sara373

thanks

this made me laugh. I was reading it like . _ . and then your words got louder and urgent o_o ❤!

what I love about life is being transparent, and having no expectations. To just be. And it is happy becaus being is enough.

isolation. And my friendships but they married and moved on or i went to another school. I had trust issues. I had Mild acne and zero support to make things easier. I was prone to coping mechanism, which I got free from except 1. I was critical for not self-improving and little self-thanks for improving. I was overly conscious as a teenager of what others think, but I learned this yr that people will think what they want, I can't control that, only my reaction. I have always been quite accurately conscious of what others can see of me incorrectly, and I try to explain myself (makes it 5x harder). I have felt easily misunderstood during my teen yrs. This has changed over the years and I have learned to know when to speak and to whom. I had the emotions such as fear of sin and the consequence so I never felt like a good servant of God, though one can hope, but always hope and then despair. It made it hard for me the most when family would speak on God's behalf such as his anger on me etc. If I knew this word before, things would have made sense but I didn't know to realize they were speaking on 'God's behalf' as I finally called it. When I was 10 yrs old my teacher bullied me but I did not realize at the time the signs. I was aware I'm not a bad person so I had a clear conscience, except her reactions affected my self-esteem in my teen yrs.

@Knowledge Hoarder though this topic thread is for guys i relate what youre saying. Only 1 person in life I shared my inner thoughts and personal feelings, nothing came of it. I still don't trust like I have to, and that's okay. Maybe I have started to care less about keeping my own feelings or thoughts to myself, less worried. Except for oversharing, there's always a part of yourself hold back and not share with anyone because well..., again with trust. The thing is, not being trusting completely is fine depending on context. Journalling is good. I find myself doing so online too, it used to be paper and pen but the notebooks fill quickly.

MCTB?

maybe it's often like that.. we will remain a beginner even after putting in the hours and effort. maybe that's the fear too. arriving at a point like where we started, I have heard of spiritual stages where person returns back to square one and starts again (i am paraphrasing). Often, it feels like that and I look for words to connect what I mean. Finding the seashore and then returning to the middle of the ocean where I'm wondering what sails, what has become of my ship and my sails. The winds of change. etc.

how do you become whole?

what I love about life the most is deep and meaningful connection with others; people, animals, insects. Not all the time this happens but when it does, I treasure it. as much I love it the most it's not something to hold onto. A butterfly may reach me or I reach it, closely. Then, if it flies away... It flies away

you mean empty or nothingness? why isn't there pure consciousness?, also what do you mean annihilation? I have some questions..

yes but.. who is rhis God you speak of? Why is the term 'itself'?

thanks for breaking it down for me. I would just like to know, that if not aversion/resistence and having a negative viewpoint or belief system about sadness or the frustration, you are supposed to accept it? Experiencing it totally and? What about the actual experience or situation which triggered said emotions?

what about sadness? Or frustration?

Yes. but why is human life isnt ultimately real? I do not believe the world is a simulation though it can feel that way from lack of grounding and center.

how can we remain awake? I know it isn't something you 'do' but be. Please share what you can say thanks