adrian284

Hey guys, I need some advise here . I've been meditating for the past year on average twice a week (I'm trying to make it into a everyday habit). But I feel like I still get sleepy or foggy and my mind drifts away often when I sit down and meditate. I feel like when I shake my leg when sitting on a chair and meditating that makes it easier to stay mindful and for example focus on my breath. Walking meditation is another option. But, I remember Leo mentioning in one of his videos that being still is a great way to achieve mindfulness by itself even. Would walking meditation or just moving a bit while meditating decrease the effectiveness of my meditation (mindfulness) or is it as good as being still while meditating?

Thanks for your input @Capethaz . Why is being still better at achieving mindfulness? If I am meditating by formal practice (e.g. focusing on body sensations) but walking back and forth instead would it make a difference as far as gaining results?

@DizIzMikey First of all, all the things you said do not exist do exist. It's just that your thoughts of them are not the only way to perceive them. Human perspective can perceive subjectively, according to mental models of the world created from the first moment of life. We each have no other way of perceiving than our mental models of the world. But that is really just fine, because it's still a manifestation of consciousness, so all the the wonder in the world is there. Second of all, why are you assuming that because you cannot see things or people in your life "objectively" (only as thoughts), that they do not have value to you? Of course they do; they have value in your inner universe and that is as real as any "objective" universe.

The perspective that really has helped me and I think is the ultimate big-picture truth is that there are randomness everywhere in the universe and you even feeling sorry for yourself for the randomness that is not about your survival is really missing that big picture. As you know, the chances of not being one of the people being literally starving in the world are pretty damn low (statistics show that). So, why not be in ecstatic relief about that fact instead? Those repetitive negative thoughts about the randomness in life are a dumb thing that the Mind of a human does, so start recognizing them that way. I think of those thoughts as thoughts that the Mind/Ego creates to just keep busy, because it needs them to survive. You just got to start practicing to notice them and tell yourself "oh another one of those thoughts. I've thought about this before and came to a conclusion, so no point going over this again" and drop that thought (it takes at least a month of practice for you to feel significantly more positive). You may feel that it's important for you to reconsider things, but that's just the Mind trying to trick you. Be mindful though that you don't continue feeling uneasy in the background (again, just notice it, it goes away). The sooner you internalize labeling these thoughts correctly and dropping them, the sooner you get to the moment in your life when you can't even believe you once morned over such things when there are abundance of neutral and positive thoughts to direct your Mind towards. It has made me significantly less negative and, like I said, is the real truth about life. Give it a try dude

Maybe what you're really asking is "How can you help someone to seriously consider going in the right direction when he or she currently doesn't see the need for change"? When you just say "change someone" it implies quick and impatient action (which doesn't work). It's usually a gradual process and needs to be done through showing the person the correct reasoning through indirect examples when their guard isn't up (e.g. you're not fighting).

Great to see other people enjoy going for walks. It's fantastic, specially if you have an introspective/introverted side. From my experience, walking is an activity that because of the physical movement gives flow in my thoughts (I've done research online on it and it's actually a thing). So I try to have walks in my neighbourhood a couple of times a week and I feel great because I feel like I sort out what irritates me or confuses me about my life during these walks. I also try different routes every time and some times listen to music or audiobooks; it makes me get into the music or the book. I went for a walk a couple of days ago listening to the entire Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon album and it gave me a whole new feel of the album despite having had listened to it a hundred times before. Pretty cool.

I've had this issue for a long time (I'm in my late 20s and since I was a teenager I've had this happen once in a while) that when I'm self-consciously thinking when I fear "what if I blank out now", I blank out. I cannot think at least around 10 seconds and then slowly I can think. Sometimes this even happens when I'm in a conversation and the fear of this happening makes it happen I feel that it's like a OCD behaviour, as I think I obsessively do it to myself because I cannot not do it. Have you guys experienced this before? Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with it or avoid it?

@Evilwave Heddy @Brian Greendahl Thanks for your input. @Truth I agree, that is exactly why the blank-outs are happening. And yes, I have been using that strategy to ignore them when they happen and it works about fifty percent of the times. I'm keeping a look out for other subtle mental tricks to avoid these glitches in my thinking.

