Jannes

Haha. https://www.cnbc.com/2026/10/15/tesla-roadster-reveal-what-to-know-about-the-delayed-ev.html

Yes you do "masturbate" in violent video games, you fight and shoot people and get your thril, your bloodlust satisfied. Well okay, but they do imitate real people oftentimes. But if you think this is true, do you also think then that hentai is safe?

I have had the thought before that humans may be striving for some sort of chaos because thats what their psyche needs. A super orderly and perfect world isnt acceptable because things like struggle and war are needed elements for the human experience. I recently got that exact same intuition reflected somewhere else. Its just speculation but it originates somewhere. I think this is something that could be discovered in a few centuries and then be common knowledge. But because humanity might have peaked in the 2000s, its time to experience humans fucking up/ manifesting that inner strive for a balance of peace and chaos.

I just finished the LP course a few days ago. I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while as I started this course more then 2 years ago. Not that I get all the missing answers here but maybe some advice from more experienced folks who are already living their LP. I am 25 now and I live in germany. I have got inattentive adhd which made many things very difficult for me like concentration, dealing with emotions and social problems which indirectly also made other things difficult like finding study partners or getting help with emotional distress difficult. So basically I was always an emotional mess/ overtaxed/ semi depressed while getting nothing done and not understanding what was wrong with me. As a result I had difficulties answering many questions in the life purpose course because I experienced relatively little concrete success so far because I couldnt really take part in life as much. I feel like I have got as close to it as what would be possible with my blockades but I feel like the very thing that is my LP is something I cant see right now. I take meds now and it seems like many things are clearing up rapidly but and I do make quite the transformation. I feel more capable but not necessarily upgraded. The stars become less interesting and I see more immediate tasks ahead. I become a lot more concrete instead of abstract. Thats the best way I can describe it. I seem to manifest myself in reality. I was always very reflected and stuff but was like a wave without its own will it can force onto the world. I develop a sense of self now. It sounds pretty unconscious I know and I made the point myself that adhd (at least the inattentive type that I experience) makes you more conscious. But in taking my meds I can deal with reality at least. If I got emotional support/ grounding maybe I could do it without meds but currently I can only do it this way. So this situation is quite confusing atm. In terms of my career so far: teaching: I am in 10th semester of studying math and philosophy for middle school but only have enough points to complete like 4 semesters (you need 10 semesters in total) because of the emotional distress I was always in. I could probably do better with the meds now so it really isnt hopeless. I decided to study teaching though because I did some internship to see what I like and teaching was okay for a moment and I couldnt deal with the pain of being in a situation of uncertainty so I did the best thing I found at the moment which wasn't the most conscious choice. Also there is a bit of buffer as with this graduation I can do other things as well. Teaching isnt directly my Life Purpose I am pretty sure about that. But I would earn a lot of money per hour, can do it part time, have a lot of holidays and a class in school gives you many direct information to observe which can inspire you. A school class is basically a mirror of society, all the kids are just mini versions of what's to come. So that can help me understand society and psychology more which would deepen whatever I create with my LP. I already thought a little and am also teaching 5 hours per week atm and it's an okay job. So it wouldnt be my LP but it would have a good base to comfortable pursue my real LP. acting: Over the last two years I have been doing a lot of acting as a hobby which is a lot of fun but it took a lot of time and I am also thinking about doing this as a career path. It would give me a relatively unstable base though and it would probably just miss my LP. Learning to act itself is incredible fun but it can also be emotionally challenging which I might not be capable to do. My Life Purpose is generally a bit unclear to me. Being a critical thinker is very much part of my authentic self and I have also got a very creative mind because of my adhd. On their own or even combined they dont really give me a life purpose that I find meaningful. For example I always think critically but I dont see where this practically leads to. And I often come up with new start up ideas because as I love the creative process but when it isnt connected to something meaningful I loose interest in it. The closest I could with these two is working on series like Rick&Morty which comes close to feeling like a LP. But I think there is a last component, a last value that is blocked from my mind. Besides these top two values I also care about empathy, goodness, authenticity, but not enough about any of them to make a LP in combination with the two about them I think. I sometimes look in my past to where the last puzzle piece might be. I developed a very profound even mystical happiness as a kid as I think that I had mystical experiences in kindergarden. I really vibed with Jesus in that time as well. I felt like it would virtually be impossible to break my spirit because I was connected to something unbreakable. I even felt like I needed to go through some real shit, to be lost, to come out of it and from that place be authentically able to help other people. I had a feeling of calling back then. Well I am not quite back to my inner garden of roses yet. I did about 20 trips of psychedelics and never realized a mystical experience because I was in too much shit mentally I think. (interestingly never had a really bad trip either though) I formulated my LP rather vague. I couldnt find any formulation that deeply inspired because as I said I think there is some authentic part of me missing. Taking my reflection about my past and moments of reflection I feel like it has to do with healing, bliss, profound love, existential (healing), spirituality. But I cant completely make out if these things interest me because I feel like I have a lack of them (negative motivation) or if it is authentic. To make my LP more concrete I could reformulate it like this for example (but I am not sure about it): - giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. - finding existential beauty and meaning in fucked up situations to make people more hopeful So with all of this I have no clear direction of where to go and I found out new things about myself/ unblock blockades and this is probably going on for months and years to come. All ways would help me move forwards. If I study to become a teacher that would be an acceptable path which would allow me to do lots of other stuff (LP) I am interested in as well but then I could never study to become a serious actor because I would be too old at this point. I would need to become more clear about myself and my values to see what I value most. A side thought is also to experiment with start ups (for money) as I have lots of ideas for them. Right now I am thinking of continue studying while giving myself time to process and I can on the side apply to acting schools. Chances of getting accepted are pretty low anyways and if I get accepted that would be a sign that I am quite talented. Design ohne Titel.pdf

