Jannes

I am kind of empty and open for love. Interesting.

I just finished the LP course a few days ago. I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while as I started this course more then 2 years ago. Not that I get all the missing answers here but maybe some advice from more experienced folks who are already living their LP. I am 25 now and I live in germany. I have got inattentive adhd which made many things very difficult for me like concentration, dealing with emotions and social problems which indirectly also made other things difficult like finding study partners or getting help with emotional distress difficult. So basically I was always an emotional mess/ overtaxed/ semi depressed while getting nothing done and not understanding what was wrong with me. As a result I had difficulties answering many questions in the life purpose course because I experienced relatively little concrete success so far because I couldnt really take part in life as much. I feel like I have got as close to it as what would be possible with my blockades but I feel like the very thing that is my LP is something I cant see right now. I take meds now and it seems like many things are clearing up rapidly but and I do make quite the transformation. I feel more capable but not necessarily upgraded. The stars become less interesting and I see more immediate tasks ahead. I become a lot more concrete instead of abstract. Thats the best way I can describe it. I seem to manifest myself in reality. I was always very reflected and stuff but was like a wave without its own will it can force onto the world. I develop a sense of self now. It sounds pretty unconscious I know and I made the point myself that adhd (at least the inattentive type that I experience) makes you more conscious. But in taking my meds I can deal with reality at least. If I got emotional support/ grounding maybe I could do it without meds but currently I can only do it this way. So this situation is quite confusing atm. In terms of my career so far: teaching: I am in 10th semester of studying math and philosophy for middle school but only have enough points to complete like 4 semesters (you need 10 semesters in total) because of the emotional distress I was always in. I could probably do better with the meds now so it really isnt hopeless. I decided to study teaching though because I did some internship to see what I like and teaching was okay for a moment and I couldnt deal with the pain of being in a situation of uncertainty so I did the best thing I found at the moment which wasn't the most conscious choice. Also there is a bit of buffer as with this graduation I can do other things as well. Teaching isnt directly my Life Purpose I am pretty sure about that. But I would earn a lot of money per hour, can do it part time, have a lot of holidays and a class in school gives you many direct information to observe which can inspire you. A school class is basically a mirror of society, all the kids are just mini versions of what's to come. So that can help me understand society and psychology more which would deepen whatever I create with my LP. I already thought a little and am also teaching 5 hours per week atm and it's an okay job. So it wouldnt be my LP but it would have a good base to comfortable pursue my real LP. acting: Over the last two years I have been doing a lot of acting as a hobby which is a lot of fun but it took a lot of time and I am also thinking about doing this as a career path. It would give me a relatively unstable base though and it would probably just miss my LP. Learning to act itself is incredible fun but it can also be emotionally challenging which I might not be capable to do. My Life Purpose is generally a bit unclear to me. Being a critical thinker is very much part of my authentic self and I have also got a very creative mind because of my adhd. On their own or even combined they dont really give me a life purpose that I find meaningful. For example I always think critically but I dont see where this practically leads to. And I often come up with new start up ideas because as I love the creative process but when it isnt connected to something meaningful I loose interest in it. The closest I could with these two is working on series like Rick&Morty which comes close to feeling like a LP. But I think there is a last component, a last value that is blocked from my mind. Besides these top two values I also care about empathy, goodness, authenticity, but not enough about any of them to make a LP in combination with the two about them I think. I sometimes look in my past to where the last puzzle piece might be. I developed a very profound even mystical happiness as a kid as I think that I had mystical experiences in kindergarden. I really vibed with Jesus in that time as well. I felt like it would virtually be impossible to break my spirit because I was connected to something unbreakable. I even felt like I needed to go through some real shit, to be lost, to come out of it and from that place be authentically able to help other people. I had a feeling of calling back then. Well I am not quite back to my inner garden of roses yet. I did about 20 trips of psychedelics and never realized a mystical experience because I was in too much shit mentally I think. (interestingly never had a really bad trip either though) I formulated my LP rather vague. I couldnt find any formulation that deeply inspired because as I said I think there is some authentic part of me missing. Taking my reflection about my past and moments of reflection I feel like it has to do with healing, bliss, profound love, existential (healing), spirituality. But I cant completely make out if these things interest me because I feel like I have a lack of them (negative motivation) or if it is authentic. To make my LP more concrete I could reformulate it like this for example (but I am not sure about it): - giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. - finding existential beauty and meaning in fucked up situations to make people more hopeful So with all of this I have no clear direction of where to go and I found out new things about myself/ unblock blockades and this is probably going on for months and years to come. All ways would help me move forwards. If I study to become a teacher that would be an acceptable path which would allow me to do lots of other stuff (LP) I am interested in as well but then I could never study to become a serious actor because I would be too old at this point. I would need to become more clear about myself and my values to see what I value most. A side thought is also to experiment with start ups (for money) as I have lots of ideas for them. Right now I am thinking of continue studying while giving myself time to process and I can on the side apply to acting schools. Chances of getting accepted are pretty low anyways and if I get accepted that would be a sign that I am quite talented. Design ohne Titel.pdf

AH! Just want to bump this up because it doesnt get bumped up if someone simply votes. The results seem pretty interesting, but I would like to see more votes.

If you have ND please share what you have as well. I have ADHD myself. edit: Gpt 5.2 🧠 A Quick Summary Dyslexia – ~5–10 % ADHD – ~5 % globally Autism – ~1–2 % Dyspraxia – ~5–6 % Dyscalculia – ~3–6 % Tic disorders (e.g., Tourette) – <1 % Combined neurodivergence – ~15–20 % overall With self reports it can be a good chunk more.