I watched Leo's video How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You about two months ago (and a few times since then) and have been trying to be more mindful of people-pleasing behaviour in myself. I've recently started thinking that maybe the focus of the video is for people who display a great deal of the people pleasing behaviour and maybe I'm actually nearly OK in that regard. I know that I have my own ground rules, opinions and beliefs (philosophical, political, taste-wise, etc.) in life and am very insistent on them while being open to other points of view, so I'm not a person who tries to find satisfaction and meaning in other people's approval. But, when I'm in a small to large group of people (e.g. small party), or at random times even in a daily situation like at a mall I do see myself in other people's eye and feel self-conscious about my posture, the way I stand, so on. I think this is more problematic when I'm tired and do not have the energy to be self-conscious about the way I act. I have been recently being convinced that it is actually for my own desire to look a certain way outwardly (for example an image that I have of a 'cool', strong and at the same time down to earth man) that I really don't want to give up on and want to 'fake it until I make it'. So maybe it's not that I care what people think to an unhealthy degree, but that I really want (for my own satisfaction) to fit a certain image that I admire when I'm in public. After all, can't a person have a cool hairstyle or dress up just because it makes him feel good? I should mention, I have been liking my outward image more and more throughout the years (by becoming that image little by little), but still there are anxieties anxieties related to that from time to time. I want to know if even this is a right approach to social life. 1) Don't most people put up a persona (e.g. smiling a certain way or being more self-conscious about how they act, etc.) when they are in the presence of total strangers as well as people who they are not close with? 2) Is that a losing game? Should I stop trying? I would really like some suggestions and other points of view on this. Thanks

@Nomad @Anna Thank you for your input on this. I also think that playing games like these is a requirement for a person in a large society, because how else can someone present himself to many people who he/she comes in contact with on a day to day basis? It's a way of communication. Once in a while, deep relationships can be formed because of presenting oneself well that pave the path for further interaction and forming personal connections. Thanks for your reply Kelley. I think just being in a social situation where I see people who carry themselves well triggers it. Definitely. Everyone does feel self-conscious when they are in some social situations and that is normal. In those situations, the relaxed subconscious persona becomes conscious thoughts. So they fake it until they become comfortable. Also, people don’t like to talk about it because those situations are not pleasant (everyone has some fear of them going very wrong) and can cause anxiety just thinking about them. And I think it is healthy not to think too much about anxiety-prone situations, but I cannot sweep it under the rug now that I have noticed it for such a long time I think I just want to be comfortable with my persona and not second-guess myself in social situations and become anxious. I have been bringing my attention to my body sensations to become present in the moment and reduce anxiety-creating thoughts, and it works if I can concentrate enough at the moment (I'm still learning to do it well). But I think the first step is to come to terms with my persona, understand it and accept it. Any thoughts on that?

@ULFBERHT Well let's forget about the anecdotal evidence. From my point of view, controlling the frequency of masturbation is beneficial as a whole, since by doing so you are exercising the muscle for controlling impulsive pleasure seeking. Exercising that muscle is a good idea because then you have more conscious control over how you spend your life. You have the ability to resist temporary urges and direct your energy towards your goals. For example, that would subconsciously translate to controlling urges to procrastinate or to eat unhealthy food. Also, by practicing this you feel more in control and that would give you boost in how you feel about yourself. So, I don't think completely stopping masturbation is necessary (in fact, controlling the frequency takes more self-discipline, if you can do it) , but if you can restrict yourself to masturbate only once every so often it should definitely make a difference in your life.

@8LanguageStud I understand. In that case, since you' think that you need those emotions for progress, I would say you're right to not try to inspect your emotions too much. But I'd still suggest to also be critical of your conclusions of your progress later on and to remain realistic.

