Jannes

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Everything posted by Jannes

  1. https://de.pinterest.com/pin/582653270573991719/ https://de.pinterest.com/pin/557531628900522575/ ... Maybe the challenge actually isnt that smart. Short suit trousers are appearently pretty comfy as well.
  2. I just finished the LP course a few days ago. I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while as I started this course more then 2 years ago. Not that I get all the missing answers here but maybe some advice from more experienced folks who are already living their LP. I am 25 now and I live in germany. I have got inattentive adhd which made many things very difficult for me like concentration, dealing with emotions and social problems which indirectly also made other things difficult like finding study partners or getting help with emotional distress difficult. So basically I was always an emotional mess/ overtaxed/ semi depressed while getting nothing done and not understanding what was wrong with me. As a result I had difficulties answering many questions in the life purpose course because I experienced relatively little concrete success so far because I couldnt really take part in life as much. I feel like I have got as close to it as what would be possible with my blockades but I feel like the very thing that is my LP is something I cant see right now. I take meds now and it seems like many things are clearing up rapidly but and I do make quite the transformation. I feel more capable but not necessarily upgraded. The stars become less interesting and I see more immediate tasks ahead. I become a lot more concrete instead of abstract. Thats the best way I can describe it. I seem to manifest myself in reality. I was always very reflected and stuff but was like a wave without its own will it can force onto the world. I develop a sense of self now. It sounds pretty unconscious I know and I made the point myself that adhd (at least the inattentive type that I experience) makes you more conscious. But in taking my meds I can deal with reality at least. If I got emotional support/ grounding maybe I could do it without meds but currently I can only do it this way. So this situation is quite confusing atm. In terms of my career so far: teaching: I am in 10th semester of studying math and philosophy for middle school but only have enough points to complete like 4 semesters (you need 10 semesters in total) because of the emotional distress I was always in. I could probably do better with the meds now so it really isnt hopeless. I decided to study teaching though because I did some internship to see what I like and teaching was okay for a moment and I couldnt deal with the pain of being in a situation of uncertainty so I did the best thing I found at the moment which wasn't the most conscious choice. Also there is a bit of buffer as with this graduation I can do other things as well. Teaching isnt directly my Life Purpose I am pretty sure about that. But I would earn a lot of money per hour, can do it part time, have a lot of holidays and a class in school gives you many direct information to observe which can inspire you. A school class is basically a mirror of society, all the kids are just mini versions of what's to come. So that can help me understand society and psychology more which would deepen whatever I create with my LP. I already thought a little and am also teaching 5 hours per week atm and it's an okay job. So it wouldnt be my LP but it would have a good base to comfortable pursue my real LP. acting: Over the last two years I have been doing a lot of acting as a hobby which is a lot of fun but it took a lot of time and I am also thinking about doing this as a career path. It would give me a relatively unstable base though and it would probably just miss my LP. Learning to act itself is incredible fun but it can also be emotionally challenging which I might not be capable to do. My Life Purpose is generally a bit unclear to me. Being a critical thinker is very much part of my authentic self and I have also got a very creative mind because of my adhd. On their own or even combined they dont really give me a life purpose that I find meaningful. For example I always think critically but I dont see where this practically leads to. And I often come up with new start up ideas because as I love the creative process but when it isnt connected to something meaningful I loose interest in it. The closest I could with these two is working on series like Rick&Morty which comes close to feeling like a LP. But I think there is a last component, a last value that is blocked from my mind. Besides these top two values I also care about empathy, goodness, authenticity, but not enough about any of them to make a LP in combination with the two about them I think. I sometimes look in my past to where the last puzzle piece might be. I developed a very profound even mystical happiness as a kid as I think that I had mystical experiences in kindergarden. I really vibed with Jesus in that time as well. I felt like it would virtually be impossible to break my spirit because I was connected to something unbreakable. I even felt like I needed to go through some real shit, to be lost, to come out of it and from that place be authentically able to help other people. I had a feeling of calling back then. Well I am not quite back to my inner garden of roses yet. I did about 20 trips of psychedelics and never realized a mystical experience because I was in too much shit mentally I think. (interestingly never had a really bad trip either though) I formulated my LP rather vague. I couldnt find any formulation that deeply inspired because as I said I think there is some authentic part of me missing. Taking my reflection about my past and moments of reflection I feel like it has to do with healing, bliss, profound love, existential (healing), spirituality. But I cant completely make out if these things interest me because I feel like I have a lack of them (negative motivation) or if it is authentic. To make my LP more concrete I could reformulate it like this for example (but I am not sure about it): - giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. - finding existential beauty and meaning in fucked up situations to make people more hopeful So with all of this I have no clear direction of where to go and I found out new things about myself/ unblock blockades and this is probably going on for months and years to come. All ways would help me move forwards. If I study to become a teacher that would be an acceptable path which would allow me to do lots of other stuff (LP) I am interested in as well but then I could never study to become a serious actor because I would be too old at this point. I would need to become more clear about myself and my values to see what I value most. A side thought is also to experiment with start ups (for money) as I have lots of ideas for them. Right now I am thinking of continue studying while giving myself time to process and I can on the side apply to acting schools. Chances of getting accepted are pretty low anyways and if I get accepted that would be a sign that I am quite talented. Design ohne Titel.pdf
  3. Table tennis rocks. I have a blast with my new bat. I thought about long nubs for defense looking forward, now I am looking more at two alpha sides, both regular sides with maximum catapult. Will see..
