Jannes

What I find suspicious is that some trans people have trouble acting. Or at least in impro one time there was someone who identified neither as male or female (was biologically male). That person got assigned a role as a manly priest but then right before they would start the acting scene they suddenly left, never to be seen again. You can interpret many things into it, but interpreting it as that they didnt want to play a role considered masculine seems natural. I dont have a problem playing a female character, most women dont have a problem playing a masculine character. If a trans person truly is what they feel like they are then playing the other gender shouldnt be problematic, as compared to what they truly are THIS is just acting ... But I get that it can be triggering when you have to justify to other people your gender identity all the time and then arent even consistant yourself ..

Yeah for me thats super true. I think everyone can benefit a lot from blocking social media/ youtube. But for me the difference is very extreme because my nervous system is so sensitive.

The one girl I wanted to ask for a number today brought her bf/ fuckboy whatever with her again. I thought it was over with them or something. And I was really confident I wanted to ask her for her number today, I really pictured her as a viable girlfriend. Well if she was still with him it wouldnt have changed much, but I could have asked her for her number way earlier. IF I WAS MORE OF A CHAD THIS WOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED. It interesting, without youtube to escape, I take all the blame on myself.

It was nuts today at my social spot and I had so much more confidence then usual, even gaming wasnt really that nerve wrecking. I feel a bit dirty though, I flirted with so many girls today.

I am kind of connecting my new self which is comfortable with less stimulation with a natural non medicated self. And this strategy of mine does indeed help with a lot of things but it doesnt have to be the solution for everything.

Couldnt get anything done right now, I just felt sleepy and a bit sorrow

I think I will take some medicinet tomorrow. I need a boost to work on my university stuff

I am not lazy, I make a conscious decision to dowhshift: https://karrierebibel.de/downshifting/

I watched a gay cartoon porn a couple days ago and I am still kind of off-put by it. There is a component I like about it, at least in the cartoon version, but I am also put off by it. Weird.

When I said goodbye to someone today I kind of gave them a longing smile .. hard to put into words but definitely showing some deep romantic-ish interest. And the thing was, it was a dude. ... I have no idea what just happened there. I kind of looked at him a couple of times, I noticed his good style before I knew he was gay/ bi with a bias on guys, he is super chill to talk to and he looks attractive. Soo yeah he is kind of in this exception realm but I cant tell what that reaction of mine was.. it seemed genuine on my end but I cant connect the dots really. Am I surpressing something so deeply that I cant even make it conscious when I focus my attention on it?

Men, one of the very few good things humans did was create open source projects. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DYAT1RbgRLZ/ We need an open source amazon, or an open source marketplace at least.

A lot of that gloryess vibes from yesterday are gone. I have only slept for 6 hours, thats probably part of the reason why.

My inner thighs hurt like crap. They are so sore from last training session. Maybe thats one way to increase the size of my legs.

I just texted a girl from university which I like. Well, at the point where I had the least sexual interest she seemed like the best choice. Not because she isnt sexually interesting but when you take sexuality out of the equation she seems healthy. But really this confronts me with what I really want. I am telling myself that I am not interested in casual sex and emotionally I actually do feel drawn towards her but there is just this inner will to bang a lot of girls still.. I think I have never observed this inner conflict so closely.

I think its because much of social interaction is a bit forced, in this moment there was a real vibe going on so you didnt need to force anything.