Jannes

I was on fire at impro today. Likely due to my adhd medication medicinet. Concentration isnt good, never was with medicinet. Energy is good though.

I just finished the LP course a few days ago. I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while as I started this course more then 2 years ago. Not that I get all the missing answers here but maybe some advice from more experienced folks who are already living their LP. I am 25 now and I live in germany. I have got inattentive adhd which made many things very difficult for me like concentration, dealing with emotions and social problems which indirectly also made other things difficult like finding study partners or getting help with emotional distress difficult. So basically I was always an emotional mess/ overtaxed/ semi depressed while getting nothing done and not understanding what was wrong with me. As a result I had difficulties answering many questions in the life purpose course because I experienced relatively little concrete success so far because I couldnt really take part in life as much. I feel like I have got as close to it as what would be possible with my blockades but I feel like the very thing that is my LP is something I cant see right now. I take meds now and it seems like many things are clearing up rapidly but and I do make quite the transformation. I feel more capable but not necessarily upgraded. The stars become less interesting and I see more immediate tasks ahead. I become a lot more concrete instead of abstract. Thats the best way I can describe it. I seem to manifest myself in reality. I was always very reflected and stuff but was like a wave without its own will it can force onto the world. I develop a sense of self now. It sounds pretty unconscious I know and I made the point myself that adhd (at least the inattentive type that I experience) makes you more conscious. But in taking my meds I can deal with reality at least. If I got emotional support/ grounding maybe I could do it without meds but currently I can only do it this way. So this situation is quite confusing atm. In terms of my career so far: teaching: I am in 10th semester of studying math and philosophy for middle school but only have enough points to complete like 4 semesters (you need 10 semesters in total) because of the emotional distress I was always in. I could probably do better with the meds now so it really isnt hopeless. I decided to study teaching though because I did some internship to see what I like and teaching was okay for a moment and I couldnt deal with the pain of being in a situation of uncertainty so I did the best thing I found at the moment which wasn't the most conscious choice. Also there is a bit of buffer as with this graduation I can do other things as well. Teaching isnt directly my Life Purpose I am pretty sure about that. But I would earn a lot of money per hour, can do it part time, have a lot of holidays and a class in school gives you many direct information to observe which can inspire you. A school class is basically a mirror of society, all the kids are just mini versions of what's to come. So that can help me understand society and psychology more which would deepen whatever I create with my LP. I already thought a little and am also teaching 5 hours per week atm and it's an okay job. So it wouldnt be my LP but it would have a good base to comfortable pursue my real LP. acting: Over the last two years I have been doing a lot of acting as a hobby which is a lot of fun but it took a lot of time and I am also thinking about doing this as a career path. It would give me a relatively unstable base though and it would probably just miss my LP. Learning to act itself is incredible fun but it can also be emotionally challenging which I might not be capable to do. My Life Purpose is generally a bit unclear to me. Being a critical thinker is very much part of my authentic self and I have also got a very creative mind because of my adhd. On their own or even combined they dont really give me a life purpose that I find meaningful. For example I always think critically but I dont see where this practically leads to. And I often come up with new start up ideas because as I love the creative process but when it isnt connected to something meaningful I loose interest in it. The closest I could with these two is working on series like Rick&Morty which comes close to feeling like a LP. But I think there is a last component, a last value that is blocked from my mind. Besides these top two values I also care about empathy, goodness, authenticity, but not enough about any of them to make a LP in combination with the two about them I think. I sometimes look in my past to where the last puzzle piece might be. I developed a very profound even mystical happiness as a kid as I think that I had mystical experiences in kindergarden. I really vibed with Jesus in that time as well. I felt like it would virtually be impossible to break my spirit because I was connected to something unbreakable. I even felt like I needed to go through some real shit, to be lost, to come out of it and from that place be authentically able to help other people. I had a feeling of calling back then. Well I am not quite back to my inner garden of roses yet. I did about 20 trips of psychedelics and never realized a mystical experience because I was in too much shit mentally I think. (interestingly never had a really bad trip either though) I formulated my LP rather vague. I couldnt find any formulation that deeply inspired because as I said I think there is some authentic part of me missing. Taking my reflection about my past and moments of reflection I feel like it has to do with healing, bliss, profound love, existential (healing), spirituality. But I cant completely make out if these things interest me because I feel like I have a lack of them (negative motivation) or if it is authentic. To make my LP more concrete I could reformulate it like this for example (but I am not sure about it): - giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. - finding existential beauty and meaning in fucked up situations to make people more hopeful So with all of this I have no clear direction of where to go and I found out new things about myself/ unblock blockades and this is probably going on for months and years to come. All ways would help me move forwards. If I study to become a teacher that would be an acceptable path which would allow me to do lots of other stuff (LP) I am interested in as well but then I could never study to become a serious actor because I would be too old at this point. I would need to become more clear about myself and my values to see what I value most. A side thought is also to experiment with start ups (for money) as I have lots of ideas for them. Right now I am thinking of continue studying while giving myself time to process and I can on the side apply to acting schools. Chances of getting accepted are pretty low anyways and if I get accepted that would be a sign that I am quite talented. Design ohne Titel.pdf

My explanation was a little short and oversimplistic, but I am not talking out of my arse, its a thing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resource_curse

Hehe and that strategy itself is selfish. Yeah good point.

