michaelcycle00

Isn't it a lot simpler than this? Time doesn't exist because everything is imagined in the NOW. So for example this particular "now" where you're reading this text is the same "now" that was 15 years ago when you were watching Breaking Bad. How? Well since reality is boundless/infinite/unlimited it can BE anything at all at any given moment. So there's ultimately no reason why at this very next milisecond reality can't become 5 year old me playing with toy cars, or 50 year old Leo giving a seminar. Since consciousness is non-localized, where would time be stationed at? Simple, it can't be, as it's really just a concept within boundless reality BEING something at all... in this case spacetime. And I can simplify this even further. Think how time is dependent on movement. Imagine if your POV froze and there was somehow just a 3D picture of your reality. Where is time there? So you will say "yeah, but there IS movement indeed", and the answer to that to make matters easier to grasp is that reality is generated or "rendered" on the fly, like a videogame, and it can render anything at all instantly. And, it's doing so right NOW because it can never not be itself, whatever shape or form it has taken. Which means it HAS to do it on the fly, on the now, meaning that it's not like it's projecting this reality right here whilst doing "Godly" infinite stuff in the background. So any experience at all doesn't have any meaning, because it may as well be anything else at all, given that it can be. Hope I was clear enough, haha.

Not worth it. Just go out and about and see how many people are smiling or seem genuinely happy? Probably not even 1% of them. Notice how a psychopath is much more likely to have a breeze going through life as opposed to a very innocent, good and selfless person. Those 2 factors alone are very simple and straightforward (not to mention factual), I could go way deeper into why life is ultimately not worth it.

But we can't even grasp what Eternal Beingness is really like. Ask yourself, what kind of imagination is existence conjuring during a human's deep sleep? Then, who's to say it couldn't put itself to "sleep" in a similar fashion? I mean, real or imagined, for practical purposes it's basically non-existence.

Christ Almighty... Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.

If you've been hearing the same story from me perhaps it's because I've been living the same story? Maybe? Not because you invented me or whatever bs. And I'm indeed working on changing it, the little I'm able to, but that doesn't change the fact that my life is currently still hell. I can't speak for the future, just for the now. I am very likely to have experienced a much wider range of emotions than you or the people you've known given my condition, but that doesn't change the fact that I tend to have far more negative experiences than I do positive ones, and that's not just my mind playing games or whatever dumb conclusion you came to. Sadly I can't just stop interpreting objectively bad experiences as good ones in the midst of chaos. If I'm whipping you with a belt with all my strength every single day, you're not just gonna learn to love it. Or maybe you will, women can be interesting like that. I'm not one, however. You don't know what it's like to have lived in fear your entire life. You're so privileged you can't even fathom someone who can't help but be constantly negative. Meanwhile being so hypocritical that MY negativity is not permissible because then your "positivity" is threatened, as evidenced in the above rant. Of course I have moments where I feel good, but they're short-lived, few and far between. I'm very weak, vulnerable and fearful, I cannot understand what it's like to be normal, think normal, feel normal... because I've never experienced it. Every single day for years I've been trying to brainwash myself into being the opposite, and it's been a little helpful, but it shouldn't have to feel like I'm splitting the ocean in half out of pure willpower just to be able to hold a conversation, go to the grocery store, eat when other people are around, hear a variety of sounds without feeling like I could pass out, etc. And that too being just as hard every single time, no improvement after years of doing it on a daily basis. And the reality is, if you were born without legs, no matter how positive, you will never walk. Your question makes no sense. God didn't make everything else perfect but condemn us humans. I'd like for you to experience being a hyena when it's being eaten by a lion. You act as if it makes a difference in reality's perfection that I can verbalize my emotions and a cockroach can't. What a dumb concoction.

Go to therapy I guess, didn’t help me but it may help you.

The only sensical comment in this entire topic. I understand that for those of you who have had more or less an equal amount of positivity and negativity in your lives may come to this conclusion... or extrapolate it to an "objective" existential thing, but reality is absolutely horrible and miserable for most people. That may be perfection, but it's largely irrelevant to the present experience of most beings wishing their nightmare would end. Perfect or imperfect, makes no difference. It's just speech.

