Ayham

Hey everyone. Today, I went to the well-known Sufi shrine of Abdul Qadir, which is a pretty famous landmark here in Iraq. I had planned to meet a Sufi Sheikh I talked to about a month ago here, who had asked me to come back for initation in a month to see if I'm serious about this, but he was busy with a lot of guests when I arrived. I still got to pray two prayers at the mosque, though. Sufis are often known for doing some unusual things, and I've heard about practices like ecstatic dancing, loud mantra chanting, having visions, and even extreme stuff like piercing their bodies in dangerous places without getting hurt. I know people who have seen things like that with their own eyes—knives going into their bellies or even swallowing glass without any harm. Luckily, nothing that intense happened while I was there; otherwise, I probably would've freaked out. After the prayer, they started a group chanting session where everyone was praising God and Allah together. It was actually pretty calming and felt powerful, but then things got a little scary. One guy in the group suddenly started shaking and jumping around like he was having a seizure, and another guy started shouting “Allah!” The whole atmosphere just got intense. There were also a few men with huge beards moving in strange ways, and honestly, it left me feeling scared. I was told it's considered a form of "intoxication from divine love" that overwhelms them, but it was still kind of alarming to witness. Now, I’m not sure what to do. The Sufi sheikh is a very calm and peaceful person, giving off good vibes, and he told me I could come back tomorrow for an initiation ritual. Part of me just wants to get it done and never go again, but I’m worried it could involve some of those bizarre practices or—worse—body piercing. I’m hoping it would just be some recitations, but I can't shake the nervous feeling. The place is well-guarded, famous and definitely a public landmark, so I doubt anything shady would happen. Still, I'm wondering if I should go back tomorrow or not. Any thoughts on whether I should go for the initiation?

Hello everyone, it is me again, it is about time I start a public journal here, I had one 3 years ago, in this journal I will: Share my raw thoughts Track my habits

I did see the Main Sheikh at the very first and I thought he was secondary, he looked more guru like I suppose, and looked very serious. My feelings about the group may change but I am not really a group person much, his ways are old fashioned yes, he seemed also very traditional about life, like he was living in a bubble of his culture and can't really imagine what's beyond it. I feel a sense of commitment to my practice, much stronger commitment, too early to judge results though. The whole thing was a nice memory and experience, I liked it.

That's an Arabic name! oh okay Damn it is quite insane how these stuff work, the Sufis also put needles through their cheeks or put some swords in their bellies, some Buddhist monks literally burn themselves alive without any reaction. Mr. Bey sounds like a pretty cool mystic, thanks for sharing that account;.

Osho is the spiritual teacher that resonates with me the most out of all spiritual teachers for some reason.

