Focus

Also that 10/10 hottie (who everyone wanted attention from her) from uni who literally bent over infront of me like we're some Animals on National Geographic when I was doubting myself and thinking she’s out of my league when in reality it was the opposite ayy lmao

Also this alot

not knowing any of this earlier taking misleading advices not trusting anyone nor myself Limiting my true potential for low stuff that don’t matter downsizing myself basing my real value on this world not on reality not taking this work seriously procrastinating holding my true desires and replacing them with lower ones giving up while under pressure not combating difficult emotions fearing thoughts that don’t exist wasting my time not being and doing every moment I spent judging/hating thinking I’m limited blending in with an ignorant society wasting my love on people who don’t appreciate it not giving those in need sitting on my ass so long waiting for a miracle when I’m the miracle Wasting my time on thought fearing religion worrying about others opinions and thoughts not taking care of myself and my vessels needs letting my ego run wild and ruin things for me living in fear not appreciating love and life myself thinking so much about what’s going to happen and not doing what I should be doing not living in the now not having a vision or purpose spending time drinking and beating my dear consciousness being a prisoner of the mind

Your forums name is literally Illusory Self bro, deep down you know that you don’t have a self therefore you don’t have low self esteem.

Mate I was just watching this and your post crossed my mind so I had to share

If everyone is you and you truly on that level why would there be the notion of shame? You wouldn’t be one with everything if you still hold on to shame, shame isn’t you.

The real case no matter what their interpretation is its still going to be the same reality all together with people’s interpretation about it, people die, their interpretations go away but reality remains.

@peanutspathtotruth How can one develop Ego?

But even if they were, actually I asked myself this question last night and here is my answer that I just thought of now, even if they were, aren’t our chemicals also part of us? And we are part of one with them? Then there must be some truth to them. I think there’s truth in everything in this world, it’s all matter of awareness and perception but you can’t go wrong unless it’s “you” who wants to go wrong.

Breathing fully Laughing Higher Perspectives Alan Watts

Reminds me of Joe Pesci the Actor.

No, I’m not italian but I’m studying the language right now Anyways, I asked my father and he played the victim, like what else we gonna do.

We have an incompetent irresponsible Pharmacist in our team, he shows up late, delays preparing his delivery orders he receives on the phone or on Whatsapp and he might go talk on the phone or go eat while on shift leaving his order for anyone else to prepare or acting like the workers beneath him are his slaves so they go get the order when their real motive is just getting shit done not obeying him or anything, he is very lazy and his energy is very negative and low, very narcissistic, he thinks he’s above everyone else and acts like it’s his place (which we don’t mind because we want every worker to treat our pharmacy as his place but at least show some respect) He doesn’t get up unless the client is an attractive female and he is deceived he is good looking and tries his ways by acting goofy and silly (Cringe) My father has been patient with him for over 4 years but he never showed any progress, even though my father has fired my cousin when he simply talked to a girl and got her number he never fired this guy when he went to clients homes telling them he does massage (this has fucked me mentally really well because we don’t do massage…) He also has series of incidents like this one where he followed an indoor client to the outside to get her number, the thing is my father is really serious and assertive, he doesn’t tolerate such a behavior, at my training when he told me to read a pamphlet of some eye drops and my smart ass went online to read it instead of looking into the tiny text on the actual paper he gave me a 30 minutes lecture outside telling me “ I won’t let you destroy what I created my whole life “ I was paralyzed by the way he delivered it, he was really serious about it and he is very serious and precise about the most simple stuff in life even the ones that truly don’t matter That worker doesn’t bring any real value to the place, he acts like a douche, brings down team members simply because he isn’t an assistant like the rest of them “even though they have more experience in work and life” he drools over women, he simply shits where he eats and my dad has never fired him last night he got a number of one of our clients from the system and texted her, she sent the screenshots to my dad, and he was willing to fire him, Honestly I was really happy and in amazing relief, but he brought his father and simply apologized…like I don’t understand how he thinks? Bringing your father to witness your fuckery at the workplace and how you can’t be trusted at all with anything? the other thing I can’t understand is how my father who is a really serious goal oriented boomer lets this piece of an ass in his Pharmacy when I do the simplest mistake all hell break loose .. Ok I know life is an illusion but what the heck is this?

He’s 28, and that’s my own business lol

Yeah, that’s the ideal response and thats what the whole team suggests Idk how it would be like in the upcoming days in the team, seriously idk how my father thinks

Pain in the ass man, truly. He isn’t an Alpha, more like a sissy tbh.

Damn no reply?