Seriously, put that “ego just doesn’t know what’s best” thing aside for a moment. Why would an omnipotent, infinitely knowing, omniscient and whatnot being create *this*? If the ego doesn’t know what’s best that’s God’s choosing too, and it’s stupid because he lives through the egos not through his God-nothingness-self. Seriously, the plot isn’t even good, which for the majority of people goes a little like: be born, have a few good experiences in childhood that you’ll cherish during adulthood, become a teenager and be attracted to the opposite sex, reach adulthood, be very wary of the outside world since you’ve learned it’s dangerous and sit in front of a computer most of your day most days doing something that doesn’t really benefit the world or that you like just so that you can manage to exist and spend the rest of your time doing chores around the house, being emotionally available to your partner despite being tired af and pandering to mini you who’s most likely destined to the same future you had/have. Retire when you’re old, too tired and frail to do anything worthwhile, and finally die. And please don’t come at me with the usual wank “everyone is in control of their destiny” because as we have all come to agree, time doesn’t exist. Reality is NOW, God’s will is the present moment, so all those decisions that you wouldn’t condone in my example for most people are decisions that God manifested. I mean think about it, thought comes before action, and the ego isn’t prior to thought. Boom, no free will. Even science agrees with this. Ask yourself how many people you see smiling when you’re walking outside? Usually most seem miserable and defensive. You could also say “everything manifests in infinity” but we have no real motives to think that’s the case. As shitty as this world is, there’s intelligence in its design. Are there actual modes of existence where things weigh more towards positivity, or will it always take the self moving mountains to get but a crumb of love?

Why are you assuming it cancels out? Why is there no particular now rather than there being a particular now?

I mean yes no sh*t it is evolving, what I'm saying is there's no ultimate relevancy to that. In the infinite scheme of things it is as much of a game as a bunch of kids playing with paper planes. Yes, of course it seems bad to me. Who the hell is living life? Some infinite nothingness entity or a limited egoic human? My narcissistic parents are nothing compared to how atrocious this world is, what a bad example and I'm guessing it was a cheap blow on your end. Anyhow, what move is there to make? What mission? Life is too meaningless for a mission. It's just a constant fight day in and day out, I guess those of you from first world countries with loving families just can't really fathom how it's like for others.

Obviously it doesn’t mind, the question here is why this in particular, all things considered. Not just the suffering part. It goes way beyond that. Because it’s immediately obvious with just a bit of contemplation. You’re telling me whatever created this… pretty much infinitely complex creation couldn’t have created something different? It’s literally creating different things through your awareness all the time. Are we not stuck in the same exact frame forever? We’re clearly not. You’ve literally said it’s infinite and unlimited multiple times and then you go and put limits on it in the next sentence.

Brother, what? When did I decide to separate from God? I was born into my circumstances. I am. Problem with relativity is nothing is entirely true or entirely false so you can make a positive and negative case for any and everything. Still, we can mostly all agree things like murder and torture is wrong. Cool story but there's no true evolution or movement within eternity. All already is, so if we're in this pile of shit right now it's not because God is evolving, it's quite simply because that's what God is manifesting itself as. This very next second reality could jump forward into the equivalent of a billion trillion years of evolution and save us from this moronic existence, but it doesn't. Precisely, all these bad choices from people are ultimately a manifestation of the absolute. But even the people in here have the idea that maybe if other people had taken better choices we'd be in a much better place and put the whole blame on them, without acknowledging that those choices are a manifestation of the absolute. If those people could've taken different choices, all things accounted for, they would've. But they couldn't, and they didn't, with no true control of their own. And now we're here.

Right, but why not a worthwhile challenge? This life is like “I challenge you to go up a million stairs without stopping and then you get nothing at all”. What a deal…

Not to be taken offensively but your trip reports usually leave me with a bad taste in my mouth. I'm guessing it's just a matter of these insights being more aligned with your specific life rather than something that applies to all. I'd be beyond miserable if I had to hold myself to such high standards. I just wanna breathe, walk, cycle, eat delicious food, cook, sleep... I may sound like an old man but I'm in my early twenties and I honestly have no worldly motivations. My only motivation is to be able to afford to be comfortable at home and not spend 10 hours a day 6 days a week working this soul-sucking corporate job and having to deal with everyday people's usual negativity.

