SelfLove

I have been really interested in trying to uncover the unconscious aspect of myself that have been repressed possibly due to due childhood neglect, being the “odd” kid. On the surface I appear to be a really put together, mature person. But on the inside I struggle with low self-esteem and fear of my shadow (counterintuitive I know). I would like some clarification on how to help heal this process. For eg I have many dreams in where I’m selfish, or my partner has treated me badly ect. By integrating this, does that mean I should feel okay acting selfish & if others do or just notice that feeling and don’t become it. Also by acknowledging the feeling, does it eventually go away and heal? plus any methods for dealing with the shadow or healing I would love to learn about.

I very much enjoy listening to and learning about spirituality and self-actualisation. However, I have had trouble coming to terms with when a break is needed or whether I’m giving into laziness. For e.g I enjoy watching TV shows occasionally (only the good ones) and typically watch them after I feel like my brain is pretty tired from the accumulation of knowledge that I gained from reading or listening to podcasts ect. However, when I start watching them I feel this immense guilt that I should be doing more. What is the correct balance? And are TV shows bad. I don’t want to deny myself them if I genuinely enjoy them

@ll Ontology ll damn.. I needed that

@RickyFitts I really do appreciate your comments, sometimes it can feel like murky waters to navigate especially when you also are learning to love yourself. It is really helpful and healing in a way to know that I'm not alone in feeling like this. Thank you, Thank you.

@Snader ahh wow yes this is how I feel! Thank you so much for your insight, I feel a sense of relief! I also have realized that I have low self-esteem and in a way, the relapses made it a self-fulfilling prophecy that deeply ingrained into my psyche that I 'cant' or I'm not that type of person no matter how hard I try not to be. - I guess the mix of ego backlash and low self-esteem come into account here. Anyway, glad to be able to see it for what it truly is now. Very Very grateful

@Nahm Wow, you're very right. I guess I get confused because I want to be able to self-actualize and take care of myself as Leo stresses. I guess I should stop worrying so much about what I 'think' I have gained and just enjoy the experience of learning and see for myself how I am actually applying the teachings. I struggle to do a thing from a place of love and am overridden by fear of not doing enough all the time

,@Snader Thank you for your comment. Mmm yes, correct. I have set up goals that I want to achieve by the end of the year hoping to make myself more productive and confident. I think the problem comes with the obsessive worry, for e.g. I have completed all necessary tasks to achieve part of my goal for the day and after then I would like to relax perhaps by watching a TV show, my mind, however, keeps saying "read a book instead, learn some more information, go for another run, don't be lazy". Others say that I am too hard on myself - but I feel like I can't trust others just because they are doing less than I am and are 'happy' doing less and that's where the balance is hard to find.

@Rajneeshpuram I do but may you elaborate?

@Snader Thankyou very much! I use to binge watch them all day and that made me depressed and I knew that it wasn’t what I should be doing it was just a way to switch off. But after realising that, I’ve slowly reduced it to a minimum and only watching an episode here or there. Or if I feel like it a couple episodes. I do get scared though that I’m not doing enough and I should be too busy with doing other more productive things. But I struggle with understanding when to to not be so hard on myself and what is just laziness

@ted73104 @Willie thanks for sharing guys. I guess I was on a level of consciousness where I didn’t care to learn and expand, but eventually when my mental health deteriorated I really started to open my mind and part of me feels like when I was younger I would’ve loved to learn about this more cause it rang true for how my younger self viewed the world, but through conditioning over the years I guess it stopped being relevant and unconsciousness took over.

Hi Guys, New to Actualised.org, I was wondering how you guys started your self-actualization journey. Was it through yourself or by someone telling you and encouraging you to try it? I am struggling with the notion that because someone else was the reason I even started this journey, that I don't truly belong here or that I am a fraud.

I am currently dealing with a breakup that happened a few weeks ago with my long-term partner. We had a very healthy and functional relationship. We never limited each other and always supported each other to be the best we could be. We had a very deep connection, partly through growing up together and really having a deep admiration for one another. The reason for the breakup was a fear of commitment throughout the rest of our formative years. We definitely could see a further future as we loved each other deeply and shared the same values and ideals for life and family but felt like we needed to experience being single, other people, and having the freedom to do absolutely whatever we felt like without subconsciously considering each other as we were each other's first. The fear of regret was too much and so we ended it. Being together for such a long-time, regardless of how much you think you have grown or not. It feels like a huge chunk of you is missing. I know that it's not healthy to feel like that and I guess I am in shock that I do feel like that mostly. I feel weird knowing that the work I did on myself hadn't helped me as much as I thought it would. I am losing faith in myself and knowing what real progress is. I also hate that I feel a compulsive need to have my own feelings validated or understood by others on this forum. I guess what I am regretfully asking is, what do I do now?

@RendHeaven wow only 2 pages into your journal and I feel like I am going through the exact same process as you from age to type of feelings, thoughts, even to the type of ex. I would love to talk to you a little further if possibe.

Thank you so much. Everyone tells me to keep busy - watching movies, listening to podcasts cause otherwise your mind may distort and overthink things so much but I don't know if keeping busy is just postponing the tremendous pain. I also don't want to over think things as well as my mind can go to dark places