Jannes

The essence contains everything. Even the energy for the form of a square. The mind doesnt need a picture of it, the energy can convey that form. Although to a certain degree a picture in our head is always needed so that it can be articulated. But that isnt unique to the form of a square and it should always be kept in check. Too much mind distorts the reality, mind should play the bare minimum to name it.

This is okay as well. Whatever keps me out of my mind is okay. Everyone needs to find his individual technique here.

What I need to do is naming the essence as soon as I view it (within 3 seconds). The longer I think about it the more wrong it gets.

Got my questions answered and had 2 viewing sessions with my trainer today. On the first one I was basically correct 5/5 On the second one I was 0/5 I liked the atmosphere and I got a lot of questions answered.

Impro acting didnt go well today, I had no drive. That I didnt have university before probably didnt help. .. Men I have the picture of a homeless person with a lot of snodder running down her nose in my mind. I saw this scene a week ago where a homeless person had thick snodder running down her nose while she was eating. Maybe it was mixing with her food. It was just too much for me. I dont know how to get red of that picture in my head, I tried to go through it but its like I am hitting a hard wall inside my mind which doesnt want to process it lol.

I have got a meeting with my trainer tomorrow. I should prepare a few questions. 1) Are there focus techniques which are also stimulating? 2) I dont know what to do when I immediately get a picture in my head after viewing the essence when I should view something that asks for a picture like a form. So how do I seperate an authentic essence in picture form from my mind distracting me in his usual picture form?

RV was never easy but I feel like I am going mad atm. Possibly because I refreshed my approach which made it uncomfortable. My head cant overtake, I have to be fully in the moment. I experimented a bit with drawing randomly as that was more stimulating then slowly drawing a line and I lost focus there. But this approach also doesnt really work. The candle also not that much today. I am not writing my insights down when doing RV but there are still so many loaded emotions going on inside me when I finally need to get in the present moment. Maybe I just need to get more comfortable with zero distraction.

There is a level of distraction I never wanted to touch, which is the hardware itself. Even with all the blocks in the world, I can still squeeze out distraction from my Laptop and smartphone. Now that I had this hard block at midnight for my laptop I really felt how a lot of distraction was gone all of the sudden. My smartphone couldnt compensate for that. Maybe I should block my whole Laptop more. But then maybe I will just find ways to get more out of my smartphone more. Should I limit that as well then .. ? What will I do the whole day if that is all blocked .. OOoohh thats the point!

The midnight blocker works. I still wake up late, but it was worse before. I just need my 9 hours it seems like so its better to get to bed early. I feel more composed. Stable-ish in a way.

Yeah I like the other one more as well.

Whoa, I dont understand a word but whoa !!

I think I need a job. It would likely make me MORE productive then I am right now, because I get up more. It would also give me a perspective of what I could do with my university degree. Atm I am soely focused on RV. If it works great. But even then I probably want some kind of balance. Some hard structure like a shitty job which is relatively chill and with relatively low responsibility is great to built around.

I feel no motivation whatsoever atm. Just want to sleep.

Yesterdays note as I couldnt access the forum: I didn't write my old theatre club friend whom I appreciate very much and I don't know why exactly. Well for one he is connected to the old theatre club, a powerful force which overwhelms me. Second I generally have a lot of problems letting people close to me. Now I get the thought that our encounter was mostly about him seeing that he was not the problem for me leaving the old theatre club so he was good. Not free love but a developed version of conditional love perhaps.

Yesterday I ended the Audio Book "The 5 Love Languages". Liked the book, but really there was only one main insight in the whole book, which is that people express and receive love differently. We need to understand each others love language to make each other feel loved. Those are the five. I am still contmplating what my main love language is: Words of Affirmation: probably important Acts of Service: no idea Physical Touch: kind of important Quality Time: kind of important to very important Giving Gifts: probably not important And I dont understand this part about Giving Gifts: It is said that being there for someone in a bad time seemingly fits that category. That would make it maybe the most important thing but I would put it to quality time.