100rockets

Leo please make a video on this!

How do we create purely positive motivation towards something? Motivation that comes from lack, need or something that is suddenly taken away from us doesn't seem to last long from my experience (and what I see in others) unless the experience of lack was so traumatic, yet even then its a struggle to do what I know you should be doing. I do it a little better than I did before because of the fear of experiencing something bad again but not as good as I would be doing it without the fear of failure and its consequences in the background. Motivation takes a high peak for me when I experience something negative but it is always accompanied by fear and stress, then it slows down when I reach some sort of comfort zone and the stressor is gone. I have read that to really accomplish something you cant fear the lack of it. How do you tackle this? For example if you are motivated to start a business in order to increase your income because you are struggling to pay your bills. How do you become conformable not being able to pay your bills so that you can start your business from a place of only positive motivation? I know you might say do something you love to do anyway which is positive motivation but what I'm saying is that the stress of not being able to pay your bills is still there and that is really what is getting in the way. Even if your finances are good, I think the fear of not having everything that you want is still a negative motivating force in whatever you do to increase your income. I'm not pointing to a specific scenario here, the same can be said for any other area in your life, dieting for example, many people cant loose weight without gaining it back because even though they are positively motivated to be healthy they also fear not having the perfect body for social reasons. So my question is first what is your take on this? and second, how do we really become comfortable with lacking what we want or the fear of not having it in order to not be motivated because we DONT have it so we can only be motivated because we just want it.

Thanks! I will try it

I like audio books read by the author or someone else who reads it properly, not like a robot. Most audio books I find (on you tube) are read like robots, where do you download yours from?

I haven't thought of it as neurosis but I have to agree. I have been actively learning new things, I find that self help is helpful but also somewhat of an obsession to get out of my old obsessions. When I come up with new epiphanies Its often somehow related to my already obsessive thoughts. I guess it's a matter of finding more interests.

I started reading up about chakras. im wondering if the chakras energy changes often? Heres an example, its a little extreme but lets say you feel very motivated and passionate about a goal that you work on it for days and nights that you dismiss everything else in your life and some days you forget about it and dont have motivation at all. Or what if you your self esteem is very high but when you gain some weight it goes down. Motivation and self esteem are related to the third chakra so does that mean that the 3rd chakra energy is constantly moving from being over active to under active?

Leo, while working on self actualizing my understanding and perspective changes a lot. The more I learn the more I see how much I screwed up in the past and how many people I've hurt, myself included.I cant help but think sometimes "what the **** was I thinking??" On some level this is good because you should always grow and understand things on a new level but I have a hard time accepting my mistakes and the relationships I've broken even though they've brought me to do the work. I think regret in general is a good topic to cover because it usually keeps people stuck in the past instead of moving forward plus its something that everyone deals with on some level so it a popular subject.

I've had a seriously traumatic event in the past. Actually it's been a traumatic time in my life with some events that were worst than others. Right now overall day to day I'm doing pretty good, I'm trying my best to focus on the positive, being grateful and taking responsibility for my own feelings and how I let others treat me. I don't spend much of my days thinking about those past events anymore (although they do briefly cross my mind) but I just came across a picture today that reminded me of something and it all came back. The anxiety, shame and guilt for letting these things happen etc it made me sick to my stomach until I moved my attention to something else. I'm actually proud of myself for moving from it so quickly, normally I would go into a full blown panic attack and get stuck in a loop of self loathing thoughts. However, the fact that I was able to move my thoughts into something else (thank you meditation) doesn't mean that I've dealt with them properly. I realize I'm still reliving the past if I'm holding such a strong emotional charge that can get activated so easily. I know I need to do something about this, maybe change the way I see past events or fully accept them but I don't want to go to therapy or start reading books about healing traumas. I'm scared its just going to throw me back into feeling like a victim repeating things endlessly in mind. but I do need some tools for dealing with difficult memories when they arise. If you have any tools that helped you I would love to hear them. Thanks!