But aren't I the creator of this video game? So surely I can decide to end it or skip ahead without having to repeat it. But even if I couldn't, what levels are there to complete in actual eternity? Technically I would have already played this one an infinite amount of times and all the potential new ones. No matter which way you put it, if you dig deep enough suicide is absolutely fine and even preferable in a lot of cases.

Lmaooo I’m loving these replies Too real…

So let me preface this trip report by mentioning that I’m quite new to the Psychedelics world. I’m a 23 year old male who suffers from social anxiety, CPTSD, OCD, and mild depression. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts almost daily for the past few years. I have no friends, narcissistic parents, and am overall dissatisfied with life. Long story short I first tried CBD:THC edibles about a month ago, didn’t help. The second time around I nearly had a panic attack. Bought some APE’s (Albino Penis Envy), tried microdosing them a few times but they only made me feel sadness, fear and desperation (basically just made me feel more of what I usually feel). My parents went out of town yesterday and I decided this was the moment I should take the remaining shrooms I had and hopefully actually feel something nice this time around. Bought 7g’s and had already gone through half of them so I took around 3.5 grams (I know, I know, I should use a scale) in the form of a banana smoothie that I made in a blender. Anyway, onto the trip. It’s 8:55pm and I down the smoothie in like 30 seconds. I lay down on the couch in the living room and play some F1 mobile for like 10 minutes. I quit the game and start browsing Reddit. I start feeling super anxious. About 30 minutes have passed since I drank the smoothie (or is the correct term milkshake?) and I’m feeling weird. I put the phone down and notice the walls are starting to breath. Finally I realize, Psychs do affect me after all. The lamp on the roof was off but it was breathing a bit more strangely. The flower painting on the wall is morphing exactly like Rorschach’s mask (Watchmen), it’s white with shadows. I’m still anxious. 5 minutes later I can see a sort of kaleidoscopic print on everything. I close my eyes and I can see the moving kaleidoscope more clearly. After a little bit things start to get intense, aggressively so. The whole palette of color a human is capable of seeing is shown to me with a lot of intensity. I’m starting to freak out because whatever this thing is is starting to turn its engine on and I can immediately tell it’s extremely powerful, it’s beyond me and what I would be able to handle completely. Fear starts to kick in for real because it’s showing me a sneak peek of its power sort of through insanity, it wasn’t being considerate of me at all. I was hearing some very loud pitched noise. It sounded like “weeeeeeee”. I guess this is what you call the come up but it was very potent. I was extremely overwhelmed because this sort of imagination was just brute forcing itself on my experience and it was literally insane. The kaleidoscope, all the colors, some sort of fireworks that had the power of an atomic bomb just going crazy. Just a lot of stuff that was consuming me. As I’m going through this I can sense some sort of clown in the vicinity but it was very blurry. It didn’t feel like an entity, just an image. As it gets progressively stronger and scarier I start to sort of see behind the curtain, like what’s outside of this “physical” space I’m inhabiting. That shit really freaked me out. There were some sort of laser lines intertwined with this reality but they were genuinely frightening because I got the feeling that they were creating my life, this physical reality. It felt fake and very evil. I felt that they were scanning me but it also felt trapping. I couldn’t go further than this, I resisted it with all my might because it was extremely horrific, if I had stayed laying down there with my eyes closed I would’ve died… it would’ve consumed me. I try to stand up and walk, barely able to. Everything seems blocky, like it’s made out of Lego. I can still see the kaleidoscope over everything with my eyes open. It’s been about an hour and a half by now. I feel like throwing up, I do. I’m still shaking and scared shitless because I can’t stop this thing. I’m just walking trying to ground myself. I go upstairs and lay down in my parents bed and immediately get up because that just takes me back to that intense hell fest. I keep walking for 20 or 30 minutes all the while telling the shrooms that I learned my lesson, to please stop this. That I should’ve been more respectful of the quantity. All the suicidal thoughts went out the window, I actually realized I really did not want to die. In fact I was willing to fight this manic existential thing with all my might just to not die. The truth is it could’ve just wiped me clean off existence like it’s nothing but I still didn’t give up. At last, I start feeling good. As I’m coming down I start feeling fuzzy and warm. I put some music on and start dancing. As I was dancing I realized I’m pure love. Like the thing that makes me move, the core of my being, is love. No, I did not experience infinite love, but I could still tell how everything was love. I even started hugging the walls. I realized everything and everyone else is love too. For a brief moment even I realized how fear is a construction. It’s like the thing that covers up love. I felt as if love is scared of itself, and hides from itself through fear. I noticed that at the bottom of things there’s actually no distinction between anything, it’s all the same love manifested in a myriad of things. The biggest takeaway I got from this is that I can’t possibly give up on my life no matter what, that I’m not worthless and that I can improve if I want to. I realized I actually love myself way too much I couldn’t dare hurt me. Now I’m completely sober and I feel pretty much like I used to before but it helps having gotten that perspective. I was also able to remember all the happy moments and people I love in my life from many years ago with extreme detail. It was as if I was right there with them. I could almost feel them. The thing is I’m still scared of those lasers I saw intertwined with and holding my physical reality together. When that was going on, the thoughts that came to my mind were “Archons; prison planet” as silly as it may sound. I can’t quite get that out of my head. I actually don’t really wanna realize that reality is imaginary, it’s way too scary and I wanna live my life and not ruin it by seeing some existential shit I probably wasn’t supposed to. It’s literally like playing Russian roulette but there’s 2 chambers instead of 6. All in all what do you guys think? I don’t think I ever wanna experience something like this again. Have any of you seen the stuff I did? I’m sure many of you have, maybe someone who has can help me make sense of those seemingly evil lasers? A part of me is still curious of what lies beyond, but I think it’s prudent to leave this stuff for good for a long long while.