Too bad I can't flex my pirating skills

Brave browser is based

Sufi Initiation Report Okay, I will summarize everything here, as if the previous post did not exist. A few months ago, I went to a semi-retreat in northern Iraq, which has a Switzerland-level amount of nature and mountains, lol. I stayed with my family and did a vipassana/sufi mix practice there for around a week. I had a dream of being told that Sufism was the path for me. I came back to where I live, Baghdad, I asked around, did research, and discovered that Baghdad is home to one of the most sacred Sufi landmarks on Earth, if not the most sacred lol, which is the shrine of Abdul Qadir Al-Gilani, home to the Qadiriyya order. I did a lot of online searching and read lots of esoteric secret books on Sufism, and I was able to find a Sufi history professor online whose focus is Sufi history, I inquired a lot from him. Like a lot of schools of Yoga and many other spiritual traditions, most Sufis say that a "Sheikh" (the equivalent of a guru) is required, which screams bullshit to me but I decided I wanted to explore that. So a month ago I printed a copy of Ibn Arabi's (the greatest Sufi mystic) prayer, which is supposed to elevate you and guide you into spiritual heights, as well as offer protection. I was really skeptical, but I wanted to give the thing a full try, so I went to that shrine and read the whole 15-page prayer there. The shrine was full of Iraqis, Indians, Pakistanis, guys with big beards, Sufi masters. Then I went to the mosque section of the shrine, I did a prayer there, then found the Sheikh there, I went and talked to him. The conversation was mostly me acting like I am stupid and I know nothing about Sufism, and that I am curious and am here to learn from him, which made him get flowing talking, I learned some things I couldn't catch in books, then I asked him about joining a Sufi order and whatever, he then asked me 4 questions: "Do you talk to girls romantically your age?" it is forbidden to have any form of relationship with the opposite sex in Islam unless you are married or a family member (I know insane, even schools are segregated), anyways I lied like a based person and said no (I am bitchless but I do talk to girls online and some in real life, some are very close to me) "Do you watch porn?" I was honest and said I had quit since 3 weeks, which was true "Do you masturbate?" I was honest and said I had quit for 3 weeks, which was also true (been experimenting with nofap). "Do you have visions?" I told him about that vision in that semi-retreat and told him about how I used to have dreams about tomorrow when I was 7 or 6 and everything would happen just as I had dreamed. He felt like I was sincere, he told me to come in a month, to see if I am truly sincere. Fast forward a month of me doing my weird life Before yesterday, I went to the shrine again, but I didn't find him, I prayed there to pass the time, and then he came, but there were guests all around him and people who loved the Sheikh so much they kissed his hands when they saw him, and yeah he didn't have time for me, then it was time for the Isha prayer, last prayer of the day in Islam, he was like "come pray with us", I was like "fine". We did the prayer and they started a Hadra (I have only read about it I had no idea how the fuck it works), they started doing dhikr (like mantra chanting) in a large group, I went along and it was mesmerizing, but the vibe started getting intense for some reason, then suddenly I saw some guy in the back jumping in his spot apparently from feelings of divine love and ecstasy, he was an Indian with a very large Sadhguru beard and more skinny than Leo, he was literally jumping so hard and then came to the front and started kneeling to god in a very weird fashion, he looked like he was having a seizure, the actual Sheikh and normal people were just sitting doing their dhikr as if it is normal for someone to get into this state, I was getting so scared, that guy looked fucking possessed. And to add to that, two guys in the back started shouting "Allah" like some barbarians and pointing to the sky. I got scared because I have heard stories of Sufis doing things like body piercing, eating glass, and letting snakes with venom bite them, and nothing happens to them, they call this "Karamat" which is like supernatural stuff reserved for the people close to god, they do it as a test of how pure they are if they are pure nothing happens to them. And I know people who have actually seen this stuff, I still don't know how it works, and apparently, as I recently understood, it is only done by the Rifai order in Iraq, this was the Qadiriyya order. I didn't know who does this, I just knew it was a thing and I was scared if I was about to witness stuff like that, or if some guy was gonna get insane. Nothing happened though lol. So the Sheikh was like, you will have to come tomorrow or after tomorrow, I went after tomorrow (today). To skip the details, bro told me that this is a serious pledge, and by taking it, I will have to fully devote myself to him and the order, if he tells me a table is black, and it is white, I believe him, if he disrespects me to test my patience, I need to not object, if he tells me something I follow, and he told me this is the case for all members, except the main Sheikh (apparently there is a bigger Sheikh who is the true spiritual head but he is too busy to do initiations), and he told me he will be like a second father to me. I was like yeah sure I understand, but my mind was screaming (CULT ALERT, CULT ALERT, RED FLAG, RED FLAG, HELLO, HELP) So he grabbed my hand, started reciting stuff, and told me to recite after him, and that basically got me initiated into the Qadriyya Sufi order, yippee! He also gave me spiritual practice, which is: 300 repetitions of "La Ilaha Ila Allah" ( there is no god but Allah) + 200 "Allah" After every one of the 5 Islamic prayers, and a Wird (some stuff) to recite in morning and night. This was the optimal thing, he told me if I didn't have time, I could reduce it to as much as possible but I have to always do it. He told me I must commit, and report to him and he will guide me through spiritual levels and treat whatever impurity he sees in my heart, he told me to come tomorrow to say hi to that bigger Sheikh (who is too busy to give initiations). To be honest, the spiritual practice is cool, 5 prayers a day, plus these mantras which really silence the mind + feel watched by Allah during day-to-day life, and all infused with a feeling of love and devotion. But meh, not my thing to be honest, and the whole thing was too cultish for my liking, I ain't going there ever again, but at least I am happy I had this experience and I experienced initiation. Also, a Sufi order is like a chain of blessings, or like a chain of teachers going back to Muhammed, passing through many Saints, each order has its own saints, who are usually important historical figures or people who realized god. So yeah I have joined the order I guess. I don't exactly believe in all of this, just being there makes me so uneasy because of the stage blue vibes, as well as the whole religious vibe that doesn't suit me, and the initiation may or may not be useful, but I won't continue with the order at all, totally not my style. Enough stage blue for now, imma go back to reading science books, learning technical skills, and working on "Success" and "Fitness" like an orange clown ( trying to integrate orange) I have integrated blue, not just from this experience, this was only part, I did a lot more to seriously integrate blue, since it would have been very easy to develop a shadow for it and hate on my culture. In terms of spiritual practice: Kriya yoga, I couldn't stick to it because I started with a large routine immediately lol, imma build up very slowly, + self-inquiry in the after state of Kriya + using Sufi principles of love and devotion. and just focus on stage orange! Conclusion I joined a cult for fun, was an interesting experience (just kidding I am not going back there lol) Tagging Those Who Might Be Interested @Salvijus @toasty7718 @Leo Gura @Davino @Ramanujan

I got my first job recently! (second actually, i worked online with a telecommunications company in the USA a year ago for a while) which is English Teacher assistant, the pay is quite good somehow, Will continue developing technical skills though.

