Jannes

The RV session with my trainer was good. Well he told me that when I view and dont get something new and surprising then I dont actually view. I need to try as many times as it takes to get something. I got this picture in my head of continuely trying to light up a match on a matchbox but never getting it to light up. A really uncomfortable struggle. Well, thats what I am in for.

Come to think of it, I never ever talked about my actual problems with the people close to me. That is that I struggle with flirting accidently. My friends at impro dont know about it. My friends girlfriend was willing to cheat with me. A deep struggle and puzzledness about the world stays with me and I cant talk about it.

In this ranking of how complex an object actually is, where would you put a clockwork? I think there is a point to be made to put it anywhere — no manmade object comes even close to the intelligence to natural things like a biological thing like a leaf (when you look at the cellular level) or maybe even a rock. So that could be reason to put it very low. On the other hand it expresses a kind of meta intelligence — the object in a way is an expression of awareness of reality. But is this moreso a secondary attribute, or is it somehow backed into an object in an actual way? edit: I put the pure materials of the clockwork next to the rock as a guess. Is the whole clockwork put together more complex then just the material by itself because it is a machine which is created through a relationship with/ a consciousness of reality? Its a real practical question btw. I want to view targets for remote viewing and this is one question I want to ask "how complex is the target?".

These real life war films are kind of addicting. Kind of questions my self image, oh well..

Oh yeah, I always found the force strong in homeless bottle collectors.

Never watched it with the translation. 4:57

When I think about why I want to do acting, its because of THAT. I would have loved to play her exploding from anger. Expressing such intensity. Great voice lines, I think there is some potential to express her anger in that moment more creatively. But really I am just building on top of the foundation that this show has created, they did a good job.

A lot of unproductive thoughts come up as soon as I dont take my adhd medication.

Also I partially dont have a Plan B. I am too old to get accepted to an acting school.

I checked out the WhatsApp Group of my old theatre club yesterday, in particular the pictures of the members. I am finally taken out. The old theatre club still has such a massive grip on me emotionally though. I have so much anger. I knew I couldnt look at the emotional pain of the loss of the old theatre club straight because I needed to protect myself emotionally. I had so much love for this place, looking at the reality that all my dreams crashed and that I will never have it is just too much to accept. Maybe thats why I cant let go off my anger.

Its raining. Maybe a blessing in disguise .. LESS PEOPLE

classic

RV feels pretty hard, maybe because of that. Whenever I have something on my mind it makes spiritual practice very hard to impossible.

Going to the social spot will be though today. Chances arent low someone will confront me. But I need to fight for my spot there.

@Yimpa Nice to have you back! I hope you sorted some of that stuff out in your time off. ----- Lets continue to chat on PM or another thread if you like.

@Yimpa You are back! You hop on and off ...

I have got a bunch of anxiety, WOW

I am MUCH more nervous going out today then usual. I think it has to do with not having a university partner I am constantly in touch with.

If I created a super advanced machine which would rule over a natural ecosystem, lets say I created a super AI on earth which should rule over all organic beings and would leave the planet, I think at some point organic beings will always win over machines if machines dont get new input because organic beings can always adapt in unforseeable natural ways.

Yes. But can a clear line be made? Even if I created the mouse trap and then leave it, the intelligence continues to work on its own. Where does a human begin and end? A part of human is his making.