Jannes

Knitted away for about 10 to 20 min here and there and got pretty far. Made my first couple of mistakes in my last round though. Not sure if it can be salvished. Doesnt really matter though as its not about archieving anything. Its good to know that I already learned the basics and that its mostly about repetition now. I dont need to learn many more new techniques for now as this seems to be the best technique for flow already. Only need to learn a little bit for closing this part in the end.

Pretty interesting. Can locate my own stage blue aspects through his lense.

Wow, thats quite insightful. What a case study of stage blue.

Shrooms dont work the way they used to. Back then when I had emotional problems I could just take them and even if I encountered some difficulties, I could just work through them and at the other end I pretty much always felt so much love. Now I face difficulties, emotional inner drama but its not really solved. Maybe it has to do with leaving my old theatre club that I need to recover emotionally a lot. Or that I used 5meo which did change my experience afterwards quite a lot and maybe the effect is permanent.

I kind of dislike archieving anything survival orientated. When I make progress in this direction its like, it sucks me deeper into this bullshit. On second thought it might be partially not wanting to grow up as well liking the irresponsibility but that wouldnt explain the whole picture.

True. I mean when you dont make a promise and people dont rely on it and you still feel forced to not change your plans to fulfill peoples perceived expectation of you.

How has porn changed? Has it become harder? When it comes to animated porn the amount of slop has increased but the amount of art as well. Very creative ideas. Those tentacles can stay in the past.

Feeling forced to do something after you announced you would do it

The most beautiful sound is silence

Went on a short dopamine search binge. Found team fortress 2 clips through player profiles. If I really look for it, I will always find some kind of cheap dopamine high. Not sure why I needed it. I felt more conscious then usual, very inspired but not grounded.

Listened to an audio book of him and it was mostly sweet talk. I cant stand Eckart Tolle for some reason. I also cant stand Owen Cook. Possibly the only 2 people I cant stand for not immediate personal reasons. Interesting for self reflection.

I am feeling much more emotionally stable right now. Interesting. Also feeling about starting a start up again. My first thought was that that may be the first surpressed layer from emotional instability but its probably because my mom talked to me and Leos Blog post gave it a boost. I have got so many ideas I am passionate about but its so hard to get through the day with the basics so I never did.

Start Up idea: A restaurant which exclusively sells crossovers meals from different kitchens. For example italian style sushi, pizza with asian flavour, ... whatever actually ends up tasting well.

Flax is really good for you for the healthy fats.

Making lots of progress now. My hands and arms feel cramped now. Maybe I need to hold my hands down for blood flow.

Finally some progress. I missed the point where she said that you should take the knit on the other needle, completly blanked every time I watched it.

An educator would say you go through certain phases in life. For example if you never played as a kid, its hard to get that back as an adult. I missed out on stupid romance.

Cant listen to the audiobook for Peter Ralston without his original voice.

Firefox for the customization options. I need to block various things for my adhd mind.

B: Take the Queen with the Rook on b7. W: White Pawn takes back. B: Then Queen to b1 buys a turn as W: white King needs to retreat to g2 or h2. B: Black King to f8. W: white Pawn to e7. B: Black King to e8. The b7 white Pawn can be taken and the Rook cant protect it. Queen vs Rook is winning for Black.

Ah got it! No worries. Yeah I started with crochet but its not really for me. The whole reason why I do knitting is for emotional regulation as adhd makes emotional processing more difficult. With knitting its said that it is more flow inducing. I dont know about macreme, is it hard?

Happy New years everybody !! and Happy Birthday to You @Natasha Tori Maru

Second Level

I am learning to knit right now. First steps successful.

There was one thing I was keep doing wrong for some reason. Well somehow I didnt do that anymore and I can do the whole procedure without support now. Great first lesson.