Enizeo

@bejapuskas Oh okay, maybe I'm not aware of some stuff, what do you mean specifically?

Interesting, thanks for sharing!

@Shadowraix Good point. Do you think it is sustainable though? Considering time, your and your partner's emotions and the whole topic of building a family? I mean, loving someone does not necessarily mean you need to put your dick in them if the results of that are toxic. And I think we agree that often times they can be quite toxic.

Well who knows how developed a person really is. It does seem to me though that he has a huge spiritual ego. I definitely would not call him a cult leader, he ticks basically none of the boxes Leo mentioned. Might become one though, maybe even deliberately, who knows. Be conscious, take from his teachings what you resonate with, focus on your own growth, be careful with projection.

@Hardkill Alright, so here are my thoughts on this, not claiming to be an authority on the subject. I get a feeling that you feel that you need to be polyamorous because people that you respect have said that it is "right". Would you say that is at least partially correct? I have been into pickup for quite a while now (actually found Leo through that). Recently though I have noticed that a lot of the coaches are actually not at a level of consciousness that I aim for. I am not preaching any morals here, I am questioning if they themselves know what is good/fulfilling for them and their students. So let's try to take a step back from what we think we know about the whole relationship topic. An open relationship has the obvious advantage of sexual variety. This will, when handled wisely and consciously, have benefits beyond simple physical pleasure. It will take a high level of emotional maturity from everybody involved to make it work. This is the first problem: even if you are willing to expose yourself to the potential emotional pain that will come from a woman you love fucking another guy (and that might actually be good), you will have to find at least two women that are willing to go through the same. Now David Deida states in his book "The Way of the Superior Man" (recommended) that feminine energy is a lot about the flow of love and emotion in her life. Masculine energy on the other hand is about penetrating the world with your unique gift. Now contemplate this. A feminine women will not have a lot of (authentic) interest in developing emotional mastery in the same way a masculine man will. Feminine emotional mastery is about opening and surrendering fully. This WILL directly affect you. Because through increasing your consciousness your capacity for empathy and love will increase. Hurting her (anyone for that matter) will hurt yourself. This however is not a type of emotional pain you can leverage to achieve emotional mastery, this is emotional pain you have to become numb to in order to handle it. So what can a monogamous relationship really give you? A shit ton of growth. You have undoubtedly noticed that intimate relationships are a challenge. Being committed to making one work requires you to work through a lot of your bullshit. This is however also where having been with a lot of girls becomes handy. So this now also became a strategic challenge on top of an emotional one. You will have to think through it, be conscious and find your solution. A committed intimate relationship will also give you great physical and emotional pleasure. Opening yourself fully to a person willing to do the same it a absolutely beautiful experience. You will learn about each others insecurities, support each other, you will be able to experiment openly with all sorts of sexual fantasies that you guys might have, in a way that you will never be able to with a girl you just met a few months ago and fucked a few times. Now can you develop that level of openness in a polygamous relationship? I guess you could, but do not underestimate the amount of work maintaining a healthy relationship is. Having two at the same time + having the additional challenges mentioned above + following you purpose in life (remember, much more important to a man than his intimacy will ever be) + spiritual growth + friends + family + time to relax... How many hours does your day have mate? Another thing that will potentially become incredibly important for you: having children. I have a feeling that creating another human life is one of the most masculine projects a man can ever undertake. But be strategic about this. You need to have grown to a certain point until you can face that challenge. Deciding when you are ready is something only you can do, but be strategic about the whole topic. Also take into account your woman's needs here. From everything that I know, being a mother is probably the most fulfilling thing a woman can do. Now that is quite important for your specific case, for obvious reasons. So these are my thoughts on this. I sincerely think that monogamous relationships, if done right, are way more interesting than polygamous ones. But that is just a perspective, not the truth. I think that you might have to think through the relationship to that particular woman however. She seems to be at a point where she needs commitment. Are you ready for that? I obviously do not know you and can't tell you, but I assume you are not. In that case, be honest to her. Talk to her about it. Potentially keep seeing her, potentially keep having sex with her, but if you can not be her man, support her in finding someone else. Everything else would be selfish. I'm asking you to make a very difficult decision here. Have you developed to a point where you can make the right one, in the right way?

Sound quite interesting. If no one comes in with some first hand experience my best bet is probably to just try it out. I'll post results if and when I decide to do it.

@Stefano Provenzi Holy shit! How long have you been doing this?

I looove it if I YouTube Lofi Hip Hop, will the results be decent?

Siiick, do you have more like this? Can you give me an album recommendation?

Also check out Kriya Yoga, Leo has some insanely good book on his booklist. Check them out and see if you resonate. Then commit to doing it for at the very least 30min a day for a year and clean up your diet. Assess the results. If it's not right for you, move on.

