Jannes

First day getting back into university today. And I met the one girl I liked so much. Now I enter an interesting point, if I enter a connection with her I loose opportunities elsewhere. I am not above slutiness and casual sex. And I would loose other more immediately stimulating (sexually) options. I think of myself as only longing for deep connection and with not much interest in casual sex, but I think I would miss that a bit. On the other hand I am free to do casual sex for quite a while and I never want it because I dont feel the connection or I dont want to hurt anybody etc. Ma mind is weird. Anyway I am definitely trying to get to know her better, this is surely the right direction atm. ... Btw. my mind feels pretty disfunctional, I am not clear at all. Not sure what it is, but it clearly has to do with my sickness.

I just finished the LP course a few days ago. I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while as I started this course more then 2 years ago. Not that I get all the missing answers here but maybe some advice from more experienced folks who are already living their LP. I am 25 now and I live in germany. I have got inattentive adhd which made many things very difficult for me like concentration, dealing with emotions and social problems which indirectly also made other things difficult like finding study partners or getting help with emotional distress difficult. So basically I was always an emotional mess/ overtaxed/ semi depressed while getting nothing done and not understanding what was wrong with me. As a result I had difficulties answering many questions in the life purpose course because I experienced relatively little concrete success so far because I couldnt really take part in life as much. I feel like I have got as close to it as what would be possible with my blockades but I feel like the very thing that is my LP is something I cant see right now. I take meds now and it seems like many things are clearing up rapidly but and I do make quite the transformation. I feel more capable but not necessarily upgraded. The stars become less interesting and I see more immediate tasks ahead. I become a lot more concrete instead of abstract. Thats the best way I can describe it. I seem to manifest myself in reality. I was always very reflected and stuff but was like a wave without its own will it can force onto the world. I develop a sense of self now. It sounds pretty unconscious I know and I made the point myself that adhd (at least the inattentive type that I experience) makes you more conscious. But in taking my meds I can deal with reality at least. If I got emotional support/ grounding maybe I could do it without meds but currently I can only do it this way. So this situation is quite confusing atm. In terms of my career so far: teaching: I am in 10th semester of studying math and philosophy for middle school but only have enough points to complete like 4 semesters (you need 10 semesters in total) because of the emotional distress I was always in. I could probably do better with the meds now so it really isnt hopeless. I decided to study teaching though because I did some internship to see what I like and teaching was okay for a moment and I couldnt deal with the pain of being in a situation of uncertainty so I did the best thing I found at the moment which wasn't the most conscious choice. Also there is a bit of buffer as with this graduation I can do other things as well. Teaching isnt directly my Life Purpose I am pretty sure about that. But I would earn a lot of money per hour, can do it part time, have a lot of holidays and a class in school gives you many direct information to observe which can inspire you. A school class is basically a mirror of society, all the kids are just mini versions of what's to come. So that can help me understand society and psychology more which would deepen whatever I create with my LP. I already thought a little and am also teaching 5 hours per week atm and it's an okay job. So it wouldnt be my LP but it would have a good base to comfortable pursue my real LP. acting: Over the last two years I have been doing a lot of acting as a hobby which is a lot of fun but it took a lot of time and I am also thinking about doing this as a career path. It would give me a relatively unstable base though and it would probably just miss my LP. Learning to act itself is incredible fun but it can also be emotionally challenging which I might not be capable to do. My Life Purpose is generally a bit unclear to me. Being a critical thinker is very much part of my authentic self and I have also got a very creative mind because of my adhd. On their own or even combined they dont really give me a life purpose that I find meaningful. For example I always think critically but I dont see where this practically leads to. And I often come up with new start up ideas because as I love the creative process but when it isnt connected to something meaningful I loose interest in it. The closest I could with these two is working on series like Rick&Morty which comes close to feeling like a LP. But I think there is a last component, a last value that is blocked from my mind. Besides these top two values I also care about empathy, goodness, authenticity, but not enough about any of them to make a LP in combination with the two about them I think. I sometimes look in my past to where the last puzzle piece might be. I developed a very profound even mystical happiness as a kid as I think that I had mystical experiences in kindergarden. I really vibed with Jesus in that time as well. I felt like it would virtually be impossible to break my spirit because I was connected to something unbreakable. I even felt like I needed to go through some real shit, to be lost, to come out of it and from that place be authentically able to help other people. I had a feeling of calling back then. Well I am not quite back to my inner garden of roses yet. I did about 20 trips of psychedelics and never realized a mystical experience because I was in too much shit mentally I think. (interestingly never had a really bad trip either though) I formulated my LP rather vague. I couldnt find any formulation that deeply inspired because as I said I think there is some authentic part of me missing. Taking my reflection about my past and moments of reflection I feel like it has to do with healing, bliss, profound love, existential (healing), spirituality. But I cant completely make out if these things interest me because I feel like I have a lack of them (negative motivation) or if it is authentic. To make my LP more concrete I could reformulate it like this for example (but I am not sure about it): - giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. - finding existential beauty and meaning in fucked up situations to make people more hopeful So with all of this I have no clear direction of where to go and I found out new things about myself/ unblock blockades and this is probably going on for months and years to come. All ways would help me move forwards. If I study to become a teacher that would be an acceptable path which would allow me to do lots of other stuff (LP) I am interested in as well but then I could never study to become a serious actor because I would be too old at this point. I would need to become more clear about myself and my values to see what I value most. A side thought is also to experiment with start ups (for money) as I have lots of ideas for them. Right now I am thinking of continue studying while giving myself time to process and I can on the side apply to acting schools. Chances of getting accepted are pretty low anyways and if I get accepted that would be a sign that I am quite talented. Design ohne Titel.pdf

