Jannes

How would you feel about it if you were in a relationship?

I really felt that I was scared right before I entered my social spot today. I neither saw the wpmi-girl nor the girl I met last time. But still that fear was in my bones and it took me quite some time to get over it. A dude there even said I look like I want to be invincible today. Simply because I felt like I did something wrong and would get a bunch of collective backlash or something even though she said everything was fine and I shouldnt even worry about it. This pattern comes up again and again, I feel like I did something wrong and expect immense pushback. Obviously past experience. Maybe I can get a grap on this pattern altogether. There was another girl I saw quite often and kinda liked. She was sluttly today with her tanga sticking out above her Jeans. I really would have liked to talk to her but there was so much inner shit. Played some 1998 Mario with a female friend there which was pretty wholesome actually. Afterwards my table tennis performance sucked ass though, it was really incredible. My mind was so pure from Youtube fasting and then it went to shit. This always happens. At the table another guy said I look tired and kinda sad. I felt like crying almost from all the emotional burden I felt. But there is absolutely nothing. No reason that I would need to feel that burden. Its just empty ghosts. Had some chill talk with some fire outside at the end. In general after like 3 hours I felt emotionally pretty warm. I simply need to come earlier, then I can take more opportunities.

No, I hang out with many women regularily. This was something else.

Its possible that she has narcissism actually.. I should have made the thread immediately after the encounter, its been about two weeks now and I didnt witnessed her for so long, but she did leave quite an impression on me evidently.. If it is the case that she has narcissism I wonder why I would for one be attracted to that and second not see through it..

No I dont even think she was particularily empathetic. Just somebody who is really in the moment, high energy, doesnt resist reality, is in a flow state. I dont know how to put it, she was kind of a one case study, didnt find the same kind of thing with any other girl. She works at the theatre, but not as an actress. I could imagine she is breathing in the high energy theatre energy regularely though.

I shared so much with my female friend. But 100% just things going on in my mind and what I witnessed. I refuse to give explicit interpretations.

I am so scared to go out again because I will likely meet the girl from last time for whom I still feel some shame and guilt towards. Probably unjustified but there is a chance. And I dont know how to go about it. What if she is with a group, it would be ignorant to walk buy, so should I go to her and wave my hand and ask how her day was or what.. that would be so akward. I might need to lead this thing. Well just yesterday I learned to be more initiative by fist bumping some people I am friends with, instead of avoiding the whole thing because I didnt know if I should go for a fist bump or hug and they seemed eased about it. Its okay to be akward. After all of this its kind of expectable even. I dont know about her though, I dont think I want to escalate further. I mean she is attractive and I kind of had feelings for her a few days afterwards but now I dont want to relive the last experience.

I just had such an aware moment. Kinda. Well I just looked into the room for 10 minutes without doing or distracting myself and enjoyed it. The present moment Baby. Also had a pretty conscious showering experience. Thought about so much. .. One of the reasons I sometimes go back and forth with my old theatre club, besides many reasons, is that I never hooked up with anyone there because of many reasons but also because I couldnt do it and didnt want to embaress myself. I had so much status, it would have been a big status fall to be perceived as akward. If I learn that ability then I can untwist certain projections I had in my mind about the old theatre club. Even if I had a few hookup friends there it would have maybe been easier.

I am kind of raging that I missed daylight today again. I mean I went to bed late because I sozialed and needed my sleep but still.. It might have also stalled with RV because my female friend pressured me to give a more direct answer which I fear to give..

I dont mean someone nice/ helpful although there can be overlap. I mean someone who is super in the moment, can instantly read and adapt to shifts in mood, isnt held back, doesnt have delay.. Imagine Peter Ralston as a pretty girl.

As I said I recently met a hyper aware girl and I found her very sexually attractive because of it. Was wondering if its just me.

Yeah and this is exactly what alcohol protects your mind from. Its a crutch. It numbs you and gives you comfort.