But I literally said "I actually don't really wanna realize that reality is imaginary" so what are you going on about lol. Indeed I have not escaped imagination, I was extremely scared to. So much so that I was doing everything in my power not to go deeper and potentially ruin my life for good. Thanks man, this puts me a little more at ease. I also kept going "why the fuck am I doing this again" every time I microdosed, which actually wasn't such a micro dose and I just ended up feeling worse. I hope the lasers are fake, but honestly they seemed very real, and I wasn't consciously deciding to imagine such a thing. Yeah, it's just extremely hard. You never know if you'll come back, or even worse, if this infinite imagination thing will put you in hell for eternity. I've been held at gunpoint during the night before by 4 armed dudes and this was way scarier. How do you? I just can't. Life takes effort, effort takes motivation. It doesn't quite work if you know for a fact everything is meaningless unless you're rich and don't need to work some crappy 9 to 5 to survive. Thanks, sadly it's not a magic pill. I still think I would end myself if things got really bad. At that moment, feeling overrode logic. Now, I'm back as my usual self once again and logic overrides feel. And yes, consciousness is beyond insane. So much power, nothing like I'd ever seen before or could have ever imagined. I was dumb, 600-800mg doses didn't really do much besides making my senses and feelings way more acute, so I thought the worst that could happen with this dose was that I feel more depressed by the end of the trip. I couldn't have been more wrong. And believe me, I don't wanna imagine how bad consciousness can get it. Don't think I'd ever recover from that.

@Leo Gura Yeah, I'll definitely take a lower dose next time. Honestly after that experience, my respect for you has increased tenfold. I have no clue how you have the courage to confront *that* (whatever label you wanna put on it), and even more so trust that it won't kill you or just obliterate your mind and impair you for the rest of your life. Describing it as "evil lasers" may sound dumb and funny but it's not at all. It's a bit hard to explain but they weren't normal lasers, not the kind you can just close your eyes and imagine. They were very energy-dense and like in a different dimension, like nothing I'd seen before. They almost seemed smart... and more real than what I see in day-to-day life. I can just faintly picture them. And yeah, this consciousness thing is no joke. I almost couldn't believe what I was experiencing. I could've never imagined how much effortless power it holds. As it was going batshit crazy giving me a taste of its power, aside from shaking in fear a recurring thought penetrated my mind over and over: "This is that which knows no bounds". It's unbelievable man, how does God not go crazy with so much power? And it was only increasing too, thankfully I was able to reduce it a little by getting very physical and throwing up. Seriously whoever is reading this unless you've personally experienced it believe me you have NO CLUE how insane it is. No matter how brave you think you are this thing will put you on your knees in less than a second. I will take your word for it btw, I will not give up yet. I'm still very much curious about all the other things I'm yet to experience. I'll just take it lighter from now on. Also gonna set an actual intention now and be positive beforehand rather than just going "make me feel good".

