Jannes

I hink I need to get outside for the last hour of so with sunlight. Would feel really unhealthy not to.

The gym is a great place to be. Yesterday I felt my central nervous system being overwhelmed a couple of times as I havent trained as much as I used to. But there are always some kind of hot girls there. I still bothers me that the one time I chatted up this one girl I havent followed t up with a second girl there who was super hot and kind of looked at me invitational. I thought I should be a gentlemen, taling up the next girl a few minutes in between would loose me status points. Well not totally wrong but also I just turned it into a truth in the heat (and fear) of the moment.

What is interesting, the last couple of days I was pretty happy on my own. Yesterday night as well. I only became unhappy when I felt the need to share those jokes on WhatsApp. They could have been my own source of happiness but I shared them and didnt get anything back. Well I also shared them with the girl I was/ am dating atm to keep us warm.

I feel like I am in a suttle stream of shame the last couple of days. The WhatsApp message to the whole group is one part of it. It triggers a ton of shame for some reason. And posting that to like 6 Whats App friends I know also triggers a bunch of shame. I think what I have to do is distinguish between triggers from my past and whats actually going on.

The game actually wasnt that entertaining even though its recommended as one of the best matches to watch.

Downloaded the video and watched the whole thing even though today is dedicated university work. Feel like I stufed myself with the reward before doing the work.. well I dont really do rewards, I feel like they dont really work with on me.

A mostly defensive backhand is interesting but no, I want to regularely do backhand topspins I feel like.

Found about a minute of table tennis content to watch, sneaking through all my blocks. Yeah I remember why is was a good idea to block everything, but also its so valuable to sometimes see some kind of video. I learn so much from watching some video content. https://www.butenunbinnen.de/sport/tischtennis-bundesliga-werder-fan-zhendong-104.html

Oh god I need to watch this at some point. This needs to be a one time exception.

There is luxury everywhere.

Hmm an off-white top which matches the washed out tone of the jeans. I like the idea. I always come back to white but then think to much of a thight up elitest or something. With the jeans it could work though.