Jannes

Felt creative yesterday: Oh look babe the sun is going down, what a beautiful sight. Oh yeah thats beautiful -- oh wait let me get my sun protection, I DO NOT WANT TO GET BURNED BY THE SUN, LET ME PUT ON SOME SUNSCREEN. But Babe ... (goes away as the sun goes down) ... The second coming of Jesus, HAH you really think Jesus genes spread!? Get real.

My skin looks really good today. The laser seems to have done a good job. But on the forehead it looks better then usual as well..

Slept perfectly well today. That is not smth I have with other substances. Only the getting out of bed part was akward and sets me up weirdly. Also have a perfect plan of what to do, rearrange my Blocker so friday is open instead of sunday. Also start the general YT block again. I noticed that as soon as a started the night block, I loosened up and allowed myself to watch more during daytime. Also signing up to tutoring. I have some fears about it but its not like I have a Plan B and its a great learning experience. .. I dreamed today that I was teaching my old class again. I was kinda akward .. not confident .. again .. but I took it with some humor "ey, here we are again". Ineresting that I opened up emotionally to that experience again.

Yo, I just tripped and this scene from the witcher in season4 episode1 where Yen and the other Witches tried to get into this girls mind and then Vilgefortz manifests in her being and talks to them while creepily staring at them and then destroying the body of that poor girl and blowing out her eyes. That flashed my memory in the trip and it was quite disturbing. Would like to trip some more so I need to be careful with what I consume. Is there more creepy shit in the other episodes that may be too much for a gentle soul like myself?

4mg .. more effect then I expected. Not with infinite speed but it felt like a space shuttle in which I moved in the direction of infinity it seems. It felt like quite a lot actually. Not that comfortable to embrace. It was very managable but also a pretty long ride. A scene from the witcher kind of disturbed me. Then - Ego death or very low ego, I cant quite tell. Not shocking or anything but my sense of self simply got a lot less, from attatchments in my chest to attatchments in my brain which got dissolved. Lots of pretty deep thoughts about my days. Some things clicked, for example why I feel like shit when I sit around all day not doing anything or how much shit I took from the old theatre club. Huh, thats interesting, I didnt see any mistakes on my end. I kind of got comforted in my beliefs moreso. Sometimes you can have false beliefs you deeply hold and then a psychedelic can boost that.. My room looks pretty alien. Its very much shaped by my functionality lense and all other kinds of lenses ..

Just had a cool idea, what if you artificially created a world with artificial rules which make life harder, like the built ground can only be soft, you can only communicate via writing etc. The point is in these artificial environements new inventions to make life easier will come up and they could possibly even be applied to real life, because in real life there was never the necessity to invent some of these things.

mmh

Maybe he got an ego backlash so he lives fully embraces the mortal self now.

Okay so she writes that the party was great but doesn't comment on me saying that the walk made me hungry on which she could have replied that she is hungry as well. I think I was to subtle.

The name Gobliss isn't taken yet. A mixture of Goblin and Bliss.. meh

Thinking about some companies name while I wait for a possible response. Eh I put too much into it it feels like. Anyway I only found 3 companies with Goblin in there. I want a sorta weird name for my companie. I am really bad at finding names though. Will need to work with chatgpt for that.

The party is over, steps are initiated. I hope I fail so I can get some rest and sleep.

The hot girl wrote me back that she is still there!!! I didn't check properly. Well I could tell her that I am getting hungry and we could meet to get a snack. The party should be over any minute now. Why the hell is my mind working so sharply when I just want to get to sleep..

After carefully selecting my outfit so I wouldn't look like a afd voter I got to the place at around 3 am. The floor was only open for about 30 more mins and my friend was already gone. What a waste of time. Although the spot is cool. I didn't stay there for longer then a minute but I will keep the place in mind for the future.

The adhd mind can grow till you are 30 in the decision making region. Thank god

Okay so she writes it's cool there, the music is good. I don't feel the dancing part. The thing is that she kinda wanted to cheat with me on multiple occasions. That I am cool with her pretty much hurts my integrity. Well the only reason I would go is because of her friend. Which could be a lure. When I flirted with another girl before her she didn't seem cool with it so there is little reason to believe that she brought her friend for me. too much thinking

I needed an hour to transform my inner state lol. From enjoying swimming in my inner pain and sorrow to going into fight mode.

That's never how it's going for me, I usually stay the whole night then and that means I am fucked up for tomorrow. And it signals I am needy when I jump at the first opportunity. (to the girl) I wrote her and asked how it's going atm. No reply after 10 mins yet, will see.

If somehow all the girls know each other and she is now interested cause the other girl makes that WhatsApp pic I am going mad. I haven't decided on anything yet but I am becoming increasingly sleepy. It's probably dumb to pass this chance.

I feel a lot of emotions right. I kinda want to coil in and sleep. A friend of mine just told me she was going to a party evening. I am not feeling it at all. Now she says she is bringing a friend with her which I want to bang and who probably has the same interest. This is such an awkward energy shift. I really committed to being a sad fuck right now, what the hell men. I don't know what to do.

So the other thing.. A letter arrived. .. It almost seems like a blue and red pill are presented to me now.

I dont really know what to make out of it.

Couple of important things are going on right now. For one, a member of the old theatre club changed her WhatsApp picture a few days ago. Its pretty hilarious, she has a bloody nose and a nipper in her hand. Basically someone who goes crazy for love in over the top anime style. Next to her another girl from the old theatre club holding up a nub as one of her eyes. I have seen the outfit of the second ones a couple of times. And the message was pretty clear. She was very toxic to me and I was so emotionally unstable that I was kinda helples. At one point when she did make up she was like I could clock off your eye so easily.. Well, when I left the theatre club without saying goodbye, maybe there was some internal pushback and that was a good low milestone to symbolically express that she was sorry. In this way another girl also expressed some of it. And now this .. my anger dates back years ago towards her but thats symbolically such a big commitment.

Thats a mythical fantasy that never was. Nature is a piece of shit. That we survived till today doesnt mean me thrived. We could have just barely scraped by. That is not to say all modern inventions are good, there is plenty of shit in the foods industry.