I think smoking cigarettes and weed and alcohol are a completly different category then masturbation. Like its a pretty basic need of your body. You can cut delicious cheeseburgers, but you cant cut eating at all. I figured out a more boring solution for myself. I learned to notice the difference between masturbation as a physiological need, like when my body just needed to get a load off and masturbation as a way to escape reality, like when I had a though task to do and all of the sudden feel the "need" to masturbate instead. The second one is where you get all the cons of masturbation from in my experience. I just try to be more and more mindful of my masturbation habit.

I think thats actually true. Lust is definitely a deadly sin without wanting to be all christian about it but men (and women) do a lot of shit to get sex. But the thing is, thats nothing new to society and women are somewhat prepared for that and they are also interested in sex. So there is a bit of mutual understanding going on. But most men should probably still be trying to look more for a personality match with a girl then just maximum sexual opportunism.

Thats like sying video games make you violent which is a plausible theory but in reality that doesnt seem to be the case. Seems like people can differentiate (this sort of) fantasy and the real world pretty well.

There is so much existing porn already, I dont get why new porn needs to be created unless for some specific new fetish or something. The evil was already done, just reuse all the existing stuff.

Some of the things I have observed were almost as cartoonish as that.

Not sure if I wrote it in my blog already but I had a nice talk with my dad about my internship which I am clueless about. But then we found that I had an internship way back in special needs education which I really enjoyed on many levels. Holy shit, I need to try that, or something similiar out again. Maybe its even possible to do similiar work with the education which I have already. A path forward!

Just had a dream. I was walking with my father and my sister somewhere, we wanted to get our car and drive home. But it looked like some kind of explosion of fire happened there recently. It looked increasingly dangerous and then we hire another explosion and something like gunfire. We turn around and want to run but my sister seems paralyzed. I speak to her very calmy: "[name of my sister] run." So this reaches her unconscious and she starts running. And I feel so great that I just managed to do that. We reach a safer zone soon after and thats about where the dream ends.

I miss having a belly laugh about myself.

Yesterday at the social spot there was a really open talk of a girl about a guy she wanted. Her (female-) friend said it like this: its like the lottery, you get no, no, no, no ... JACKPOT so you get addicted and want to do it again and again. And the Jackpot was when he took the time to fuck her. She said she couldnt walk the next day because she was in pain. He didnt even greet her today but she still has feelings for him.. ... Holy chad, this is paradigm shattering on so many levels... At least with this dimension of honesty of her a lot of things start to make sense.

