Jannes

Men I feel kind of sick. Maybe it was a bit much this week.

I just finished the LP course a few days ago. I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while as I started this course more then 2 years ago. Not that I get all the missing answers here but maybe some advice from more experienced folks who are already living their LP. I am 25 now and I live in germany. I have got inattentive adhd which made many things very difficult for me like concentration, dealing with emotions and social problems which indirectly also made other things difficult like finding study partners or getting help with emotional distress difficult. So basically I was always an emotional mess/ overtaxed/ semi depressed while getting nothing done and not understanding what was wrong with me. As a result I had difficulties answering many questions in the life purpose course because I experienced relatively little concrete success so far because I couldnt really take part in life as much. I feel like I have got as close to it as what would be possible with my blockades but I feel like the very thing that is my LP is something I cant see right now. I take meds now and it seems like many things are clearing up rapidly but and I do make quite the transformation. I feel more capable but not necessarily upgraded. The stars become less interesting and I see more immediate tasks ahead. I become a lot more concrete instead of abstract. Thats the best way I can describe it. I seem to manifest myself in reality. I was always very reflected and stuff but was like a wave without its own will it can force onto the world. I develop a sense of self now. It sounds pretty unconscious I know and I made the point myself that adhd (at least the inattentive type that I experience) makes you more conscious. But in taking my meds I can deal with reality at least. If I got emotional support/ grounding maybe I could do it without meds but currently I can only do it this way. So this situation is quite confusing atm. In terms of my career so far: teaching: I am in 10th semester of studying math and philosophy for middle school but only have enough points to complete like 4 semesters (you need 10 semesters in total) because of the emotional distress I was always in. I could probably do better with the meds now so it really isnt hopeless. I decided to study teaching though because I did some internship to see what I like and teaching was okay for a moment and I couldnt deal with the pain of being in a situation of uncertainty so I did the best thing I found at the moment which wasn't the most conscious choice. Also there is a bit of buffer as with this graduation I can do other things as well. Teaching isnt directly my Life Purpose I am pretty sure about that. But I would earn a lot of money per hour, can do it part time, have a lot of holidays and a class in school gives you many direct information to observe which can inspire you. A school class is basically a mirror of society, all the kids are just mini versions of what's to come. So that can help me understand society and psychology more which would deepen whatever I create with my LP. I already thought a little and am also teaching 5 hours per week atm and it's an okay job. So it wouldnt be my LP but it would have a good base to comfortable pursue my real LP. acting: Over the last two years I have been doing a lot of acting as a hobby which is a lot of fun but it took a lot of time and I am also thinking about doing this as a career path. It would give me a relatively unstable base though and it would probably just miss my LP. Learning to act itself is incredible fun but it can also be emotionally challenging which I might not be capable to do. My Life Purpose is generally a bit unclear to me. Being a critical thinker is very much part of my authentic self and I have also got a very creative mind because of my adhd. On their own or even combined they dont really give me a life purpose that I find meaningful. For example I always think critically but I dont see where this practically leads to. And I often come up with new start up ideas because as I love the creative process but when it isnt connected to something meaningful I loose interest in it. The closest I could with these two is working on series like Rick&Morty which comes close to feeling like a LP. But I think there is a last component, a last value that is blocked from my mind. Besides these top two values I also care about empathy, goodness, authenticity, but not enough about any of them to make a LP in combination with the two about them I think. I sometimes look in my past to where the last puzzle piece might be. I developed a very profound even mystical happiness as a kid as I think that I had mystical experiences in kindergarden. I really vibed with Jesus in that time as well. I felt like it would virtually be impossible to break my spirit because I was connected to something unbreakable. I even felt like I needed to go through some real shit, to be lost, to come out of it and from that place be authentically able to help other people. I had a feeling of calling back then. Well I am not quite back to my inner garden of roses yet. I did about 20 trips of psychedelics and never realized a mystical experience because I was in too much shit mentally I think. (interestingly never had a really bad trip either though) I formulated my LP rather vague. I couldnt find any formulation that deeply inspired because as I said I think there is some authentic part of me missing. Taking my reflection about my past and moments of reflection I feel like it has to do with healing, bliss, profound love, existential (healing), spirituality. But I cant completely make out if these things interest me because I feel like I have a lack of them (negative motivation) or if it is authentic. To make my LP more concrete I could reformulate it like this for example (but I am not sure about it): - giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. - finding existential beauty and meaning in fucked up situations to make people more hopeful So with all of this I have no clear direction of where to go and I found out new things about myself/ unblock blockades and this is probably going on for months and years to come. All ways would help me move forwards. If I study to become a teacher that would be an acceptable path which would allow me to do lots of other stuff (LP) I am interested in as well but then I could never study to become a serious actor because I would be too old at this point. I would need to become more clear about myself and my values to see what I value most. A side thought is also to experiment with start ups (for money) as I have lots of ideas for them. Right now I am thinking of continue studying while giving myself time to process and I can on the side apply to acting schools. Chances of getting accepted are pretty low anyways and if I get accepted that would be a sign that I am quite talented. Design ohne Titel.pdf