Alright guys, you got me on board! Never had any superpowers, but never had a streak longer than maybe 10 days, so let's see what this can do

@Eric Tarpall This just became a huge circle jerk. You are not looking for help, you are looking for attention. Everything that needs to be said here has been. Deal with your victim mindset, take 100% responsibility (Leo has videos on both). Revisit the relationship topic once you've got this handled. Don't feel judged, see the truth in my words. All the love and power you need my brother <3

@Privet Very elegant and on point. Do you think seeking after to big of a variety of interests (therefore not specialising) is a trap of stage yellow? I sometime notice myself wanting to start every new thing I come across

@Nahm No problem, thanks for sharing. Quite beyond my budget at the moment, but definitely interesting to keep in the back of my mind as an investment.

Not all yellow people are part of the group you are describing though

Hey Actualizers! In the last few days I've been contemplating the decision to enter or not to enter into a relationship with a person. I am talking about this from a masculine man's perspective and that's what it be relevant for. This is as much a written contemplation for me as it is me asking for opinions and advice. Framework & concepts I draw from: I've been mainly influenced by The Way of the Superior Man and Leo's relationship advice in the latest episode (counter intuitiveness): Deida states that you should not be expecting your woman to become easier. As a female you, consciously or unconsciously, feel the need to test if your man is grounded and unreactive. From what I understand about male-female dynamics that completely makes sense. A heavily feminine woman has the desire to fully experience the waves of her emotions and therefore requires a man that is not affected by that, strong, loving. Leo said that, paradoxically, you will have better relationships when focusing on your partners needs instead of your own. In order to be able to do so you already need to be highly actualized, so you are in a position of being able to give abundantly. I'm also quite in love with the concept of 100% responsibility. So if my woman behaves in a challenging way, that is my opportunity to grow, to radiate love and be the support she needs in order to give herself into her emotions. I resonate with these concepts and they are supported by my direct experience so far. That being said, they are ideals and my capacity to be emotionally unshakable and radiate love when a women "goes crazy" is corelated to my level of development and therefore far from perfect (although I am quite happy with the progress that I've made in many areas). My specific situation: EDIT: I am not trying to blame her or tell you how great of a person I am (was made aware that it seems like it). She is perfect the way she is, the question is if it is a good idea (for both of us) to be "perfect the way we are" together. I have been friends with a woman for around 1.5 years now. There has always been a certain level of sexual energy, sometimes more, sometimes less. Because of my development and inexperience with women at the time, I was never able to pull the trigger though. In the beginning of September I left the country for 12 months to work abroad. We spend a lot of time together in the last couple of days I was home and eventually had sex. It was wonderful and surprisingly did not affect out relationship to much after I left. Around a week ago she flew here to visit me. We immediately had a quite couple-ish situation going, it just felt natural like that. Also the first few fights came up and I realized that being happy in a relationship is quite a different challenge from being happy on your own (well who would've thought :D) . I am quite inexperienced with relationships, so while I have the theoretical foundation, I lack practice. I was not always able to shower her with unconditional love and not be affected by her emotions. She is quite a difficult (but wonderful!) person, she is also on her period right now so I'm aware that this definitely has a severe effect on her mood. So she has done things like yelling at me, running away when she couldn't deal with our conversation anymore, accusing me of being incredibly self centred because I have made decisions without asking her (nothing too big, to me I just took responsibility and leadership). I feel she is projecting that onto me, looking at a few situation it is actually a tendency that she has to be focused on her world, disregarding other's (my) needs. I have a lot of understanding for these mechanisms, yet I can't always help but be frustrated by them. I feel kind of powerless sometimes, not sure where to draw the line between understanding and showing her my personal boundaries. How to tell if you are not full of shit? So because today will be her last day here, the question of "what are we now" will undoubtedly need to be dealt with. I have contemplated the situation and here is the issue that I face: How can I know if entering into a relationship with her will be healthy? On the one hand it will bring me a lot of growth and the opportunity to work on my relationship skills. She is also a very special, beautiful creature in a lot of ways. On the other hand she is quite undeveloped (objectively by actualized.org's general standards, no judgement or value attached to that), very basic concepts are foreign to her (victim mindset, responsibility, projection, self deception...), and has no emotional mastery. So this is where self deception comes in. Am I expecting her to behave like a man? Is a thing like emotional mastery/stability even desirable for a woman? Am I "expecting my woman to become easier"? I am unsure about whether I am just underdeveloped in that area (which would mean the relationship is an opportunity), or if she is a person that I need to keep a certain distance from to self actualize. To break it down: Is she toxic or do I just need to learn to deal with her natural femininity? Honestly, no idea how to approach this question My tendency right now is to give it a shot and try to grow and be the superior man she craves. If it does not work out, leaving the relationship is always an option. What also plays into it is that it will be a long distance relationship for another 9 months. I will see her occasionally (I'm not ridiculously far away), but it will still be mainly phone based for that period. Is that maybe even a good thing, who knows. So give me your opinion please, how do you think this situation could be approached? If we come to a good conclusion I will edit it to the top of this post, since I think it could be quite valuable for others (that situation has to come up quite often right?). Thank you

