Alysssa

Is this a real problem or a natural state of the mind for some people? I think that there is a scale like introvertion extrovertion In this case it would be Longer attention span and shorter attention span most of the people are in the middle of the scale with some tendency to longer attention span or shorter. And there are few people who are closer to the edges. Both of the edges have pros and cons but it looks like society (or medical industry) is too focused on the people with lower attention span (since they were children at school) because it's harder to make them obedient in class (both the hyperactive and not hyperactive types) and the medical industry see this as an opportunity to invent a problem and sell for them a solution (drugs like ritalin) Maybe short attention span branded like a problem because it has no use in school, work, and modern structures and the idea what a human should be like (although it has it's own advantages that society find not usful and maybe as a threat). I personally think that's insane, it's like being introvert and the doctor diagnose you with a disorder because you aren't extrovert (which isn't very far from the true.. but I'll give more example). Or it's like your dominant hand is left and you are diagnosed with disorder because most of the people are right handed. So I think it's the same. I always get creepy vibes when I hear about Adhd/add and my intuition tells me that something is very wrong with the way people precive it and treat it. But those are my personal opinions. I would like to hear from people who diagnosed with ADHD or ADD by the doctor or people who wasn't diagnosed officially but found the ADHD/ADD symptoms in themselves, what do you think about this disorder and did you ever question it? How this disorder affect your life now? How it affected your life before the diagnostic?

We women are humans as you are and we have flaws and imperfections both in our body and personality, we also full of shit not better than you no matter how we look. I promise it to you and the next time your see a beautiful girl imagine her shiting on the toilet or fart and you won't feel that nervous. I get your point that you really want to have a GF but I think that rather than give up on yourself you really should give yourself another chance and work on yourself, gain knowledge and build a full life and then you will attract the right woman without realizing. You have noting to lose and better to take care of yourself, change your mindset and develop yourself and your life rather than spend the time being hostile toward yourself and life. Give yourself chance to heal. Don't bury yourself alive. How is your confidence? Do you love yourself? Do you eat healthy? Do you have bad habits? Do you take care of your body? of your mental health? Do you aware to human psychology? This thing alone can be very helpful to understand yourself and people, What are your dreams? do you have more dreams except for having friend and GF? Work on your dreams. What about your job? Is it really fills you? Who are you? Have you figured it out yet? But really, have you tried to get out of your comfort zone in life? have you tried to explore new hobbies. tried new things? Have your ever tried to be the best version of yourself? Have you ever considered personal development? You are young person, you have so many years to live, your despair is normal but there are so many things you can do. it won't be easy and it will be very scary but it so worth it.

Or at least the majority of the population, how society would look like? It's a hypothetical question that I had today I know it sounds obvious that it will be better society to live in. I'm just interested to know more details, how enlightened people would manage society, how it looks from the outside and how it feels from the inside and what are the kind of the problems that can arise etc. what do you think?

I accept the true that not everyone find their love of their life. In movies everyone has it's ideal partner. In reality it's much more complicated. I think that it's about 70% luck. As I said I just don't care about it. I don't live my days thinking about how alone I am or dreaming about someone to fill my emptiness. I just live my life and do the things I like. The same things I would do if I had a partner. If I had a partner nothing would change in my life and I would feel the same happiness but with less time for myself. I don't think how poor I am and what a disaster it's to be a single. I just happy the way it is. It's sounds for you impossible because you are not in mentally healthy place as I am. Yes I'm desired by men mainly for what? for sex. and most of the men have no standards about who they are sleeping with so I'm not desired in a special way. I desired simply because I have a vagina and I desired for one activity-sex. I am not desired by most of the men as a GF or wife, this is not the 1st thought of a man when they see me. Maybe I desired in that way and I don't know, I have no clue. I don't have admirers or suitors that I know about. I'm sure you are desired at least by one women without realizing it. Maybe those women who desires you are not that beautiful or attractive enough for your to pay attention on them, or maybe they are do but they just feel from you negative vibe or some cold vibe that makes them scary to get to know you. check your body language, how you stand, how you hold yourself etc. If you are carry your sadness every place you go, it's something that people can see clearly on you thanx to your body gestures. You do think in terms whether something has any use or not without realizing it. Everyone does, and it's not a bad thing as you see it because we are selfish and we naturally need reasons that serves us in order to take an action. That makes sense. You want GF and friends because you feel lonely and they useful for you. If you wouldn't feel lonely they had no use for you. same with work (You work because you need money, money has use for your because it helps you to survive) and any aspect of your life, even your negative thoughts, you hold them so hard because they are useful for you for some reason. As we concluded that everyone is selfish, I prefer those people who are selfish because they seek the ultimate truth rather than those people who are selfish because they making billions by manipulating people and ruin the environment.

