Jannes

So much for emotional stability. I had a really hard time going to sleep today. Some really strong emotions struck me. For one how a girl in my old theatre club once stretched her tongue out while riding on a table assumingly dirty talk towards me with a friend. But that seemed based on my alter ego I presented. That I masked. It was so terribly difficult to let the mask fall off that. Welp especially because I wasnt emotionally stable and would have sold myself below my value. The other one was that I basically still have feelings for a girl right now. I dreamed she was in my school with me. Its agonizing pain that I couldnt make it happen because she liked me as well, I was just to fucked up to make it happen. ... So these are some deeper or stronger emotional layers about the old theatre club plaguing me which are coming to the surface. Is that good? Am I making process? Why do they come up?

I just thought about the Kamala Harris compain. JD Vance plays such a small role to how big of a role Tim Walz probably would have played. Maybe that was a promise of her, have the vice president play a major role.

The numbers and letters are missing as well. Black: Very left pawn h2 checking the King. White: King to h1 going out of check and blocking the Pawn. Black: Pawn to e4, blocking the diagonal to the white King for the white Queen and threatening checkmate with Black Queen on f3 the following turn. White needs to trade Queen for Rook and looses off that.

Game is really though psychologically, you need recovery. You could shorten the sessions of course, after a certain night hour most girls are gone anyway.

I guess its a mix of wasing home for so long, being with friends, having something to look forward to with my start up atm and also knitting. Not sure how strong each of the part plays into it.

Men I am REALLY emotionally stable compared to other times. Had a board game evening with friends and usually I dont understand some thing or get distracted because I am here and there with my emotions but not today, I was super clear. And right now I just installed a belt on my gym bad which connects my handles. I needed to look at how they are constructed, how the band is connected to a part and the cap and did that calmly until I got it and constructed it. Unimaginable to my old self, my emotions would have been all over the place.

Regarding the Faberge art post, how is creating luxury for the rich and powerful a better thing to do then being employed? I get that you work for the devil to some degree when you are employed but how is creating luxury any better? -- in my mind thats just you chosing to be the devil yourself.

You can walk barefoot no problem but you wont change your feet by introducing jogging. If you run barefoot on concrete, the adaptation will be that your foot will built an arch over the middle foot and stiffen up. Thats neither good for your feet nor for your knees as it takes the cushioning away. You could maybe specifically train your middle foot but if that really fixes running idk.

If you havent run barefoot all your life you would need a lot of very specific training to restrengthen your feet again, just going backfoot again doenst work, your feet wont just go back to how they were. Your feet will become stronger barefoot in some capacity but also stiff with an arch above the middle foot. I use a realistic compromise, 10mm flat sole and wide toe box.

I didnt plan well for today and my plans B, C, D all dont work out so I am home alone. Its all just peer pressure to do something today but I cant help but to feel left out. Anyone else in the same situation?

Wow!

An old friend of mine whom I disconnected from in a painful way just changed his profile picture. From hopeless self-pity to a melancholic one. Incredible. I am kind of lost for words.

Knitted away for about 10 to 20 min here and there and got pretty far. Made my first couple of mistakes in my last round though. Not sure if it can be salvished. Doesnt really matter though as its not about archieving anything. Its good to know that I already learned the basics and that its mostly about repetition now. I dont need to learn many more new techniques for now as this seems to be the best technique for flow already. Only need to learn a little bit for closing this part in the end.

Pretty interesting. Can locate my own stage blue aspects through his lense.

Wow, thats quite insightful. What a case study of stage blue.

Shrooms dont work the way they used to. Back then when I had emotional problems I could just take them and even if I encountered some difficulties, I could just work through them and at the other end I pretty much always felt so much love. Now I face difficulties, emotional inner drama but its not really solved. Maybe it has to do with leaving my old theatre club that I need to recover emotionally a lot. Or that I used 5meo which did change my experience afterwards quite a lot and maybe the effect is permanent.

I kind of dislike archieving anything survival orientated. When I make progress in this direction its like, it sucks me deeper into this bullshit. On second thought it might be partially not wanting to grow up as well liking the irresponsibility but that wouldnt explain the whole picture.

True. I mean when you dont make a promise and people dont rely on it and you still feel forced to not change your plans to fulfill peoples perceived expectation of you.

How has porn changed? Has it become harder? When it comes to animated porn the amount of slop has increased but the amount of art as well. Very creative ideas. Those tentacles can stay in the past.

Feeling forced to do something after you announced you would do it

The most beautiful sound is silence

Went on a short dopamine search binge. Found team fortress 2 clips through player profiles. If I really look for it, I will always find some kind of cheap dopamine high. Not sure why I needed it. I felt more conscious then usual, very inspired but not grounded.

Listened to an audio book of him and it was mostly sweet talk. I cant stand Eckart Tolle for some reason. I also cant stand Owen Cook. Possibly the only 2 people I cant stand for not immediate personal reasons. Interesting for self reflection.

I am feeling much more emotionally stable right now. Interesting. Also feeling about starting a start up again. My first thought was that that may be the first surpressed layer from emotional instability but its probably because my mom talked to me and Leos Blog post gave it a boost. I have got so many ideas I am passionate about but its so hard to get through the day with the basics so I never did.