Jannes

But kids often suffer in school a lot when they have adhd. Its quite the predicament for parents.

Hehe, I needed to teach my family hugging. My dad is quite akward at it. No a hug is definitely way more intimate for me then a handshake, fistbump or something like that. Its only part that I dont know who is comfortable with it, most are and I know that. Its too much for me.

Men ... I am really kind off in pain emotionally/ socially. I need a break.

I struggle with this in a social context a lot. I need a lot of time to let people close to me, the social world moves at a much higher speed then I am comfortable with. Hugs are kind of part of the whole game so I do them even though I dont fully feel comfortable with them. But I am not really following my inner compass with this, you know when you feel your inner voice of I wanna hug this person because it feels good and this person because it feels good, its all just mudded for me so I going about it logically and when I feel overwhelmed that manifests itself kind of autistically.

Oh God this is so painful to listen to I thought he had a real talk with him but the solution seemed to be to get to level two of sucking up to him.

Lol, "Trump isnt perfect and he knows it" Trump: I myself ended 8 wars, I deserve the peace price, I did this and that ... Well he is not pretending to be humble.

It is unfair and I understand that the EU doesnt want to go back in time. Not everyone will be happy in such a trade deal though, there are just too many actors involved, its about benefitting the majority. Farming in many European countries is more for possible self sustainability in the case of a war, the speciality is moreso on exporting high quality products. You could maybe make a co2 tax, which finds a compromise between the interest to get this trade deal through with the South American Countries and also to protect the farmers a bit. But the deal was 25 years in the making, wouldnt that be considered? Maybe it was considered but was just not acceptable for the South American Countries.

I am feeling the same feeling of exhausting/ blockage which I felt yesterday as well but much stronger now. Too much people, I cant take it all. Maybe I need more breaks. Or maybe more perceived freedom. Oftentimes I feel like I just go along, all the paths are made for me to take but they arent really my own.

Interesting dreams today. Questioning my decision yesterday to not go through it but I think I was right. Also people yesterday looked at me a bit weird. Almost like they were integrated into my backstory. Which could very well be the case, I talked to the ex-theatre friend of mine a few days ago and asked him if he knew two people there who are also mathematicians, one of them being a girl who I kinda flirted with and who seemed very interested. So if he brought that up then its likely they talked. She looked much more interesting yesterday then usual. Cant really decide. Yesterday she was girlfriend material.

That one girl basically asked me to smash. Not directly but its also not super subtle. I really didnt feel it though, the connection just wasnt there. Feels a bit insane though, she looks good. But its the emotionally better choice.

Men tonight was rough. I think I was overloaded from the previous day. I went to the social spot and didnt greet anyone and went straight to the round. I just didnt had it in me and needed to warm up first. This seemed pretty weird to other people. There were like 2 or 3 moments where this was really noticeable. Told a friend that I am thinking why I have these autistic-ish moments sometimes. It was a good feeling to just straight up get it out. It forced me to think more about it. Adhd cant be autistic-ish be ause with adhd assertion is less possible so you have to be more strategic about what you do. This makes it less free and organic which is autistic-ish. And of course many negative experiences I have had. Went outside and talked to another friend of mine. It was pretty nice. We played a little dart. We had an actual conversation, not just chit chat and it was just him and me and I felt how I was freeing up especially in my belly. With that I went back inside and it went better. Its interesting that this guy was like a super hetero cis men. Coming from Russia. I like my queer friends but maybe its just a bit much at times. Thats not how I woud wish to feel about it, but I have to name the reality to work with it. Also when I flirted successfully with that one girl, the queerness didnt bother me much at all. Its all just survival forces pulling.

The Audiobook ADHD 2.0 was quite helpful. I gathered a lot of information from different sources though. Youtube, self help groups, Audiobooks and of course your creative intelligence has to put it to good use.

On point. The european parlament voted with a small majority that the EU and Mercosur trade deal should be examined by the european court of justice. Damnit, thats tragic in these times. On the other hand inner conflict in the EU because of a trade deal that feels unfair to some countries would be terrible as EU needs to stick together.

Learning about adhd and coping mechanisms helped me a ton, thats for sure. If I can solve every problem through knowing about adhd mechanisms I dont know.