Jannes

I recently started diving into fantasy games like pen and papers, magic and stuff like that. And when playing these games I started to notice some things which are spiritually relevant. For one, when I am into an imagined mission in pen and papers, I take decisions and consequences in this imagined world more serious then I would have thought. Like when something goes wrong or if we enter a dangerous situation it feels a bit unnerving and there is a thrill to it. You also feel things like guilt when you do immoral things in this imgagined world. Of course to a lesser degree. But this makes it a bit transparent that the "real world" is simply a deeper imagination. Also when you live in a world with dragons, goblins, werewolfes and so on these things can feel kind of real. Like they are almost part of this world. ... I love some artwork in magic btw.

Magic cards can be so cool. I missed out on the whole fantasy sphere.

I just finished the LP course a few days ago. I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while as I started this course more then 2 years ago. Not that I get all the missing answers here but maybe some advice from more experienced folks who are already living their LP. I am 25 now and I live in germany. I have got inattentive adhd which made many things very difficult for me like concentration, dealing with emotions and social problems which indirectly also made other things difficult like finding study partners or getting help with emotional distress difficult. So basically I was always an emotional mess/ overtaxed/ semi depressed while getting nothing done and not understanding what was wrong with me. As a result I had difficulties answering many questions in the life purpose course because I experienced relatively little concrete success so far because I couldnt really take part in life as much. I feel like I have got as close to it as what would be possible with my blockades but I feel like the very thing that is my LP is something I cant see right now. I take meds now and it seems like many things are clearing up rapidly but and I do make quite the transformation. I feel more capable but not necessarily upgraded. The stars become less interesting and I see more immediate tasks ahead. I become a lot more concrete instead of abstract. Thats the best way I can describe it. I seem to manifest myself in reality. I was always very reflected and stuff but was like a wave without its own will it can force onto the world. I develop a sense of self now. It sounds pretty unconscious I know and I made the point myself that adhd (at least the inattentive type that I experience) makes you more conscious. But in taking my meds I can deal with reality at least. If I got emotional support/ grounding maybe I could do it without meds but currently I can only do it this way. So this situation is quite confusing atm. In terms of my career so far: teaching: I am in 10th semester of studying math and philosophy for middle school but only have enough points to complete like 4 semesters (you need 10 semesters in total) because of the emotional distress I was always in. I could probably do better with the meds now so it really isnt hopeless. I decided to study teaching though because I did some internship to see what I like and teaching was okay for a moment and I couldnt deal with the pain of being in a situation of uncertainty so I did the best thing I found at the moment which wasn't the most conscious choice. Also there is a bit of buffer as with this graduation I can do other things as well. Teaching isnt directly my Life Purpose I am pretty sure about that. But I would earn a lot of money per hour, can do it part time, have a lot of holidays and a class in school gives you many direct information to observe which can inspire you. A school class is basically a mirror of society, all the kids are just mini versions of what's to come. So that can help me understand society and psychology more which would deepen whatever I create with my LP. I already thought a little and am also teaching 5 hours per week atm and it's an okay job. So it wouldnt be my LP but it would have a good base to comfortable pursue my real LP. acting: Over the last two years I have been doing a lot of acting as a hobby which is a lot of fun but it took a lot of time and I am also thinking about doing this as a career path. It would give me a relatively unstable base though and it would probably just miss my LP. Learning to act itself is incredible fun but it can also be emotionally challenging which I might not be capable to do. My Life Purpose is generally a bit unclear to me. Being a critical thinker is very much part of my authentic self and I have also got a very creative mind because of my adhd. On their own or even combined they dont really give me a life purpose that I find meaningful. For example I always think critically but I dont see where this practically leads to. And I often come up with new start up ideas because as I love the creative process but when it isnt connected to something meaningful I loose interest in it. The closest I could with these two is working on series like Rick&Morty which comes close to feeling like a LP. But I think there is a last component, a last value that is blocked from my mind. Besides these top two values I also care about empathy, goodness, authenticity, but not enough about any of them to make a LP in combination with the two about them I think. I sometimes look in my past to where the last puzzle piece might be. I developed a very profound even mystical happiness as a kid as I think that I had mystical experiences in kindergarden. I really vibed with Jesus in that time as well. I felt like it would virtually be impossible to break my spirit because I was connected to something unbreakable. I even felt like I needed to go through some real shit, to be lost, to come out of it and from that place be authentically able to help other people. I had a feeling of calling back then. Well I am not quite back to my inner garden of roses yet. I did about 20 trips of psychedelics and never realized a mystical experience because I was in too much shit mentally I think. (interestingly never had a really bad trip either though) I formulated my LP rather vague. I couldnt find any formulation that deeply inspired because as I said I think there is some authentic part of me missing. Taking my reflection about my past and moments of reflection I feel like it has to do with healing, bliss, profound love, existential (healing), spirituality. But I cant completely make out if these things interest me because I feel like I have a lack of them (negative motivation) or if it is authentic. To make my LP more concrete I could reformulate it like this for example (but I am not sure about it): - giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. - finding existential beauty and meaning in fucked up situations to make people more hopeful So with all of this I have no clear direction of where to go and I found out new things about myself/ unblock blockades and this is probably going on for months and years to come. All ways would help me move forwards. If I study to become a teacher that would be an acceptable path which would allow me to do lots of other stuff (LP) I am interested in as well but then I could never study to become a serious actor because I would be too old at this point. I would need to become more clear about myself and my values to see what I value most. A side thought is also to experiment with start ups (for money) as I have lots of ideas for them. Right now I am thinking of continue studying while giving myself time to process and I can on the side apply to acting schools. Chances of getting accepted are pretty low anyways and if I get accepted that would be a sign that I am quite talented. Design ohne Titel.pdf

What about the military, would they ever disobey orders?

