Jannes

I am considering becoming a professional actor. I just did an audition and I am planning on doing more. From the acting I did in my little theatre group I can tell there are things I like about it: like the strong emotional and creative expression, the unfilteredness, the psychological component of grasping the role and so on ... and some things I dont like - like having troubles recovering emotionally from playing and that you are constantly lying to yourself - which in a certain way is almost more of a true thing because without acting you are still always lying to yourself but believe that you aren't - in acting you know that you pretend. But thats an issue I still need to figure out. So if any actors here are on this forum please share your story, how it is as a career and maybe if and how you deal with the issues I described.

I had my (first) audition for an acting school today. It was really bad. First I only saw that I had the audition today because of a notification a few days ago so I didn’t prepare my roles properly and had to settle for one mediocre role which I took because I knew the text already and a complete new role I had to learn because I didn’t have anything studied from Shakespeare but that was a requirement. So yesterday I tried to learn pretty much the whole afternoon but couldn’t because I couldn’t handle my emotions until night. Then I studied through most of the night and still didn’t learn the whole text. Then had a four hour train ride the next morning which I used to learn text for like two hours and finally realized before the end being super super tired and my brain bearly working anymore that I won’t be able to learn the role in time. But I heard that they sometimes don’t want to see all four plays so I was hopeful I could get away with it - but what a waste of energies. The market seems pretty compedetive, many of the people there knew each other and had coaches. I liked the environment when we warmed up I even felt like I was one of the most opened up people there. So when I finally played my roles it was rather short. I started with my self wrote monolog which I was pretty proud of but it got stopped 1/3 in its track which was frustrating. Then I did another monolog which lasted like 1min and then they told me depending on the other candidates they might ask me to play one more role. I didn’t know if I was that good or that bad but I prepared for my last role which I ended up didn’t play anymore. They quickly evaluated the situation, one of our group of 4 got in the second round the rest didn’t. (You gotta pass round 1, 2 and 3 and then you are accepted) That was a little sad. The worst part was that we didn’t get feedback. But that’s often the deal with acting schools when they get to many applicants), some are nicer but you don’t get much of a present, you have to fight for that attention. Luckily a girl in first semester who guided us gave us a little feedback that we were a little stiff, not like crazy enough and pointed out that we didnt use our body enough. She said it doesnt even really matter that much what you say what’s important is that you speak with your body. That was her perspective but at least usable advice. I don’t feel good about myself afterwards and it didnt help that I was sleep deprived. I also didn’t attend to other acting schools just this one. So when I attend to the acting schools now it will take months until I finally have an audition. Little mad at myself for that. I also feel a little incapable. It’s not expected to just get a place first time but there is always this thought that you might get beginner luck or something and maybe a partial accomplishment would have been great. I am not really successful in other aspects of life either - I really fundamentally questioned myself there. So that seems to go deeper than I think. Still dont know what I really like about acting. Maybe I love everything about it but get burned out easily as well. It's emotionally very taxing as well and hard on socializing but there is no limit in your creative expression. I dont know if it's acting per se that I love but the creative expression it allows. For improvements in the next auditions: I need to open up more. It was okay but I know there is way more potential in me. People have always told me that my real self is hidden away. I don’t really notice that myself but it could be. And because I am not that emotionally stable it's hard to do heavy acting roles. What I found interesting - When you don’t live a life with high demands you can hide problems from yourself. But right here it’s unavoidable I have emotional blockades which make acting up to a certain level impossible. But I want to do acting well so I have to find ways to get better.

His suits look very stylish, thats a detail I value very much. I could imagine his usual ability to capture people with his speech gets multiplied in an in person event with a crowd.

Why do you think its fake?

Sounds good! This can sound quite offensive and outdated to women who live in more developed countries. A women can choose to live a household life but she can choose to be career focused as well. Excluding this potential of a women is offensive. Might be different in India idk. Damn can relate somewhat, watching straight porn just hurt at some point - like what is there to discover anymore.. Have you had a (long) relationship in your life?

