Jannes

Is the world going to be alright after all, or should one still wait to buy stocks until its more clear that things will stabilize? Whats the best strategy in the meantime?

Thats what acting is all about, the little details. Well at least thats what I love about it.

I just finished the LP course a few days ago. I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while as I started this course more then 2 years ago. Not that I get all the missing answers here but maybe some advice from more experienced folks who are already living their LP. I am 25 now and I live in germany. I have got inattentive adhd which made many things very difficult for me like concentration, dealing with emotions and social problems which indirectly also made other things difficult like finding study partners or getting help with emotional distress difficult. So basically I was always an emotional mess/ overtaxed/ semi depressed while getting nothing done and not understanding what was wrong with me. As a result I had difficulties answering many questions in the life purpose course because I experienced relatively little concrete success so far because I couldnt really take part in life as much. I feel like I have got as close to it as what would be possible with my blockades but I feel like the very thing that is my LP is something I cant see right now. I take meds now and it seems like many things are clearing up rapidly but and I do make quite the transformation. I feel more capable but not necessarily upgraded. The stars become less interesting and I see more immediate tasks ahead. I become a lot more concrete instead of abstract. Thats the best way I can describe it. I seem to manifest myself in reality. I was always very reflected and stuff but was like a wave without its own will it can force onto the world. I develop a sense of self now. It sounds pretty unconscious I know and I made the point myself that adhd (at least the inattentive type that I experience) makes you more conscious. But in taking my meds I can deal with reality at least. If I got emotional support/ grounding maybe I could do it without meds but currently I can only do it this way. So this situation is quite confusing atm. In terms of my career so far: teaching: I am in 10th semester of studying math and philosophy for middle school but only have enough points to complete like 4 semesters (you need 10 semesters in total) because of the emotional distress I was always in. I could probably do better with the meds now so it really isnt hopeless. I decided to study teaching though because I did some internship to see what I like and teaching was okay for a moment and I couldnt deal with the pain of being in a situation of uncertainty so I did the best thing I found at the moment which wasn't the most conscious choice. Also there is a bit of buffer as with this graduation I can do other things as well. Teaching isnt directly my Life Purpose I am pretty sure about that. But I would earn a lot of money per hour, can do it part time, have a lot of holidays and a class in school gives you many direct information to observe which can inspire you. A school class is basically a mirror of society, all the kids are just mini versions of what's to come. So that can help me understand society and psychology more which would deepen whatever I create with my LP. I already thought a little and am also teaching 5 hours per week atm and it's an okay job. So it wouldnt be my LP but it would have a good base to comfortable pursue my real LP. acting: Over the last two years I have been doing a lot of acting as a hobby which is a lot of fun but it took a lot of time and I am also thinking about doing this as a career path. It would give me a relatively unstable base though and it would probably just miss my LP. Learning to act itself is incredible fun but it can also be emotionally challenging which I might not be capable to do. My Life Purpose is generally a bit unclear to me. Being a critical thinker is very much part of my authentic self and I have also got a very creative mind because of my adhd. On their own or even combined they dont really give me a life purpose that I find meaningful. For example I always think critically but I dont see where this practically leads to. And I often come up with new start up ideas because as I love the creative process but when it isnt connected to something meaningful I loose interest in it. The closest I could with these two is working on series like Rick&Morty which comes close to feeling like a LP. But I think there is a last component, a last value that is blocked from my mind. Besides these top two values I also care about empathy, goodness, authenticity, but not enough about any of them to make a LP in combination with the two about them I think. I sometimes look in my past to where the last puzzle piece might be. I developed a very profound even mystical happiness as a kid as I think that I had mystical experiences in kindergarden. I really vibed with Jesus in that time as well. I felt like it would virtually be impossible to break my spirit because I was connected to something unbreakable. I even felt like I needed to go through some real shit, to be lost, to come out of it and from that place be authentically able to help other people. I had a feeling of calling back then. Well I am not quite back to my inner garden of roses yet. I did about 20 trips of psychedelics and never realized a mystical experience because I was in too much shit mentally I think. (interestingly never had a really bad trip either though) I formulated my LP rather vague. I couldnt find any formulation that deeply inspired because as I said I think there is some authentic part of me missing. Taking my reflection about my past and moments of reflection I feel like it has to do with healing, bliss, profound love, existential (healing), spirituality. But I cant completely make out if these things interest me because I feel like I have a lack of them (negative motivation) or if it is authentic. To make my LP more concrete I could reformulate it like this for example (but I am not sure about it): - giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. - finding existential beauty and meaning in fucked up situations to make people more hopeful So with all of this I have no clear direction of where to go and I found out new things about myself/ unblock blockades and this is probably going on for months and years to come. All ways would help me move forwards. If I study to become a teacher that would be an acceptable path which would allow me to do lots of other stuff (LP) I am interested in as well but then I could never study to become a serious actor because I would be too old at this point. I would need to become more clear about myself and my values to see what I value most. A side thought is also to experiment with start ups (for money) as I have lots of ideas for them. Right now I am thinking of continue studying while giving myself time to process and I can on the side apply to acting schools. Chances of getting accepted are pretty low anyways and if I get accepted that would be a sign that I am quite talented. Design ohne Titel.pdf

Men Jeffrey Epstein was incredibly smart. Thats kind of a trippy thing to acknowledge.

