weight is kind of a felt protection shield. When people callibrate their emotions they change their state of consciousness depending on the situation ... In a limited way we have the power to form our consciousness. I forgot to put attention on non-symbolic consciousness when RV. That was the trick before and I forgot about it. There is a difference between saying "no thoughts" or "lets switch to "non symbolic consciousness". The first signals a complete shutdown while the second just changes my attention. Thought and awareness are so strongly linked in our understanding of the world, I really hit some of the structure in which we think here.