Jannes

Even without medication my RV practice went well today. In terms of how it felt, not judging the results. Even when I tried to built a stronger focus it worked, my mind wasnt all over the place. Daydreaming was big though.

I really wanted to watch a show of my old theatre club and the only reasonable one is tomorrow. I am really scared to go though. I would likely confront more weird dynamics then healthy ones. There are basically no healthy ones.

Men I feel kind of helpless without my medication. Brings me back so much.

Socializing went really well yesterday. I just always experience a natural limit though in how much people I can let near me. And it creates an interesting parallel to my old theatre club. Ofc people wouldnt be as supportive if I dont vibe with them. Also most people introduce themselves with a hug for me first, its almost never me.

Thats what I am talking about. Imagine how much harder death threats trigger someone like her. Yeah its a huge accusation. I dont know why it wasnt covered elsewhere.

collectors value

Yeah its a better interview. I think her position that surviving victims arent responsible to uncover whats going on as they need all the energy to recover from what happened to them is interesting. Ofc she is kind of right about it, but also, they are in a uniquely strong position to really damage their abuser. It wouldnt be a life of some final peace but a heroic one.

Kind of scared to do body doubling as well. Havent done it for quite some time as well. Without medication THIS was the way. Entered a session anyway and I feel how I am stabilizing emotionally and becoming capable to do shit. Adhd is truly fascinating.

Havent taken my medication today and I feel good in a way but also I feel like I cant handle anything. Its time for socializing and a ton of fear is there which was just gone before. So interesting to see.

When she will reveal some of the names of people still alive they will put all their energy and power into trying to stop her. She has a gun to their heads with that story and half a gun to the head of the people who support these stars as their identity is attatched to them. So of course they wont go down without a fight to the death. She has every reason to be afraid. Only the moral fabric of society can protect her and that is not a guarentee.

Yeah I said I enjoyed the beginning part until he questioned her believabability and made it about all kinds of political topics completly getting off topic. Didnt you feel the vibe shift after an hour or so? Well his interview style is almost more important to focus on because he prevents further information to come out with this interview style. Which victim would like to be a guest on his show after watching this? Imagine the journey she took on to come to this podcast after 30 years of trauma work and he is about to fucking question and gaslight her. It has its place but I feel like it didnt come from a place of genuinely looking for truth but by fearing that it would hurt his political position. That being said yes its incredible what she has revealed in that interview up to that point. I appreciate how she could articulate what was going on inside her from a higher perspective and her perspective of the people in the circle. You dont get this kind of information anywhere else basically.

I enjoyed the beginning where he didnt interrupt her. Its unbelievable how cringe and pathetic he was.

Also confronted my RV trainer today abotu evidence that customer actually pay for projects. Well he said he cant share that because of privacy concerns and that he does his own RV projects. Not sure how to feel about it, it is believable yes but also isnt proofing anything. He would be pretty insane for answering all my questions after I paid and being in 1 on 1 zoom calls and giving me advice and all that.

What a great social evening! And all without medicationn. Well .. the medication usually lost their effect when I went into the place before as well. Its likely just because I met my friend 1 on 1 yesterday. That really helps.

There are few BB physiques that I actually like in terms of flow, proporitons etc. but I always was a fan of Kai and pretty much only Kai. The low lats, the proportion and shape of his lower body, the bicep peaks and symmetrical abs, it just looks better then all the other physiques imo. Oh yeah on that level he is like in the buttom 10% I think. Women with a gym rat phase always fascinate me, they seem to be into the grind just as much as men. Its so reatable. I was really into it as well but never got really muscular, just pretty fit. When I went to the gym less and just maintained my muscle I appreciated my gains more and more though.