I have been following politics avticely maybe for 2 years now. Well trump did a lot of shit like the stupid tarrifs which damaged the whole worlds economy, attack iran, ... and while he got critique from some republicans the majority of them stayed loyal to their strongmen. So yeah, thats pretty sobering, I forgot. But a nuke would be a new level. And with trumps approval dwindling the republicans must fear loosing their voters if they keep on supporting this madness. Not saying the republicans would all be against him then, but maybe a big enough chunk would support an impeachment.

If Trump nuked iran then republicans would probably support the impeachment of him. So no worries

Sure, depends on how good that looks and how much hair they lost. Like you can make a strong case for someone who looked good with a buzzcut and is about to loose all their hair anyway. But the reality is, for many people, full hair can make them a lot more attractive and that attractiveness gives them a huge boost in their survival in all aspects of life. You think that bald guy would have become president? No way.

All those medications have side effects, also cost money and you have to take them for decades. I wonder if a hair transplant isnt the better decision overall at a relatively early stage.

Cutting your own hair is such a money and time saver. But its not that easy to do. So lets share experiences, tipps, resources, video tutorials, ... for cutting our own hair.

Met my friend today again and I notice more and more that something is off. I liked him because he seems grounded. But what is missing in our connection is something like softness. Its hard to say because he seems very grounded, has a lot of skill reading emotions and doing what is needed in the situation but it feels like in our connection something like that is missing.

21 Euros here in germany. And its also a hassle, as I often need to wait in line. I would go once a week optimally, I can stretch to once every 2 or 3+ weeks, but I notice that it doesnt look as good after a week anymore.

I think part of the emotional process I went through the last couple of days was about untangling emotional pieces from other girls of my old theatre club and also processing bad emotions that were left like sadness.

Gotta give the new girls names for my journal. Okay her I call the social girl The other one I call jeans girl. She seems to be a little more street haha

Didnt really have the opportunity to cry about it today on someones shoulder. Well actually one person I usually find pretty annoying I told about it roughly. In situations like these you dont always know on who you can count. Well other people asked how I am beforehand though. I was clearly sad and people noticed.

I am kinda sad. Well I chatted with that girl and we kind of got a date going. I felt a rush of emotions coming up yesterday. Kind of surreal even. Today though I got back to my social spot and saw the girl again which I was trying to built a connection with before. And I clearly have emotions for her as well. So then I just realized that I cant have it all and that I need to cut it off. When I just got the possibly perfect opportunity with her being single and so on.

https://www.actualized.org/insights/roman-catholic-contradictions "Christians are lucky that there is no Hell, as they would all belong in it for their crimes." What a kickass line.

I am in a state of pretty big confusion. I think for two main reasons, one is that I was sick and I need to get back at the challenges in my life. Second and that seems a bigger factor, I am opening up to a girl and feel a ton of mixed emotions. A lot of sadness and pain regarding other opportunities in my life before. And it feels really intense, opening up seems difficult. I just sit on the couch sort of paralyzed in my confusion and action. My body doubling space is perfect to sort my thoughts. Maybe today is also a good day to go to the gym, to get moving.

Jajaja I had bad experiences with guys in my life which is why I have a negative reaction to heteronormativity and dudes in general https://www.actualized.org/insights/doubt-your-own-antipathy

First day getting back into university today. And I met the one girl I liked so much. Now I enter an interesting point, if I enter a connection with her I loose opportunities elsewhere. I am not above slutiness and casual sex. And I would loose other more immediately stimulating (sexually) options. I think of myself as only longing for deep connection and with not much interest in casual sex, but I think I would miss that a bit. On the other hand I am free to do casual sex for quite a while and I never want it because I dont feel the connection or I dont want to hurt anybody etc. Ma mind is weird. Anyway I am definitely trying to get to know her better, this is surely the right direction atm. ... Btw. my mind feels pretty disfunctional, I am not clear at all. Not sure what it is, but it clearly has to do with my sickness.

Haha. https://www.cnbc.com/2026/10/15/tesla-roadster-reveal-what-to-know-about-the-delayed-ev.html

I dont know what happened but in my style and in general I feel more at home with my masculine. I think it was with a thread discussion here that I came to a conclusion.

Imagine a place where time doesnt exist but clocks are still functioning normally.

I kind of came to that thought just now that I fear connecting with other people sometimes and that there is somewhat of a artificial and intense block to the natural flow of love and meeting people. There is a girl that I really like but I kind of fear a bunch of things. Like getting myself into something I havent thought through, hurting her feelings etc. Fears: Fear of rejection Fear of responsibility (of her feelings) Fear of getting into something I cant easily get out I need to think something through to a degree that I feel comfortable with that person. For example if I feel like they are attractive enough and have good character I can kind of let go of control and enter some kind of chaotic sort of love. But that limits me so much as well. Oh and I forgot, in my old theatre club I managed to create feelings so fast from other people that I really started to take myself back.

Isnt it boring that its all love in the end, cant it have different flavours for a change? Oh ...

My place for philosophical thoughts and spiritual insights.