I think you need to begin with curing your depression, work on your negative beliefs because it's your weak spot as I see. If you really want to be happy you need strong and healthy mind. Also, you probably have some past traumas that still controling you unconsciously. The fact that you don't remember much of your childhood says that you probably repressed it due to traumatic things that hurted you. It's very important to figure it out and heal your traumas because if you won't they will always control you and distort your reality. Your negative thoughts and you believing in those negative thoughts is simply bullshiting yourself. I don't say it's not important to have social life, for some people it's important but it's not have to be the source of your happiness at your age, because people come and go and if your happiness depends on people or other external things you always be bothered by it because you have no control on external things. External things are unexpected. I actually have no social life at all and I'm happy. I tend to feel lonely with most of the people, not because I hate people but I prefer deep connection with people rather than shallow connection and it's not that easy to find it in my everyday life. But it's not bothering me because I'm not attached to the idea of having friends and having boyfriend. If it will enter to my life it will be fine but if not I'll stay feel good because I'm a friend of myself, I love life, I passionate about it and I'm curious to see my full potential so I'm constantly learning new things, skills and I'm also creating a lot, I see myself as an artist, I draw, paint and write poetry. My source of happiness is within me. Of course I have bad periods time to time but they are natural. Every person experience bad episodes and no one is 100% happy all time. The trick is to get up when you fall. Don't get me wrong, my life wasn't always good and easy, I came from broken house with mentally ill poor parents, I got hurt by people many times since childhood, raped, bullied, I had very bad episodes in my life, social anxiety, low self esteem, depression, suicidal thoughts etc. Many years I believed that I'm suck and something really fucked up with me, in my core. But I had the will to improve myself and my life and through process I learned how to do that. Few words about friendships: Real friendships are rare, most of the adults don't have real friend. Same about relationships, in most of the relationships people stuck to eachother in order not to feel lonely, but many of them find that they can have a GF or BF wife or husband and stay feeling lonely as fuck because it's not about the physical presence of someone that makes you feel not lonely but the intimacy and trust you build together and that requires awareness and work. That requires two people with healthy minds. There's something very wrong in having a partner just to escape from yourself. It's not fair towards the partner because no one would like to be your distraction from yourself. It's not anyone's problem that you can't tolerate yourself. You need to be able to love yourself first and being able to be happy by yourself. Don't look at the couples on social media and don't think that if two people show to the world they are happy, that necessarily means they are. Also, Not having a romantic partner or friends doesn't mean you are worthless, I don't have it and I still have a worth. Your worth depends on nothing. The fact that you're exist means that you have a worth. And that's enough. You are hurting yourself by saying you're worthless, and that's very illogical. Why to do so? What use it has? No use. Prise yourself and be gentle to yourself as much as you gentle with kids or animals. Also, the fact that you are not successful in society's terms doesn't mean you are a looser or failure. Society's factors are very narrow and people are different. Not everyone fits perfectly to the box. I also want to add that you need to be more compassionate toward yourself but don't talk to yourself like a poor helpless person, just be gentle and compassionate. Don't play the victim even if you are a victim because it won't help you. Instead, see yourself as a warrior who got hurt in life but he is so strong that he overcomes any obstacle.

Yes, turquoise, this is what I meant. What do you think?

