Jannes

I know that I want to create something that is truly meaningful. I cant really find anything though because I want it to connect to something profound. I need to realize god (which I want to do anyway) and gods beauty and intelligence which will help me find something that is truly meaningful. For the god realization I need to become mentally stable and clear. Plan: Become psychologically healthy, do spirituality, create god-like cool shit. Easy. I am thinking about theatre plays again.

I just finished the LP course a few days ago. I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while as I started this course more then 2 years ago. Not that I get all the missing answers here but maybe some advice from more experienced folks who are already living their LP. I am 25 now and I live in germany. I have got inattentive adhd which made many things very difficult for me like concentration, dealing with emotions and social problems which indirectly also made other things difficult like finding study partners or getting help with emotional distress difficult. So basically I was always an emotional mess/ overtaxed/ semi depressed while getting nothing done and not understanding what was wrong with me. As a result I had difficulties answering many questions in the life purpose course because I experienced relatively little concrete success so far because I couldnt really take part in life as much. I feel like I have got as close to it as what would be possible with my blockades but I feel like the very thing that is my LP is something I cant see right now. I take meds now and it seems like many things are clearing up rapidly but and I do make quite the transformation. I feel more capable but not necessarily upgraded. The stars become less interesting and I see more immediate tasks ahead. I become a lot more concrete instead of abstract. Thats the best way I can describe it. I seem to manifest myself in reality. I was always very reflected and stuff but was like a wave without its own will it can force onto the world. I develop a sense of self now. It sounds pretty unconscious I know and I made the point myself that adhd (at least the inattentive type that I experience) makes you more conscious. But in taking my meds I can deal with reality at least. If I got emotional support/ grounding maybe I could do it without meds but currently I can only do it this way. So this situation is quite confusing atm. In terms of my career so far: teaching: I am in 10th semester of studying math and philosophy for middle school but only have enough points to complete like 4 semesters (you need 10 semesters in total) because of the emotional distress I was always in. I could probably do better with the meds now so it really isnt hopeless. I decided to study teaching though because I did some internship to see what I like and teaching was okay for a moment and I couldnt deal with the pain of being in a situation of uncertainty so I did the best thing I found at the moment which wasn't the most conscious choice. Also there is a bit of buffer as with this graduation I can do other things as well. Teaching isnt directly my Life Purpose I am pretty sure about that. But I would earn a lot of money per hour, can do it part time, have a lot of holidays and a class in school gives you many direct information to observe which can inspire you. A school class is basically a mirror of society, all the kids are just mini versions of what's to come. So that can help me understand society and psychology more which would deepen whatever I create with my LP. I already thought a little and am also teaching 5 hours per week atm and it's an okay job. So it wouldnt be my LP but it would have a good base to comfortable pursue my real LP. acting: Over the last two years I have been doing a lot of acting as a hobby which is a lot of fun but it took a lot of time and I am also thinking about doing this as a career path. It would give me a relatively unstable base though and it would probably just miss my LP. Learning to act itself is incredible fun but it can also be emotionally challenging which I might not be capable to do. My Life Purpose is generally a bit unclear to me. Being a critical thinker is very much part of my authentic self and I have also got a very creative mind because of my adhd. On their own or even combined they dont really give me a life purpose that I find meaningful. For example I always think critically but I dont see where this practically leads to. And I often come up with new start up ideas because as I love the creative process but when it isnt connected to something meaningful I loose interest in it. The closest I could with these two is working on series like Rick&Morty which comes close to feeling like a LP. But I think there is a last component, a last value that is blocked from my mind. Besides these top two values I also care about empathy, goodness, authenticity, but not enough about any of them to make a LP in combination with the two about them I think. I sometimes look in my past to where the last puzzle piece might be. I developed a very profound even mystical happiness as a kid as I think that I had mystical experiences in kindergarden. I really vibed with Jesus in that time as well. I felt like it would virtually be impossible to break my spirit because I was connected to something unbreakable. I even felt like I needed to go through some real shit, to be lost, to come out of it and from that place be authentically able to help other people. I had a feeling of calling back then. Well I am not quite back to my inner garden of roses yet. I did about 20 trips of psychedelics and never realized a mystical experience because I was in too much shit mentally I think. (interestingly never had a really bad trip either though) I formulated my LP rather vague. I couldnt find any formulation that deeply inspired because as I said I think there is some authentic part of me missing. Taking my reflection about my past and moments of reflection I feel like it has to do with healing, bliss, profound love, existential (healing), spirituality. But I cant completely make out if these things interest me because I feel like I have a lack of them (negative motivation) or if it is authentic. To make my LP more concrete I could reformulate it like this for example (but I am not sure about it): - giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. - finding existential beauty and meaning in fucked up situations to make people more hopeful So with all of this I have no clear direction of where to go and I found out new things about myself/ unblock blockades and this is probably going on for months and years to come. All ways would help me move forwards. If I study to become a teacher that would be an acceptable path which would allow me to do lots of other stuff (LP) I am interested in as well but then I could never study to become a serious actor because I would be too old at this point. I would need to become more clear about myself and my values to see what I value most. A side thought is also to experiment with start ups (for money) as I have lots of ideas for them. Right now I am thinking of continue studying while giving myself time to process and I can on the side apply to acting schools. Chances of getting accepted are pretty low anyways and if I get accepted that would be a sign that I am quite talented. Design ohne Titel.pdf

"Why dont you talk about your emotions?" My emotions: A neurotypical doesnt get it.

