100rockets

I've been avoiding trying to find my life purpose because that was a scary subject but I need to find a reason to look into the future and wake up every day. I can't afford Leos life purpose course right now but if anyone can recommend anything else for now I'd appreciate it. The reason its scary is because ever since I was a kid I had this dream and a love for music that was my purpose however because of how I grew up and circumstances didn't allow me to pursue and fully master that. I know that this is victims mentality and of course I also take responsibility for being lazy and not pushing hard enough. I'm not young enough to pursue that now and that is the only thing I could think of doing that would make me happy. It's been a major source of depression knowing that I can't actualize that dream. I had a few other ideas in the same field of art, music and such but I am so not interested in the business side of things, I just want to create however I don't see how I can make a living out of this now and I'm not sure which direction to look at. I'm hoping to find a secondary life purpose. All I do know is that I'd want to do, create something that I will enjoy the process of and will be an inspiration for people.

How do you know its not just another perception in the mind? Or a zap in the brain that disconnects the mind from some other aspect of you (you as in brain, body) How do you know its the ultimate truth? The only way to know that is when the mind dies. If mindfulness can change your brain then isn't it reasonable to think enlightenment is a big permanent change?

What is an effective way to release emotions when the person that hurt you doesnt care. It helps a lot when someone that hurt you takes time to listen to how you feel its a permanent release. Writing things down doesn't help me, anything that involved feeling better in the moment helps for the moment but then it comes back. Is there any other effective way to vent that will ease my mind for good?

Maybe this a strange thing to contemplate, I will try to explain .I was contemplating what a thought is, a thought is a sound created in the mind that has a meaning. Thought itself essentially has no meaning, the meaning is created in the mind . Random sounds are not thoughts because they have no meaning so a sound created in the mind of a person speaking one language can be considered a thought and to a another person, the same sound is actually nothing, just a phenomena in the mind. So what we see in the mind (images) and feelings are dependent on the meaning of that thought. The thought is a cause, the meaning produces the effect. One way to look at what meaning is that it is simply a connection in the brain like how a keyboard (thought) is connected (meaning) to a computer (effect- image or feeling) if you press a letter it shows up on on the screen (the mind). But I'm not really satisfied with that. I was trying to contemplate what meaning really is. I thought a meaning is something meaningful but the more I think about it, it looks like perhaps it is all mechanical Just like feelings are? We assign meanings to things for survival or to satisfy some need. Is that really all it is? Is there nothing more to it?

In Kabbalah there is a concept of the ten worlds (perhaps the 10 dimensions? watch the videos on the insight section) and each one being hidden by a curtain that blocks the light from entering where you are. I'm not so familiar with this concept so don't take my word for it but I believe these curtains could be representations of the ego blocking out the light or love of god which resides on the higher dimensions (infinity). Its like a game of hide and seek they say. Perhaps that is the purpose? Well it's an interesting idea. I see that connection from various spiritual sources. The ego makes you forget, the more you reveal and shed layers of your ego, the more of God you can encounter. Maybe it's all a game

@MissMiki Thank you for that! Now thinking about it I have a lot of interests myself I'm going to try and follow your footsteps because it sounds like fun. Perhaps I will comes up with something

Haha that made me smile! I'm a multipotentialite too @ParanoidAndroid it's not practical, to really excel at it i would have had to start really early, master it and push hard to make a name for myself. Perhaps I can still do it on a smaller scale as a hoby or just for inspiration. This whole industry is mostly filled with either very successful artists who make a very good living and on the other hand people want it but get no where and are broke. @Nahm no one really I just don't believe it's practical for me at this time

Did you watch Leos new video today? Are you usually this lucky?

Thank you for this I enjoyed the read

Hypothetically speaking, lets say I was willing to do everything it takes how do I become enlightened fast? What if I do 2 hours of meditation every day plus 1 hour of self inquiry will that work? how long will it take? tell me please! what do I need to do? why wait 40 years? I need it now!

@Anirban657 I tend to fall asleep with this one too, mostly when I meditate in the evening. The time of day can make a big difference, If you can do this during the day when you're very alert it will most likely be easier to stay awake. If you haven't read this yet check out the insight section about when to meditate (https://actualized.org/insights). If you like to keep your eyes open you can try playing with the lighting or setting to see if that helps with the headaches. If that doesn't help try lighting a candle and look at that instead of staring at the walls, that way you can also have your eyes half open and focus on the candle although I don't know if that is something you're supposed to do with the do nothing technique because that might change your focus point from your thoughts onto an object which is probably a different meditation in itself.

