Jannes

I think I need to brainstorm alternatives. But I have to be honest with myself that this isnt a mechanism to postpone the tutoring. I can ofc quit my tutoring job as well so thats that..

My amount of things that can be done in terms of grooming are insane. Yesterday I trimmed my eyebrows and picked out some hair. And it does make a positive difference. In a way I kind of like the process though. I dont think I am getting out of hand yet.

Its so trippy to get things done when doing body doubling. These task feel impossible and then in this calm state I just gently dismantle them. Before my eyes I see that they are nothing more then small practical inconveniences. I breath through this .. fear I guess .. with this gentle, calm energy. The goal is actually to get all the practical things out of the way so I can tackle tasks which I want to tackle. I actually didnt push myself to that point. Before that I usually went doing game in Berlin or something. So this is something I should do now. Get the practical stuff out of the way and that work on a passion.

Tutoring for students doenst pay well over the website I would use. Minimal wage or less. But here is the thing, I can learn a lot from that. I can learn if I like to work with people 1 on 1 and its probably a pretty chill job. Like seriously. Rather a chill job where I dont burn out then the opposite. So I am thinking a lot about it.

Nice find! I am confused by his interpretations of the results though. MRI has a error range of 1-2%, but there is a trend in all muscle groups.. It would have liked to see what exact rep ranges he actually used. 3 reps on the lower side or 30 reps on the higher side both seem a little extreme so if he in practice tried to be more moderate about it or not makes a big difference. Also a comparison between only high or only low weight training vs training with mixed weights would be interesting as a comparison.

RV was great today. Well, not the results but the doing itself. I am way more emotionally stable from just yesterday, which makes the RV practice way more enjoyable. The silence doenst kill me as all the emotions that would usually flood me were already dealt with. Thats at least how I think it works. I need to make body doubling an essential part of my daily routine.

That I started with body doubling yesterday is a bit of a shock to my whole system which flooded me with productive thoughts and healthy productive emotions, like I could emotionally work through some stuff. I needed to get out of bed two hours earlier even because my system switched to productive mode. Its ridiculous in a good way. And a bit scary tbh.

Body doubling works again. I got some things done. Wohoo Starting body doubling aint that easy though.

Cutting someone in pieces with this thing seems so uncivilized, I prefered the bomb version.

Gay people dont make me uncomfortable, but this homophobia, this expressed uncomfortableness about homosexuality makes me uncomfortable

Yeah but in a modest way. Most of what she talked about in that video was complete new territory for me.

@Miguel1 I know you dont mean me specifically, but I just didnt want to beat around the bush which is why I choose those words. I watched the video, she makes good points. But I dont really know what to add to that. She explains the female perspective as a female, as a men I dont have the authority to argue much with that.

I am literally getting nothing done atm I was doing body doubling and I don't know why I am not doing more of that atm Maybe that I unblocked YouTube is the problem even with the careful selection of channels. I mean I am learning a lot but practical things need to get done as well. I would really like to have my shit together relationship wise and then be there for other people as a free psychologist. That's what I thrive as.

It explains a little, but not that much. If you are a dude in the 18-29 range you likely dont want to wait for a gf until you are out of that range and when some of the women in that age group increase their percentage with an older partner, men can do the same with an older or younger partner. And men can date below that age range as well, like a 18 year old dude can date a 17 year old girl. It would only make sense when you say that men just need more time and emotional maturity until they can enter the dating market. I think I wanted a gf since I was like 14 though. Good that it is US specific.

One more one more round

Wait what!? 63% of men in the 18-29 age group are single while only 34% of women in that age group are single!?? So girls nowadays rather want a piece of chad then settle down with a beta for themselves? Thats what the data is suggesting. I wonder to which degree something like this affects politics.

Stole love to feed his ego, used it to became "someone" in this world and is now shaping it. All the while the victims are barely scraping by. Unattractive because they dont have any love left.

I have got a bit of a headache. When I went to sleep yesterday I really felt like shit. Emotionally that is. When I went out to eat with friends last time, this one girl started hitting on me (by continuely sort of bumping and stimulating my leg) when her boyfriend made a picture of us. I tried a diplomatic way to imply to her that I am not interested but that doesnt seem to work. I feel angry about the shamelessness not just of her but of so many women. Should I tell them that they should stop being a slut or what? Seriously!? Maybe I should built stronger barriers. But I just cant imagine shit like this so it gets me by surprise.

Dream last night: I was thinking in my dream: That the dream isn't always perfectly consistent is a feature of reality which gives the fabric away at times. That I can think like a waking person in dreams or dream in daytime is an inconsistency. Without it it would be sorta like a perfect hallucination that never has any spots which makes you question the whole thing. That you can have a sort of waking thinking consciousness (in dreams) makes you conscious of the fabric of reality. Thats a feature, not a bug! I wanted to continue philosophizing but I just couldn't maintain the dream any longer. (The dream continued) When I told that my parents in the dream they were already very upset and ready to destroy the dream. I met them both with love and so I overcame their resistance. However at the end of that effort the dream became very weak. But I salvished that as well and with the little material I had left which was the dream of me and some sort of picture of an landscape, I let myself fall into this world and it worked, I got pushed back into the dream and this new reality. So then I clearly said again what I already said before to get back to my point but that itself was seemingly too eager and the dream slipped away and I woke up.

Wild thought: If nature is evil, isnt it the moral position to destroy all of cruel nature? Whats so great about keeping the amazon where all the animals slaughter each other constantly? Are they even happy? Shouldnt humanity create a giant zoo with rules so that animals cant kill each other in the most painful ways? .. I think nature deserves its place, its just hard to imagine what the conscious existance of animals living in nature is like though.

Yeah its pretty trippy to become aware that Epstein was very intellectual. I dont know what to make of it. I got it from this interview below. I think its a got example to deepen ones understanding of self deception

Just watched the Barbie movie. My head hurts. It was funny though. Time to put the blocker back on.

I was searching Stage Yellow and Turqoise Youtube Channels on chatgpt and it gave me that, so I clicked on the sweet lady. Pretty deep stuff, connecting to spiral dynamics perfectly. I wonder though if chasing after the highest stuff is always the best thing to do. I am unsure where I am at, probably a mix of orange/green/yellow. So on the one hand an artificial stage yellow center of gravity is nice, but also I need to integrate all the other stages as well, so I shouldnt exclude them. .. Men I am still hurt. Damn. This moment of feeling excluded really hit me. But this opens up exactly what my core problem is, which is that there is very little confidence and comfort in being close with other people, such that something like this already hurts me. And it explains my carefulness with other people, my selectiveness, my withhelding, my recoiling .. and also why I feel threatened the moment someone with actual healthy confidence wants to connect with me. So then I have to reflect on my whole standards thing .. A combination could possibly be that I CANT connect to not stimulating people and therefore all my problems etc. arise .. .. You laugh, you are not stage yellow: edit: deleted .. I freaking out that this fucking forum cant load. I need my journal to write out my emotions to process them. FUCK THIS SHIT Google notes aint it.

Yesterdays evening leaves an uncomfortable aftertaste in me. I was clearly the third wheel. The friend of the guy whom I went to invited me but they didnt seem to align in their position, so that was akward and I felt and to a certain degree was unwanted. Not a good feeling.