Jannes

Today an experience I made times and times again repeated. I wasnt really feeling it, not really getting into a social mood. And it felt like someone I am starting to get to know atm didnt even want to befriend me anymore. I felt pretty rejected. So I took some initiative and sat to a girl I was interested. And all of a sudden I was in a super social state. Being brave and possibly also feeling that I dont get everything handed to me. I wonder if there are strategies to get that faster. Like maybe I could deliberately do something I am usually uncomfortable with just to get into a social mood.

On Love True love is love for enemies.

@Ziran When I didnt get enough sleep at night I like to do a midday nap to recharge. That way I can get more done but can still sleep at night. I am a student at the moment so I have a lot of freedom in how I spent my time. That IS a privilege I have atm. But adding more meaning onto it then that feels like a stretch.

I appreciate the honesty I like the dudes outfit, the blue color match well

There are many open source AIs and some of them even run locally on your PC. I dont see how chatgpt and co. can get customer to pay high prices in the future when these alternatives which are almost as good exist.

Lol, why? Yeah that could play a role

Yeah maybe A nap isnt the most relaxing state though, that would be deep sleep. But in a nap your body and mind cools down from working, its still relatively active, you could get going right away. Perhaps that has anything to do with it.

Well association but is that the end of the story ? ...

Why is that beautiful? Why is that opening me up to painful emotions? How can a picture do that?

I want someone to make sense of situation but in the end I have to do it on my own. I think the buttom line is that most people dont have healthy relationships, they lack love and they arent saints about relationship rules, if something better comes along that can be taken. For me that means I wont be understood if my moral standards are to high and also that I should carefully look for a gf.

I have no idea what you mean with this.

Men my meditation today is the most crap it has ever been. Likely because of my adhd medication. I can do work with it sorta but its not good for letting go and connecting with myself.

I dont know why but its pretty common for me to experience higher consciousness fragments specifically on an afternoon nap. Its hard to describe the experience, its very emotional, very beautiful, out of this world but also much more home. I could melt in it, its like everything good in the world is THAT. Its qualitatively completly different from what I experience throughout the day and its orders of magnitutes better then what I experience on a regular bases. Usually I only experience it for a short while, like a few seconds or even just a spark. Anyone got a clue where this comes from or through which practice you can get more of it if midday naps open me up to it ?

Yesterday I just made a short remark about my current flirting situation to my adhd doctor. She was maybe the only real life person who believed me in this. But it seemed she didnt take it that seriously. I mean yeah, I am so sexy and everyone goes razy for me, oh god what should I do is hard to sell as a problem. But it comes with many problems, like not finding platonic friends as easily or having responsibility for many peoples feelings. One thing I thought about this morning is that I experience it as a problem so I think it is a problem, but maybe there isnt much of a problem but I resist something that doesnt fit my identity. Maybe the identity of a loner is unconscously baked deep in my bones and now I am in an awesome position which my mind simply interprets as a problem because it doesnt fit my identity. There are reasonable problems that come from my position but I also should take the possibility that this is friction with my identity seriously. For better or for worse I didnt really feel seen by my adhd doctor this time.

I have got the thought today that what if I never got the emotional space and attention to talk about some of my problems. What if I cling to that because I experienced it as a child but now I dont get that sort of attention anymore. How would I treat some of my situations differently if I fully knew that I would never get full attention for my problems.