Jannes

I just started listening to a new podcast which is basically about light topics where you dont need to put a lot of attention on. I first it was hard to listen to because it seemed stupid and boring but after half an hour it felt relaxing and all my hard to digest political stuff seemed like the crazy stuff.

Very aggressive kids are often very well socialized and adapted because the system puts a lot of focus on integrating them into society. So in this way they learn a lot of barriers. If you arent that aggressive in the first place you probably dont even learn what proper or unproper boundaries are.

Yesterday at the beach was fun. At first I had a hard time finding my place in the group, it was very typically "boy-ish" with grappling and throwing each other in the water and stuff and I felt like I was in the wrong place. But then I did it a bit as well and it was super fun. I even overdid it, I was just too much into it, which shocked me a bit. I mean I only grappled for a ball once but then with full force. And then I wanted to punch a ball out of someones hand the moment they wanted to throw it but just hit their head with a flat hand instead. I was going too hard in my estimation. The other guys were also grappling but in an easier way. I just dont really get it, either you go full force or not. Maybe it has something to do with me not being used to something likes this, not being socially properly. I am left feeling pretty confused about who I am, my prejudice for "too boyish groups" and so on..

I overworked my Cold Turkey blocker today. Found many smart ways to make it more efficient, instead of blocking every individual website which is about Pokemon, I just blocked every website that has Pokemon in it. I started an Actualized.org block but kept my journal and messange part.

Thats kinda racist. There are plenty of white guys with these kind of traits and plenty of soft black guys. There is a cultural difference but I dont think its big enough to make such generalizations. ... I dont know, every women is attracted to strength and they will shit test men for it. If they are more developed less so probably. Yeah I see what you are saying. I just think most men experienced being weak and loosing the attraction of a girl because of it at some point in their lifes. Its easy to become angry at women because of it.

@Never_give_up Didnt you make a thread already asking if you can get laid with low iq and got the answer that its totally possible?

Oh men, I needed to talk to my professor today but I just couldnt think straight. All of this videogaming yesterday really showed. Men I forgot what its like, but it was always like that.

Many people here have adhd. Or well .. maybe I found a bunch because I was looking for them. I am on and off meds for a couple of months now. Its super weird. I feel like having superpowers as soon as I take them but then pretty soon I dont like them anymore and discover my adhd self again. The most I got out of it was making sense of how non adhd people experience the world. Adhd has up and downsides. Personally I am more happy without medication and I kind of like my fate. However when the times calls for it I dont have a problem with taking medication for certain challenges.

I have got a bunch of like energy or willingness to do stuff, simply because I was very active playing pokemon the whole day today. My head hurts a bit. I bet my table tennis skills suffer a lot because of it.

The strategy I used for a bunch of my "light-distractions" was using things that require me to think. Like listening to daily news, chess puzzles etc. In a way it works because it doesnt make me as numb, BUT its not really good for relaxing. I need stuff that doenst require a lot of thinking but also isnt addicting. Mmmhh ..

I think I would strenghten my decision making ability if I found ways to emotionally regulate myself better.

There are times where I genuinely need to relax and need distractive content like Pkmn videos. But this can also be a distraction. I dont want to be the judge for when it is appropriate and when not, I kind of want it automatically blocked when its not good for me and automatically opened when I am allowed.

I have got a light headache. I dont know wether it is coming from playing pokemon or the heat of the summer.

This one girl started hugging me a while back and so at some point I came to her every time to greet her with a hug. Yesterday I was like fuck that, she didnt really seem like she was into that that much the last weeks but then she came hugging me. Stupid status games.

I found out yesterday that Pokemon Champions is available for iOS and Android. Oh no, I really love that but its really hitting on an addiction of mine. Oftentimes I dont even enjoy playing or thinking about the game but I just cant stop. I played for about 2 hours yesterday. I need to be methodical about this, if I can allow myself a little bit or if I should do a hard block.