Well this is assuming my calculations go as planned, so yeah, save the congrats for later, thanks though!

wait, isn't computer engineering better since more broad and i can specialize later? Also is something like computer engineering at the risk of being taken over by AI I know I am very fascinated by how AI works I know my life purpose is to basically use my love of learning and understanding to create a stage yellow society, which I know seems basic or a copy of Leo or Ken Wilber, but it actually is my thing after lots of introspection. Maybe I can fuse AI into the mix because I am very fascinated by it, especially LLMs (large language models). Yeah so, computer engineering, then masters or continue independent study in AI. EXCITING.

yes. in all seriousness, here are Leo's top influences: Peter Ralston Ken Wilber Jed McKenna Owen Cook Eben Pagan

Here in, 6th, 9th, and 12th grade We go through exams that are organized by the ministry. All students go to other schools with other teachers than the ones they know, the questions are organized and done by the ministry of education, and all students all over Iraq get the questions at the same time, internet shuts off at the whole country for like 2 hours so that no one cheats in some way. And yeah, the curriculum is chosen by the ministry here, it does not differ from school to school (unlike uni). In other grades, same curriculum too just the teacher organizes the questions, and its just normal exams, but in 6th, 9th, and 12th grade, shit is different, and 12th is most important as the average you get determines your major. College is free here though. I also just discovered a way I can get into all engineering majors I want with some extra cash thats very little, since colleges are free here and my degree would be considered less than a person going without paying anything since I went with a lower average. The main different is that my college studying would be in the afternoon not morning lol. In that case, I can go for cybersecurity or AI and robotics engineering, though my degree would be considered less, I won't stay in Iraq for long anyways, and it won't matter as much if I develop skills and stuff. Now I have to decide between those lol.

Lol it is so funny 1. We did not get any sort of lessening of subjects like other years 2. the questions were worse than every year 3. the grading was worst, it felt very cheated, I expected 90 - 95 4. only 31% of 12th graders in Iraq passed, imagine 5. and the averages required sky rocketed I would think so too, though maybe a bit different in third world countries, time to develop technical skills and a profitolio (or however it is spelled)

Got it, will do, thanks for saying. Thank you, I will take my education into my own hands, but the goal is to find a major that compliments that. oh, I think that's possible, I mean my degree on paper would still be the one I got accepted into, and I would have to take its exams to pass so more studying, hmmm... possible though to be honest, I could do that for fun. My main interest is definitely AI and LLM stuff, there is a major called "AI and robotics engineering" it was the thing I wanted, I could have gotten into it with an average of 90, but I am 85 so woops. I mean that's my goal, but: Getting a visa out of here is very hard I have a lot of relatives in USA and UK, makes it harder to get accepted, because they know I am not going to come back if I have someone there I can stay with A scholarship is best bet which I will apply for My father is rich enough to let me study outside of Iraq without scholarship, but bro is busy with his villa somewhere and new wife, and refuses to pay, he lost all care for me since I did not make it or want to make it to medicine, which he says it is "the only successful field".

Yeah well I can technically go to computer science, but I would go through the hassle of fighting with my parents cuz "it is not engineering" And renewable energy thing is called electrochemical engineering specialized into renewable energy Lol yes, peak ridiculous Everyone here chases for medical majors like sheep

Nope, not in Iraq. You get accepted into a specific major in a specific university, the only factor is your 12th grade average, and you can't change your major. : / Scholarship to first world country is my hope, fulfills the goal of leaving Iraq and studying a major I enjoy. It is not easy either but imma try my best. I can currently re apply to 10 different majors as a reattempt , but considering my average, I don't expect anything good, but why not imma try.

Maybe I just want to experience the thing for it's sake These guys are full of dogma but I read a lot about initation from various traditions and I'm curious about it.

Guys if I die don't forget me

me

Convincing. I'm not sure how important or transformative the initation is, which is why I want to experience it to judge. Thanks for the answer.

I'm feeling scared for real

I would like to hear your input, do you have any personal boundaries in regard to choosing friends and your social circle? who do you tend to cut out? who do you keep? I am gathering inputs.

Not sure, as far as I know, it was more liberal pre Islamic revolution

GTD - getting things done It is considered the productivity bible as well as deep work by cal newport