Jannes

As I said I recently met a hyper aware girl and I found her very sexually attractive because of it. Was wondering if its just me.

Yeah and this is exactly what alcohol protects your mind from. Its a crutch. It numbs you and gives you comfort.

I didnt realize how interesting it would be to make a study out of creativity. Look at all the Gen 1 Pokemon for example, its packed full of creativity but in most cases its still just an existing idea creatively spiced up to a very impressive degree but still not a true original creation. This really showcases the limits of the mind. And also whenever a true new creation is made, it becomes a mile stone and the base for other "lesser" artists to spice it up with their own variation. Original creation: Creatively spiced up: Original creation: Creatively spiced up:

Not sure where to put it, but it goes into the direction of Gods creative intelligence I guess. Since Leo talked about the Xenomorph in his latest video I contemlated that example. The Xenomorph is not truly something out of another dimension, it has limbs, a body, a head, black color, familiar movement all put together in a way that it makes sense to us. But I realized even creating a unique and fitting composition of these traits which doesnt resemble something that already exists in our experience is very rare. So lets post creative pieces here which come as close to a true original creation as possible!

The edge of our consciousness consists of different qualities. For example many humans are unable to think objectively about which diet is the best for human health because they are in for emotionally. And thats just one example, most things are that way: politics, identity, ... So survival shapes and builts edges which consciousness cant reach. If you jailbroke the human mind from all of its biases then I think another hard edge would occur at some point simply because of maya, because of the current form we have in this lifetime. One of that would even a hardblock on our creativity.

If people cared about not being evil they would realize they need to be intelligent to not be evil.

Oh and I was finally controlling how I wanted to greet some people. Went for a simple fist bump to some guys. It was in between that and hugs but I realized that I am in control of saying that I want and the way to do that is by initiating. Actually many of them seemed relieved, even though it was a step backwards from closeness.

It was pretty awesome actually. So I didnt know how to go about the mario-kart girl as she flirted with someone else and I kinda hooked up with the other girl.. She went for a hug right away though and even a pretty intimate one so I was relieved everything was put in order. Then shortly after I saw her kissing with the guy she flirted with last time. My nervous system was in chaos. However there was something I liked about it, being close to the real. It put me more into the moment. My table tennis performance also increased. There was the other girl again that I liked. I think she is getting important to me know so I am gonna call her the proud girl. It doesnt fit perfectly but she does have healthy self respect. Its weird I chatted her up in the flow and didnt think much of it the first time. It was a bigger deal for her then for me though but I didnt really want much of her that time so I didnt use the momentum. But she has grown on me a bit and now I am pretty akward around her. It really got me contemplating how I could fall from being so easy around her to suddenly being akward. Well I invested some emotions into her. And I was also kinda fake, my pick-up energy drove me there. And the fact that I met someone new. And maybe it was also the mood idk. Its problematic because I think we both see the akward energy now. I could simply come earlier next time, but I dont know how to reignite the flow. There is already so much expressed without actually being close.. yeah thats the thing.

Dont want to socialize, I feel tired. And the usual problems. Nothing doing.

My grandma once told me she woke up a friend of hers out of a deep state of meditation for no good reason other then that she wanted to interrupt them. It feels like the words of the devil when her words flash my memory. Anyway people dont respect meditating people. Maybe they fear they pull them out of their dream or maybe its the temptation to break a performing person like the motionless soldiers of england or street artist who pose as a silver or gold statue.

Its stupid. I once came sleep deprived from work, took lsd and ate a bag cookies because I didnt give a shit. Later, still half tripping, I went to the supermarket, almost got run over by a car, and bought some toilet paper and flowers which I needed. It was all within this positive nihilism headspace and I was feeling myself. I am too mature now to pull this off I am afraid.

necessary I hate that word, its so hard to write correctly

Did my RV - session later today. Not that fresh anymore, but it went surprisingly well, also considering that my 20mg medicinet dose was like 6-7 hours prior. I also didnt take a second dose though, actually that may be better. Just a few notes. I feel like even when just viewing shortly, being out of my ego for a snap needs to force some kind of balancing act from the universe, because I do something with the information. But thats just my ant logic projected onto the metaphysical laws of the universe. Also for learning not everything can be applied anagolously. If hardcore meditation retreats are needed to force the mind to change, maybe that isnt necessarily the case for Remote Viewing. But it could be. My trainer said the more full concentration practive I get the better. A true creativity mega-thread would be bomb, need to start one.

With the possibility on WhatsApp to delete the "." in your contact info like 80-90% of my contacts already deleted their info. Its peer pressure. Thinking of putting the quote on Leos latest video in my info: "It's naive to think that you wouldn't have taken part in historical atrocities once considered normal if you embrace all the trendy ideas of today." But that would be conformist to Leo. .. I was never truly autonomous.