Haha. https://www.cnbc.com/2026/10/15/tesla-roadster-reveal-what-to-know-about-the-delayed-ev.html

I dont know what happened but in my style and in general I feel more at home with my masculine. I think it was with a thread discussion here that I came to a conclusion.

Imagine a place where time doesnt exist but clocks are still functioning normally.

I kind of came to that thought just now that I fear connecting with other people sometimes and that there is somewhat of a artificial and intense block to the natural flow of love and meeting people. There is a girl that I really like but I kind of fear a bunch of things. Like getting myself into something I havent thought through, hurting her feelings etc. Fears: Fear of rejection Fear of responsibility (of her feelings) Fear of getting into something I cant easily get out I need to think something through to a degree that I feel comfortable with that person. For example if I feel like they are attractive enough and have good character I can kind of let go of control and enter some kind of chaotic sort of love. But that limits me so much as well. Oh and I forgot, in my old theatre club I managed to create feelings so fast from other people that I really started to take myself back.

Isnt it boring that its all love in the end, cant it have different flavours for a change? Oh ...

My place for philosophical thoughts and spiritual insights.

Thats highly speculative on my end. I feel like when reality feels unbearable and you intuit that it could all be much lighter, more spiritual but somehow there is some shit in the way, to cope with that people come up with all sort of stories, stuff that they heard off, stuff that is connected to their survival and so on. Basically the mind being disconnected from spirit and trying to get back at it clumsily and woowoo-ly.

Interesting. I see the potential insights when you can decode their woo-woo right. But also lots of potential for misinterpretation.

I have just started to become interested in psychedelics again as I spent more time on the forum. My interest in psychedelics was at an all time low and I wondered if I even wanted to take them again. Kind of yes to answer some questions but practically not really. Now I am a lot more interested in it. Great insight for myself

The average reaction of a men to being the only male left on earth: Oh no (yes), capture me, what are you going to do with me. 😏👀

@Thought Art 🙏

Sad to see you go. You were one of the very first and few people I followed years back because you struck me as so smoart. All the best!

I wanted to say that the hunter gatherer stereotypical roles play a large part in informing other roles that came on top of that, grounded them in a sense which is why they are important to the ego and which is why the conversation is so charged. I dont know where you are coming from with people viewing women as an object back then.

I think its deeply connected to our identity/ ego and our place in the world/ justifiction for our role in society.

Ah okay, still somehow this is the point where it ended..

The thread is quite a warzone lol. Remember we lost Eliott in it, now Emerald says she is on the brink.. I also rarely loose my cool on the forum from what I remember but with this thread I lost it.. And the topic isnt even that complicated but sooo emotionally charged.

I remember that I made huge progress in socializing when I had my first f+. Or possibly every girl I vibe with. The lat one was a terrible experience. Dating/ Getting a gf is really an important new step for me.

Object design idea, a couch made out of dicks but the top all aligned in a way that you can lay on them like with table tennis outer pimples. I am sure someone would buy it. My mind is getting really unhinged wow.

I would be interested to know what the risks are from doing it once. I like to try many things once to collect the experience and perspective but I wonder if that is already kind of risky.

What I find interesting is that those who think of themselves as though and stoic are so impressionable emotionally. Well maybe there is no mistake.

Self aware Trump voters would be like: Its so stupid, but it feels so good!

Oh men, I was relaxing the whole week because I was sick but its not super easy to get my system working again. Got quite a few things to do.

Then I dont understand your comment without elaboration. How do you put masculinity and not repressing emotions together?