Atb210201

@Breakingthewall How can I go beyond mind is it by not wanting to go beyond it and just be or should I do meditation and embrace the silence more

@Nahm I do stop focusing on them more than I focus on them but sometimes when I do that it makes me think that I'm escaping to face the truth but I do stop focusing on them anyway because some of these thoughts as I said makes me think of suicide which I don't like cause I've done one suicide before which was before I got into spirituality and even the thought of it scares me but I know deep down I wouldn't do it because I don't see a reason for doing it but still some of these thoughts as I said freaks me out that it's possible to interpret some reason for doing it for me and I think that's what scares me the most when I think about absolute infinity and every possibility

@Nahm What is the difference between thoughts and perceptions isn't perceiving something thinking about it and coming into conclusions about what you thought about which is a thought itself

@Nahm I saw the video of Leo about what is god last night and the things he said about absolute infinity that made me open my mind to every possible possibility and that threatened my survival

@Nahm Yeah maybe that's the case the truth is I'm so doubtful of every thought that I have even my own skeptics I doubt I doubt every concept that my mind creates and this scares me I guess

@Breakingthewall So you are saying that my desire to understanding may be the product of my ego and It would be better to let go of that ? cause I've heard other people saying that to me to but after all what are we but egos trying to understand if we weren't these egos we would be nothing and the godhead which doesn't need understanding

@Breakingthewall Yeah I get what you are saying and actually I did silence it once I took 3 grams of mushrooms and I experienced god i guess but when I realized that all of this world is imaginary and my own imagination I freaked out and went to a bad trip after that so now I know if I didn't think about it and judge it and just accepted it and embraced more silence I wouldn't go into a bad trip and continue to become more aware of god so I try to do that next time but still am afraid of freaking out somehow but it is what it is

I mean they are happening in my mind so yeah they exist

@Nahm Why not ? it's absolute infinity isn't it? Aren't these concepts that in turn are opposed to other concepts also what absolute infinity is ? Doesn't that mean they are possible to be and happen

@Breakingthewall But what is this survival tool that I'm misusing how can I instead of misusing it use it the way to more spirituality and enlightenment

@Breakingthewall Yeah sure I love what you said but if god is absolute infinity and every possibility doesn't that mean all these thoughts are possible to happen ?

Absolute infinity also means literally every thought that we think of is actual and real because they are possible and every possibility includes the possibility of every possibility BEING and HAPPENING this is scary after all what waits for us tomorrow could be a thought of some other version of us in a parallel universe

@kras Dude I was in that state of mind too and it's horrible I was with a girl for two months and then she broke up with me and all I could think about for the next two years was it ended because I wasn't good enough and let me tell you yes to an extent that is true and I only say that cause I know now that I didn't have some better mindsets and skills on that time and yes if I had those who knows what could've happened but the point is I'm over her right now way beyond that and you would be too you only are in that state of mind right now cause you are blaming yourself instead of taking responsibility and action towards making your thoughts and mindset better to make yourself more skillful and the other factor is attachment you feel attached to the person you were with and that's natural too but it's not true whatever you think about a person being special is not true you just make yourself believe that it's true cause you wanna hold on to the idea of that person being special cause you think you did some great thing making her your girlfriend and feel accomplished but none of it is further from the truth cause the truth is you can do it again and again and again and again forever when you are skilled and in the right mindset on top of that you surly will come across girls who you connect with so much more too I know it's hard for you right now but you will get over it if you want in fact you can get over it the very moment you decide to get over it and be serious about it take care my man.

@catcat69123 this was last week with my 3 gr mushrooms trip first I went into the trip with the intention of letting go of any attachment I have to my personality and the self I created and it worked as soon as the mushrooms started to hit I was watching Leo's video on what is death and how immortality works then I stopped the video and told myself come on what are you doing close your eyes and just let yourself be and so I did that exactly and it actually worked I started becoming aware of god and I went so deep into it that in one moment I was aware of how I was moving my fingers and I was creating that then I became aware of everything being imaginary and the product of my own imagination and that was the exact time when I got scared I freaked out and came back to my body this awareness just freaked me out and I didn't want to accept it I don't know why but it scared me and then it became a bad trip and hell for me but it was all good until that moment so yeah I don't know what to make of that yet maybe I was scared of my reality being wiped out and dying in the process so that's why I started getting paranoid and thinking what if I kill myself

I committed suicide before and I know I'm past that shit now but there is a deep fear in me that I'm capable of doing it again despite the fact that I know I wouldn't do that and I don't have any reason to do that but I'm afraid specially when I take psychedelics that if I get stuck in negative thought patterns I would kill myself it's a twisted shit and I haven't discovered how to deal with it yet I know it's stupid intellectually because I don't wanna do that but then again I'm afraid of doing it I would appreciate other perspectives on this situation

@NoSelfSelf But I felt more alive than ever just after that bad trip and it was amazing I surely would still do psychedelics but at lower doses cause it was just too much too handle

@Guillem12 Yeah I'm the same when I smoke weed like when I started smoking weed it wasn't like this I was enjoying myself more but I got freaky from time to time but now I just can't smoke weed with my friends anymore I feel like everybody is against me and feel anxious to deal with people so now I prefer to smoke alone but in that situation of me smoking alone if it's too much it can also make me paranoid and put me in some shitty path of thoughts but I trust myself more to have control there and can calm myself