Very interesting. Is it simply your perception of physical reality or does it also have a distinct feel to it? Not sure if we talk about the same thing but in acting or high emotional states I rarely come in contact with this crazy-twisted energy where regular rules dont apply anymore.

I wonder if my feelings today and yesterday evening are all related to medicinet loosing its effect. It really was a strong dose.

I feel so unoriginal today.

I am coming back full circle a bit. Maybe acting would have been the right thing all along. In the end expressing myself creatively is what I want to do and acting might just be my medium. If remote viewing doesnt work out in the end I will be sad. I could have compromised my moral values, found healing in my old theatre club, took that energy into getting into acting school and be there already ..

With being more aware, I feel like I could handle psychedelics better. I have freakin DMT for months now and still havent given it a try.

I played wordle for hours today. Its not fun anymore, at some point your mind goes crazy trying to figure out the word but it does keep you open to do something else at least. I went to another social spot today. A friend asked me. I was alone at first though. And I didnt reach a social state at all. I hated myself so much seeing that everybody could seeminlgy have fun while I felt like I was so boring. I talked to two guys in their end 30s to 40s most of the night. It was actually very grounding to talk to older folks. And they had quite interesting takes on different girls in my social spot. One girl I found very sweet they hated on quite a lot and the artist girl they quite liked. That named all the problems as well but said she would be honest. ... I hear some ticking noise. Its my watch at the wall. I wonder if the sound is new or if I never heard it before. Which reminds me, back in my school days or the end of my school days I could literally hear the sound of my charging cable and I could sleep because of it. My baseline consciousness was higher -- likely because I couldnt distract myself all day.

Even though I didnt do that much today in terms of work, I feel like I accomplished a great deal because my wrote that message to my female friend. So much was implied there, its quite a lot.

My mind went a bit crazy on the 30mg medicinet total today. Wanted to do the RV - session but then had almost an hour of a daydreaming session walking around my room in circles. I very natural thing to do for me back in the day I might add though. Then the session went okay. I was very confident at a few moments that I viewed the essence but in these moments I got it exactly right. My mind cant yet tell what is correct remote viewing and what isnt. Got some insights again: Back in the day I often thought that my mind is naturally very close to enlightenment or what not, I just need to position myself in a position to reach it. Because my mind knows that it is afraid and finds stupid things to throw in my way. And yesterday, randomly, I got to that insight again, as the worlde quiz brought me out of my usual problems. Interesting that my attention is strongly on the dynamic of my female friend and her bf now, I contemplated that dynamic so long. Maybe I can locate that drive for distraction in my mind and stop it. On the other hand I also wrote her a message that would lead to the situation not escalating, so I may not be that bad in the end. The artist girl just wrote me asking me a pretty deep question, if I think intellectual abilites can be archieved by anyone in the right environement or not. I already created a boundary asking why she is interested in that question. She said its fun to talk about and open your worldview and stuff.. But the unerlying strategy clearly seems to be to get closer and philosophy/ deep talk is the way to do it. Maybe she also heard of my close to - hookup story. I like her but she has to many mental health problems. And has a bf. Gosh I need my medication to get through this. Whats pretty clear in the end though is that my old theatre club wasnt some special fucked up place, it was just fucked up like the rest with its own unique flavour. "Hey guys, I left you because I felt like you were all terrible people, but experience suggest all the other people are terrible as well so that relativises things, so maybe we can be friends again?" Anything other then that would be lying. If the hypothesis that advanced meditation work better for adhd minds is correct - that would maybe imply a lot for my remote viewing practice. As remote viewing feels a lot like meditation is many ways. My trainer suggests only one practice to me which is the same for every student. There are other practices as well though. .. I am getting into social problems or feel like they control me because I am NOT LEADING. Of course, how simple.

Going full balls to the walls 20mg medicinet and another 10mg afterwards today. Never took that much. I am completly free today so its the perfect day to dry it out. I didnt notice much effect of the 20mg medicinet this morning so that will be interesting. My max dose would be about 70mg for my weight so in this context its not extreme. My mind went pretty nuts on 20mg last monday though when I took two doses.

A part of that heighteneed feeling yesterday could also be his gf asking me why it was so quit at the cafeteria. I also noticed that. .. She also has adhd and is quite sensitive to things like that. I often underestimate how much I need some kind of resonance so that could play a role as well. Not sure how to respond to her now. She needs cues but I also make myself vulnerable when I give them, for one because I imply that I know she wants something from me and second because I can read the whole dynamic which might make her bf dislike me. So careful cues it is I guess.