@MissMiki I do now, thank you so much : )

Ive never been this suicidal in my life. I was ready to end it all, I drifted away from anyone I knew and locked myself in a cave. I was looking for ways to get out, testing them out, all the while not caring about bills not caring about anything, I knew my day would come. The only thing I had any passion for was exploring reality or non reality. I hit a low point where I was almost on my way out, yet not quite there so I decided to do something drastic and somewhat irresponsible regarding something that was bothering me for a long time, I had nothing to lose, I did not care about the consequences one bit. Maybe a bit, but not enough to stop me, what did I have to loose? I thought if I do this and it turns out bad that will motivate me just enough to push the red button. The only thing I would regret is not exploring reality enough but who knows whats next? I might get to play there too. Sooo turns out what I did turned out pretty well, surprisingly, I got what I wanted. I'm a little confused now because now I have a gimps of hope, maybe something great can come out of this. However I now have to look at the damage Ive done by not caring for so long and repair it. I'm not happy, but I'm happy this worked out and at the same time a little pissed that it did. I know this is vague but I needed to vent a little bit. And a little confused how to go from here.

@Nahm I was in a situation that was draining me but i invested a lot of time and emotion into it. I had a solution but I didn't think that it would be seen in such a good light so I was willing to risk loosing it but it turned out very well. It doesn't sound that bad now but I didn't have the energy to start over if it wasn't going to work. Thank you for your kind words, I am a little better now and have some hope.

Thanks I will look into it Thanks to everyone for the input, I understand that rushing it might be counter productive. But I also know that too little won't get me so far. I really just wanted to know what is the minimum work that needs to be done to attain enlightenment or at least diminishing the ego to a substantial degree in a short amount of time. A few years perhaps, I'm not deluding myself to think it can be done in a week.

@Principium Nexus I know this intellectually however I'm just very impatient lately and would like to speed it up Best answer I swear

Lifestyle wont be so hard I've just been backsliding but I can get back to it. I can find a few days straight for contemplation I never did that before. Thank you Leo.

100% I'm extremely neurotic right now but so what? I still want to know

I dont have savings but I technically live in a cave and I dont interact with humans that much. Yes yes I know what you're getting at Im looking for a serious breakdown of what needs to be done. I know its the quality that matters but I need some direction whats the minimum I need to do to get this done quickly. LEO how many hours a day do you spend on this stuff? can you give me a breakdown? Like: 2 hours meditation 1 hour self inquiry 1 hour contemplating 1 hour doing X (I dont have access to the god stuff ) How do I quote user (LEO) when he's not on this thread????

i dont have access to that! And I want it to be permanent

I like meditating when I'm tired, I get this wash of energy in my head as I'm drifting into the dream world and its so lucid. Because I'm meditating I usually drift back into waking state pretty quickly with complete recall of the dreams. I cant really answer your question but I think with practice your dreams can be lucid enough to start to play with them which ever way you want.

I've been very suicidal lately. I'm realizing I'm scared of life, and I'm scared of death. We humans have so much shit, the insecurities, the pain, the fear. Fear of loss, fear of rejection. Entitlement. All these sensations of hunger, thirst, pain, attraction, feelings. For what? Whats it all for? What is the point? We're so ugly, ugly creatures. I'll spare you some of my morbid thoughts but the whole process of living and dying its bad and its ugly. What is it for? The reason I'm posting this here and not under serious emotional problems is because this thought just occurred to me, where is all of this anyway? Where is the pain? Where are the insecurities? Where is all the ugliness? It all runs so deep, its so huge I never realized this before. Even the good things are ugly, Where is all of it? The pain or the pleasure or joy or whatever. I can't point to any of it. What the ** is going on? What is this? It's like the whole thing a cosmic joke

Leo said that pick up is a paradigm, is the idea of the one and only a paradigm? If you hold someone, or certain people to be special? And there is another paradigm where no one is special and dating a lot of people is a good way to go because they're all special at the same time? Is the one and only an idea of the ego to hold another as special so that your own ego feels special itself? Just a thought..what do you think?

Strange..but this helped me a lot. I actually enjoyed becoming disgust This works for me sometimes. It's the acceptance part that's easier said than done but I will keep working on that

@Leo Gura I had to contemplate what you were saying for a while, I can see it now. I'm not sure what to do with it but I do see your point. Thank you for that.