Lol a girl from the old theatre club I had a clash with (not the most recent one) shared a WhatsApp Status with me. All good now, or a mistake!? It gives me a bit of comfort though.

I think society would run much better if people were actually selfless. Selfishness can be beneficial for the whole or damaging. Scamming people for money, delivering fake products, lying, cheating are all selfish things which dont benefit the whole. If I develop a great product with the intention of making lots of money, thats beneficial to the whole. Higher forms of selfishness include more parts of others.

Its beneficial for the elites to give society good living standard as that will make them more productive. In countries where the economy runs on natural resources living standards are usually very low, as it doesnt help or even hinders the elites, as a strong population could overthrow the government.

A great idea for a movie would be the plot that feminist women created a magic pill which cured all men of toxic masculinity. ONLY NICE GUYS HURRAY!! And then see what would happen to that society, to relationships, to attraction. Who could predict what would happen though..

I see it like drunk driving. You are responsible for a crash because it is to be expected that you wont drive well intoxicated. But the alcohol also has autonomy in this situation. I see your point. But also even if the alcohol has autonomy, when the bottle clearly has dark triad printed on it you take a risk. This is pretty complicated. I think responsibility comes down to who has power. And women do have a lot of choosing power, so thats their part of the responsibility. Oh yeah Yeah its true that dark triad traits attract not the highest quality girls but also some kind of power display is required for basically every girl. I dont know a girl who is attracted to Mr. Nice Guy who wouldnt hurt a fly. I hope I am proven wrong some day though. This is a deep struggle of being a men btw. , keep up with the bad men in power (confidence, competence) but then not use that power in a bad way. This is interesting.

I just commented on the good style a girl has. I said that she looks stylish and her friends look stylish and her boyfriend looks stylish. I wanted to figure out if they are still together. If I had no information I could have said and I bet your boyfriend looks stylish too. Sneaky ehehehe

I am in this situation quite frequently but never know how to ask without being super obvious and direct about it. Need some tipps.

Dont have any time left to do the body doubling and chill.. This sucks, I made it quick in the gym but with cooking, cleaning and so on time was flying. Well tomorrow is another chance.

Quoting this here. I think its a bit much to ask to click on the link and then to go back here again. But girls are partially responsible for the schemes existance. If they turned down toxic men then there would be far fewer of them. Of course men could decide not to be toxic at all .. but then they wouldnt get a partner ..

Believing something means you dont actually know it. If you knew it you wouldnt need to believe it. Where did I have this from ... Fu...

Alright that makes sense. Also in my experience, how something starts largely shapes the dynamic that is to come. If you "gamed" a girl that sets up a power dynamic in the relationship.

Whats your experience after the attraction phase, is game or love & empathy superior?

Thats not Leos speciality

The more distance I get from my thursday social spot, the more balanced and by myself I feel. Well .. also just socializing a bit less is also good.

I want to use body doubling today to not do stuff, but to have a place where I just regulate my emotions. Just be. I need to go to the gym before though Ugh .. , but I set myself that goal. Already drank the energy drink.

I was just reading some porn and noticed that in the back of my mind I was processing so much about my life. Its the stimulation I got which helped me to move through some stuff. Interesting.

It clearly sticked out to me as well as probably the most polarizing one. If I said this openly in public in front of feminist women I think I would get lynched. I agree with what was said though, but the phrasing was possibly not careful enough. Obviously people, including women can be victims of crime as there is realistically only so much precaution you can do in life. The story of the beauty and the beast is deeply rooted in unconscious survival though. Women get attracted to strength and dark triad men have exactly that. A women has the responsibility to go against her unconscious survival instincts and not reward these toxic men. As long as women reward inappropriate behaviour they play a big part in the spreading of toxic men. If a toxic men gets massive amount of pussy should the other men be like "Oh he is such a douche, I wouldnt want to be him even if it would get me laid massively."

I slept too long today and feel kind of dizzy But wait, isnt dizzyness a quality of dreaming? Is the sleepy me dominant right now? At one point Leo said something along the lines that dreaming is nessaccary to balance out the rules and structures in our sane world. Found this really profound.

I did something selfless and got away with it I dont believe that god does not exist

Thats a cool ass shirt.