Jannes

I have always wondered why they never implement machines like the ones Team Rocket had in Pokemon Games. If you watched the Anime, it felt like an integral part of the adventure. You could have so many options with it as well. Not sure about the new Legends AZ game, maybe they have some machines there.

I think the reason why I have people around me where I have the survival edge - so to say, is because I am bad at creating boundaries so I spent time with people who cant overwhelm me. And with my new abilities I experience myself drifting more towards higher caliber - so to say. Although thats not totally true as well, because one I never really bonded with anyone and second I did spent time with people who already had relatively high status.. well kinda.

My conscious experience with medicinet is just so different from normal sober that so much changes. I already made insane progress without it so maybe this is the wrong path. I think its worth exploring nonetheless though. What I can say is that it doenst really seem to make me happy. I feel in the hands of the lord of survival which makes me feel irritable and always on track and idk what else.

Saw her at my social spot. What felt terrible was that some guy seemed to chat her up and she seemed interested, although it was just a short exchange. This would be one of the freeest and most moral lays I could ever find and I am not taking it because I want to keep the opportunity with the wpmi-girl. I am really putting her on a pedestal I just notice.

I asked her for a private talk on wednesday and she kind of avoided it. Same thing today. But she offered a walk next week. Almost feels like she wants to shake me off now, or she wants to check if I am serious.

Thats a good point! But that seems to make it even more complicated aaah

With this girl I havent really built a connection or anything, we didnt date, we just flirted pretty stongly. So this is not really an example of loosing a connection with someone because of looks because I never committed to a connection to begin with.

@Natasha Tori Maru With medicinet my dopamine system works stronger, so everything that is about mememe is more in the foreground. Its really interesting, I am not sure if it led to a value change or if this dynamic already was in my mind but just didnt capture my attention as much as my latest interpreatation says. Yeah exactly, I can at least look at the ugly beast holding the cards here, am I okay with the looks and go deeper or do I value looks so much that I should respectfully decline the offer. Maybe something in between is possible if it is communicated well. .. I made some space from other opportunities I have right now to focus on this. Will be interested to see where this will be going and what kind of insights I will have on medication.

You can hurt your shoulders with bench and overhead press for sure but for lower back and neck its not as obvious. Have you done mostly free weights or machine? Have you learned the technique or done it mostly free style? Have you felt back or neck pain during any particular exercise?

I wrote the mario-kart-n-chill-girl that my situation is a bit complicated at the moment and that I would text her when things become more clear. I feel so free and happy to go to my social spot now. I could already explain in theory why I have many social problems from not standing up for myself etc. but now I see it in practice. I just had less of an egoic force which created a bad survival situation for myself which made me struggle which made it difficult to connect. Also I thought when I am as egoic as I am that I wouldnt find people because I wouldnt be interested in such people but everyone has this egoic force to themselves so its fine, people expect it. Everyone expects each other to be as egoistical as they are. However with adhd you couldnt even really replicate that. You could make an expression of this egoic behaviour but it would be so transparent that it wouldnt really work. If your in the gist of it you naturally hide it.

When I got to my social place yesterday and looked at everybody I was so confused. Like how did I make all of these friends? How did they get to me? How did this happen? When have I ever made a choice? There is another girl at the social with very strong adhd and she has a lot of older friends who seemed to really appreciate her for some reason and I always wondered how this dynamic manifested itself. .. With adhd you are less focused on yourself. So much of this flirting that I did happened naturally because I didnt focus so much on myself which for other people is more of a rarety which is why they value this more and also take it more personal. I have less ego motivation to be friends with someone for egoistical reasons, for example matching status or gaining status. Which is why I cant engage in certain ego bonds. I talked with a psychologist a few years ago about not being able to make "cool" friends. But its a more profound issue then they gave me credit for back then. Also when I perceive someone as threatlike then I cant really process these emotions as good which is why I wont engage as much with high status people.

@Recursoinominado @Natasha Tori Maru @ivankiss When I am really honest with myself, I am also not 100% interested in her simply based on looks. She looks good, but I could get someone more attractive. The vibe is fantastic though and I wished it was different. Anyways because I didnt want to admit that to myself I maybe looked for rationalizations why I wasnt feeling it, when the reality was, when she looked more attractive I would have been able to go deeper instead of withdrawl. And also that may be why she tries to be in power to compensate for this slight imbalance. .. Just got going with my adhd medication so some things appear to be clearing up.

Medicinet be like

I am super confused with what this evening even was. It was kind of a fever dream literally. I think the wpmi-girl wants me to be genuinely interested in her and is hurt when I am not. .. The medicinet is wearing off. It was amazing on monday but was kind of shit afterwards .. mmh ..

I think the wpmi-girl just wants to feel saught-after and in power and I am not giving her that feeling. This might be why she is constantly chatting with other guys to get that sense back.