I’m really sick and tired of this shit, I was born to a really narcissistic father his ego knows no limits, since I was a child he would give me the hardest criticisms and point out my deformity ( I was born with a cleft lip and a cleft palate ) and say I look like a frog, even I was really confident and comfortable with how I look he destroyed that completely, when I was younger I would write stories and poems he would criticize it and make me finish before I even begin In the last year of high school (the year which would decide my whole future) he fucked it up very hard for me and ruined my emotional and mental health, criticizing me harshly, sadly I was young and dumb enough to ruminate about it and get into a downward spiral and I didn’t get a degree high enough to join the faculty of pharmacy (he is a pharmacist and he decided it already for me to be one because it would be easy in life for me since he already is a pharmacist and he owns a pharmacy) I had to travel abroad to another country to pursue that certificate, once I arrived there I felt all the tension, anxiety, and worries release and I tasted freedom after being locked psychology in the state of depression and sadness, he was like a strap in my throat and I felt like his slave the whole time I really enjoyed my time there even though I was really lonely (didn’t find similar minded people) the weather was really cold and the town was dead, basically nothing was there to do, so I decided to waste some time in college to prolong my stay since it was better than the hell I was in I’m not joking, he would really point out how I look even though no one cared and say people will laugh at how you look like when you grow older, etc he then found out about my college situation and decided to pull me from college and go back home, I saw hell before I died these days Then he forced me to go to work for him, as I had no other options, I saw how he controls and over powers his workers, then dominate them, I found out that the problem wasn’t me like he proposed, no it was him and his workers had no other option than submit to him each day at work felt like absolute hell, I lost taste and smell, air feels really heavy when it enters my lungs and I can’t get that sweet smell of the air’s breeze anymore He would literally humiliate me infront of workers without understanding thinking I did a mistake with a client and demanding me I fix it (once I called a client to tell them their order was ready for pickup but it was a different dose than what they ordered, The purchases manager bought the wrong dose and it all fell on my head) my dad would just keep shouting without listening to me to tell him it wasn’t my mistake, It’s my fault I never put a limit on his narcissistic ass because obeying parents is a part of obeying god and shit like that, fuck me. a couple of weeks ago he found out that the gas bill was paid by god knows who, he immediately thought that my mom was a cheater and she opened the door for the guy and paid it without my dad being there, even though my mom never opens the door for anyone when she’s alone (it might sound stupid to you but we are conservative muslim people and there is a big red line between men and women here) he didn’t get convinced and left the house I went to visit him and brought some fruits, I bought him a decent amount he then criticized me again and said “You only bring this amount of fruit to someone who is in jail” then he went yapping the same shit he been repeating for 15 years about how irresponsible I’m and I’m a stupid baby and shit like that, like man, I cared enough about your stupid ass that created a dramatic fake situation and broke my mom’s heart then left the house like a fucking dog even though I’m not irresponsible and some genuine good friends have mentioned how good I’m and a lot of people really respect and appreciate me, but at work he has me ruined, I don’t feel myself when I go to work and even though I’m the one who really cares about the place, fix problems and comes up with good marketing ideas he would just debunk it and go ahead, what is this mental fuckery at age of 12 he made me go to a therapist even though I had no problems, and the therapist pointed out it’s him who creates problems and it’s his mistakes, he still didn’t confess one of his workers slept with 3 of our clients by saying he does massage (like lol?, he is a pharmacist not a masseur) and he didn’t fire him even though that worker is really incompetent, sits on his ass all days and cheesy most of the day (I’m not judging him, that’s everyone’s opinion) then my dad would go into rage mood and cut me 8 hours when I send an order to a wrong code (even though it was the client’s fault for giving me the wrong code and when I told him the name of the code holder he said yes that’s me when it wasn’t) bro, I’m so done with this, I literally don’t do anything in my life except work and sleep right now, I indulged in some drinking and smoking to ease off the immeasurable pressure but this still aches me, I have stopped now he just would yell and shout at me to break me without listening, even when I’m right, I have never done him anything horrible, never insulted, or shouted, or hit him even though he deserves that from me like since I was born he would yell and shout and say that I don’t think like if he thinks when he is using the same speech for 15 years and it would always bring out catastrophic results he doesn’t treat me normally no he treats me like a literal dog, and there are many incidents like the ones I mentioned but I would rather forget than list here I’m stuck in this and don’t do what the fuck to do, it’s so fucking pathetic and I had enough dealing with such a life I used to cry about this when I was younger but damn now I laugh but still it’s the same loop going over and over all the time again and again, like till when? he doesn’t talk to me like normal people he is just doing what he is doing and when I answer back giving valid logical understandable answers he would just shut me up and tell me enough with the excuses till my voice goes muffled, he is 64 now and I’m 25, he never taught me anything useful, most of my knowledge came from youtube videos, his advices are stupid and trash and he thinks he understands and knows everything even though he doesn’t and he thinks everyone likes him when they only lick his ass for money, how to get out of this fucked up life? I’m currently studying business and I don’t think I will be running his pharmacy when he passes, I would sell it and leave the whole country but till then how do I get this stupid cu** out of my head?

Get any Vitamin D supplement 10,000mcg and take it 5 times a week(skip Thursday and Friday) , you can also benefit from taking injections every 2 weeks for two or three months then do another test, my vitamin d level was 5 and I did that

Thanks for the boost, man, I really appreciate your answers I take L Thianine daily No, there was no problem I just wanted to check Psychedelics are much better than therapists imo ?‍♂️

It’s good, I have been visiting a nutritionist lately and she prescribed me some medication, I have done some tests before and after and the results are great, I take L Theanine, Ashwaghanda, Mastic Gum, Magnesium, Some Minerals, Bi Complex and Vitamin D3 - my focus has increased and my energy levels are higher than before

After you find the truth, what you gonna do with it?

I began reacting by laughing, just last night instead of weeping like everytime I just laughed

True, but I just can’t limit the interaction on the day he left home it was so blissful, I felt really happy but that feeling dimmed away when I saw him at work bitching about the situation and saying he hasn’t lived a single happy day with my mom even though she carried the floor he walks on, they have been like this for over 10 years and they had the audacity to continue their failed toxic marriage, I had a sister who married someone who she didn’t even like just in order to escape this life, when I went abroad I failed on purpose just to extend my time outside away from him, and on each visit back home he would be doing the same bullshit, like man, don’t you get bored? He has another daughter from a previous failed marriage who he dismisses and acts like she’s not his (sigh) on our last visit to the therapist he was told to abstain from giving me orders, advices, and instructions and he was raging inside about it I really want to leave the whole country but I have got to wait first and find something stable, won’t leave the bad to go to the worst, but I won’t also continue like this, I just need to stop him and his negativity, he doesn’t even spend time with me and when I was younger he would bitch cry about me not calling him father or dad when he never treated me like a son. the sad thing that I’m really a caring, and polite person I don’t go around harming people and yet I get this treatment.

.