Jannes

Oh men, I needed to talk to my professor today but I just couldnt think straight. All of this videogaming yesterday really showed. Men I forgot what its like, but it was always like that.

Many people here have adhd. Or well .. maybe I found a bunch because I was looking for them. I am on and off meds for a couple of months now. Its super weird. I feel like having superpowers as soon as I take them but then pretty soon I dont like them anymore and discover my adhd self again. The most I got out of it was making sense of how non adhd people experience the world. Adhd has up and downsides. Personally I am more happy without medication and I kind of like my fate. However when the times calls for it I dont have a problem with taking medication for certain challenges.

I have got a bunch of like energy or willingness to do stuff, simply because I was very active playing pokemon the whole day today. My head hurts a bit. I bet my table tennis skills suffer a lot because of it.

The strategy I used for a bunch of my "light-distractions" was using things that require me to think. Like listening to daily news, chess puzzles etc. In a way it works because it doesnt make me as numb, BUT its not really good for relaxing. I need stuff that doenst require a lot of thinking but also isnt addicting. Mmmhh ..

I think I would strenghten my decision making ability if I found ways to emotionally regulate myself better.

There are times where I genuinely need to relax and need distractive content like Pkmn videos. But this can also be a distraction. I dont want to be the judge for when it is appropriate and when not, I kind of want it automatically blocked when its not good for me and automatically opened when I am allowed.

I have got a light headache. I dont know wether it is coming from playing pokemon or the heat of the summer.

This one girl started hugging me a while back and so at some point I came to her every time to greet her with a hug. Yesterday I was like fuck that, she didnt really seem like she was into that that much the last weeks but then she came hugging me. Stupid status games.

I found out yesterday that Pokemon Champions is available for iOS and Android. Oh no, I really love that but its really hitting on an addiction of mine. Oftentimes I dont even enjoy playing or thinking about the game but I just cant stop. I played for about 2 hours yesterday. I need to be methodical about this, if I can allow myself a little bit or if I should do a hard block.

So what is important in the social context is overcoming fear and feeling seen/ heard.

I kind of need to pin the most important insights, although I probably remember them better.

For some reason socializing went pretty well yesterday. Well I think part of the reason was that I was hanging out with a friend with whom I actually talked a bit about my flirting problem/ problem with seeing to many girls willing to cheat. I didnt quite hit the nail but I hit a bit in the general direction of my problem and that felt good. For me to feel accepted I need to open up. Same thing again and again. I remember when I opened up about the wpmi-girl to the other girl, I also felt a strong boost in acceptance.

Social rules arent truth!

Its my fault that its my fault.