@Kelley White I am going to put this on my read list. Thank you

@DrMatthewsausage There is a lot of good advice on this thread. I dont know if I can add much but just want to say I understand where you are coming from. It's important that you don't get stuck on how other people even your parents are treating you or helping you to improve, this can get you stuck in a cycle of self pity and anger for a long time. Instead take charge of your own health so that you can live the best life possible, it seems from your post that you are already trying to do that so thats great! One thing that can be very helpful is visualization. If you make it a practice to visualize where you want to be a few years ahead every day you may realize that you start to come up with creative ways to move towards that. There is plenty of information online about this and I believe that LEO has a video on this topic as well. You don't have to come up with a big plan right away, just take some small steps. For example, can you go to the supermarket with your mom and pick out some healthy foods? Also, you said that you suffer from social anxiety. I don't have advice on that specifically, maybe if you post a topic for that alone you can get more information from other users but for general anxiety and stress you can try yoga. It can help you with stress, sleep and your overall mood. I hop this helps, stay strong

@Kelley White He talks about some things I haven't thought about. Also the dbt link is very informative with useful step by step techniques. Thank you for this!

@Sarah_Flagg Thank you. It helps to know that others have been able to get over their past traumas. I am considering therapy

@Ayla I'll probably will, in more detail. Thanks Ayla

This sounds very philosophical, not my strong spot but this is interesting. A thought is energy, its energy in your mind and body that you put into language and becomes a thought. If you hold a certain type of energy for long you will have thoughts that come one after the other that are on the same energy level. I like what you said. From my perspective - if thoughts are energy (like anything else that is physical) then when it fades (or there isnt too much energy to distract you from who you really are) then there is nothingness. But then again, energy never really dies, it just takes on another form. So are we energy or nothingness? I'm confusing myself now

@Toby Im heading to a book store this week, I'm going to get in an unspoken voice, thank you for the recommendation! @Connection Thank you for taking the time to post all that info, I have tried it briefly the other day and I did feel better. Been very busy this week, that kept my mind off of things which is good. I will look deeper into it hopefully it will help with my issues.

I have the same issue with studying, working, paying attention, it shows in every area of my life. Meditation helps a lot! A few months into it and I can feel a big difference in my ability to move my attention to where I want it to be without my thoughts taking over. I really recommend meditating. You can watch some of Leo's videos on the subject. Also having a good diet and making sure that you dont have any vitamin deficiencies is important for focus and to staying calm.

I think what Elena said was smart. Focus on yourself, hopefully he will see the change and follow you. Ask yourself if you have to cut everything you normally do with him completely. For example If you get drunk with friends every friday maybe you can keep doing that but you dont have to drink with them! You can also ask him if he'd go with you to dinner one friday instead but when he wants to hang out with friends then go with him, do your thing - dont drink and allow him to be himself as well. Be patient and see if he's picking up on anything. If he doesn't maybe you should talk and tell him how you feel, see if he can work with you in some areas. If all fails at the end you will have to make a choice but for a 7 year relationship maybe some patience is worth it, at least to know that you tried.

@Toby In an unspoken voice has great reviews. Looks like it's worth the read. I'll look for his audiobook too, thank you! @Ayla Thank you for these videos! very helpful

@Connection I've also heard of this before but I never tried it. I just watched a short video about it now, it seems like something worth trying. I'm going to read more about it and give it a shot. Thank you!

For me picking a few main areas that are most important to me and taking small steps to improve in each works best. I recommend trying that That way you're not neglecting the other areas. You can pick 2 or 3 things to start working on and then add on to those once the first few have become a routine. I think Meditation is the best place to start as it can help with addictions and help you study better (not necessarily harder because you will be more focused and possibly be able to study the same materiel in less amount of time - it becomes easier).

Ive been working on changing and creating new habits in the past few months and Ive been doing pretty good overall. The problem that I run into is when the success of building one habit is dependent on other ones. For example, I know that I need to exercise regularly but every time I do, I feel tired for days, my body isnt able to handle the lightest exercise because of my poor diet. I dont eat very healthy, Ive been working on that too but slowly, because if I do it all at once I will fail. I need to build small consistent habits. The problem is that eating healthy is expensive so if I want to eat healthy regularly I also need to spend more on food which means that I need to cut back on other things so I need to work on my spending habits and/or growing my income. I can go on and on with this but if I stop here then I can conclude that in order to exercise I need to work on my finances however, the reason I wanted to exercise to begin with was to feel better so that I can work better and concentrate on learning new things (so I can grow my income). Any advice? Thank you!

Thank you everyone for the replies. I tend to want to change things all at once sometimes and end up frustrated not realizing how negative I'm thinking. Perhaps I should focus on what I can do in baby steps and be happy with what I can achieve in smaller increments rather than try to get ahead of myself. In time it will add up. J. M. Wigglesworth you nailed it, when I think healthy I'm thinking organic, chia seeds etc but I can start with making some dishes with cheaper alternatives and drink lots of water then build up from there. Thanks guys