Have you experienced depression episodes before?

How old are you? Don't you idealise too much having a GF and friends? Do you really believe that having a GF or bunch of friends will make you happy? It's not that simple, managing relationships requires work and patience. You have parents, you are so fucking lucky to have parents, you have two parents. You are not completely alone. Now you don't appreciate it because you are young and healthy, you've got so used to their presence that you don't even consider them as people. You have gold (yourself, family, body, roof, where to sleep, food) and you bothering yourself about some cheap metal (social shallow life). Your way of thinking is very typical for depressed people. There are good videos Leo made that might help you feel better, the first is my favourite "successful people aren't happy"

My dear, You decided that you'll be alone all your life. So you'll be. You sound so confident saying that, I wish you could use this confidence for healthier beliefs. You say so confidently that you worthless but why aren't you use in the same confident to say you're worth? Why do you have so much confidence in your negative beliefs? If the negativity and the positivity are your children, what you are doing now is to spoil the negativity and neglect the positivity. You should do the opposite. The negativity is the child that will destroy you while the positivity is the child that will empower you. You are spoiling the moster who slowly destroying you. Maybe deep inside you want to be in this pitty warm place protected from taking risks and protected from taking real responsibility for your life and I'm totally understand you because it's so easy and affordable. Maybe you don't really want to change, maybe you don't want people to comfort you because it may change your world view which can be very intimidating to your comfortable pitty narrow world view now. But it's only my assumptions, you are the only one who knows the true about yourself.

I know... It sucks. It's cruel what society do to women. Value women appearance while ignoring personality, intelligence, life experience. It was very disturbing for me since I was a child. I get what you feel, I feel the same and I want to add that I'm afraid of the day that I'll lose my beauty and youth and I will be transparent. Some men say that they are more "visual" than us. It's bullshit, there's no such a thing visual person lol! We all visual if we have eyes that see! I'm not say I'm taken seriously now lol, men see me as a walking vagina with a wrap of a young woman it's not better. Have you ever heard about how men rate us (1 to 10)? Lol Some men like to say that it's an evolutionary thing that old men attracted to young and beautiful women but actually old women attract to young and beautiful men as well (I remember my grandma admiring young handsome singers and actors she saw on TV or random guys on the street and show prominent disguise toward old men in her age), it works on two sides, we attracted to the young&fertile whatever it's men or women. The woman who attracted to the old men it's a myth, no woman will attracted to man who are too old than her. Maybe she will be with him in order to get money if she is poor but it's not out of a pure attraction although there are always exceptional cases. The solution I suggest as a women is self love and self acceptance. Accepting the fact that we are aging and we are going to die someday. Remaind to ourselves that we are much more than our face and body. Invest our energy on self care, healthy nutrition, exercise, meditation, yoga, self education and strengthen our mentality and confidence. I think that the most important thing in woman is her confidence and intelligence. Also, being sexy and attractive isn't something that came from outside, you can have very attractive appearance with unattractive behaviour and vice versa.

You said true, we are selfish. You are selfish and I'm selfish. You don't care about my problems, are you? I'm a stranger, do my problems really bother you? No. But it's not a big deal. One can be selfish and still care about other people and love them deeply. Empathy and epathy can exist together, it's not black and white. You labelled selfish as a bad thing but it's actually a relative thing depends on the situation. Mother have to be selfish in order to rise a child, if she won't take care of herself how can she take care of her helpless child? People have to be selfish in order to survive, and so any other living organism. It's an surviving mechanism, if you're not selfish enough you won't survive. You probably feel lonely because you alienated to yourself, if you are alienated to yourself you'll always feel lonely no matter how many people will be around you. Many people in today's society feel lonely, I know, it sucks and it shouldn't be that but it's not that bad if you are a friend of yourself rather than enemy.

I don't sleep at nights and I go to sleep around 12 pm and wake up at 7-8 pm. When I wake up I say hello to my dog and family and then I write my dreams (which are very vivid) and write my emotions down and thoughts. Then I go to prepare some food.