Jannes

In some romantic context I often had this super strong emotional fight IS SHE THE ONE AND ONLY OR NOT !? What the hell is that...

I am so so scared from a freaking date (the potential of connection afterwards), what the hell !? Seems like I am going in the right direction.

So first off I was scared to go and interestingly memories from negative memories off my past in the romantic context came up. So dating or romantic feeling are definitely strongly linked to bad memories which is one of the reasons I dont engage in them that much. The date itself went okay, it felt a bit forced at times like we actually went out on kind of a date date, but it wasnt really casual low pressure. It was cool with her but it didnt lift up. Afterwards a friend came around and he got the full story. He got me to write her that I wrote a message that I liked out meeting and would like to meet her again. I felt the full rainbow of resistance feelings, asking her out for a second meeting felt so hardcore. I am definitely in a full fear zone, very much out of my comfort.

Oh dear diary, there is so much to talk about

Maybe I just cancel my payment and take the one I want when I am clearheaded.

Today at impro I realized how I just talk more and more with less filter. I open up more about my personal life and dont care as much how it is perceived. ... Nice!

I hate decision making

Not sure anymore, the first one looks a bit retro and grounded and the second one a bit wannabe cool and maybe that looses its charme after some time. But the second one allows more place on the desk.

I am really nervous for tomorrow. When I am honest with myself I really opened up the possibility of committing to someone when really I have very little idea if we actually match. She could be a total psychological mess from what I know.

The one on the right looks way better RIGHT!?

I just bought such a thing on amazon but I made the decision too fast, I wanted to get the decision off my chest but maybe that wasnt the way. Functionally I by far the best fit, I can turn the thing 180 degress such that the electric sockets turn away from my table. I have got a few cables which I can connect and the cables would stay completly off and away from my table that way .. wait I could also just turn the port away from the table with every other multi electric adapter ... am I like stupid . Okay that ends the debate in my head lol. I was gonna say its functionally the best BUT design wise its flawed. It looks like an ugly brick when you turn it around and I put a lot of care to make my desk look cool. ... If I dont turn it around 180 degress it looks okay but not as good as one other that way my favourite immediately. So do I sent it back and get the other one... FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

Meh cant get myself to do much. But to be honest with myself I havent done a whole lot of university work in the last months as well so my skills arent what they used to be. I need a break. I think I go to the gym lol, but its good to get moving, I was kinda craving that.

Body doubling kinda seems to work .. kinda. I get a toe into my university stuff at least. Maybe the combination of body doubling and medication is the killer hmmm...

Oh wow you can screw electric sockets on your desk I completly missed that. Makes a fine addition to my very minimalistic and orderly working space. I would also highly benefit from a bluetooth mouse and keyboard, but for the mouse you need a smooth underground anyway, what a hassle every time.

I am so hyped about the new chinese rubber I bought for experimentation. Traditional chinese rubbers are harder and have less catapult but you can get the same and more spin if you play very active. My soft european tensor felt a bit like a crutch so I am very eager to try the chinese one out. Perhaps its more hype then anything else but perhaps not.