Jannes

The EU Pay Transparency Directive -- Its intended to fight the gender pay gap. In short companies must be transparent about what they pay their employees. If the other gender earns more for the same work you can demand the same or you can sue the company. Women often undersell themselves, because they dont demand as much, they dont get as much salary, even if their work is equal to mens. So its a legit point. On the other hand I also know some workaholics and those are usually males. Women are usually more balanced (not neglecting the social domain). So if some workaholic males would outperform women but cant get compensated more for it that would be unfair as well. But thats my only big criticism.

Mmmh this brings me right back to feelings of the past

Consciousness comes in many forms and degrees. A human and a dog are both conscious, yet one is more conscious then the other. A human experiences degrees of consciousness like self awareness, spirituality, abstraction, construct awareness ... that would blow the mind of a dog. With a higher degree of consciousness you fall into a completly different quality of consciousness completly different then that of an animal. This upscaling is already pretty msytical and weird, like we can kind of make sense of a dog but cant truly grasp it. So with that in mind it would be less of a stretch to give rocks some sort of consciousness, completly stripped from basically all qualities. But how rock consciousness could be like I have no idea.

Yes its overblown, but if you take the overblow out of it there ramains a structural difference. The raw pay gap in the EU is about 12-18%, if you take into consideration that men work in fields that pay more, work more full time and less part time and so on you get to a difference of about 5-7%. Might as well shrink that a bit more.

There is something painful about indulging in cuteness -- Cute doggo pictures and so on .. It wraps you into a lofty softy kind of reality and cut you off from the harsh stuff. In a way it limits your love. Back in the day when I had a cuteness overload with my plush toy I liked to punch it. This way I let some of it out and could then indulge in cuteness again. Even then I knew how psycho the optics of this was, but it also seemed reasonable to some degree. Well here I am maybe making some sense of it.

I am growing more emotionally healthy. But developing feelings is really hard. Or even getting close to someone feels overwhelming. Thats why it was so insane when I really opened up to a girl back then. But what I learned is that I can survive being rejected. That it can even feel good in a way because you fight the right war, you are opening up. What was painful was surpressing these feelings.

Yesterday: Saw the proud girl again. I asked her where her boyfriend is, who is usually with her. I am still learning the subtle art of asking these kinds of things. But in this way I have asked indirectly (she could have said that he isn't her boyfriend) if it is her boyfriend and also acknowledged and created a moral boundary. She seemed a little hit by this. Well it could have been something else as well idk.

I had an interesting moment yesterday where I greeted a dude and was about to go for a fist bump and he for a hug and in a millisecond I changed and went for a hug as well. Usually these situations overwhelm me and I can't get it done so this is an interesting counter example. There was also a group of dudes who were pretty unfriendly. A friend of mine accidently played a table tennis ball which hit on the guy in the face. And then he made all kinds of gesturing. Its pretty hard to judge this in a political correct way, they were a group of turkish men and this is just something natives wouldnt do. To be fair they also could face racism though so this could have been a trigger. My friend also wasn't super polite about it, he said sorry but not in a super compassionate way. Another dude looked at me grim. Again I am starting to developing some kind of fear of persecution. I remember that I once saw some dude getting super angry in public. His friends got him and slapped him in the face a couple of times saying „behave" each time. Stage red immigrants realizing that there existence depends on integrating themselves in a stage blue society so they find methods to get there.

I am in quite a lot of emotional pain caused by that event. Men I hate her so much. Just a hit from nowhere.

I was watching some clips of the modern german army. What struck me was that many o fthe haircuts were haircuts I liked back in the day. I was invested in this sort of image of a strong men.

I have never had a pet so for me its hard to judge.

You can find that sort of question in all sort of plots, of having to choose between something that has a lot of personal value to you vs something that has more "objective" value. Reminds me of the last decision in Life is Strange where you have to choose between your best friend you built an emotional connection with or a city with a bunch of people, animals, buildings and so on. I think it comes down to development. The more developed you are, the more you will choose for the greater good then your personal good. With the caveat that loving animals is also a kind of development which goes beyond the usual human bias but also having a grudge against humanity is not a sign of development.