It was a joke

My interest in sex was kind of reignited yesterday after doing impro. It seems to be connected to my emotional state a lot.

Why I left the old theatre club without much talk is pretty simple. In terms of power dynamic, the old theatre club was much stronger then me. I alone couldnt stand up against a group. What I would have critiqued about the old theatre club would have affected most of the people there and it wouldnt have been acceptable for them. So I would have gotten gaslight in some way.

Today at impro I integrated more emotions. Before a game started I always got an emotion and that helped me immensely. I was actually pretty freed up afterwards, something I rarely ever felt. Huge! Got me thinking that I maybe need more structure in general.

TRIGGER WARNING: If you are mentally/ emotionally unstable and dont want to get deeply Blackpilled by the reality of dating dont read this thread. .. I think I started a thread like this years ago and then a second time maybe a year later. I felt it triggered a lot of people and most people each time dismissed my acutal problem. The problem is truly that it is almost impossible to talk about because its very uncomfortable to talk about and very very ego heavy. Even now while I suffer from it I also cant help but feel my ego getting involved in this. You know when you truly authentically want to write down a problem and while you are at it you feel your ego shadow lingering over your shoulder like an uninvited visitor smirking over this and there is no thought of pushing him away, he is deeply grounded in this. Survival is truly bigger then me on this one. With that said and with improvement of my articulation of the problem I am hoping that its different this time around. So I have/ had the problem that because I have adhd and was emotionally very unstable I often looked for other people as ankers to stabilize me. This is a common thing for adhd folks. It unconsciously manifests itself in a way that I put much attention to that person. Generally new people are more stimulating and stabilizing. This often came across as flirting. Because I am also quite good looking I am/ was quite successful at "flirting", even though that wasnt my intention. My ego would like to hear that I am the men being this succesful but there was zero skill involved, it was completly accidental. Already took me a lot of time and suffering to accept that .. On my unintentional flirting spree I saw so much bullshit though, many girls willing to cheat with me on their boyfriends. Nice, lovely girls which you would never expect it from. At least not me. For many of them I developed feelings as well but just surpressed them because I would never cheat. I am in a situation now where I am really searching for feelings and connection. Sex without feelings doesnt really interest me. The problem is that I have developed such a negative picture of most women as people who would heartlessly drop their bf or cheat when a better option comes around. Much trust is just wiped away from direct experience. I dont have any clever sorting mechanism to select girls that dont cheat and I dont think this is possible to the degree that I am satisfied with. But this brings me to the question of how can I reform the picture of women that I have in my head so that I can love them again? I am even considering going back to the girls who would have cheated with me (who dont have a bf right now) because realistically it doesnt get better anyway. And how can I go about the fear that I could get cheated on myself?

Maybe it was just an analogy, not many to grab from when you look at global empires I found it a bit weird as well yes, but maybe not too badly placed to remind everyone that communism is not the strategy. I believe that society isnt ready for communism. He wrote the speech himself btw. (which is unusual)

physical and behavioural characteristics and then talked about how in sex the genitals are often not even seen which sounded like you made the point that when in bed you dont see her genitals and when you are still attracted to her it must be her behaviour because no genitals in sight. So I thought I must make the point that you can still be turned on by the rest of the feminine body But I misunderstood your point

Brushing your teeth. I was ahead of my time even as a kid.

The whole female body differs from the male body in proportions and detail.

Yeah I am with you. But no shame. I am fascinated how clearly I fall in the buttom left field.

This topic brings this graph to mind https://www.reddit.com/r/Destiny/comments/10brsow/aella_made_a_chart_of_sexual_fetishes_by/

Well you said you just wanted to be friends so you dont need to feel bad when you decline that offer. Its pretty invasive of her as well. Do what feels right to you. If you wanna explore you can tell her that you havent done it with a trans girl before and are unsure about it.

The more you can get exploited, the more you will get exploited. I wonder how it would be in my old theatre club now, being much more stable, or how it would be at my social spot now, being much less stable.

I like dicks as well, but not the rest of the male body. Thats why I dont even like trans women, anything that resembles manliness like a deeper voice or a manlier bone structure on the forehead is a deal breaker for me.

He is a prediccament I found about my feelings. Survival power is sexy. I found the kind of girls who can manipulate and cheat interesting BECAUSE they have survival power and yet the very same that puts me off. So thats what most Dating is about, is finding the right balance of survival powers, roughly matching the energy of the other person. Bone on Bone/ clinched in. Unless people are spiritual, that creates freedom.

"If you need help why dont you let yourself get abused?"

Partying is so though. When I feel all the insecurities creeping up in me, all the times I didn't take opportunities for moral reasons which now manifest as a lack of nessaccary confidence. Most of the time it's not that noticeable but at a disco its survival on crack. There is this sense in me that I need to get justice for it. But really and that needs to sink in, I won't. I was moral and kept my soul intact but it will hurt me materialistically.

And I thought at least Bill Gates, aka rich guy giving all his money away for a good cause, was something good in this world. Well people have many layers at least.

I am in such a decision overload right now. I can book for tomorrow or not. I dont know what I want to do tomorrow honestly. I have got my disco which I am just maybe going to. I could talk to some friends and do something. I dont want to pay for tomorrow gnnnnah but it gives me lots of options, like I can go outside a bit and then go back and chill as I like. Its kind of a no-brainer ..

Made me remember this one

Stimulating