@Nilsi holy fuck a person with adhd had to create that masterpiece. That actually reached me.

Haha that connection was obvious.

I am not on other social media. A dating app that I use has a kind of social media function though and I was commenting on some stuff in actualized fashion forgetting that I was in this bubble before. Couldnt bond at all there. I also like how we call each other out here when we are full of shit because thats not personal its about finding truth. Actualized is a piece in my life and a source of inspiration to actualize.

Thats not a guarentee.. and thats 4 years wasted and it will take time until everything will be rebuilt.

Damn thats bad acting.

The relationship you have with a psychotherapist is also a professional one. You dont romantically bond with your therapist or get intimate with them and when the hours are done you say goodbye forever. And its still often a very healthy thing to do. Of course its still different that you talk to an actual human but generally a more distanced approach isnt always a bad thing. I just had another talk with it and it was so insanely helpful oh my gosh, my bias is definitely shifting to side more with AI.

Sorry I didnt catch most of what you have said. Its really dense and with a lot of pre thought you didnt outline. Yeah universal basic income isnt a guarentee indeed. Especially because many social countries support the citizens because that will make them more productive so the elite gains more from them and becomes richer. If most people become useless there is little incentive to support them. So there will be interesting touches with reality or the real looking forward. I find it unlikely though that a few elites want to dominate or enslave the rest of society with robots. I mean they could but they would destroy already established social standards and its not like they gain much with slavery work when AI robots exist. Yeah most people will loose their job. I already replaced many of my doctors with AI, jobs which require tons of studying. And its very hard to tell what kind of job will remain in the end. I think when you are rich now you will just remain rich after AI robots. So that would be your best guarentee. If you own a place to live maybe with a garden you could also be relatively self-sufficient. But many people have neither.

With chat I didnt have the problem at all, the answers were extremely good. But in voice to voice you see that you talk to a robot. Still I changed my mind about it, it did have a very positive effect a few hours later even though it didnt seem like it worked in that moment.

Yes wrtiting with chatgpt felt way more helpful then talking with it because the answers were very intelligent and nuanced and quite insightful but with voice to voice were shorter, generalistic and sounded robotic. But even there I changed my mind. When I went to bed a few hours later I felt a lot of relief and processing. I am not always in touch with my emotions so I couldnt accurately judge it in that moment. I think the physical process of talking opens you more even if the voice answer isnt that good.

Decided to give it a try. Chatgpt is kinda meh, I would really like to talk to a human instead. What AI did you use?

When will the first person create a teddy bear with AI voice?

I chat with chatgpt sometimes for emotional support and its insanely helpful. I fear that voice to voice could be too good. I had a therapist once who I talked about having a f+ and she had some kind of emotional reaction as it seemed she got abused in the past and projected that onto me or at least couldnt be non judgemental in the way she viewed me. Humans do make a lot of errors and are way more expensive. Its just if you get reliant on it what then? Do you value other humans less? Do you get spoiled?

@Majid_salih 2 loyalty points for you.

Its indeed interesting that many people dont even care when a person gets shot dead in a movie but raping is a whole nother thing. Depends on the kind of killing but usually sexual violence is messy while killing can be "clean" and short without much drama. And we are more used to it. And indeed killing CAN be reasonable for a greater good, sexual violence basically never. I watched a scene once where a girl committed suicide by cutting her pulse arteries. That was one of the toughest things I ever watched. So thats an example where its maybe on par with sexual violence in terms of how hard it is to watch. You can find other examples of killing that are long, messy, emotional as well where they will probably be as hard to watch as sexual violence.

Some rape victims would have rather been killed then getting raped. The female perspective differs from the male perspective here.

"Reality is connected through intelligence." I remember that sentence multiple times a day for months now. "Corruption is a force of nature." Also a good one.

I germany you can get into clubs when you are 16 as drinking beer is allowed at this age. At 18 all drings are allowed so you can get in most clubs no problem.

There are some big frictions within myself which I wasnt entirely conscious of. That one I knew: I hate hypocritical "moral" people. I especially need to hate it because I easily fall into the trap of using morality as a defense mechanism because I am often in weak social situations so without that thick hate wall of hate as a defense mechanism I would fall into dellusion. That one is way more hidden: I am often a bit fake to other people. I act and tell myself thart I am interested in other people but I am really not. I need to lie to others and myself about it otherwise I would be utterly lonely. I sometimes signal that I need emotional support. When I get it I often loose all interest and drop these people. Ouch thats painful to admit. But my brain just works like that, most non-adhd people become unstimulating very fast, my mind switches emotions quickly and my mind is bad at long term planning (building friendship out of reason), its all about the moment. I very much want to be more authentic to other people and more confident in my own way, the reasons for why I couldnt do it were hidden from my consciousness. If I can actually bond with other adhd friends then these problems could be solved. At least the few bonding moments with adhd people in my self help group gave me a glimpse of that vision. The next steps are clear. Lets get to know some adhd folks.

Trump looks like an altruistic INFP and Obama like an incompetent baby ffs. I looked at some other paintings of her to get a feeling for her work. None of her pictures depict anyone as strong, most portrays show the inner struggle, fragility, their longing and neurosis in my interpretation. With the exception of a picture of herself. https://www.sarahaboardman.com/collections/40403

Well I think the technical skill is nessecary to be able to express creative ideas, but the heart of art is creativity and catching important parts of reality and expressing them through the art piece. Like a mathematician needs to be able to draw numbers and signs but thats not at the heart of math at all.

They are on a very high technical level but thats not what art is about.