Jannes

Now this is interesting, I do experience myself having troubles focusing without some sort of input. I also heard someone else with adhd have that difficulty and resolving it with traffic noise. I NEED to try this

Raw Consciousness is so beautiful. Its the only beautiful thing. In relationships we experience it for a while. I wonder why we run away from consciousness otherwise though. Like my mind wants to numb and distract itself. Whats the deal? How can't I know any better?

Interestingly my imagination continued a lot in this meditation. And also some parts of my soul, aka deep emotional wounds started to heal. The vibe was a bit like this.

Its so weird actually being on top of my game and not having things to do urgently. Actual free time. I could fall into video games but better invest it into meditaton.

Just did an hour long meditation where I starred at a black point on a piece of paper. I helped me to work through quite a lot of thoughts and relaxed me. No special state of consciousness though. Although a bit. When I closed my eyes and let my thoughts run, I had some creative visions which seemed qualitatively different from my usual creative thoughts. Some kind of outfit, some kind of cristal-hearted-redness mixed with all sort of weirdness. They literally seemed higher/ more holy. Very hard to put into words.

Just cut my beard and only left the mustache and under lipp beard. It looks way cleaner in comparison. I dont know what I was thinking with this 2mm beard before. I never shaved it off completly for years so I never had a comparison. There is a deeper lesson that I sometimes need to change my usual patterns to see the other side... maybe I should do a hookup is what this lesson seems to suggest to me...

I have had a bunch of thoughts recently which I wanted to write down but then I didnt get to it and now I forgot them lol Well I think one was that I recently got really horny. My ex f+ posted some status on whatsapp which seemed pretty intimate. She can kind of convey that in pictures. Its so weird, on the one hand I like that, on the other our f+ relationship was hell, I never truly liked being around her. Its pretty confusing. Maybe I need to rewire my experience with intimacy with another partner.

The strategy to get the link of a video fast works awfully well..

Men oh men. I have pretty good sleep discipline still. Going to bed at 1pm yesterday but I slept about 11 hours. There is little that habit can do then.