Jannes

Mmmh you can do it in a healthy way which makes you age more gracefully. You need to really overtrain and take stupid shit to fuck your body up I feel like. I want to be that grandpa who can still squat, imagine the extra life quality. Whoa, you mind sharing some stories?

What I dont really want to admit to myself is that I am not really comfortable with my social circle at the clubs in my city. Simply because its a status mismatch. I am way more attractive then most of them. Well and connected to that a vibe mismatch. I was wondering why I couldnt get into it but when I am really honest with myself, I just dont think of them as longterm friends. So being around them doesnt open me up to growth. Its different to other friend groups and people. I would like to be friends with them but I dont think its fully possible. Generally people with matching looks vibe together. Its so ugly to swallow.

1 + 1 = 2 is groupthink. But thats not bad conformity. Bad conformity would be to buy into the math culture, to believe in rationalist superiority etc.

I just find his usual sense of superiority amusing. Like basically everyone listens to music and has developed their taste, this aint spirituality or politics which most people never question seriously. I feel like the songs he shares are songs I would listen to as a teenager. Still like some of them though.

My dad lol

The message is mostly on point though, he directly tackles a huge spiritual fantasy. Leos teaching style also changed quite a bit, he didnt embrace the reality of what it means to be human in this world. So for the time this critique was even more on point.

What happened to Nilsi btw?

I have largely outgrown my gymrat phase but somehow this stayed with me as it just flashed my memory. This is an interesting intersection. Ego meets non ego. Masculinity integrates femininity. Survival meets non survival. Mind meets artistic expression from the heart.

Its a neseccary building block. But if your a cop or trooper for example and your survival agenda is so deeply mixed with being this bulding block, I think unconformist thinking becomes very hard.

Spent time just by myself which was really needed. Finally did some things which were important to me. When I was going to bed I was catching the feeling I got when I was a bit uncomfortable about the cuddle, the whole emotional body. Is that the real me? How do I access this part of myself? How do I nurture it? What does that part of myself want? Is this the self I need to navigate while everything else is me trying to avoid reality? I didnt get any real answers though. I was dreaming about playing in a soccer team. I actually really like soccer, in school I was just always less competent as all the other kids who trained more. I had a moment when I talked with a classmate about wanting to join a team, maybe as a goalkeeper. So many emotions came up back then, not really about the sport, but about the perceived sense of connection, of being part of something. I missed so much of that all my life. I wonder how it can be so natural for people to feel a sense of connection, well many had all this going on. Its so easy to socialize, if I just knew that back in the day. Could have joined a youth club. Hell in high school people even asked me. I think it was just too much to handle for me or I felt unworthy. Forgive me and forgive myself

An old member of the old theatre club is posting some shorts. She became a christian preacher. She was one of the people I tried to built some contact with to ground myself but I guess I was so unstable it was too much. But it opens me emotionally to the dimension which could have been.

The path to learning RV seems to be to learn and become conscious of how the ego mind tries to take control of RV. I learned many tricks already. I had many initial first things which came to mind which I dont fall for anymore. I notice how when my mind graps something it likes to put an association to that in my mind and doesnt view anymore.

I would change the task bar for aesthetic reasons but other then that I dont even know what I miss.

You wondering what an original thought is

I like macOs. I am no computer geek and macOs is simple to use. I am also a sucker for aesthetics. So I am the perfect target group. Android on my Phone all the way though for the customizing options.