Jannes

I hope there will be more european retreats in the future! Dont feel quite ready for it yet.

I just finished the LP course a few days ago. I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while as I started this course more then 2 years ago. Not that I get all the missing answers here but maybe some advice from more experienced folks who are already living their LP. I am 25 now and I live in germany. I have got inattentive adhd which made many things very difficult for me like concentration, dealing with emotions and social problems which indirectly also made other things difficult like finding study partners or getting help with emotional distress difficult. So basically I was always an emotional mess/ overtaxed/ semi depressed while getting nothing done and not understanding what was wrong with me. As a result I had difficulties answering many questions in the life purpose course because I experienced relatively little concrete success so far because I couldnt really take part in life as much. I feel like I have got as close to it as what would be possible with my blockades but I feel like the very thing that is my LP is something I cant see right now. I take meds now and it seems like many things are clearing up rapidly but and I do make quite the transformation. I feel more capable but not necessarily upgraded. The stars become less interesting and I see more immediate tasks ahead. I become a lot more concrete instead of abstract. Thats the best way I can describe it. I seem to manifest myself in reality. I was always very reflected and stuff but was like a wave without its own will it can force onto the world. I develop a sense of self now. It sounds pretty unconscious I know and I made the point myself that adhd (at least the inattentive type that I experience) makes you more conscious. But in taking my meds I can deal with reality at least. If I got emotional support/ grounding maybe I could do it without meds but currently I can only do it this way. So this situation is quite confusing atm. In terms of my career so far: teaching: I am in 10th semester of studying math and philosophy for middle school but only have enough points to complete like 4 semesters (you need 10 semesters in total) because of the emotional distress I was always in. I could probably do better with the meds now so it really isnt hopeless. I decided to study teaching though because I did some internship to see what I like and teaching was okay for a moment and I couldnt deal with the pain of being in a situation of uncertainty so I did the best thing I found at the moment which wasn't the most conscious choice. Also there is a bit of buffer as with this graduation I can do other things as well. Teaching isnt directly my Life Purpose I am pretty sure about that. But I would earn a lot of money per hour, can do it part time, have a lot of holidays and a class in school gives you many direct information to observe which can inspire you. A school class is basically a mirror of society, all the kids are just mini versions of what's to come. So that can help me understand society and psychology more which would deepen whatever I create with my LP. I already thought a little and am also teaching 5 hours per week atm and it's an okay job. So it wouldnt be my LP but it would have a good base to comfortable pursue my real LP. acting: Over the last two years I have been doing a lot of acting as a hobby which is a lot of fun but it took a lot of time and I am also thinking about doing this as a career path. It would give me a relatively unstable base though and it would probably just miss my LP. Learning to act itself is incredible fun but it can also be emotionally challenging which I might not be capable to do. My Life Purpose is generally a bit unclear to me. Being a critical thinker is very much part of my authentic self and I have also got a very creative mind because of my adhd. On their own or even combined they dont really give me a life purpose that I find meaningful. For example I always think critically but I dont see where this practically leads to. And I often come up with new start up ideas because as I love the creative process but when it isnt connected to something meaningful I loose interest in it. The closest I could with these two is working on series like Rick&Morty which comes close to feeling like a LP. But I think there is a last component, a last value that is blocked from my mind. Besides these top two values I also care about empathy, goodness, authenticity, but not enough about any of them to make a LP in combination with the two about them I think. I sometimes look in my past to where the last puzzle piece might be. I developed a very profound even mystical happiness as a kid as I think that I had mystical experiences in kindergarden. I really vibed with Jesus in that time as well. I felt like it would virtually be impossible to break my spirit because I was connected to something unbreakable. I even felt like I needed to go through some real shit, to be lost, to come out of it and from that place be authentically able to help other people. I had a feeling of calling back then. Well I am not quite back to my inner garden of roses yet. I did about 20 trips of psychedelics and never realized a mystical experience because I was in too much shit mentally I think. (interestingly never had a really bad trip either though) I formulated my LP rather vague. I couldnt find any formulation that deeply inspired because as I said I think there is some authentic part of me missing. Taking my reflection about my past and moments of reflection I feel like it has to do with healing, bliss, profound love, existential (healing), spirituality. But I cant completely make out if these things interest me because I feel like I have a lack of them (negative motivation) or if it is authentic. To make my LP more concrete I could reformulate it like this for example (but I am not sure about it): - giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. - finding existential beauty and meaning in fucked up situations to make people more hopeful So with all of this I have no clear direction of where to go and I found out new things about myself/ unblock blockades and this is probably going on for months and years to come. All ways would help me move forwards. If I study to become a teacher that would be an acceptable path which would allow me to do lots of other stuff (LP) I am interested in as well but then I could never study to become a serious actor because I would be too old at this point. I would need to become more clear about myself and my values to see what I value most. A side thought is also to experiment with start ups (for money) as I have lots of ideas for them. Right now I am thinking of continue studying while giving myself time to process and I can on the side apply to acting schools. Chances of getting accepted are pretty low anyways and if I get accepted that would be a sign that I am quite talented. Design ohne Titel.pdf

I think there is an inner switch I can turn around from introverted to extroverted. Usually when someone wants something from me when I am in an introverted state I have a hard time to do it. I noticed however that when I consciously make a switch in my brain from inside to basking on the outside social world its much easier, even enjoyable for me. Curious how far that insight will bring me.