  4. I just read a super old note from 5 years ago. It was in a transformation mastery course from Julien Blanc. What a waste of money back in the day, but I was desperate to get out of my situation. What I can take away from it was how much more physical life was in school. An athletic classmate had automatically more statues and I looked up to them. And also trying to be nice and lovely seemed to be a survival strategy back in the day. Oh men oh men it hurts to read this.. No wonder I went to the gym though and my story is probably as un-unique as it gets.
  5. Yesterday I was really out of flow at my social spot. Well I had this previously quite a lot that when I played a lot of video games I kind of felt like I wasnt really in reality and I had to get back into it. I had to re-actualize myself into reality. Well given that I am not distracting myself a ton ( or so I thought ), I found it weird that this sort of thing happened to me. I got back into reality though and feel much more at ease now.
  6. A list of outfits which include a sport shorts and are still close to reaching a business casual look. I want to wear sport shorts my whole life and still want to look like an adult. https://de.pinterest.com/pin/317503842506379142/ https://de.pinterest.com/pin/70720656645499327/ https://de.pinterest.com/pin/8725793025874781/ https://de.pinterest.com/pin/928445279447642351/ ... Quite a short list, there are few actually good outfits which nail the look I am looking for.
  7. Today I realized, I want to be a more productive member of society. I mean I am working towards it, but I would like to work already and make some income or at least feel like I am doing that. I dont feel like I am really good at something atm.
  8. Fashion is pretty neurotic for me, especially because I dont have the money and am bad at decision making. Just coming to terms that I am not super stylish would probably give me much more peace of mind .. but then sometimes I feel this strong itch to also have a cool outfit ...
  9. I woke up again without any sexual thoughts today. Its weird, a few weeks ago I had it evry day and then it suddenly stopped. I think the day it stopped was after the elvanse day, but you would expect things to get back to neutral .. Its either that my mind is used to lower stimulation and isnt searching so much anymore for a kick or ... I found alternatives again. I am searching up a lot about Super Mario and getting some decent stimulation out of that ... But on a socializing base I dont feel like my confidence dropped .. huh, hard to make sense of it then
  10. Whats weird is that I opened up so much socially the last couple of weeks and now I kind of want to retreat into my shell. Maybe its an ego backlash. Have I already mentioned that insight?
  11. Men Sadghuru once recommended recording yourself throughout the day to truly become conscious of how much dumb shit you do throughout the day. I was always scared of that, probably because it was to potent.
  12. New tools for my RV practice. I should record myself doing the practice. That can show me when I am more in myself vs when I am out my myself. I can also draw letters beautifully to get into focus. I can talk to the piece of paper or to the point or whatever I focus on. ... And he gave me an okay for the festival to take a break from RV.
  13. Mama mia! Would have loved to see how she evolved from Ivysaur to Venusaur
  14. Had a weird dream where I played some kind of ball sport with old classmates in the school context. I did very poorly and embarassed myself. Half the time I was playing without a shorts which I put on while playing because I was in such a rush. Then I just layed there to recharge and noticed that I did so poorly because I was under such constant stress. And I thought about the parallel to my current situation with the old theatre club and the social spot...
  15. When I went to sleep yesterday I became conscious how uncomfortable I felt living this experience in my body. And so I put a lot of attention to it to accept that I cant excape my meatsuit right now and to be fully here. That actually put me in a lot of ease. That I even became so conscious to notice that and be willing and peaceful enough to embrace the present moment was very good. ... I feel a bit off in the recent days, not sure what it is.. maybe I am processing a lot idk ... I remember feeling pretty good just one or two weeks ago, that faded a bit for no appearent reason. Maybe it has to do with not having a clear direction of how to connect romantically with someone ...
  16. https://www.actualized.org/insights/ram-dass-if-you-win-you-lose The moment I convinced everyone in my old theatre club I loose because there will be such a comfortable survival fortress that I wont be able to look past it, I will foster that fortress and that will entrap me. Not having a survival fortress sucks as well though ...
  17. I want to get back to the gym again simply because it simply seems like the best pick up place atm if you got the balls. But something I need to figure out about myself is that it seems like I enjoy pick up or lets say the process of finding someone more enjoyable or am more comfortable with that process then actually connecting with someone. Because I kind of got options in my PMs already. I always got explanations for why she isnt the one atm but do I fool myself about this perhaps?
  18. Feel better today but I kind of need to continue the grind if I want to stay on schedule. This is just 1 of 5 modules I want to finish this semester.
  19. Yesterdays note: I think it just feels so weird to go outside because of doing my university work by myself for two days. That's not good. I need to get back into the daylight.
  20. I never thought about which video game character I would dress if I had the chance. I find the idea of dressing as an unimportant character more interesting then dressing as a main character. Like how its way cooler to drive as the cow or gumba in mario kart as it is to drive as mario or joshi..
  21. Been in this situation before and yeah it is surreal indeed.
  22. There is still time for the festival though ..
  23. Need better sleeping habits, its so late in the day now. And it doesnt even make sense, I woke up at about 12. How can 4 hours go by which are just filled with breakfast, showering, RV and lunch ..