@8LanguageStud This is just a wording difference but I wouldn't call this being enlightened. I would call it having a (possibly strong) glimpse into enlightenment. Not that it makes much difference for the sake of communication, except that way you have a truthful and humble attitude towards it and not make it emotional for yourself. One cannot become enlightened suddenly. I.e. it's not like a drug trip where you're all the sudden shoved into this new world. Sometimes you do (and I have too) get a glimpse into enlightenment and it is very inspiring and illuminating, but you cannot form strong enough bonds to it (your subconscious cannot grasp it well enough as it is too foreign and abstract) and so it evaporates after a few days, a week, a few weeks. I've had this many times. So, just as a cautionary point, try not to form emotional bonds to your glimpses of enlightenment, because the same way that you feel bliss initially, you will feel terrible and disillusioned after it loses it's form after a few days. Meditate more often and generally during the days that follow try to keep calm and be fully present. That way you can really experience them and truly move towards more lasting enlightenment. At least that's what I've been practicing and seems to work.

@Pinocchio I'm "on" pretty much 24/7 too, have been for many years, I think since childhood. I never said it's an unpleasant struggle (it's been a hell of a trip really) or that looking for shortcuts or silver bullets are a good idea. I also do not advise forcing your way into realizing things. Just based on experience, it doesn't work. Tl;dr of what I said was that you need to be smart about your approaches to increasing your understanding. For example, people seem to have been getting much benefit from watching great videos that Leo puts out.

A little off topic, but while we are discussing self-observation as the best way of finding out the truth about your experience... @Pinocchio I agree that observing oneself is something people have hugely overlooked. The text you cited is inspiring and illuminating in that regard. But I don't think, by observing themselves, anyone can find the answers they need in a reasonable amount of time (their life time even), because you can easily overlook things in your experience over and over again , or misinterpret what is happening (especially after accepting life's illusions as reality for many years). Also, it is tough to observe yourself; sometimes it is very demanding on your mental energy, so you don't reach far, get frustrated while trying, or go down the wrong path. I'm saying all this from personal experience (years of self-inquiry along with frustration and some advancement). So I think It is better to try to get the experience of people who have got far if you have that opportunity, rather than restlessly trying to observe what may hide for many years from you.

I think the reason that flow is perceived to be low awareness is that the conscious mind needs to monitor thoughts to make sure it is really present for it to feel present. And if it does start monitoring, the flow would not be flow any more because you are half focussed on monitoring your state instead of fully being engaged in doing the work. It's paradoxical. So, flow that naturally happens without you doing the monitoring of how present you are is higher awareness (and more productive) than flow that is interrupted by self-monitoring of awareness, but it is falsely observed to be lower awareness.

I agree. Flow is not mindlessly performing tasks that you have formed a habbit of doing; it is actually being highly present here and now (i.e. working without mind wandering or resistance) without willingly excercising effort. It's a very automatic process and you cannot think your way into it. So @Siman awareness and flow are not opposites. Flow is being fully engaged in the task that you are doing without much mind wandering.

For me, cardio is a big one. Running everyday for at least 15 minutes makes me feel alive. I always heard about it being very effective but until I tried it consistently for a while I didn't believe it would make such a huge positive difference in my perspective about life.

That's a pretty slick app. I used to use SelfControl which works pretty well. But this one is available cross-platform so you really can't get distracted.

I want to make sure I understand what is meant by "effortless presence" in terms of meditation, especially mindfulness meditation. Does this mean to avoid forcing yourself (e.g. tensing muscles) to be present? Is it similar to when you ask someone to listen very closely (e.g. to hear a barely audible noise) they tend to tense their ear muscles to listen closely (effortfully), even though they really should just relax and simply direct their attention (effortless) to the sound to get the best results? I think I got it down right now when meditating. I relax my body and patiently divert my attention to the present moment as long as I can. I want to make sure I understand what not to do.

I don't think the idea of higher consciousness is to be self-aware (or aware of all your senses) at all times. That is really a kind of 'multitasking' that is not possible. It's more about being able to be here and now whenever you choose. So, when you are working, you should not be aware of your senses. Your attention should be here, which in that case means that you would be effortlessly engulfed in your work, and only that.

From what I understand, being in a high state of awareness/consciousness when you work can be achieved by practicing to be just in the "doing" or "problem solving" mode, without jumping from the "doing" mode to the "wondering what the reactions to my work would be" mode, etc. In other words, your attention when working needs be effortless and unquestionable. For me this needs a lot of practice to maintain long term, because under deadlines and stress my mind starts to wander and I catch myself forcing my attention to my work every so often even.