I didnt realize how interesting it would be to make a study out of creativity. Look at all the Gen 1 Pokemon for example, its packed full of creativity but in most cases its still just an existing idea creatively spiced up to a very impressive degree but still not a true original creation. This really showcases the limits of the mind. And also whenever a true new creation is made, it becomes a mile stone and the base for other "lesser" artists to spice it up with their own variation. Original creation: Creatively spiced up: Original creation: Creatively spiced up:

Not sure where to put it, but it goes into the direction of Gods creative intelligence I guess. Since Leo talked about the Xenomorph in his latest video I contemlated that example. The Xenomorph is not truly something out of another dimension, it has limbs, a body, a head, black color, familiar movement all put together in a way that it makes sense to us. But I realized even creating a unique and fitting composition of these traits which doesnt resemble something that already exists in our experience is very rare. So lets post creative pieces here which come as close to a true original creation as possible!

The edge of our consciousness consists of different qualities. For example many humans are unable to think objectively about which diet is the best for human health because they are in for emotionally. And thats just one example, most things are that way: politics, identity, ... So survival shapes and builts edges which consciousness cant reach. If you jailbroke the human mind from all of its biases then I think another hard edge would occur at some point simply because of maya, because of the current form we have in this lifetime. One of that would even a hardblock on our creativity.

If people cared about not being evil they would realize they need to be intelligent to not be evil.

Oh and I was finally controlling how I wanted to greet some people. Went for a simple fist bump to some guys. It was in between that and hugs but I realized that I am in control of saying that I want and the way to do that is by initiating. Actually many of them seemed relieved, even though it was a step backwards from closeness.

It was pretty awesome actually. So I didnt know how to go about the mario-kart girl as she flirted with someone else and I kinda hooked up with the other girl.. She went for a hug right away though and even a pretty intimate one so I was relieved everything was put in order. Then shortly after I saw her kissing with the guy she flirted with last time. My nervous system was in chaos. However there was something I liked about it, being close to the real. It put me more into the moment. My table tennis performance also increased. There was the other girl again that I liked. I think she is getting important to me know so I am gonna call her the proud girl. It doesnt fit perfectly but she does have healthy self respect. Its weird I chatted her up in the flow and didnt think much of it the first time. It was a bigger deal for her then for me though but I didnt really want much of her that time so I didnt use the momentum. But she has grown on me a bit and now I am pretty akward around her. It really got me contemplating how I could fall from being so easy around her to suddenly being akward. Well I invested some emotions into her. And I was also kinda fake, my pick-up energy drove me there. And the fact that I met someone new. And maybe it was also the mood idk. Its problematic because I think we both see the akward energy now. I could simply come earlier next time, but I dont know how to reignite the flow. There is already so much expressed without actually being close.. yeah thats the thing.

Dont want to socialize, I feel tired. And the usual problems. Nothing doing.

My grandma once told me she woke up a friend of hers out of a deep state of meditation for no good reason other then that she wanted to interrupt them. It feels like the words of the devil when her words flash my memory. Anyway people dont respect meditating people. Maybe they fear they pull them out of their dream or maybe its the temptation to break a performing person like the motionless soldiers of england or street artist who pose as a silver or gold statue.

Its stupid. I once came sleep deprived from work, took lsd and ate a bag cookies because I didnt give a shit. Later, still half tripping, I went to the supermarket, almost got run over by a car, and bought some toilet paper and flowers which I needed. It was all within this positive nihilism headspace and I was feeling myself. I am too mature now to pull this off I am afraid.

necessary I hate that word, its so hard to write correctly

Did my RV - session later today. Not that fresh anymore, but it went surprisingly well, also considering that my 20mg medicinet dose was like 6-7 hours prior. I also didnt take a second dose though, actually that may be better. Just a few notes. I feel like even when just viewing shortly, being out of my ego for a snap needs to force some kind of balancing act from the universe, because I do something with the information. But thats just my ant logic projected onto the metaphysical laws of the universe. Also for learning not everything can be applied anagolously. If hardcore meditation retreats are needed to force the mind to change, maybe that isnt necessarily the case for Remote Viewing. But it could be. My trainer said the more full concentration practive I get the better. A true creativity mega-thread would be bomb, need to start one.

With the possibility on WhatsApp to delete the "." in your contact info like 80-90% of my contacts already deleted their info. Its peer pressure. Thinking of putting the quote on Leos latest video in my info: "It's naive to think that you wouldn't have taken part in historical atrocities once considered normal if you embrace all the trendy ideas of today." But that would be conformist to Leo. .. I was never truly autonomous.