Perceived as attractive by whom? A agree with you that just being a male is not enough to have a girlfriend and that some of the things on your list so certainly help. They are by no means necessary though, and depending on how much you focus on them you will attract girls that you might actually want to avoid. Sacrificing your authenticity is certainly counterproductive if you want to attract almost any girl. They smell it. And they hate it.

It mainly comes down to what you want to accomplish. @Emerald's response was quite beautiful and on point I think. The highest ideal would probably be to accept and love the answer of your friend, as he is exactly how he needs to be. Are you there yet? I'm not However, if he is open to developing it is a good idea to point to the limitations of his view in a non judgemental way. The most powerful way to do so might be to lead him into questioning his own motivations, pretty much like @tsuki suggested. If he is not, then you're just playing ego games by telling him "that he is wrong". You can not help everyone, and after all, there is no need to manipulate anyone. It's such a beautifully paradoxical topic, because it looks so different depending on the angle you look at it from <3

No, I would not say it is exclusivity. It is a fascinating question though. It is not entirely related to sexual activities either, because you can have sex without being intimate and vice versa. Right now I feel intimacy is mainly an emotional quality, a certain mutual vulnerability. A deep interest in another being. Would you agree? Noticing that it's a dualistic definition, I'm at a dualistic point though, loving mainly because things are a way that is useful to the ego. Exclusivity is interesting, is it mainly about convenience maybe? You trade a bit of your freedom in order to avoid the conflict that comes with open relationships (society, jealously etc.). I have not thought about the exclusivity question too much yet, I would want to take into account her view. I think I would be fine with either option, they have pros and cons. Interesting thought: if you develop enough you reach a point where you actually are open for an intimate relationship with everybody. According to my definition above it would then only depend on the willingness of others to also open themselves to you. Beautiful vision actually. I agree! I get a feeling that you think committing to her and growing to make it work is "the right thing" to do. They day still only has 24h though, so you will not really get around discriminating who you spend those with. Can't say much about it though, as I still am a little ego trying to get rid of itself so it would just be speculation. Thank you for guiding me into these thoughts, it's powerful!

I think this is the most useful answer you will get. In the end, direct insight is Truth, everything else is concept. You're onto something though!

Hmm, you're right, I don't. What do you think that means? I thought about the possibility to get rid of my ego before I enter into any relationship, it seemed a bit extreme to me though. I wouldn't say I'm incredibly attached to having a relationship with her, or any relationship, but of cause the person typing is highly invested in "his own life". Not sure if I misunderstood you, but I think that would be logistically impossible right? I could get to a level of unconditional love for everyone and everything, I wouldn't call that intimate relationships then though. Also, I'm not there yet. How is an enlightened person choosing who they surround themselves with, that's actually something I've never contemplated. Do you have any input on that?

I do not want to come across as the person who asks for advice and then can not take it, but I feel quite misunderstood. Made an effort to avoid that, but I see how it can seem like I did. I'm trying to assess the dynamics of our relationship, it is not a competition after all. So to be clear: I am neither judging her for behaving in a specific way, nor judging myself for how I react. Nor am I praising. We both behave in accordance to our level of awareness in the moment. Everyone does. There is no victim. It certainly is undeveloped by my image. Since we are on the actualized.org forum though, it is quite reasonable to assume that we at least share a similar image of development. So in the context of my question I feel like it was a useful way to explain what I mean, even if it is false from an absolute standard. If we go down that route, it does absolutely not matter if I have any relationship at all. Healthy, unhealthy, desirable,... all just concepts. You don't exist, there's nothing to do. Still the person typing is living in an illusion that it has to navigate (yeees, it does not even have to do that...) Never mentioned expecting her to change in any way, I am thinking if it is healthy for me to enter into a relationship with her. She is perfect. Everyone is. I'm still not in an intimate relationship with everyone. So thank you very much for making me reflect on these points! It might seem like I have just dismissed everything you said. That is not the case. I have added clarifications about these points to the original post. The whole point of this post is the fact that I do not know to what extend I can trust my own judgement. I am highly deluded and want diverse perspectives to make the best decision available to me.

I think he talked specifically about this at some point. It really is a question of holding contradicting perspectives. Neither Leo nor any book can have the absolute truth for you. Take as many views into account as you can, find out what works for you.

Have had it for like 3 to 4 years now, still come back to it every now and then

Beautiful