Jannes

Men that was pretty brutal. I wanted to do something, but I was missing all the tools for it. Giving a handshake for a goodbye would have been one thing to do.

Why the hell is my device not blocked .. ? Anyway, I had a great social evening today. It was pretty hard to get back into it after a weekend of alone time, not my usual monday event and then getting back into it today at wednesday again. But I managed. Especially the social hierarchies, who not hug and what not was hard, took me back to months. But after that was over I eased into a pretty good social mood. Had one encounter where I kinda started a connection simply bc of adhd. She didnt even interest me that much but just that she was someone new made it instantly super intense and when it got too much I didnt really know how to break it up so I spent most of the time with someone else, leaving her confused perhaps. Thats not cool but I didnt know any better. But such a typical adhd moment I experienced plenty of times. Also what I notice is that I really need to listen to what feels good to me with these hugs and such. When I constantly play a role, I dont have my feelings as a compass bc I betray them. So even though its hard, I need to be honest with myself with who I want to hug and not. I CAN say, Hi it takes me some time until I get warm with people so I am just giving you a handshake for now. In a sense that creates the way to a new connection because I dont enter with overwhelm each time. I really tried to feel into me today. Its not easy. One the way to unfog my inner compass. The wpmi-girl seems very broken, what the hell. I know that she is on anti-depresents, but now she has a whatsapp pic of herself basically collapsed, with her head laying on the shelf "I cant do this anymore".

Complete hit or miss with RV. Two complete fails but pretty good last one. Still not sure what it is but I have a lot of corrections in mind that I always try to apply. I think my very first RV session which was about 6 years ago might have been the best. I remember snippits of it in my practice.

I had a consultation meeting with this skincare professional right away today. I felt very uncomfortable, I mean I have no job atm, its expensive, I already look attractive and my skin doesnt deform me or anything, its just a slight aesthetic inconvenience. The women doing the consulation there also wasnt really that warm, everything was super bright white (literally the whole room and all the items) and she talked basically purely professionally with me. I eased into it after 10mins or so and finally owed my vanity. So the best option I basically have is laser on my cheeks where it is possible that 1 or 2 sittings are enough for 67 Euro a session and for the forehead she also offered treatments in the same price range, it would be more treatments though.

Okay now I needed to sign in with my Laptop. Can you only be signed in with one device at once .. ?

Finally logged in with my phone. Don't know why I haven't done it before.

I need to reserve myself more time to cut some slack. Only watched one Rick & Morty episode today after work was done and my block is coming. I dont need to be a workaholic all of a sudden.

I think I need to brainstorm alternatives. But I have to be honest with myself that this isnt a mechanism to postpone the tutoring. I can ofc quit my tutoring job as well so thats that..

My amount of things that can be done in terms of grooming are insane. Yesterday I trimmed my eyebrows and picked out some hair. And it does make a positive difference. In a way I kind of like the process though. I dont think I am getting out of hand yet.

Its so trippy to get things done when doing body doubling. These task feel impossible and then in this calm state I just gently dismantle them. Before my eyes I see that they are nothing more then small practical inconveniences. I breath through this .. fear I guess .. with this gentle, calm energy. The goal is actually to get all the practical things out of the way so I can tackle tasks which I want to tackle. I actually didnt push myself to that point. Before that I usually went doing game in Berlin or something. So this is something I should do now. Get the practical stuff out of the way and that work on a passion.

Tutoring for students doenst pay well over the website I would use. Minimal wage or less. But here is the thing, I can learn a lot from that. I can learn if I like to work with people 1 on 1 and its probably a pretty chill job. Like seriously. Rather a chill job where I dont burn out then the opposite. So I am thinking a lot about it.

Nice find! I am confused by his interpretations of the results though. MRI has a error range of 1-2%, but there is a trend in all muscle groups.. It would have liked to see what exact rep ranges he actually used. 3 reps on the lower side or 30 reps on the higher side both seem a little extreme so if he in practice tried to be more moderate about it or not makes a big difference. Also a comparison between only high or only low weight training vs training with mixed weights would be interesting as a comparison.

RV was great today. Well, not the results but the doing itself. I am way more emotionally stable from just yesterday, which makes the RV practice way more enjoyable. The silence doenst kill me as all the emotions that would usually flood me were already dealt with. Thats at least how I think it works. I need to make body doubling an essential part of my daily routine.

That I started with body doubling yesterday is a bit of a shock to my whole system which flooded me with productive thoughts and healthy productive emotions, like I could emotionally work through some stuff. I needed to get out of bed two hours earlier even because my system switched to productive mode. Its ridiculous in a good way. And a bit scary tbh.

Body doubling works again. I got some things done. Wohoo Starting body doubling aint that easy though.