Jannes

Today I had a day to relax and be on my own and interestingly I didnt take it. I rather wanted to go out. Thats not an introverted thing to do at all.

Gosh my city is such a bad place to meet people/ my bubble is too small. All it takes is one night with different people and BAM I have new dating opportunities. Should go to different places.

Yesterday I chatted up a girl I wanted to talk to every time there is games evening at the social spot once a month. It was going great. She looked super duper hot. And she is 26 which I didnt expect, she looked like she was in her early twenties. Absolutely perfect, she got the looks and probably more emotional maturity. But then she said she wanted to see her friends at karaoke. That was kind of a break, I sat beside her afterwards, didnt have something to say immediately and kind of lost the momentum. She didnt seem super talkative as well and I was looking for signs she wasnt interested in me. Didnt help that she sat next to girls I was flirting with before so I couldnt sit next to her there.

Pen and Papers was so much fun again today. We played for 5 hours and I could actually concentrate throughout the whole session because I was active all the time. That is such a big takeaway, for me to to be able to concentrate I need to be active.

Got a short text in my letterbox saying that I should google deploited husbands. The vibe I get from it is "durr damn women"

A friend of mine completly cut his air down to 1mm and he wears complete black. He looks like a nazi from the books minus the nail polish and piercings. Damn that was pretty difficult to go through the city with him, we got so many looks. He didnt seem to mind though. If I want to get a buzz cut I definitely need more colour then just black lol.

What Disney didnt fuck up in Star Wars were the last episodes in season 7.

I like what they did with darth maul. There was a lot to loose, Maul was epic and mysterious in star wars 1 and the story that he survived the fall didnt make no sense. The story in clone wars was epic enough to make up for it though. Now the show Maul - Shadow Lord was still pretty good but its getting a bit much.

Example that comes to mind is a dude going into a bar with a guitar saying "he only does it for himself".

Appearently our impro group got pretty popular on social media. Like a video of ours got like 60k views. Not sure how to feel about it. Well I am certainly not above the sin of pride. But it doesnt do anything for my happiness. The key trap I need to avoid is pretending that its all authentic and I am not doing it for likes, when it is only a show, to instrumentalize my authentic will to authenticity as a way to create more attention/ status. Lol, I feel like every deadly sign can work as a routemap to find traps in your own mind.

Whats wild is that I felt a significant increase in my confidence today and I cant easily explain why. Two things come to mind. The seeming peace with the girl in the social spot and the seeming peace with the people from my old theatre club could be a factor. It also seemed to me that a friend of mine was quite unconfident which I found wild. But when he seemed confident later on I didnt really feel less confident.. so I guess it the first thing. Men oh men the old theatre club, such strong inner energies are funneled through it, it still has a grip on me.

Called her for the third time and no one is taking the phone. It becomes less scary every time though

She isnt taking the phone so its breakfast time.

Isnt it boring that its all love in the end, cant it have different flavours? Oh ...

I need to call a bafög person for student loans. The complication is that changed degrees without notifying them. Somehow I managed to not make it a big deal last time, but now I fear I can fuck it up. That would be the only thing I would really need medication for but I dont wanna take them. I need to make a plan/ a list on what I want to ask her. I need to pre structure my thoughts. That creates the risk of procrastination then to just go and call her first thing in the morning though..