Just did 5-times my usual RV dose today with relative ease. Thanks to medication. Quality was really bad though. Actually I am questioning wether I even learned anything all this time. Will meet my coach tomorrow though.

If this is a real T-Rex baby its kind of ugly.

Some early inspiration. Cant pump out a lot of pictures with the free version. A more reduced version of the second one could be a good starter. The state its in fits into a intermediate state.

good inspiration

New haircutting skill discovered! Whenever I cut my hair I kind of nudged it into place a little bit. But this wasnt how my hair was in reality, it was all over the place. What I did now was I whipped it left and right to not be into place and then cut it accordingly. Now when I whip my hair it is in perfect form. By seeing my hair how it really is, not what I want it to be I could adjust my strategy and make it look more beautiful.

Enemy robots could be structured in 3 parts. A lower boder for movement like robot legs, wheels and so on. A middle part as the belly. For example a washing machine, an oven ... And an upper body where for example the weapon system is carried. This way there could be a wide variety of robots by just mix and matching different parts with each other and endless different manouvers to fight against.

I think the most complicated thing would be creating clean and fun gameplay mechanics. Mechanics where you actually need skill. Where you need to get an intuitive feel for the dino, for timing, for power, for reading the enemy, for strategy. The mechanics should come first. The design can come second. Whatever the requirements are, there is a lot of potential to make it look cool whatever the requirements are. If it looks funny then the art style can be more whacky. Some ideas from chatgpt. Hmm maybe an AI robot with less balance would be fun so it can be pushed over.

Its not like I am the first who comes up with righting robots made out of household goods. Its a goldmine for creative ideas.

I am still thinking about creating a video game where genetically manipulated Dinosaurs fight against whacky AI contructions out of everyday objects. Simple plot. AI wants to take over and connects to everything technical. Household goods connect to each other and built some kind of enemies. A small number of scientist flee into an underground bunker and think about a solution. They realize they need organic matter to fight the AI robots. Whats the strongest organic being that ever walked the earth!? BINGO!! DINOSAURS!!! So they create some sort of super Dinos and put their brain into them. I think when the player hatches an egg for a new creature that this would be some sort of vanilla dino with no spefific traits but with the potential to become any one of them. With investment the dino can grow more characteristic traits. I think they can all have a bite, do bashes, roar, spit sour slime and some sort of whipping from the getgo. But the Dino can be skilled more into a specific role. The jaw can be skilled to crush and grap. The ram can be skilled for more advanced manouvers, possibly rolling if it gets more fantastical, the dino can be skilled into speed for evasion, or to block like a triceratop, whip with a hammered tale like euoplocephalus or do some whacky distraction with that thing the dilophosaurus has on his head. It doesnt need to be realistic. The would be so much potential. For one it has much potential for excellent art. It can also be super satisfying, destroying shit as a dino is cool. And for the enemies there is basically unlimited potential, there could be some really creative manouvers of the enemies that would be fun to learn and exploit.

Hmm ..

Its fascinating how unconscious group think is. I notice it especially in fashion. For some strange reason I absolutely loved a certain pair of adidas shoes. And well they became a trend. Then I absolutely loved I certain curved sidecut and that became a trend. Now I am looking for baggy suit trousers and well .. thats a trend atm. I never thought, oh my I see all my friends and the people around me wearing this and that and I want to be part of it, it literally felt like I discovered a new trend on my own.

Hmmm...

What the hell is this .. https://officialchadrankings.com/Home

Men this makes me think that it might be ethical to basically kill all the species on earth so that they cant do this shit to each other but we are even worse.

I love the design of pills.

Was shopping with a friend today. Men I always feel so grounded around him. Also saw one of the ghosts who controlled, uh confronted me at the social spot. I looked away, built some eye contact, looked away again. He wasnt completly ignoring or confronting me. I would have expected avoidance though as I stood there with my friend. He looked emotionally loaded. I didnt speak to him in this situation and that was a huge mistake. Best possible situation. Even my friend asked if we wanted to follow him. Men I could have talked to him, maybe gotten in contact with a friend of his as well. Could have gotten a lot of heavy load from my shoulders.

What is so fucking weird is that after I shaved most of my beard when I look around and see people unshaved with a three day beard it suddenly looks unkempt to me. Just because my identity and bias isnt in the beard market anymore the world suddenly looks so different. Thats wild.

The crazy girl in my university just had a concussion. Men I am so sensitive to anyhing that could remotely damage my PR. I see the rumors flashing before my eyes that I hurt her or something.

I connect very much through sharing psychological insights.

I was on fire at impro today. Likely due to my adhd medication medicinet. Concentration isnt good, never was with medicinet. Energy is good though.

My explanation was a little short and oversimplistic, but I am not talking out of my arse, its a thing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resource_curse