Jannes

I have had the thought before that humans may be striving for some sort of chaos because thats what their psyche needs. A super orderly and perfect world isnt acceptable because things like struggle and war are needed elements for the human experience. I recently got that exact same intuition reflected somewhere else. Its just speculation but it originates somewhere. I think this is something that could be discovered in a few centuries and then be common knowledge. But because humanity might have peaked in the 2000s, its time to experience humans fucking up/ manifesting that inner strive for a balance of peace and chaos.

I think smoking cigarettes and weed and alcohol are a completly different category then masturbation. Like its a pretty basic need of your body. You can cut delicious cheeseburgers, but you cant cut eating at all. I figured out a more boring solution for myself. I learned to notice the difference between masturbation as a physiological need, like when my body just needed to get a load off and masturbation as a way to escape reality, like when I had a though task to do and all of the sudden feel the "need" to masturbate instead. The second one is where you get all the cons of masturbation from in my experience. I just try to be more and more mindful of my masturbation habit.

I think thats actually true. Lust is definitely a deadly sin without wanting to be all christian about it but men (and women) do a lot of shit to get sex. But the thing is, thats nothing new to society and women are somewhat prepared for that and they are also interested in sex. So there is a bit of mutual understanding going on. But most men should probably still be trying to look more for a personality match with a girl then just maximum sexual opportunism.

Thats like sying video games make you violent which is a plausible theory but in reality that doesnt seem to be the case. Seems like people can differentiate (this sort of) fantasy and the real world pretty well.

There is so much existing porn already, I dont get why new porn needs to be created unless for some specific new fetish or something. The evil was already done, just reuse all the existing stuff.

Some of the things I have observed were almost as cartoonish as that.

Haha. https://www.cnbc.com/2026/10/15/tesla-roadster-reveal-what-to-know-about-the-delayed-ev.html

Not sure if I wrote it in my blog already but I had a nice talk with my dad about my internship which I am clueless about. But then we found that I had an internship way back in special needs education which I really enjoyed on many levels. Holy shit, I need to try that, or something similiar out again. Maybe its even possible to do similiar work with the education which I have already. A path forward!

Just had a dream. I was walking with my father and my sister somewhere, we wanted to get our car and drive home. But it looked like some kind of explosion of fire happened there recently. It looked increasingly dangerous and then we hire another explosion and something like gunfire. We turn around and want to run but my sister seems paralyzed. I speak to her very calmy: "[name of my sister] run." So this reaches her unconscious and she starts running. And I feel so great that I just managed to do that. We reach a safer zone soon after and thats about where the dream ends.

I miss having a belly laugh about myself.

Yesterday at the social spot there was a really open talk of a girl about a guy she wanted. Her (female-) friend said it like this: its like the lottery, you get no, no, no, no ... JACKPOT so you get addicted and want to do it again and again. And the Jackpot was when he took the time to fuck her. She said she couldnt walk the next day because she was in pain. He didnt even greet her today but she still has feelings for him.. ... Holy chad, this is paradigm shattering on so many levels... At least with this dimension of honesty of her a lot of things start to make sense.

I had such a weird dream. In my kids room I saw a little cat with big eyes at the balcony. I felt bad for it so I let it in. It was in distress or in some kind of need though. I tried to figure out what it was but couldnt figure it out. Then it shaped forms into something more reptilian like, like a chameleon, almost like a snake. I put it on the table because that was not something I was comfortable with. It changed forms again and became much bigger and I felt kind of intimidated by it. It was some kind of being with a giant head to smash stuff. This is where my memory ends. Important to note, I took melatonin that evening, so my dreams could have gotten more vivid because of that. But what a weird dream. My room is my unconscious private and safe space. So something sneakily disguised itself as unharmful and then showed its true colours once inside. Could be this:

I have got a cutter knife lying around recently and I dont like it. It gives me visions about cutting myself in various ways. I hope its bad conditioning from all the stories I have heard about cutter knifes. But these kind of thoughts, not just cutter knifes action in particular, but thoughts that you press away and dont allow, I wonder what those are.

In my contacts I have got a girl from the old theatre club who just put a new profile pic on. Men she knows how to flirt with the camera, she looks like a 10/10 straight up. She is good looking but not that good looking lol. I find it funny how simple my mind it. I develop feelings for her straight up just through beauty. Well, thats just how it is.

"Moral people" are paper angels.