Holidays are over so I had to teach my 5 graders math today again. I got some kind of assistent for Tuesday, I am not sure what her job is but she assists in all kind of classes it seems. It was a lot quieter today with her and a lot less stressful. She didnt do anything just her presence did that. I could really see myself working in such an environment. Its really not that stressful and I wouldnt even need to work full time, get lots of holidays and the work is okay fun. A very solid base to pursue my LP from. I am good at actually teaching yet though. Well I am at the beginning of my studies anyway. The thought of acting always comes up though. Actors seem to be freed in some regard which I love.. Open stage, performance acting also seems super cool. I just value excellence a lot so it's hard to pass acting studies. I also had my weekly adhd self help group session today. I regularly experience in this session typical adhd interpersonal behavior which is quite complicated but to keep my thoughts short it might result from an ability to be easily distracted and the ability to hyper focus (for small seconds) on certain body language things like the length of eye contact because that is perceived as important. (I actually found a few people with adhd with eye contact alone. Just that you sometimes hold eye contact just a little longer gives it away.) A person in this group especially mirrors my own behavior quite well and I seem to heal from that as I finally find understanding. I tried with so much force to behave more normally in the past with little success. My adhd behavior unintentionally created a lot of problems and I put so much blame on myself. Now I feel like it is okay, I am okay, I am not at fault. I found love for a version of myself from 3 years ago which wasn't so damaged. This personal emotional drama is all connected to LP. If you get personal problems solved you are freed up for LP stuff. If my emotional problems were all solved the LP course would have likely be way more fruitful for me - so I have no problem talking about these issues here.

I am breaking my 10mg Medikinet tablets into 1/8, 1/6, 1/4, 1/3 pieces depending on how I feel. I dont have a clear plan though, so it's not meant as advice.

Yes you are right he likely downplayed the situation but I dont think that "he kicked a dog for fun" is the truth either.

It's unfair to not tell the whole story. If at the end you still think he should be shamed for it thats fair but tell the whole story. From your half story it sounds like he just wanted to kick the dog for fun. I think there are different degrees of anxiety, other mental illnesses could be at play and no situation is completely comparable to the other - It could have been a very unlucky situation, where the worst possible reality that could have happened happened by chance. He could have had a really bad day not ruining it by doing paper work in another parallel reality for example. I dont think that excuses the situation but it makes it more reasonable and the person more human like. That he feels sorry for what he has done, did other posts writing about being ashamed for voting for trump seems to suggest that he has conscientiousness. Thats my take on it you can disagree of course.

This is real self actualization at play here, I love it. Let gettoefl be your north star! Well except maybe dont offer them that you can look after their house (and dog).

Thats not the whole story. He had an anxiety attack for example. Here is the whole story:

I could develop a poison in secret that would hurt all of humanity and on the surface dont get any karma backlash. Thats hard to swallow. But I think in the bigger picture it does hurt oneself in ways that aren't directly obvious. To your example first - well your response is a bit of a karma backlash already. You probably tend to distance yourself from them because of it, so thats bad for them I assume. How you do one thing is how you do everything else, when they do this sort of thing it probably means that they also behave in unconscious behavior in other areas of life where karma backlash is inescapable. And it's kinda true that it hurts them spiritually. The unconscious state they put themself in hurts themselves too because they are so far away from anything holy.

Good ol JP teaching us about the importance of abstinence.

I have such a friend. "I will fuck everything."

Men and women are a little different and I think some men if they had all the sexual possibilities in the world would take full advantage of it - I remember a JP clip where he speaks about a story of a very attractive guy on tinder who had sex with a thousand girls or so.. But men are emotional beings too. When they are extremely attractive they sometimes dont get emotional support because sadness is of course a best overcome with sex (lol). In a Healthy Gamer clip a very attractive guy said that he sometimes has sex with a women just so that she is willing to talk to him about emotions.