Jannes

Goal this week was to get to my social spot earlier. This paid off big yesterday. I am a bit late already and not feeling it at all though but that could just be fear clouding my vision as usual.

RV went terrible judging by the results. I definitely need advice, luckily this was session 26, after 30 sessions I wll have a session with my trainer. My notes from the session today: Maybe because I havent manifested myself in different areas, the is a bigger need to be successful in theory as in practice much of it will be taken off. Not just flirting but also intelligence for example. Somehow I got super horny last night like the last time. It just came over me like with the other girl. Its just that I felt a conection. As if I was apethetic before. I might have found an error in my technque. focusing on the category or on anything like not finding the same AOL again puts me into a thinking state which I need to avoid. deosnt make it work though auf reddit nach remote viewing und adhd suchen

I just had the CONCEPTION of what it would mean to actually feel free socially. I am so enboxed.

Convenience and more options food wise. Protein Oats for example.

Airing out a huge chuck of devilry in myself. I love the idea of airing out the devil, it fits so perfectly.

I hate to admit it to myself but I really do aim sometimes to flirt with everyone around me. Thats something I didnt want to admit to myself in my old theatre club. I wouldnt have broken any rules or something, but its so hard to hold back when you go through everyone like butter. I held back a ton, making myself invisible even. But there is just the natural need to test out ones limit to estimate ones market value. Cant really transcend that. I havent found my limit yet. I feel the need for struggle which comes with finding ones match. I dont know how to go about it, maybe go to another city, go ham and directly experience that it gets old quickly. Interestingly when I actually had a sexual partner much of the drive was gone. Not just the drive, my perceived potential. Actually making it happen is more difficult then in theory.

What was so interesting yesterday was that I really didnt feel invisible, I could throw my emotional body into things. Other people need that for orientation.

If I was truly confident in my self expression I think I would wear this:

Just found the term "anti-narcissm". A narcissist who puts tons of effort into not being perceived as a narcissist. Is it the devils gaslighting to not face their devilish ways or is it legit? I could be guilty of that to a certain degree, certainly the want to be invisible is sometimes there.

I like this style a lot even though its a bit fake. I had a bit of a wild pony once which went in this direction but it was more natural. Pink and orange glasses are cool.

For the whey example, milk is getting filtered to seperate the small whey protein part which is like 0.7% of the milk from all the other parts like fats, carbs, casein protein. So thats why all the gallons of milk are needed. But unless all the impurities are concentrated in the whey part, most of them will be swept away with the other parts they are bound to.

Looking to invest into a formal training and would like it to be not fake lol. I did quite a lot of research and will do more but maybe I am biased or overlook something so if you have any compelling reasons for why you think remote viewing is real or not please post them here, thanks.

Socializing went pretty incredible today. The new confidence was a game changer. There are so many instances where I made some progress. Most notably was probably with the proud girl. Saw here right at the beginning and had a perfect opening chat. Later across the table she held eye contact for a few seconds as an obvious sign. It was a really intimate sign all of the sudden actually. I think I just communicated myself so clearly this day that it reastablished a bit of a bond. Later another opportunity for chatting occured, I sat on the side and she just came from the round turning around and dropping her table tennis bat. Not sure if it was me or random. She talked to her friends though instead of giving me some attention. Later I played another game and when passed by I went for eye contact which she matched but she also played and regulated it a bit, opening her eyes a lot. Same thing happened when she walked into the other direction. It was a bit much of me all of a sudden I think, also I talked to other girls which likely makes her careful and maybe she just cant open up so fast. But that gesture was definitely out of my area of experience. I also had bad feelings about another girl which I am friends with and who seemed to want more but I didnt go for it. Then she seemed a bit hit off guard when I flirted with this girl two weeks ago. I really didnt know how she would react, I thought it would be hard for her, but it was just as always, she was even super friendly. Before medication I would have been so so worried. But this shows me I can just do my thing, have my own will and people will adapt to that. As long as I am honest about everything, its all good.

Elvanse is incredible. Way more concentration then with medicinet and my emotions arent all over the place. I feel like I can control them a lot more, it feels lighter and have way more confidence. Nothing bad so far.

My attempts at remote viewing feel like continuely failing to light up a match.

RV - session went relatively smooth when it came to the experience but the results were shit again Some notes: whenever i am confident that i am conscious i am not Oh my god, as a kid i always wanted a mountainbike, or a cart or something the mind cant help itself but to put itself above spiritual truths. meaning it always needs and wants the authority, it cant let go and let intuitive stuff come through. I am fighting the human condition/ socialization.

Those two are my favourites.

I find it interesting that in studies the affirmation towards live rose in those with psychedelic experiences. Are spiritual flames slwowly extinguishing as we manifest in the atmosphere? .. Stole that from Jim Carrey. He drew how one reenters the atmosphere after a breakup though.

I feel like I am exactly right with my LP, I do want to express a spiritual message, a deep sense of emotional truth, love, authenticity, insight that makes other people like "I get it" and not in I take something practical away from this or this was entertining but to hit a specific nerve.

My old theatre club didnt just give me the potential for friends and community but a sense of purpose. I had such happy moments in the middle of a production. This can really pull you out of some shit. No wonder I PANICKED when I left the club. Its not like this but I am not really happy with my life. I didnt even know how good life could be without the theotre club. I dont have enough love to accept that I left this place and that it couldnt work out. ... take me away ...

I feel like cold wind hits my body and whooshes along my face while I stand there in the dark. I dared to open my eyes. I dont know when I opened them the last time. I would rather close them again but that doesnt change my situation.

I feel like I am making quite a lot of struggle conscious at once, want something to calm and regenerate me without regress.

Damn I got some inner game, that thing I am not good at shows that I am intelligent.

I did some Geo Quiz. On one I needed to write down as many country names as I knew. I got 40 and got tired after 7 Minutes. Which is quite pathetic as I only beat like 8% of the user base there. Thats my mind, I cant remember details which dont interest me. Always was that way, I look more at the big picture.

Because I get the mandatory things done atm I am contemplating how I really want to spent my time. The whole field of spirituality and exploring consciousness is a super priority for me but somehow I am avoidind it. Well its also antithetical to survival in some ways. But men, I still havent realized god yet, what am I doing.