Dabidoe

RIP your insulin resistance though. There are many factors besides weight to consider than health. Read "Obesity Code" by Dr. Jason Fung

Bipolar disorder or manic depression as I prefer to call it seems to be very misunderstood. While mania can be extremely destructive and debilitating at least for short periods it can also be very beneficial; tremendous boosts of energy, positivity, creativity and insight but unfortunately leads to a pendulum swing in the opposite direction. I have an intuition that what is labeled as bipolar disorder is far more complex and possibly a closer connection to what Leo refers to as "god consciousness" than the average person. I am not diminishing the severity of this disorder but believe that if the disorder is properly treated and in a supportive environment it can carry with it some very useful spiritual insights if it can be properly harnessed. The way mental illness is viewed in our culture can make individuals diagnosed feel very outcast, alienated and judged. For a short period of time mania is very blissful and I would liken it to tripping where you get profound insights about god, consciousness and an exit of 'the self.' Just like any trip, if it's too intense it can get out of hand you eventually will get scared and crash. While I regret my actions (not that I had any reasonable control over them at the time) but I still cherish my insights and view them as the beginning of my awakening into a deeper view of the world outside of my personal experience as "me." That's part of the reason that I connected to the content of Actualized.org because I realized on a deeper level that there was more to my existence than just 'the self.' I have been stable on medication for over 10 years now and am fairly functional. I am so thankful for the experiences I was able to have but do not miss the instability of mania. After being medicated I tried mushrooms and LSD and did not experience much, not realizing that the medication I was on at the time (a particularly horrible antipsychotic that made me gain a ton of weight) was blocking my trips. When switched to a newer better medication (an anticonvulsant called Lamictal should anyone care to know) I took only 2 grams of mushrooms on an empty stomach and was launched into a state similar to mania. It was amazing with tremendous bursts of energy, insight and everything one might want out of a trip but just like with manic episodes eventually swung back the other direction and fell into fear and depression. I have a theory that the reason psychedelics were so powerful for me was that beyond the 'mental imbalance' was that I am naturally 'closer' to these higher consciousness states than the average person. Or as my therapist commented 'my mind is already expanded to begin with.' While undoubtedly there is "something off" in my mental chemistry I think it's a shame that society paints mental illness with such a broad brush in a negative light. It's understandable that people are afraid of 'crazy people' but doesn't it make sense to at least try to investigate if anything 'deeper' is going on 'under the hood'? Does anyone else diagnosed with mental illness have any similar experiences with long lasting spiritual insights that have helped transform their lives for the better?

I'm in a similar boat to you as well and debating moving out. I am used to living alone and at first enjoyed having more people around (I work alone too which gets isolating) but one of my roommates recently pulled some really passive aggresive BS which has really bothered me. I genuinely try to be nice to the guy and he doesn't respond or communicate but has all these expectations that I'm supposed to read his mind. I think as the user universe pointed out people pleasing seems to be one of the root problems in both of our cases. Maybe this will be a good challenge for both of us to 'experiment' with how people pleasing is affecting us and develop a deeper awareness of it. Using a little external adversity to force us to confront parts of ourselves that we hide away seems like a worthy challenge. (I also need to work on my temper about the situation but that's me lol)

@EntheogenTruthSeeker 23 is still very young, I'm sure it doesn't feel like it but you have a wealth of time on your hands and it's great you're switching up your diet to take better care of yourself. My most severe episode got a little psychotic... I lost a good % of my friends due to my behavior (talking crazy, scaring people) and kind of ruined my college experience. I'm on meds which seem to help level me out and my mania mostly comes out as hypomania and mixed episodes for me now. I feel brief flights of hope, positivity and energy but then shift to mixed episodes get really angry, upset then swing to an energetic self hatred, despair and hopelessness and then bottom out as just depression which lasts for a while. @Nahm Thank you for sharing that, can't fight fire with fire really clicked with me. That's a very profound insight about thoughts and conditioning being uselss to solve a problem that is rooted in thoughts and conditioning... Which leaves me wondering how to change. I have been taking my meditation habit more seriously and had some great insights on my hour sessions but have had trouble sticking with it lately.(actually being consistent as opposed to 'dabbling') Recently I quit smoking pot (my biggest vice) which I used for my longer meditations and quitting has stirred up a lot of repressed emotions that made it alot more difficult to focus on long periods - a lot of stress and depression. I'm going to take your words as inspiration to power through and try and view the thoughts/conditioning as the problem not try to "think my way" out of them.

I don't think of it as an illness so much as a different type of brain functioning that's more prone to problems. The meds I'm on are fairly benign and don't interfere with my life and deter the potential downsides of mania. I'd be really careful giving out that advice personally, you have no idea who you're talking to over the internet and they might cause serious harm to themselves if they poorly implemented your advice.

For me it was about reaching into myself to see what the root cause of my addictions were about. Fortunately I don't enjoy alcohol that much but have always seeked refuge from my suffering from smoking pot. It was a double edged sword of short term relief that relieved me from problems that it contributed to. One of my more profound insights was that my "love of weed" was a crappy replacement for lack of love of self. Like most disaffected youth I'd chalked off the idea of love because I never experienced it. Learning to nurture and love yourself regardless of how you feel and changing the narrative about your life that you are a good person with a good life ahead of you regardless of how you felt in the past has been helpful for me to quit. Keeping that purpose/reason to stay sober as opposed to just "fighting" it has made it a lot easier to stick to my decision.