Right, but God doesn't really "choose" that, does he? He has no option but to be that way, so in a sense, it is at the mercy of itself. If it could choose it would probably create dreams where it won't go through horrible things, don't you think? But here is where I ask myself: why? What complexity if once I die the Universe will die with me? What "evolution" when you're the only one here, for some decades (so basically not enough time for any significant change)? Also, let's say I'm in control because I'm reality right now and any possibility is at my disposal. Wouldn't that make life entirely meaningless and void? It's like you either suffer through meaning or you glide through dispiriting meaninglessness. I wish I could see the light in the relative world because I have no desire to fully wake up from this dream. I just want to enjoy it for the time being and whatever comes after I die I'll be fine with. Sadly my idea of a good life is one with minimal struggle. Difficulty and being out of my comfort zone have not made me grow, hard things have remained hard throughout the years like the first time I've done them, and have just brought me down.

Many have said that "it cannot be any other way" before, referring to how the relative world is. But, how is that so when looking at it from the ultimate POV? Is God then ultimately at the mercy of itself? Meaning it cannot choose how things are, things just... are. I think in the end this just makes a lot of sense because why would God torture itself if it was capable of creating the most amazing and loving dreams that it wouldn't ever wanna wake up from? Since it's eternal, you'd think the automatic conclusion would be that evolution through pain is rudimentary and pointless since in the end once the creation dies it'll always revert back to "fully evolved" so to speak. So why not just enjoy itself instead? But more importantly, why would God make slaves and then let them peek behind the curtain so they can see how useless their efforts are and have been all their lives and how they still have to go through them for a very long time, for no reason at all?

No? Each paragraph is one thing so two things in total. I just really expanded on them to make myself very clear. Almost always I am misunderstood when I write something so I try to make things as clear as possible.

Like: Its capacity for beauty and its boundless nature. Dislike: How selfish and unfair its structure for goodness is; that at the bottom of things, all the beautiful aspects of existence are only made possible at the expense of other things or beings. You get diamonds by destroying an entire ecosystem to find them. You get a lot of money by creating a company where you do the least amount of work and make the most money by having employees do the most and get paid the least. You eat the most delicious food by killing animals. You get the pretty girl by winning her over the other 10 dudes who also liked her, even if you weren't the better option for her but had the right genes or the right amount of money. You have the best kind of loyal, nice, and trustworthy friends because you were lucky enough to be raised by a loving family in a stable environment. You win the best job as an amateur over the actual expert because you are friends with the boss or the owner. You enjoy safety because others (cops, military, etc.) are putting their lives on the line to keep the peace. So on and so forth... That, and how brutal and merciless it can be. I'll never stand behind a reality where innocent people born in unfavorable circumstances are tortured and killed gruesomely and have that done to their families in front of them as well. Where Karma is not a thing either, because people who haven't ever even hurt a fly in their lives meet the worst of fates.

I resonate way too much with you my fellow brother from another mother… I mean, in the end we’re more than brothers aren’t we? We’re the same being

How can I be more naturally self-centered? I feel guilty if I feel really good (despite it being super rare) when I know most people are miserable, full of anger, always defensive, with personal problems on top of working shitty jobs for wages that don't really afford them independence. It's true that you can feel whatever way you want inside regardless of what's going on outside. At times I've been abused really harshly and then 30 minutes later I can almost feel elated simply because I want to and allow myself to feel that way, but it makes me feel guilty that only very few of us are able to enjoy this. Sadly most people don't even have the wits or the openmindedness to consider this a possibility. I see clearly how a lot of problems that society has could be solved this very day if we all worked together for once. It pains me how we're so close yet so far from actually enjoying existence and being decent to one another. At the same time, I understand things must be this way (for whatever Godly reason) and that loving myself entirely and thinking I'm worthy of everything is foolish because someone could just kill you for pleasure suddenly one day, or punch you to death because you got into an argument, etc. At the end of the day you're not worth a lick, are better than anyone, or have anything guaranteed. The world will keep spinning regardless of whatever is relevant to you personally. You could love yourself with the highest intensity in the world and still be reduced to a blob of flesh 15 minutes later. Or if you're as unlucky as I am your happiness will attract a ton of vultures who see you as easy prey to take advantage of.