I think its important to go through these points one by one. Yeah the male loneliness epidemic is a thing and feminism is a factor but not the only one. The internet, covid, remote work ... all play into it. How much women/ feminists are judged for it I dont know. I also think its cruical that men find ways to meet their emotional needs without soley relying on a romantic partner. Heck its a big struggle in my life and I put a lot of thought and strategizing into it. I think men are just a lot worse at doing care work for each other hormonally (less estrogen) but its also what masculinity entails. For masculinity you need to split up a part of your personality, make a part of yourself numb, stoic and functional. Vera Birkenbihl once put it like this, when a couple sleeps at night and some kind of dangerous noises arise, the women sends the men to look for a potential threat. He might feel all sort of negative emotions about it, like he might be scared but isnt allowed to feel those emotions, so he tells himself to not be a pussy and splits up that scared part of his personality and numb it. But then that women will also complain that he isnt emotionally available. Well both things cant exist at the same time, a men cant both be the stoic functional protector or whatever other role he needs to fill and at the same time be perfectly emotionally available. That explains why traditional males cant emotionally regulate themselves and others as well and why traditional males needed emotional support from feminine women. Maybe those old gender roles are outdated, survival pressure isnt as big as it used to be and women take some of that pressure off so logically men can reduce their split personality, be less menly and more emotionally available in the process. Thats a big shift for both men and women. Men would need to reinvent themselves and women would need to signal that they want and reward more feminine men. I think its one direction/ trend we are going into. Or maybe menly men are needed in todays society which would mean though that those men need external emotional support. Then the question would be how to manage that emotional support need more consciously.

Just had an interesting idea. That women have a vagina and are physically weaker then men is kind of a bad combination, because the vagina is more prone to abuse then the dick, because the vagina is used for birth. So what if women we genetically engineered women to be as or stronger then men physically. Then they would have the more abusable sex organ but also the muscle to defend themselves. So rape would probably be less of a thing because it would make less sense.

I definitely wouldnt go that far. There are still many jobs that are more suited to men (or that women dont like to do). And change happens gradually and often in waves, women changed a lot through feminism. Imagine what men might conjure up with their movement. Can you elaborate on that? Hold up, todays Looksmaxxer are doing pioneering work out there.

Recently I really noticed differences in how I feel around men and women in comparison. Yeah women are often more subtle and emotionally attuned and you feel more emotionally heard and connected Men are much more direct and honest about things. Its not as pretty, but much more grounding. Ever talked to a not so socially aware and autistic dude? No games, everything spit out, like a hard piece/ structure that you can grasp/ predict. So damn grounding.

Its obviously some kind of clickbait. But I would actually agree to a more nuanced take, that the mens strengths (which is creating raw survival conditions to comfortably live in) arent as important in the modern world (which is pretty cushy and actually needs more feminine diplomacy) as they used to be. So men are in a bit of a crisis and need to redefine themselves to make themselves more useful.

@ladelle How did spirituality get in your way?

Btw. Sam has adhd right!? It seems so obvious, he always notices shit first, can only be productive when he does something he is really interested in, is creative ...

Just binge watched the whole thing. It says stereotypes arent real and its true that both groups managed to power through and did similiar things, but I still see clear differences even in a situation where they are forced to take the same roles. The men had more ingenuity (built a boat, under water net, trapping the canine) The men took more risks The men built more The men got more survival stuff done The women had better moral The women had less conflict The women cared more about vibes and beauty (look at their place) The women cared more about balance

Whenever I wake up my thoughts are why I havent slept with two girls in my social circle who were open to it. They would have opened the door to the f*boy lifestyle. Now these doors are half closed. But idk if I would have enjoyed that even.

Men I just feel flatened despite taking medication. A lot of uni stuff. I need to get used to that level of effort.

Just listened to typical hollow male drinking music. I always feel a sense of cringe and shame/ outsiderness when I listen to it. But also, I kinda changed teams recently so I am more open to it.

"Look up contact improv workshops in your area. That should help you become more comfortable with touching strangers " ______________

HAH and I have a hard time learning it because of rejection sensitivity. Sensitivity in general. Well maybe thats an excuse. Somewhere I already got tipps for hugging seminars and physical game.

I can talk to women though. I cant physically escalate. Thats my blind spot.

Yeah, I dont actually know how to escalate things, even though I have girl being interested in me/ chase me. And I say that I just want an actual relationsip. This lack of ability is a bit of a blind spot which can and probably is filled with self deception. Although I really dont feel like sleeping with some, but even that can be part of self deception. I need to meditate and game on that to sandvich that self deception.

Will take medication today again. Want to isolate how sleeping long affects my productivity.

I see time and time again that women/ people dont follow rules, they follow their feelings. And I just cant get in because I dont.

I had weird ass dreams today. Reunited with many people of the old theatre club and .. kissed a girl there finally. Although I am not sure if she kissed me first. No she kissed me first and I said something like I was about to kiss you as well. I had feelings for her back then but she had a boyfriend so I stopped myself. Oh men.

The Dino should get a customizeable chain. And maybe extra reinforcements on the teeth. That would humanize it to some degree.

Now this is interesting, I do experience myself having troubles focusing without some sort of input. I also heard someone else with adhd have that difficulty and resolving it with traffic noise. I NEED to try this