And neurodivergence is also very important to consider

Being in the library doesnt solve my problem fundamentally. I still have a hard time working through my emotions and I am not really productive. Although inner progress isnt always that easy to detect right away.

I am now at the library of my university. I got a lot better when I had a place to work through my emotions on Discord and this may be even better. I think the whole social dynamic, especially with that girl with whom I missed the chance kind of works through me. Especially because it is likely that she is now aware of the story of my old theatre club, so this continues the plot which I dont want - but I am attatched to it.

Had a RV session with my coach today. He gave me the tip, that I should view longer till I go into my head. I already got that tip before, its probably my biggest hurdle. He also gave me the tipp to try out some different approaches. He now gave me the exercise to write down a feature of a the target which I can then view and either say its correct or not. That can help to relieve the mind if it always thinks it has to come up with something, as some sort of construct is already created.

For some reason I thought about high school this morning. It was a very bad time, so many missed opportunities. I had a time where I ate nothing but sprouts because I deluded myself into some kind of health bubble. I had so little energie at times but I just didn't listen to those symptoms of my body. I wonder how that affected my development as I had a very monotone diet for about a year, so I could have damaged some things. All the way till high school my experience was just sad from bullying. One year before high school I made huge progress as many of the bullies were gone. My heart was full of passion and love but the friends I had didn't want to open up to other people and kind of blocked me from making more experiences. In retrospect of course I had ways to get around that. Anyway something in me just broke at this point and I completely isolated myself. I wanted to enter a bubble of sovereignty where I could completely understand the world. I wanted to jump into the Water where Mewtwo jumped in. I knew there was this place somewhere. I think I tried to connect back spiritually. Well and with my limited knowledge I ended up doing this crazy diet to detox and listening to binaural beats to open my third eye. I collected myself a bit after high school but then Corona hit. Then I got into my old theatre club where I had some happy glimpses but that story also fell apart. The struggle has been so long, maybe that's why I can't really articulate what happens when I make social process, because I can't really believe that real change is possible after all this time.

I enjoy laying on the floor and doing nothing.

A few months ago we had this opportunity to chat alone after impro. I once used the opportunity and then back to back didnt take the second opportunity because I didnt know how I would end the conversation if it came to it. .. That is so typical that in the last moment I suddenly change me mind. She is changing her home multiple hours away.

After impro today a girl in our group told us that she would go on a date with someone. I previously indirectly rejected her but still that triggered me somehow. So I spoke about my last experience on friday to get on an even playing field I thought to myself. But really it was really unequal BECAUSE I rejected her before. I am just not grounded enough in that. And as a result I am in a way pretty brutal.

An error isnt seen as something bad in Starlink, its reinterpreted as an opportunity to learn. Thats special to this companies philosophy. What I mean is that this could explain why he just said Oops sorry, when Grok admired Hitler at the beginning. It is possible that it wasnt racism but just his approach. I think many of his companies advance humankind a lot. We need electric cars for example and Tesla accelerated that transition. THAT is racist

I find it fascinating how messed up charismatic people can be. But thats because charisma is part of survival. Before you go out you overcome fear and develop charisma to get social support. Some people seem so boring, I feel like they would need help to not drown in their insufferable boredem, but oftentimes they are the healthiest ones because evidently they never really got pushed. Making very strong generalizations of course.

I really freaked up the last time at my social spot I feel like. When I sat next to that girl all her friends left us two alone. And generally it seemed like a lot of people were in on it that I could take her. Well I stopped at some point because I just couldnt find something to talk about with her. I once sat next to her, said nothing and that was it. Thats where all your imaginations about a person crumble, you ACTUALLY need to talk to her 1 on 1 without expectation and IF something nice happens like attraction thats good but you cant expect that. Thats why overthinking about someone is stupid, because your thoughts are never reality.

When you think about someone practically, what they practically could be in your life you are going in the wrong direction. The right direction would be the question if you want to "eat a cake, kick a ball, lay there in silence" with them RIGHT NOW and organically a solid structure will follow from that. Although the practical aspect isnt wrong either, who nows where passion leads you .. Maybe I differ there a bit from Alan Watts.

Pretty sexy style .. but the amount of time it would take to think about your appearence .. not so sexy ...

Wanted to enjoy some me time today and am currently binging Rick & Morty but it sucks, I am bored. Would rather do something.

And I feel really alive, holy shit.

Men I have some masochistic tendencies it seems like .. I wanted to epilate parts of my inner thigh for a cleaner look. I bought some creme which reduces the pain but I was sceptical that it would have side effects so I wanted to see if I can push through it raw. It was very painful but accepting that kinda put me into a drunk state where I could face pain and just in a way accepted it. I ended up epilating my whole ass. Wanted that anyway but shyed away from it because of pain. I will have a smooth but for the next month and WILL enjoy touching myself.

To be fair failure is seen as part of the creation process by Elon Musks. Rocket blew up "great we learned something new."

My experience is this: when I havent used the site for some time, maybe an hour or so, it loads very slow the first time. Afterwards its very fast.

Musk recently finally disconnected the internet of russian troops through his satelite there which gave ukranians a big advantage and they made territory gains. If Musk isnt influenced as much by dark side forces anymore maybe he comes to his senses more. I would like to think that at least. How is Musks social media looking besides that post? Any notable vibechange?

Much thanks!!

Went out again today. The energy just continues to be that good. I really stumbled upon a key there.