Jannes

Germany just got kicked out of the WM. I actually feel kinda sad about it which surprises me.

Oh no, I just realized that a good chunk of how I imagine a good life is through the lense of apple products. On a trip I also imagined a good social life through the lense of an IKEA catalogue, so nothing unique about apple.

What is interesting is that the good life that I imagine never has anything to do with mindless consumption, I always imagine myself in a creative process. But then practically that feels too hard. Well ... what does that mean? Is the version I have of myself correct and I simply need to catch up to that practically? Does it mean I need to account for real life?

Completly blocking embedded videos makes a huge difference holy shit. Its really weird atm, I am so used to mindlessly consuming stuff that I have little strategies on what to actually do when everything is blocked. I also noticed that I seem more quick in my thinking and more confident. When free dopamine isnt available you are more willing to get it elsewhere. Like when your brain thinks you are doing survival when playing video games easy peasy then why would it pour resources into socializing which is risky. I noticed this before as well when I quit video games and its interesting that it also works when I block youtube.

Gold

wtf !?!? I am doing this for almost a year now with appearently close to no results.

Went out and socialized a bit. Gosh I feel so much better now, I really need more socializing/ I need to recognize more if there is a lack thereoff.

I like these ones https://www.hottopic.com/product/the-amazing-digital-circus-caine-dark-wash-t-shirt/34210798.html https://www.hottopic.com/product/the-amazing-digital-circus-pomni-glitter-t-shirt/34210797.html

Tees for mentally ill people https://www.hottopic.com/guys/tees/?start=160&sz=32

Jaaaayyy I did something productive !!

If everything works out I can put 39 credits of my old math studying into my new degree. This way I would have the option to do some math teaching if I want to.

I am wondering if I prefer people to sleep with I dont have feelings for because I am scared of actual intimacy.

If freezing to death is muss less painful then burning to death, the ability to think that while you are in the freezing cold is ... intelligent/ abstract?

Okay lets simplify: goal of today is to get into a body doubling call and regulate myself.

I think part of the anxiety can be explained that I feel like I lost a bunch of social skills because I played so much videogames the last couple of days.

I dont even know how, but I am in a super low energy and pretty high anxiety mode. I dont even want to leave my room.

I dont feel good right now at all. That I missed the social opportunity yesterday stings, it was a pretty big group building thing. And there are all writing about the experience from yesterday. I am wondering if this is a pattern of avoiding certain events to not face the possibility of connecting with people.

I feel like all the light podcasts I just tried are equally okay. They all relax somewhat.

I had the dream that at home in the garden there were very exotic cats. Then 3 or 4 greylions (a mixture of greywolf and lion) at my neighboors garden. Each one had an owner. And then another huge creature which was blind. Also this sorta mix. I thought very hard why you would mix dog genes with cat genes. This may be because I am opening up to be more sexually active which lets weird people get near me emotionally.

I CAN BLOCK EMBEDDED CONTENT HOLY SHIT !!!!!!!

Nice, the App Lock me Out seems to work fine on my phone.

I crashed watching Youtube on my smartphone. Need to find a block for my smartphone as well. I usually kept that in check..

I am really bored right now .. bad timing to introduce these blocks, I missed my opportunity to go out today.