I also looked at the situation that caused all this mess I am in right now. Its really interesting, survival always has you by the balls in the way it shapes your awareness to make you ignore some things which arent helpful or are anti helpful for survival but in this situation its so incredibly emotionally loaded that I can feel that this it is madness to look at it honestly, like I am risking my life with it. I did it anyway, which felt like quite the operating performance and well I didnt find that much. What I wasnt honest with myself was that I did have a big player ego and she was on the menu. Which itself isnt a crime. In the situation I remember that I completly lost it because of all the pressure which was an unusual situation for me. And I also didnt notice that she was uncomfortable. The only factor is was to which degree I was acting out my player ego in this moment. I cant tell anymore. I couldnt really remember the moment when the leader of the theatre club asked me about it either.

I am weirdly fascinated by military equipment recently. ... 42 Mio clicks. Hijacking the human mind isnt that complicated.

WOAH, I have forgotten so much about meditation.

3 scoops. 2 regular ones (4mg each) and 1 with just a little extra. Around 13mg I would guess. I got nothing out of it really. I could only think about my survival situation atm. And how painful it was to be looked at as the absolute worse. And also in how much pain she must be in. Lol Oh and also how much I am looking for a relationship right now. Well or in how much of a survival ( not thrival ) mode I am atm. I am hoping that through RV and God and a gf I will arrive at a place where I can enjoy life. Well I dont think I am quite wrong but maybe a bit of consciousness work of being in this moment right now is important.

I am a bit late to the discussion but some critical thoughts about it recently hit me so I would like to share those. What gave Leo really bad looks was when he made big critiques on science and presented himself as the science expert studying the history of science and so on and when he was pushed to make some actual arguments about where science is lacking he didnt seem prepared, only making one sorta point but then continued by critiquing science even more completly jumging over a proper point by point critique of science in the first place. I remember that this exact thing happened on the Charisma on Command interview and that this was also the worse moment for Leo in that interview. Also generally Leo presenting himself as all wise seemed arrogant and preachy-ish. Maybe that also attracts some audience though. On the other hand I really enjoyed when Leo grounded some of his pretty outragous claims to make them reasonable in the relative everyday context. "I was kind of cute about it.." And also when explaining many of his concepts of survival, love and so on the explanation seemed extremely clean, a sort of quality you dont get anywhere else and a big chunk of his speaking part was just that. So some big hits but also misses I feel like.

Talked to a dude who I thought witnessed the whole thing but really he only got snippets that I told him and nothing else. He said that sometimes people have made really bad experiences and then when someone triggers that experience, they connect that bad experience with what someone else did. He said he witnessed me as a really nice person who wants to solve problems but that this is basically not a battle I should engage with. Thats of course an overly positive and one-sided perspective, he doesnt have a big picture, but still a really important take-away. I know that she was once very painfully rejected, it seemed like it broke her and shaped her identity.

Kinda scared to go out and meet someone I might know. I dont know about this social spot anymore, my safe space is kind of ruined. But all the people I know are there. My best option I think is going tuesday to another spot and maybe not going on thursday every time until things become easy again.

So the people that confronted me at the social spot, I saw a few of them yesterday again. Well for one, one of the leading guys there said in the beginning that I can get in but he might kick me out later should she arrive. That left me knitting on the same spot for 5 hours. I really need the talk to further explain my situation. Well its likely that to a certain degree she already shared the info of the mail but I dont know about that. So well a few of the people who confronted me I saw again. She looked at me like I am the absolute worst. Then she brought another guy who I forgot was also present who also looked at me like I was the absolute worst. I tried to built some eye contact but there was no way getting through or to a conversation so I ignored them. But the amount of stress I felt was quite something I never experienced before I think. A new quality of fear.

Just went outside after a shower to check my letterbox. Someone starred directly at me about 60 meters away at the door of a house and when I looked back at him he eventually got inside. Not sure if I am getting paranoid or what.