I had such a weird dream. In my kids room I saw a little cat with big eyes at the balcony. I felt bad for it so I let it in. It was in distress or in some kind of need though. I tried to figure out what it was but couldnt figure it out. Then it shaped forms into something more reptilian like, like a chameleon, almost like a snake. I put it on the table because that was not something I was comfortable with. It changed forms again and became much bigger and I felt kind of intimidated by it. It was some kind of being with a giant head to smash stuff. This is where my memory ends. Important to note, I took melatonin that evening, so my dreams could have gotten more vivid because of that. But what a weird dream. My room is my unconscious private and safe space. So something sneakily disguised itself as unharmful and then showed its true colours once inside. Could be this:

I have got a cutter knife lying around recently and I dont like it. It gives me visions about cutting myself in various ways. I hope its bad conditioning from all the stories I have heard about cutter knifes. But these kind of thoughts, not just cutter knifes action in particular, but thoughts that you press away and dont allow, I wonder what those are.

In my contacts I have got a girl from the old theatre club who just put a new profile pic on. Men she knows how to flirt with the camera, she looks like a 10/10 straight up. She is good looking but not that good looking lol. I find it funny how simple my mind it. I develop feelings for her straight up just through beauty. Well, thats just how it is.

"Moral people" are paper angels.

Now ma ex even posted how she seemingly smashed another girl. ... This kind of awakens something in me just very subtly but indestinguishable in quality which I thought was a part of the past, my sexual ego. My will and pride to fuck around.

Just went into a body doubling session to calm down and collect my thoughts. Oof this is just what I needed, lets see: I want to buy new stuff for my bath -- problem: I am perfectionistic and dont know how smart it is to buy a bunch of stuff when I dont know how long I stay in my apartment anyway.. wellprobably for a bit and when I buy something somewhat versatile then I can use it in my next aparment going forward as well. So only my perfectionism is in the way. I need to find an internship. Need to make a list with places I can and want to go to. I also wrote this one person in the morning that something she did was okay and now I feel like I opened a gate that I didnt want to. This eats away at me because I feel like I blurreda boundary that I didnt want to and its eating away at my self worth. I shouldnt solve it via text message either. Thats a though one. Oh and I just got underbed store space. So I can organize more. But the one container doesnt fit under the front part of my bed just barely. I can cut a little wood off to make it fit, but I am not sure if this makes my bed dramatically less stable. Well .. I am like 50cm of the ground, so its not a safety risk. But it begs the question on wether I even want to make that or if I just want to keep it that way. I also need to make a decision on what pants to keep. The one looks great but is itching just a tiny bit sometimes. Havent decided on wether that is acceptable to me or not. Decisions over decisions, something I am quite bad at.

At an Ikea there was a mini apartment cramped together in 25qm^2. It was fantastic, there was space made for everything, with every corner being used optimally, the bath had just the right size where everything just fit comfortably but somehow cramped into just a few qm^2 to not take up too much space. Every corner in the living room had high shelves and little multi functional storage spaces. The bed had huge and high shelves around it where you could store just about everything in while not taking up too much space. My apartment is too big to be a challenge though.

Like this And then leave some newly created space open to breath.

I am in a bit of an inspiration rush to make my apartment more beautiful. Some kind of organizing tools can work great. I love it when every inch of an apartment is used optimally. Just got stowage space for under my bed. Thats the key. Living prices are high, but if you are clever about the space that you have, you get a lot more out of less space and can save a lot of money.

The one girl from the old theatre club who was posing with the other girl from the old theatre club I had beef (in the exact time I had beef with her) with now changed her profile pic to one where she is womenspreading in the middle of nowhere with sunglasses on, shirt down so that one shoulder is uncovered and some kind of bossy hat. Glad she isnt posing with that one girl anymore, but no idea what that means now. Its obviously sexual, I dont give a shit and maybe a little bossy. Maybe I should interpret less..

I think the best solution is to go to a table tennis store, try a few things and buy them there..

I just discovered Ali express and loved the prices. So I put together a ton of little table tennis equipment that I needed, committing to buying all of it when I discovered at checkout that for every little item you need to pay 3 euros extra. My own sparingness is killing me, I feel like I get a burnout.